Good Morning everyone out there in fanfic world, I hope you're all well :) Thank you gypsy rosalie and SuperWhoMiz for their reviews of the last chapter :)

Chapter 17

'Alex, you've been in your room all afternoon, should we be worried?' Claire called through the door.

'I'm fine mum,' Alex called back, not looking up from the screen on her laptop. The door to her room cracked open an inch and Claire peered in cautiously. Hearing no tirade of insults, she opened the door the whole way, looking at Alex who was seated on the floor, laptop on her knees.

'So what has your attention?'

'I've decided I want to volunteer,' Alex announced with a grin. 'It's one thing to read textbooks and memorise facts, but I want to know things. I want to witness what is going on in the world so that I can speak passionately and knowledgably about it.'

'Well I'm very proud honey, but don't you have a lot on your plate already, you know...with the...' Claire trailed off, looking expectantly at her daughter.

'I'm depressed mum, you can say it,' Alex raised an eyebrow. 'And I think my depression stems from a melancholy at not being able to participate in the world. I want to make a mark on this earth, and not in the carbon footprint sense. I need to get out there and speak to people and learn from their experiences.'

'Okay, if you think it will help,' Claire shrugged. She wasn't sure how to help her daughter, so she was willing to try anything. 'What organisations are you looking at?'

'At the moment I thought I'd concentrate on homelessness and the minimum wage,' Alex spun her laptop so her mother could see. 'There's a soup kitchen nearby which I'd love to help out, and I want to attend a rally this weekend about raising the minimum wage. In this political climate, I feel like these are important issues for me to be a part of.'

'I'm proud of you honey,' Claire managed to choke out. Alex looked up from her computer in shock. Her mum had said those words to her many times in her life, but this was the first time they had actually sounded genuine. Usually it was an offhanded remark when Alex presented yet another perfect report card, but this time there were actually tears in her mother's eyes. This time she was actually looking at her daughter with pride.

'Thanks mum,' Alex whispered. Claire simply nodded and hurried from the room. Wow, Alex shook her head; she wasn't sure quite how to react to this new emotion welling up inside.

After a moment spent in shock, Alex pulled her laptop back towards her; she couldn't let her mum distract her from her work. She was hoping that the answer to her problems was in volunteering and getting some real life experience. At the very least, perhaps it would distract her from the thoughts which threatened to invade her consciousness. Most of all, Alex hoped that she would be able to enact real change through her work; that she would no longer feel helpless when she watched the news; that she could stand proud and say that she was at least trying.

That was the root of her illness, she was sure of it. When she lay in bed at night, she was overwhelmed by how meaningless her life was; how little she was doing in the world. There was an ever present desire to do more, to be more, and to live more. School wasn't doing much for her; it wasn't teaching her how to be daring or creative, or how to think outside of the box. It was all about the memorising of dates and facts and figures; and although Alex was good at that, she longed to be good at more.

She would give anything to shine a light on a real issue in the world, or to lobby the government to look after the needy in society. Alex didn't want to be content in her comfortable life, she wanted to live out on the street with the homeless and listen to their stories. She wanted to see how hard their lives were and then tell the world all about it. She wanted to spearhead a program which would stop anyone from sleeping on the street ever again.

Depression would not be a wet blanket on her life, Alex was determined that it be the driving force behind her decisions. It would act as motivation for her to get out there and do something for other people with real problems rather than sitting around and moping about feeling unfulfilled. Perhaps in her work she would find the real joy in life.

The hope was she would learn to love herself along the way. Alex was so used to being stereotyped as the nerd that she had almost started to believe the cliché herself. She had forgotten all the things which made her unique, which made her happy. Spending so much time trying to squeeze into the outcast mould which people wanted to place her into had stopped her from enjoying new experiences. No one knew that she loved to draw; the only evidence of it was a tiny notebook filled with doodles in the bottom of her closet. People simply couldn't handle any deviations from stereotypes, and Alex was a people pleaser.

One day she would be able to draw a self portrait which reflected the happy, confident, kind hearted person she knew was hidden away inside herself. For now, though, she had built herself a nest deep inside Alex's soul, and was bunkered down, healing herself with chocolates and literary classics. In time Alex was certain she would be able to coax that side of herself out again. But first she would have to prove that she would not be coming out into a hostile environment. That was the hard part; Alex was her own worst enemy and self doubt was her weapon of choice.

I am going to try to write a few longer chapters, but I'll make no promises, it depends on if Alex is feeling chatty or not.

Also I've just realised that I don't have a cover for this story. So if there's anyone reading this who is a bit creative, inbox me if you'd like to make a cover for this fic. You will get my undying love, first dibs at the cover of any other fics, and a huge mention :)

Until next week, reviews = happy writers