It took a few minutes to register that my roommates had helped me to bed, until I realised I was lying on the not-that-comfortable-but-I-wasn't-ungrateful-because-I'd-had-worse mattress, sprawled over my sheets, one leg hanging off the edge of the bed in an awkward position. I already knew it was going to hurt when I got up.
And I was right.
All the blood rushed from my head, causing an unpredicted topple forward. My head hit something hard, lumpy, and very solid, and then I realised I had head-butted Lynn's bookshelf. Unfortunately, the realisation was moments too late as the second and top row bombarded me in a shower of heavy hardbacks. She kept telling me that paperbacks didn't last long enough, but paper was something cheap and replaceable… to an extent. It was less painful, in the long run. Those brain cells that I lost in a moment of one of my sleepy, self-destructive phases could have been vital, or not as the case may seem. I stared blankly at the ceiling, miles away in the forages of my mind.
That was, until the door came crashing open and five familiar, though blurred faces attempted and failed to squeeze into the sleeping space that corresponded with the size of a small airing cupboard. "Is she alright?"
"Oh my God! I think she has a concussion!" Yes, in the few short waking moments I had on that particular Tuesday morning, I managed to trigger an outright pandemonium. Luckily enough, not everyone I roomed with were complete and utter featherbrains.
"Step aside, ladies." With that, I was awake, groaning and attempting to roll over on my very-nearly-deathbed. What I did not need was Evelyn - aka Eve - trying to pretend that she knew how to fix this; she pretended she knew how to fix everything, but somehow (no one knows how) she managed to make everything several times worse. All the fudging time. As expected of her, she poked a bare, reddening patch on my arm causing me to flinch and send her the evils. "Yup. That's going to leave a bruise."
"No, Eve. Please, just go away." As always, she ignored me.
"Is that any way to speak to someone who is trying to help you? I think not." I hissed with pain as she grabbed my arm and pulled, and I mean pulled as hard as she bloody well could to get me to my feet; all the while, saying: "up you go" and "'atta girl!" Eve made me feel like some sort of abused heifer at a cattle auction.
"Damn it, Eve, I specifically told you not to do that. Can you not hear me?"
"Of course I can." She asserted, patting a particular sore spot on my back with a little more strength than I think she had intended. I had to bite my lip and clench my fists to hold back a yelp, and many other colourful words that sprung to mind. "I should know, Jade. Half the time you don't mean a darn thing you say. Good thing you have great friends that can tell the difference, ain't it?"
"Yeah. Clearly." I snapped. For someone so headstrong, she definitely could not read the atmosphere at all. Although, I was grateful to her for clearing the way a little bit, even if I got the occasional sheepish look from the main room as I pushed Eve out and closed the door behind me. My eyes caught sight of a folded piece of paper on Lynn's bed. On Lynn's side of the room - I wanted to open it, but I respected her privacy. Even though I sometimes questioned my limitations.
The sky was several shades brighter than it had been the previous day, but that wasn't exactly difficult to beat; however, the sun remained hidden behind an omnipresent cloud. No rain, not excessively cold and almost enough UV radiation to make me feel a bit better. A bit better wasn't a lot, but it was a start.
As aforementioned, today was a Tuesday. On Tuesdays we had to assemble like the livestock we were in the main hall, and dress accordingly. Accordingly meant the dingy uniform we had been given when we entered the monastery - well, in some respects, what you would expect to wear if you went to a regular monastery, though the wimple was optional. I scoffed when they told me. How could no one notice the inconsistency, or were they too busy fretting over a little fashion crisis? Puh-lease. If they were going to go to all the trouble of being traditional, they should at least make the uniform mandatory.
Well, it wasn't exactly flattering either. No matter how I looked at it in the mirror, it never appeared quite right on me. When I said malnourished, I don't mean starved with bones sticking out… no, more like, lack of complexion and less body weight than I arrived with - they didn't starve me for several reasons that I didn't want to think about - yet no matter how long I spent without daylight and dinner, I would never be the right shape for it.
Uncertain metallic, green eyes stared back at me in the mirror. I tried to flatten an annoying crease on my side out of habit, before pressing my hand against the smooth, cold surface of the full-length mirror - the icy touch made me withdraw subconsciously, like I had been burnt.
Tingling fingers came up to adjust the collar of the uniform, brushing away the curling strands of hair that cascaded over my shoulders - part of the problem was that the clothes hung on me in such a way that the nape of my neck was still visible. It was the same for everyone. Those vamps must be having a right laugh at how ridiculous we look, snickering away at their own private joke. In all fairness, it was the one rule that I didn't go against, for the sole reason that it was a waste of my time and I wasn't willing to go all the way to fight the brute authority that enforced it.
It was okay. I could deal. The only thing I should have been worrying about was if I accidentally tore a page in one of Lynn's most prised possessions. Her books. Carefully I rummaged through the pile, replacing them in the order that I only barely remembered, trying to press the pages that got creased in the process. A crease or two wouldn't kill her, but I couldn't bare to see Lynn cry over permanent damage; I was actually a softie at heart.
"Jade? Is everything alright? Everyone has left and we need to go too." I nodded to myself, placing the last book in it's rightful slot before tying my hair in a sloppy attempt at a bun and following Andrea out of our apartment. I hadn't seen Lynn all morning, and it bothered me. Perhaps she had gone with everyone else? But she normally waits… no. She promised me she would tell me if she was called out by them. She promised, and I had to trust that she would keep to her word.
The crowd of girls that stood in the hall had separated into cliques, roommates and the odd one or two people who stood to attention at the front, taking this whole charade way more seriously than it was ever intended. If only they knew how stupid they looked.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed Carla was more drained than usual, standing amongst a group of cloaked figures, cloaked scum; part of me wondered whether it was because she had been dumped, or if she had reached my epiphany. Isaac was on the opposite side of the hall, looking indifferent… bored even. No, all the vampires always looked bored - that's why they liked me so much. I was the little bit of sunshine that brightened up a drab week of endless monotony. That's also why they didn't like me - after all, the sun burns.
One of the vamps stepped to the pulpit, eying us with something akin to disinterest and superiority - it's a mystery how you can pull off such a look while staring at something that probably was so mouth-watering to most. Young, fresh meat. That only came with years of practice and a hell of a lot of patience; yet, she managed it. She also managed to sound like she was taking the Bible vaguely seriously as her eyes skimmed each verse, a wicked smile forming on her lips. None of them regretted a day they would miss in heaven. Why? I had no idea. I'm no telepathic.
Andrea continued to give me the odd looks from the row in front as we chanted out our daily ritual half-heartedly. She looked worried. I would ask her about it later, after I had found Lynn in the sea of fidgeting adolescent women. The main problem was that I didn't even know where to start, which was making my antsy. Normally it didn't take long to find her, on the other hand, normally Lynn would be standing right next to me. My face set into a deep scowl, and I noticed I was being watched from the gallery by one of the Domina's lap dogs, but he merely stared before turning away.
I had thought that they would find any excuse to lock me up and make me suffer, but when it came down to the rules that they didn't care about, they were surprisingly lax. It was an unnerving conclusion. Maybe that was what everyone else found so welcoming about the place, which helped mask the stench of death and decay.
Amen. Out of an almost instinctive curiosity, I began to wonder if God heard them when they said that - if he watched us helplessly from his pedestal as these monsters tried to wipe us off the face of our withering planet. Maybe he was punishing us, but it seemed too cruel… although, for a while now I had started to doubt whether there was really any God at all. Why had he allowed it to progress this far? Why had he ignored all of my prayers?
The Domina watched wordlessly from her iron throne, directly beneath a crucifix that hung like an omen above her. A promise of pain, as I eyed the nails that restrained Jesus against the cross. Today, though, she was more attentive, a light in her eyes, which found mine. The promise was meant for me, and I could feel myself shiver from the piercing omniscience. I felt vulnerable, and more than anyone else, she knew it. It empowered her.
"Jade." The hall was already empty, and I was just standing there like an idiot, staring at the cross. "You stopped chanting half way through the ceremony! What the hell is your problem? You aren't suddenly enlightened are you?"
"No." It was the only word that made sense on it's own. The only word that made sense to me. On the most part, I felt incapable of forming anything longer than a one-syllable word without difficulty.
"If you don't snap out of it, I'm going to leave you here… all alone with them." Andrea didn't even know what she meant when she said that, but everyone on site seemed to come to the conclusion that I had a problem with our hosts and hostesses. "Please. I know you had a concussion or whatever this morning, but I promised the guys I would escort you back - they are going to kill me if I turn up empty handed."
"Just a few more minutes, that's all I ask."
"Haven't you been listening?" Andrea was starting to get hysterical now, it made me wonder if she too noticed the ominous darkness that enveloped this prison when there weren't enough naïvely ecstatic faces to take away the bite. The bite. Ha-ha. What a ridiculous pun. "I don't have that time, Jade. Please. You can come back here when the others won't threaten to hide the coffee supplies from me."
"Why do you need so much caffeine anyways?" I inquired, snapping out of my trance. The trepidation in Andrea's eyes was fascinating, not that I enjoyed other peoples fear like a sadist, but it only further proved my point. I didn't actually need to prove it, seeing as I had enough proof to close the case completely; but it felt good when I wasn't the only one out of the comfort zone amongst cold-blooded killers.
"I… I don't know. I think I'm just a bit nervous being so far from home. Yeah! That's it. It's just nerves. I always used to drink coffee back at home when I was nervous." I wanted to tell her so badly that it might not be just nerves, that she might have caught onto something important… but I couldn't do that without scaring her. I couldn't do it without scaring anyone - and the last time I tried, it didn't turn out so well. The memory was like a permanent scar, puckered and ugly as any. "Hey… Jade. I kind of see what you mean by this place getting to you. It's creepy, isn't it?"
I nodded, keeping my mouth shut. If I opened my mouth, I knew I wouldn't be able to keep the secret; moreover, I knew that once my hosts found out, they wouldn't be as forgiving. That was a major deterrent. I liked my life too much. Selfish, yes. Unreasonable… really? I don't know.
Andrea was certainly very jumpy as we made our way back, poking her head round corners, looking over her shoulder every two seconds - I knew she wasn't checking to see if I was still there, because my shoes gave me away. Rubber was never designed for expensive, polished floors. "Is everything alright?"
"Perfect." Liar. Her hands were shaking so much that she couldn't even put the key into the door properly, but Eve beat her to it, beaming down at us. "Hi, Eve." I said nothing, intimidated by the radiant smile on her face. If looks could kill…
"What are you two doing? You're late!" Everything about the girl was just gushing with excitement; and, being me, the insatiably paranoid vamp hater, I had a really bad feeling about it, although I wasn't expecting Andrea to share my feelings. Shaking my head incredulously, I let them pull me through the door; Andrea was probably just suffering from caffeine withdrawal symptoms.
Pip chucked us cans of intensely caffeinated, carbonated refreshments, waving for us to come sit down with the rest of the group. Lynn was still missing.
As I worried myself over her whereabouts, I tried opening the can - forgetting that if Pip had been man-handling them pre-delivery, I would need to strike it with the back of a spoon to pop the bubbles. Unfortunately, being me, I can only stress over so many things at once, so the contents of my drink erupted in a frothy mess of sticky, sugary liquid. There is a very good reason why we didn't have carpets in any of our rooms. "Smooth, Jade. You have to finish that now - the paper towels are under the sink."
"I do live here too, you know."
"I wouldn't know - you're always occupying other more… basic lodgings." Sue smirked, resting her feet on the coffee table. "Hey, if you can't find them - you can always use a coaster." My jaw tightened, eyes narrowing at the cheap shot, but I was going to be the better person and ignore it. Eve scooted over for me, gesturing towards the pizza boxes they had smuggled into the building via Heath. Now I was really, really worried.
"What's the special occasion?" My question was answered by the door opening, revealing a beaming Lynn, and a jaded Isaac. Any light in my eyes fell instantly, my heart beat moving painfully slow as I came to terms with what was in front of me. "Lynn?" My voice broke on her name, and suddenly all eyes were on me.
"Hi." It was a breathy, elated reply - something I wasn't used to. My whole body visibly flinched as she stepped forward, coiling away from her and shaking my head.
No.
"They chose me, Lynn. I'm one of the first people that they chose." A chorus of murmurs rose like a crescendo in our small living space, Isaac's black cloak fluttering behind him as he disappeared out of sight. "I was going to tell you, but you were asleep - I left a note… you didn't read it, did you?"
"No…" no, no, NO!
"Congratulations!" A surge of feet and bodies swarmed to where she was standing; they left me sitting immobile on the seat, eyes wide with horror, the same gruesome scene replaying in my head. I was going to lose my best friend… again, and I couldn't even tell her. It was stupid of me to think they wouldn't target her, wouldn't hurt her when they knew it would kill me. "We knew you could do it, Lynn! Always had an inkling that you'd be rewarded for your awesomeness."
"It was only a matter of time before they came to their senses, huh?"
"Well, duh." Pip chimed in. "She's special because she was the only one they deemed capable of babysitting Jade."
"Jade?" My eyes lifted to her now anxious stare, looking like a dear caught in the headlights. Everyone was watching me again. My eyes strayed back to my feet habitually.
"Come up and congratulate her, you dope!" Eve commanded, as if she were addressing a small child that didn't know any better. I knew better, but I wasn't going to act on it. What could I say? Congratulations! You're going to die. "Jade, what the hell is your problem? Don't tell me you're jealous."
At that, I looked up, meeting the confusion in everyone's eyes, the sadness in Lynn's. It hurt. It was worse than all those nights I spent wondering if I would ever see everyone again before they took me. "Aren't you happy for me?" Please, please don't say it like that. I wanted to say no, scream it even, cry and grieve but thy couldn't know. It was too late to warn them. "Say something, Jade. You're scaring me."
"I am jealous." I lied, knowing it would be the best thing I could do. "You… deserve this though, after everything you've done for me… for all of us. Congratulations." Each word burnt the inside of my mouth like acid, eroding away at the skin. Lynn pushed away from everyone, encircling me in a comforting hug, and everyone else seemed to nod in approval - thinking that it was my pride I was crushing by coughing up those lines. It was better than dragging them all into the endless cycle I had been thrown into, eyes still dilated as a few of our roommates decided to join in. They didn't understand how dead I felt, like the arms that held me were the only things that stopped me from collapsing into a lifeless pile of flesh and bones.
And so, the torment continues... hugs weren't designed to heal the permanently wounded in one go.
A/N: cha-ching! Second one up. I am amazing.
There is nothing for me to ramble on about - and i want to stop writing before i give myself carpal tunnel.
thanks for reading, though! XD xxxxxxxx as always :3