Okay guys, this chapter take place three years after the end of City of Heavenly fire. Enjoy x.

"I feel so lonely. I feel like I'm missing a part of me. And I do. I do miss a part of me. I feel so lonely I'm about to throw up. The pain is about to take all the place in my heart. He was supposed to be here, sitting on the sofa, next to me. He was supposed to comfort me when I cry, to laugh with me, to play with me when I'm bored, to bother me without any reason. And he's not here. Because I killed him."

She tore her sheet and threw it in the fire.

The young redhead put the tea pot on the coffee table and looked into the fire. The fire that ran through her boyfriend's veins during several long days, by her fault. The fire that could have burnt her best friend to the ground, by her fault.

She sighed while her mother entered the living room, joyful and happy as she always has been, and placed a kiss on her daughter's hair.

"- It's been three years now.."

Jocelyn's smile suddenly disappeared. It was the time of the year.

Every year since her brother's death, Clary felt depressed when this time was coming. During two months, she was not able to sleep, she could barely eat, she cried a lot and Jocelyn was forced to watch her little girl fading like a flower during the winter.

"- Jace is constantly asking me when you will come to see him, honey."

Clary raised an eyebrow. Jace and Jocelyn had never been really close, but maybe they were both worried about her, she thought.

Clary put her mug on the table and leaped up, jumping into her boots, putting on her green coat gifted by Luke a few years ago and left the house, running.

Outside the house, she bumped into Luke who was parking his small van.

"- Are you going somewhere, young girl ?

- It's been a long time since I have seen Jace..."

He smiled at her, kissed her gently on the cheek and gave her the key of his van, before entering the house, joining his wife.

Clary watched him, a little smile on her face and, driving fast, too fast, started to type a message:

To: Jace

Are you home ? I mean, the Institute ?

A few minutes later, she was parking the car when she received Jace's answer.

From: Jace

I am.

She put her phone in her pocket, put on her hood to protect herself from the snow and entered the Institute, with a feeling of coming home after a long time.

As soon as she was in, she heard a few hasty steps.

"- Clary ! Honey ! It's been a long time ! How are you ?"

She feigned a smile to Isabelle, who came to hold her in her arms. Her skin showed new Marks, proudly. Clary didn't answer and Izzy put a kiss on her cheeck, smiling.

"- Jace is playing the piano. You know where to find him ?"

Clary nodded and smiled to the brunette, while going towards the great music room.

Of course, Izzy knew what was going on in Clary's mind. She knew how sad and bad she was feeling when the winter was coming. Everybody knew.

They'd tried everything to make her smile and proposed their help to Jocelyn. Indeed, the first time Jocelyn found Clary, sitting in a corner of her bedroom, crying her eyes out, she panicked. Jocelyn called Luke, Jace, Simon, Isabelle, Alec and Magnus, even Emma Carstairs and Maia Roberts, whom they had not seen for a long time. But the only one who was able to comfort her was Alec. Neither Jace, nor Simon were jealous, they were all relieved. Everybody left the room while Alec took her in his arms timidly and whispered in her ear.

He whispered to her that he knew how hard it was to lose someone, to lose a brother. He said to her that he didn't blame her brother for killing his own. He blamed Valentine, Clary's father, for raising him that way, for feeding him with demon blood. Neither Clary, nor anyone knew the boy he could have been, the one Clary was mourning. The monster that killed Max, Amatis, and a huge amount of other people, was not Clary's brother. Well, it was, but it was not the one she loved, the one she missed. Sebastian and Jonathan were not the same person. And every year since their death, Clary was mourning Jonathan. The blond boy with green eyes.

She was so deep in thought that she didn't see that she was in front of the music room. She could hear the notes, quick and delicate coming from the piano. She imagined Jace's pianist's fingers running over the ivory keys.

She gathered up her courage and entered the room, silent as a cat.

She arrived at Jace's back, seeing his blond hair curling on his neck, concentrated on his music. She went towards him and put her hands on his eyes.

She could feel his smile because of his cheekbones raising under her hands, but he continued his piece of music, slowing down the rhythm. When he finished it, he turned around, wrapped his arms around his girlfriend's waist and put his ear against Clary's heart, while she caressed his hair. Jace smiled and tickled his girlfriend's hips, making her laugh gently. He knew how rare her laughter was during the winter and couldn't help smiling more and more, tickling her more and more, as she giggled more and more.

She took his face, putting her hands on his cheeks and kissed him gently with a sigh of relief, as if she was waiting for this kiss since a long time.

" - Do you know how much I missed you ?

- Yes, I know.", smiled Jace. He winked at her and leaped up, kissed her forehead and tied their hands.

" Come on. I have something to show you."

She followed him through the long corridors of the Institue up to his room, where he stopped and looked at her, nervously.

" Would you mind waiting for me in the greenhouse ?"

She nodded, put a quick kiss on his lips and turned around, towards the greenhouse, back in her thoughts. What if she had had a brother with whom she could share everything ? Telling him her love story with Jace, her reconciliation with Alec, Simon's battle to have his memories back...

She was about to cry when she suddenly noticed that she was in the greenhouse. She couldn't help but smile: It was a place full of memories. Here, Jace had gifted her her first witchlight stone. And at the same day, a few minutes after, he kissed her for the first time. It was before he was taken away from her because of her father's lies, Lilith's possession and Sebastian's bond. She turned around to look at the whole room and bumped into Jace's chest.

"- Oh hello beautiful blond."

Jace laughed a little and took her hands, playing with them nervously.

"- Jace ? Is everything okay ?"

He nodded and ducked his head.

"- You know.. I love you and.. No, don't cut me off. By the Angel, don't say a word, I beg you. I worked really hard on that speech and if you stop me, I will never be able to do it again."

Clary looked at him, taken aback and nodded.

"- Go ahead. I'm listening to you.

"- Okay. Hm. Clary, my Clary.. You know how much I love you, and how much I've loved you since the very first day. But since we knew each other, I thought I was about to lose you so many times.. I thought I was about to lose the opportunity to have you with me when we were told that we were siblings, I realized I was not a very good brother when I became conscious of how much I loved you. I thought I was losing your love when we were fighting all the time and a lot of times, I thought you were about to lose your life, and I realized I would prefer losing your love, your presence, than to lose your life. But I don't want to. I don't want to lose anything. I want to have the certainty that I will be here to protect you when you need it, but I know you will be here for me too. You are my strength Clarissa and my weakness. I want to be sure that you will be mine forever."

He put a knee on the ground and placed a ring on her finger. Clary looked at her hand, a bird could be seen on the ring. The symbol of the Herondale's was engraved on it. It was Jace's family ring. He just proposed to her ! She put her hands on her mouth to hold back an exclamation and wrapped her arms around Jace's neck, almost jumping on him. He carried her in his arms, easily, as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Tears rolled down her cheeks but she showed off a smile, the first real one in a few weeks. She kissed him passionately and whispered against his mouth:

"- I have been yours since the very first day."