There's no need to panic, I am still alive...though with a few less brain cells after university exams and essays, a whole manner of other generally soul sucking things. Sorry I've been MIA for so long, I've been working on launching a creative writing blog to get some publicity for my poetry and short stories so yay, exciting, it should be up and running soon. Even though it has been a while since I've posted a chapter, I've come back with a fresher perspective and a whole lot of new ideas for the direction it will take. You may need to read back over the fic so far, I know I did.

Chapter 19

'You seem a little more chipper honey,' Claire remarked as she piled Alex's plate with pancakes.

'Why do you say that?' Alex frowned. She had just woken up and had not even had the chance to make herself some tea, chipper was not a word used to describe anyone at such a stage.

'Well I mean you're up on time, usually you seem to stay in bed for as long as you can,' Claire shrugged. Alex simply nodded, if she had her way she would still be in bed, but the world didn't simply wait around while she dealt with her illness. Her choice was simple, she could either let the depression take over her life, or she could drag it around with her, as heavy as it was, and build a life that she would enjoy once she was happy. Alex had wallowed sufficiently, and now she would have to learn on her feet.

'Hey sweetie, how are you this morning?' Alex groaned as Hayley stroked her hair. 'What, too much?'

'You don't have to treat me any differently, I'm not dying.'

'But you should still be nice,' Claire interjected with a stern look at her eldest.

'I don't know how to be nice,' Hayley groaned. 'Do you think I actually liked any of the people I hung out with in high school. They were all a bunch of boy crazy airheads.'

'I've seen you be nice before,' Alex spoke up. 'You're really a nice person when you're not trying to act like someone you're not.' Hayley tilted her head to the side while she considered it, and Alex picked at her pancake while she watched her with interest.

'But I've tried so hard to be that person that it's become a part of me,' Hayley whispered. Alex nodded sympathetically.

'I've seen a lot more of the real you since you left college, and I like you a lot better now than I did when you were in high school. You should be yourself a lot more, what have you got to lose.' Hayley snorted bitterly at her sister's suggestion.

'I really wish you weren't so right,' she sighed. 'But you are, my reputation is already down the drain, what's a little less mean girl going to do.'

'That's the spirit!' Alex sounded half hearted, but the little enthusiasm she could muster had gone into not making the phrase sound sarcastic.

'Would you like me to drop you at school on my way?' Hayley offered, still smirking.

'That would be lovely honey, can you drop Luke too?' Claire's keen ears had picked up on that part of the conversation.

'I might as well, they're on the same campus,' Hayley shrugged.

'I didn't think you had any classes today,' Alex said while Claire repeatedly called Luke down to the kitchen.

'I don't, I'm going to use some of the school's equipment to experiment a bit,' Hayley explained. 'Listen to me, I'm out-nerding you!'

'Well I'm glad to see you that you've found something you're passionate about,' Alex grinned.

Alex sat on the brick wall at lunch, gazing with unseeing eyes across the quadrangle as she ate her sandwich. Usually she would be in the library, reading or researching, but Sanjay was in the library, and she was barely able to deal with him when she was in the right frame of mind. The truth was she had less time for everything in her life; at least half of her brain was occupied in preventing a nervous breakdown, so the other part had kicked into hyper-efficiency. Therefore in the streamlined version of her life, things like listening to Sanjay pompously declare his cleverness were very low on her list of priorities.

What she needed was a distraction, something to take her mind out of survival mode and into action; something to stop her from dwelling on her sorrows and bring a little bit of positivity into her life. Her eyes followed a shock of blonde hair as its owner chased down a stray ball, carelessly flicking the aforementioned hair out of his eyes and laughing. Hayley had suggested boys...

The one problem with boys though, was that while they had the power to send your head into the clouds, they also had the power to send you hurtling to the earth. Besides, Alex had trouble even getting a guy's attention. Their eyes seemed to simply skip over her; she was so nerdy she had become a part of the furniture at school. Even if she were to catch a guy's eye what would one say in such a situation? The logistics of romance were a nightmare. All her relationships to date had been initiated by the guy, and Alex had simply gone along with what they were doing.

'Man, these shoes are a nightmare,' a brown haired boy groaned, plonking himself down on the wall not far from Alex.

'Don't blame your shoes, if you spent as much time running as you did on your butt this game, we would've had a better chance.' His friend ribbed. Alex looked over in interest at the two conversing guys.

'Seriously, these shoes a slippery, I'm telling you.' The brown haired boy insisted, scratching at his freckled cheek.

'It's your grip,' Alex said without thinking. The two boys looked at her and in her nervousness she turned to her safety which was blurting out science. 'If you were to somehow make the grooves deeper it would increase the friction against the concrete and stop you from slipping over. At the moment, your shoes have sacrificed grip for an interesting pattern, but as you can see there is no depth to it and therefore you are slipping.' Silence met her blabbering.

'What's your name?' The brown haired, freckled boy asked after a few vacant blinks.

'Alex,' she replied, drawing herself up defensively.

'That's really cool Alex, I'll look into getting better grip.' He smiled. 'My name is Cristian and this is my friend Greg.'

'Nice to meet you,' Alex replied.

'I'll see you round Alex.' With a wink the two guys were gone, and Alex was left with a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach.

I must confess I hadn't planned the introduction of the male gender and feelings, but I was slightly under the influence while writing this chapter and my soppy love song playlist was on, and ...well it is what it is, we'll see if this ends up being a thing. Feel free to review and let me know what your thoughts are on a possible romance or whether we should just stick to the story so far.

Until next week!