Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. I had a little bit of writer's block with this chapter, but a couple of one-shots (one of which I'm still working on) helped me out. I also decided that I had built up Jesse's song way too much to go with the song I wanted to use at first (Bryan Adam's "I'm Ready"), so I fretted over that for awhile before deciding on one that I love and have always felt would be a wonderful song for Jesse to sing to Rachel.
I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations considering that it's been a long time coming. :) Enjoy!
At the cabaret Monday night, Rachel paced back and forth backstage at the club as she waited to go onstage for her solo. Sound check had gone beautifully earlier so she didn't know why she was so nervous. Sure, she took to the stage six days a week, but it was very different portraying a character onstage night after night versus bearing your soul through song when there was no character to hide behind. She reminded herself that it hadn't been that long ago that she was doing this very thing. After all, it was exactly what she had done when she had been in New Directions.
Feeling a hand lightly grip her elbow, Rachel turned around to see Jesse standing behind her looking absolutely gorgeous in a black suit with a bright cerulean button-up underneath. A nervous smiled graced her lips as she looked up at him. "You're going to be amazing," he told her, running his hands up and down her arms reassuringly.
They had avoided as much physical contact as possible since they had arrived at the club separately earlier but with the look on her face, he pulled her into a hug. Immediately, he felt the tension leave her body as she relaxed in his arms. "Just breathe," he said softly, and he felt her do just that.
He had always been better with nerves than she had. Rachel remembered their first meeting so long ago and how he had seemed so at ease at the prospect of singing spontaneously for a group of strangers in the middle of a store. Once Jesse had started singing, it was like the entire world had disappeared and it was just the two of them. She pulled out of his embrace as she heard the MC and knew that she would hear her cue soon. Jesse nodded his head slightly as if to say 'you've got this'. In response, Rachel bit her lip slightly before she too nodded her head confidently and winked at him.
"Hey Rach," he reached out and grabbed her forearm to prevent her from walking away. "You look stunning." The megawatt smile that lit up her face could have powered the spotlight in the club. He raked his eyes down her body as he released her from his grasp and watched her head towards the stage. She looked even better in that short red dress than she had the first time that he had seen it on her.
Jesse smiled as Rachel looked back at him one last time just before she disappeared behind the curtain. If she was still nervous then her voice didn't betray her as she spoke into the microphone. She sounded completely at ease. Jesse smiled as he listened to her as she introduced herself and joked with the audience a little. His grin grew wider as he heard the crowd laugh at what she was saying.
Out onstage, Rachel grinned broadly at the audience when they began whistling and cheering as she told them that she was going to be singing "1+1". She looked over at the acoustic guitar player and nodded her head that she was ready and he began playing the opening chords of the song. The moment she closed her eyes and listened to the soft plucking of the guitar, Jesse's face swam into her vision which was fitting because he was the reason and the inspiration for the song. He had helped her come up with an arrangement that didn't steer too far from the original but at the same time was even more quiet and understated, something that Rachel didn't typically do. The arrangement showcased Rachel's vocals while still allowing her vulnerability to show through.
As she got to the bridge, she opened her eyes and saw that the audience seemed to be entranced by her. She smiled a little as the words tumbled from her lips. Cause baby we ain't got nothing without love/Darlin' you've got enough for the both of us. She thought of the man backstage that she loved more than she had ever thought it was possible to love someone. She thought of the way that he loved her – Make love to me when my days look low/Pull me in close and don't let me go – not just the physical but in every way. Theirs was the kind of love that most people would probably only ever dream of, but she got to live it every single day.
Backstage, Jesse beamed with pride as he listened to his girl's voice ring out clearly while she absolutely killed Beyoncé's "1+1". After the first time that he had suggested that she sing the song, it had taken a little bit of convincing for her to finally truly entertain the idea. Rachel had had reservations about taking on the R&B song and had thought that a showtune or maybe a Barbra number would better suit her, but when she sang the song for him he could see how powerfully she felt the emotion of the song. More importantly, the emotion came through in her vocals. Her voice took on this almost raw tone that was so gorgeous and different from the songs she belted out for their show.
One night she had told him that she wanted to do "1+1" and had asked him if they could work on a bit of a different arrangement for the song, so Jesse had pulled out his acoustic Gibson guitar and they had come up with something together. As they had worked side-by-side, it had hit Jesse so powerfully that if life hadn't brought them back together again with their show then he would never have had a connection like the one he shared with Rachel. She inspired him. Jesse was brought out of his reverie as the song came to an end and the audience erupted in a roar of cheers.
Back out onstage, the crowd's reaction was almost overwhelming for Rachel as she watched them give her a standing ovation. Her voice was quiet as she thanked the crowd and did a little bow. She waited for the applause to die down before speaking once again. "Now, I have the pleasure of introducing one of my favorite people on the planet. He's a wonderful co-star and an old friend. Ladies and gentleman, Jesse St. James!" she announced, motioning towards the side of the stage where Jesse emerged from.
They grinned before giving each other light pecks on the cheek in greeting, then Rachel handed the mic over to him. "How about another round of applause for the beautiful and extremely talented Rachel Berry," Jesse exclaimed as she left the stage, waving at the audience.
Rachel had hoped to hear Jesse's song when she had arrived earlier for sound check but by the time she got to the club, he had already finished his sound check and was just sitting around talking to some of the other performers. So as she listened to him talk to the audience, she snuck out into the club so she could actually see, and not just hear, him perform. Spotting Kurt and Daniel, she discreetly made it over to their table and sat down in an empty chair.
"What are you doing out here?" Kurt leaned over and whispered.
"I still don't know what he's singing," she whispered back. "So I wanted to watch his performance." Unexpectedly, she felt butterflies flutter in her stomach when Jesse looked over at her as he sat down at the keyboard at the center of the stage while the rest of the band patiently waited for him to start the song. Seeing him in front of the keyboard made Rachel even more curious about what song he was going to be singing as he looked down to rest his fingers on the keys before he glanced back up at her again briefly.
Turning his full attention back to the keyboard in front of him, he began to play the first few chords of the melody and Rachel immediately recognized the song. She should have known that if given the chance he would have chosen it. "Great song choice," Kurt whispered in her ear. Jesse looked back up at her just as he started to sing – Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry/You don't know how lovely you are – and Rachel felt her heart begin to race. It wasn't like he never serenaded her like when he would sing to her while they lay in bed at night sometimes and countless other times.
But watching him perform "The Scientist" transported her back to that night months ago in Carnegie Hall when he had sung "Baby Can I Hold You" for her. The intensity in his gaze matched the passion in his voice just like it had that night. It was like he was remembering all of the things that had inspired his song choice. The heartache, the pain…the regret.
He had told her that he had picked the song before they had gotten back together just a little over a month before and now knowing what song it was, she understood. After the things that had happened when they had taken a break after the Hamptons, "The Scientist" would have spoken to him especially if he was unsure about what their future held. It made her ache as she listened to the emotion in his voice – I had to find you, tell you I need you/Tell you I set you apart – and remembered what it had been like without him before that fateful night of the Halloween party.
His voice rang out over the guitar and keyboard as he sang the chorus. Nobody said it was easy/No one ever said it would be this hard/Oh, take me back to the start. Rachel looked around at the audience and it was like they were holding their breath, afraid that one little movement could disrupt the beautiful sounds filling the room.
She turned her attention back to Jesse only to find him once again looking at her as he began the second verse – I was just guessing at numbers and figures/Pulling the puzzles apart. This would have been his public apology if they hadn't found their way back to each other by now. It would have been his way of letting her know just how much he regretted what had happened and how she was the one that he wanted to be with.
Rachel said a silent thank you that they both had realized quickly that they couldn't live without each other. She hated the very thought of not having had all the days and nights that they had been fortunate enough to have since he had moved in with her.
As Jesse sang – But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me/Oh, and I rush to the start – he was thinking much the same thing as Rachel. He remembered how badly he had messed things up between them and his inability to truly explain why he had done what he had because his mistake had nearly ruined the best thing to ever happen to him. He had screwed up beyond reason and all he had wanted was for them to begin again. To start anew and she had given him that chance. The song, the moment was for her – only her.
As soon as Jesse's performance was over, Rachel rushed backstage to get ready to go back out onto the stage with Jesse for their duet. She wished that they could have a little private moment backstage so she could tell him just how much she had loved what he had just done but it would have to wait until later.
A stagehand gave her a mic and before she knew it, Jesse was saying her name and she was back out onstage with him once again. Only this time, it would be the two of them singing together. The next few moments as they interacted with the audience and each other were a complete blur. That is, until the music started.
She looked over at Jesse who was standing close to her as he began singing – You've been on my mind, I grow fonder every day. He sounded even better than all of the times they had sung this together over the last few weeks. He reached his hand out – Lose myself in time just thinking of your face – and lightly caressed her face as he finished his part of the first verse.
Rachel closed her eyes at his touch as she began singing – God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go – but opened them again to look at Jesse as she began the next part – You're the only one that I want. She placed her hand on her chest as she felt the words she was singing – I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before/Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all – and she felt the tears begin to well up in her eyes.
Jesse grabbed her hand as he started singing the refrain – You'll never know if you never try/To forget your past and simply be mine – and he threaded his fingers through hers.
As they began the chorus their voices blended together seamlessly as they always did – I dare you to let me be your, your one and only/Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms. They let go of each other and looked out at the audience as they belted out the next part of the chorus in unison –So come on and give me a chance/To prove I am the one who can walk that mile/Until the end starts.
Rachel had a cheeky smile on her face as she began singing the second verse – If I've been on your mind, you hang on every word I say – and reached up to playfully graze her finger under his chin. She turned back towards the audience with that same cheeky smile still on her face – Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name – and motioned towards herself as she looked at him out of the corner of her eye.
The growl in Jesse's voice as he sang the second part of the verse was so sexy – Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close – and the way he wrapped his arm lightly around her waist and pulled her body close to his was even sexier. She felt him lean down towards her – And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go – the tone of his voice softening, almost as if he was merely speaking to her.
She immediately missed the feel of his arms as he walked away from her dramatically and crossed the stage singing – I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before/Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all – while Rachel tentatively approached him from behind.
This time she took his hand in hers – You'll never know if you never try/To forget your past and simply be mine – and pulled him with her towards the center of the stage again.
As they harmonized on the chorus, they faced each other instead of the audience. Jesse began the bridge – I know it ain't easy/Giving up your heart – his focus still on Rachel. She closed her eyes and listened to him sing the words again before joining in with him – Nobody's perfect/Trust me I've learned it. The audience began to clap a beat as they repeated the lyrics over and over again in round before they began the final chorus.
After they had made the choice to sing Adele's "One and Only", Rachel had sometimes worried that it was too much of a love song for them to sing and that their performance could cause more gossip and possibly out their relationship. But as she and Jesse watched the audience erupt into thunderous applause as they all began to stand up and cheer and whistle loudly, she knew that they had chosen the right song. The audience loved them. It was written all over their faces. Well, the faces of the people closer to the stage that she could clearly see.
A part of her boldly thought that if their relationship was made public that it wouldn't ruin them. The thought of kissing Jesse in front of all of the people that were giving them a standing ovation crossed Rachel's mind before she stamped it back down. She wasn't quite ready to test her theory just yet. For the time being, she was content to just enjoy and share this moment with Jesse.
"Can I just tell you both how incredible you were performing 'One and Only'? It was ah-maz-ing," Kurt gushed as Rachel and Jesse slid into a booth that he and Daniel had already been waiting for them in at in one of Kurt's favorite local bars.
"The entire show was fantastic," Daniel added.
"But we were the best, right?" Rachel asked excitedly. Happy to finally get to hear Kurt's feedback.
He looked at Rachel, eyebrows raised, as if she should have already known the answer to her question. "That was hands-down the best performance of the night. After watching that, it's too bad that Jesse defected back to Vocal Adrenaline our sophomore year because a duet like that would have won us Regionals, not to mention Nationals." Then Kurt seemed to reconsider his statement. "Although, our duets were pretty fabulous."
Rachel grinned at him, "Like when we snuck into the Gershwin and sang 'For Good'." They both beamed at each other as they remembered that magical moment. Whether she had realized it at the time, it was the moment that had changed her life and where Rachel finally realized that the stage and performing was her true love. She glanced over at Jesse. The stage was still her true love, but he was the love of her life. Reaching her hand under the table, she threaded her fingers through his and gave his hand a squeeze.
Looking back at Kurt, Rachel leaned across the table and sang softly – Who can say if I've been changed for the better/But because I knew you. Without missing a beat Kurt opened his mouth and sang the rest of the chorus – Because I knew you/I have been changed for good. They both laughed and grinned from ear-to-ear at each other as he finished singing.
"How is it that I've never heard the story about you two somehow managing to sneak into the Gershwin?" Daniel asked, looking back and forth between them.
"You never told him?" Rachel looked at Kurt incredulously.
"I know I did," Kurt replied. Daniel shook his head as Kurt glanced at him. "Well, maybe you just forgot in your old age," he teased, winking at his partner. He was about to start telling the story when Rachel beat him to the punch.
"Our junior year, our glee club finally made it all the way to Nationals and that year Nationals just so happened to be in New York. Well, one morning we both got dressed up and went and had breakfast at Tiffany's," she paused a moment for dramatic effect and looked around at the guys at the table. "That's technically when my birthday tradition of breakfast at Tiffany's began. Anyways, we headed over to the theatre district and ended up at the Gershwin, managing to get inside."
"We 'broke' in," Kurt interjected.
"Semantics," Rachel said, waving him off.
"A security guard caught us and told us that we needed to leave," Kurt told Daniel and Jesse.
"But not before I got to sing a song on a Broadway stage with my best friend." Rachel's vision blurred with unshed tears as she smiled at Kurt, remembering that moment with such clarity, almost like it was just yesterday.
"It's too bad someone wasn't filming us that day because I'm sure it would've had many viewings just like my video of tonight's cabaret is sure to get," Kurt said, changing the subject back to the cabaret in an effort to keep from tearing up as well as he thought back to that day on the Gershwin stage. "You better be glad that you two told your dads the truth about you because I'm pretty sure they would've figured it out after they saw you two perform that duet tonight."
"Did you rehearse all of that?" Daniel asked, genuinely curious if everything they had done during their duet was planned or spontaneous.
"Some of it," Jesse answered, glancing up to see the waitress approach their table with a tray full of drinks effectively halting their discussion for the moment.
"I went ahead and ordered for both of you before you got here," Kurt told Jesse and Rachel indicating the extra dirty vodka martini for Rachel and the gin and tonic for Jesse. The waitress set Kurt and Daniel's drinks in front of them before walking away. Lifting up his drink, Kurt looked around at them all. "A toast," he said and waited for them to raise their own drinks. "To living out our dreams."
"Cheers!" they all exclaimed happily before all four of them clinked their glasses together.
"Would you mind unzipping me?" Rachel asked as she stood in front of the closet and kicked off her heels once they finally got back to her apartment later that night.
Walking over to her, he did as she had asked, placing a kiss on her bare shoulder before continuing to undress himself. "You really were amazing tonight," he said, looking over at her as he took off his button-up.
She smiled at him before putting her dress in a pile with the rest of her things that needed to go to the dry cleaners. "You weren't so bad yourself," she teased as she went over to the dresser and pulled a nightie out, slipping it over her head. The feel of his arms suddenly wrapping around her waist and tugging her against his body caused her to squeal in delight.
"Not so bad, huh?" He nipped playfully at her neck before twirling her around so that she was facing him.
"Alright, you were decent," she sighed dramatically, unable to keep herself from grinning up cheekily at him.
He raised his eyebrows at her revised assessment of his performance. "Care to try that again?" he asked, his fingertips lightly grazing the sides of her waist. She shook her head, still smiling. "Are you sure?" She squirmed in his grasp a little as he just barely tickled her.
"Fine, you were…" she winked at him before twisting out of his grasp and running toward the bedroom door. "Good." And with that she ran out into the living room knowing that he would give chase.
It was like high noon in the old west as they both stood on opposite sides of the couch, like they were waiting for the clock to chime to let them know that they could move. Jesse made the first move as he ran around the back of the couch and Rachel ran away from him. They both laughed as they continued their little game of chase in the living room. Jesse feinted like he was going to go right and immediately changed directions as Rachel began running again.
"Gotcha!" Jesse cried victoriously, grasping her in his arms once again.
"What are you going to do with me now that you've caught me?" Rachel asked coyly.
"I'm sure I can think of something," he replied as she wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist. Not moving for the bedroom just yet, he slid his hands down to grasp her butt to hold her to his body.
"Hi," she whispered, rubbing her nose back and forth across his affectionately. He planted a chaste kiss on her lips in response before resting his forehead against hers. She made sure that he was looking in her eyes before she spoke again. "You were brilliant up there on that stage tonight. And you were right when you told me that I would love the song because it was perfect."
"I'm glad that you loved it," he said before kissing her once again.
"I more than loved it," she told him as he pulled back slightly. "I love you." Wrapping her arms and legs more tightly around him, she kissed him this time, long and slow. She was vaguely aware that they were no longer standing still in the living room but didn't fully realize it until she felt her back come in contact with the softness of the bed.
Breaking the kiss, Jesse rolled off of her and propped himself up on his elbow as he lay next to her. "The audience loved us tonight," he remarked, reaching out to brush her hair away from her face.
"They did, didn't they?" she grinned, tracing a random pattern on the inside of his bicep with her fingertips. "For the first time, I felt like if everyone knew that we're together, even if it was just that they put the pieces together themselves, that they would still love us. Am I crazy?"
"No, you're not crazy," he smiled down at her lovingly. "You know that if you don't want to hide our relationship anymore that I'm okay with that, right?"
She nodded. "I know," she replied. "Well, I'm sure that after our duet tonight there will be a lot of people speculating that we're a couple anyways. Besides, it's not like we don't go out in public together all the time."
"Yes," he conceded before adding, "There also are millions of people here in New York and we have the luxury of being able to still go out to a lot of places where people don't even know who we are. But…" he trailed off.
"But…" Rachel encouraged, shifting closer to him on the bed.
"But we still arrive and leave the theatre separately every night. Tonight we went to the cabaret separately and left that way to meet Kurt and Daniel as well. Only a handful of people know that we're together. We have to try and hide it from everyone else."
Rachel was surprised by the frustration that she could hear in his voice. "It bothers you," her question ended up coming out as more of a statement.
He rolled over onto his back and sighed. "A little," he answered.
Leaning up on her elbow, Rachel hovered over Jesse. "Where is this coming from?" she asked.
Reaching up, he lightly caressed her cheek with the back of his knuckles. "I don't know," he told her with a slight shake of his head. "Being up there on that stage with you or even looking out into the audience to see your beautiful face…I just want to stop pretending."
"So do I, but you are technically still married," she pointed out, her voice soft.
"God, don't remind me," Jesse groaned, pulling her down so that she was lying on his chest. "I'm going to give my lawyer a call on Monday and let him know that all I want for Christmas is to sign my divorce papers."
"Or maybe a Hanukkah present," she suggested before placing a kiss on the edge of his jaw.
"Hmm, let's hope that Will is secretly the Hanukkah Armadillo," Jesse joked, waiting for Rachel to realize what he had just said. He grinned as her body shook with silent laughter.
"The Hanukkah Armadillo?" she giggled as she lifted her head to look at him.
"What?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Is there not such a thing?"
"You're never allowed to watch my Friends DVDs ever again," she told him, laughing as she looked down at him. "Next you're going to suggest that we celebrate Chrismakkuh."
"Hey, I thought the Cohen's were onto something," he replied, grinning up at her.
"You are officially banned from my DVDs," she teased as he rolled them over so that she was under him once again.
"Chrismakkuh." He let the word roll off his tongue like he was pondering it before he leaned down and gave her a peck on the lips. "I think it has a nice ring to it." She shook her head, biting her lip as she grinned up at him. "You know I can be very persuasive," he told her.
The cocky expression on his face was something Rachel knew all too well, and she felt her body react in anticipation as he slowly moved down her body. She arched into his touch as he pushed her nightie up so he could place a wet, open-mouthed kiss on her flat belly before shifting even lower. She automatically opened her legs wider for him as he kissed the inside of both of her thighs before running his tongue along the inside of her right thigh, inching closer to her heat. As he slid her panties down her legs, Rachel fully expected to feel the warmth of his tongue as he tasted her but nothing happened. Looking down towards Jesse, she saw that he was sitting up, obviously waiting for her to look at him.
Satisfied that he had her complete attention, he lowered his head between her legs once again as he spoke. "Just consider this an early Chrismakkuh present."
Rachel was about to protest but the only sound that came out was a sigh of pleasure as she felt Jesse's tongue on her center, slow and deliberate. His fingers pushing inside of her while his mouth and tongue were doing delicious things to her nub, had her panting as she clutched at the comforter that she was lying on top of. He hummed against her, the pleasurable sensation causing Rachel to cry out loudly. Her back arched as her hips moved and she pressed closer to him while gripping the comforter even tighter in her fists. The tension building in her body was almost too much as he thrust his tongue inside of her.
"Jesse." His name fell from her lips, half-moan, half-plea.
He knew she was nearly there as he felt her walls begin to clench as his fingers and tongue continued to bring her ever closer to the release she so desperately wanted. He sucked and licked with his tongue while his fingers moved within her until she was screaming "Oh, God!" so loudly that he wondered if her neighbors would hear her.
His tongue gently laved her as she continued to tremble with the aftershock of her orgasm. Finally, Jesse moved from between her legs and looked up her body to see her chest still heaving while her head lay against the bed, eyes closed. Moving up her body, he hovered above her and she opened her eyes to smile up at him.
"I might have to reconsider this whole Chrismakkuh thing," she breathlessly told him.
The next morning, while Rachel was in the shower, Jesse went through his contact list on his cellphone to find Kurt's number. Touching the screen, he put the phone up to his ear and waited for it to ring. After a couple of rings, Kurt's voice came through the line. "Good morning, Jesse," Kurt greeted him brightly.
"Hey Kurt, listen I know that Rachel's birthday is a couple of weeks away but I wanted to plan something special for her and I was hoping that you could help me. Especially with one thing in particular," Jesse explained.
"All you had to say was birthday and plan," Kurt told him, excitement in his voice. "Why don't we meet for lunch today?"
"Perfect." Jesse smiled as Kurt gave him the time and the place to meet him. He had already had some ideas of his own but he would definitely need Kurt's help if he wanted everything to go off without a hitch.