Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, Hawkeye, Toaster strudel, mini wheats, or pizza with black olives; I only own…well I think you can guess that one.
Thank you:
Mushroomking98: Thank you so much, and yes I think I'll add it in to this one and maybe a the next one.
Author's Notes: More of Alison past is coming out and how she deals with it along with some Alison-Hayden tension. I hope you guys like it! Please read and review it is greatly appreciate!
Caution: Some suggestive themes in this one; like child abuse and sex, and I repeat it's only suggested so if you don't want to read that, here is your warning.
"We stop looking for monsters under the bed when we realize they are inside us."
Chapter 7: The "Real" Meaning of a Raised Eyebrow…
I could feel the scream a rise in my throat
"No!" I yelled with my tiny hoarse voice fighting against the powerful strength that was my enemy.
"No, stop it! Stop it!" The yelling did nothing, the screaming did nothing, and the struggling and fighting did nothing. I was weak and small in comparison. I had no chance. There was no one to protect me, no one to hear my screams, my voice catching with my sobs, words that cried out with the little intensity that I had. Cold hands on me shaking me-
-Shaking me. I could feel the cold sweat sticking to me, with the same coldness and stickiness that I had so desperately tried to wash myself of. My eyes, wet with real tears and not the ones I had remembered, the same panic that was in me, opening my eyes to the horror of darkness. Sitting up in my bed I tried to calm myself, I looked over to the clock, 4:30 a.m. I quickly got out of my bed and threw on some work-out cloths not caring which grabbing my bag, badge, and keys, I left for the gym. I quickly tied my tennis shoe I had previously had just slipped on and wrapped my hands as I walked up to the punching bag. Attacking it with focus and persuasion I lost track of the world behind until a hand grabbed my shoulder. I reacted with speed grabbing the hand then arm of the person, slamming them down to the ground with their arm behind their back.
"Wow Alison it's just me! It's Clint!" I let go of him and almost all of the feelings that were trapped inside of me. Letting go I sank to the ground holding my knees in my arms.
"Alison you okay?" Clint said getting up and looking me over.
"I took you down and you're worried about me?" I asked stumbling over the words.
"It's different I'm not the one on the ground right now. Now answer my question you've been dodging it for days with stupid I'm fine answers." Clint said sitting down on the ground across from me. I looked up at him, I could feel the flood gates wanting to open and say it, but I couldn't. Not even with Tracy and Logan. They had forced me to talk to a therapist about when it had gotten really bad. I had talked a little, but on bad days I just wanted to stay in my room. That's when training had gotten involved. Ever bad day Logan had taken me to the gym where he had worked with me, whether defense training or even just putting me on a treadmill and making me run until I felt better or Tracy made me get off.
"I'm fine." I said stiffly.
"Your fine, that's why it is 7:00 in morning and the janitor who came in at five told me you we already here before him, that's what people who are fine do? They hit punching bags for over two hours?" Clint asked with an eyebrow raised.
"What do you want me to say? When I get bored I go to the gym. Is there something wrong with that?"
"I think we both know its' something entirely different from being bored." Clint stated looking at me with his intense gaze. I looked away feeling the tears well up; I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together as if sealing off the truth from escaping my lips. Clint reached forward touching my arm and bringing me back towards him. I opened my eyes feeling the tears brim them.
"Hey talk to me, please." Clint said coaxing me to talk. I felt a single tear trail down my cheek and Clint brushed it off with his hand.
"I wouldn't know where to start?" I said simply I looked past Clint to see the gym doors light turn green alerting someone was coming.
"Someone's coming." I said quickly pulling back and wiping my eyes.
"We can talk-"
"Alison! Clint! You guys working out too? Thought you don't need to work out at all." Hayden said looking at Clint with eyes that made me want to vomit.
"Later?" Clint whispered to me, I nodded my head slightly.
"Well I've got to go." I said getting up and walking to my stuff.
"I haven't said something have I?" Hayden asked looking at me slightly.
"No I have to go anyway, todays a free day for me and I have ton of things to do today." I said unwrapping the tape on my hands.
"You'll still be up for movie night tonight right?" Hayden asked I nodded my head, "You could come to Clint." She was already calling him Clint, this girl worked fast, next she would be calling Fury by his first name too, though I doubt she wanted to get into his pants as well.
"I don't think I can make it." Clint said getting up from the ground, I turned and looked at him.
"You should come, it'll be fun." I said stuffing the tape in my bag.
"Yes it'll fun! Please come?" Hayden asked with her early morning enthusiasm. I gave a glance towards Clint to see him watching me with a hidden expression.
"You can expect me to be there." Clint said looking at Hayden.
"How about 8 o'clock? We're watching the original Star Wars movies." I said quietly.
"Yeah, Alison somehow got ahold of a VCR and it's all hooked up and ready, I can't wait!" Hayden said, I grabbed my bags and walked towards the door.
"See you guys later." I said leaving and walking, letting my feet taking me to Hayden and my little apartment room. Once I got in I wanted to flop down on my bed and cry. But I couldn't I walked into the bathroom and took a long a hot shower. I got out and got dress in my favorite pair of yoga pants and a ripped t-shirt. I flopped down on my bed, I felt bad for lying and saying I had things to do, but in reality I had nothing what so ever to do until movie night tonight. But right now I need peace and quiet for my mind that was flooded with pain and chaos. It was little consolation for the pain that was always constant.
*~ƸӜƷ~*
It seemed like 8 o'clock had come faster than I had expected it to. I had finally come out of my room around 3 when I heard voices out in the living room area. I didn't want to go and socialize, but my curiosity had gotten the better of me. I left the comfort of my room to see something I didn't quite except, Hayden and I a guy in the kitchen. Not that I didn't except it, I knew it was a matter of time before something like this happened, I just didn't except in my kitchen, where I ate my toaster strudel. They weren't actually doing anything, well, they were talking, and Hayden was sitting on the counter top. I couldn't see the guys face, but from Hayden's flirting he must've been cute. Man did she move past Clint quickly. I stayed by my room, blending into the wall not making a move or sound. The guy from what I could see had on just a pair of faded jeans and a t-shirt, his hands to his side in a relaxed position. Hayden on the other hand seemed like she was about to straddle him. Right there, in my kitchen-our kitchen, where I ate my toaster strudel, and she ate her mini wheat's. Did that lady ever think anything out? Just the other day I had to stop her from leaving wearing a bright neon pink leopard print bra and a white t-shirt to a meeting with Director Fury. She was either very absent minded or. No, she was just that absent minded. Though I had to say who ever was in the kitchen with her wasn't that bad looking. He was fit and had to be cute, knowing Hayden. Whoever he was had to have a sense of humor because he was making her laugh. I just wanted to see his face. Then again with my knowledge of the personal here I probably would only recognize him as a face in the hall way. Slowly and quietly I slide down the wall to the ground.
"Oh my God." I said softly to myself, it was Clint. I was angry and I didn't know why. Why was he here, it was only 3, the movie was at 8. So he was going to train me and be nice to me, but sleep with my roommate?! Then I caught myself. I quickly straightened up. I was spying on Clint and Hayden in my-our kitchen, and I was getting jealous over it. I never got jealous. Never! Not over guys or people. What was happening to me? Then it finally hit me.
"Oh Hell." I said a little too loudly.
"Alison is that you?" Hayden's voice called from in the kitchen, I stepped forward out of the door way.
"Yeah, I just stubbed my little toe on the door way." I lied trying to cover myself.
"Ouch, that always really hurts." Clint said with a grin that said he was probably enjoying something, probably the thought of getting in my roommates pants-Stop! I told my brain I had to stop thinking like that. Then again he was probably helpless in the fact and Hayden-Oh my God! I need professional help.
"So what are you doing here? Movie Night doesn't even start for like five more hours?" I said looking at Hayden then Clint.
"Well I came thinking we could talk, and then got into a conversation with Hayden here." Clint said looking at me. I wanted to face palm myself. Clint had asked if we could talk later. I would have to do it later because the look that Hayden was giving me was reading and I quote, "Crazy lady what do you think you are doing, he is mine." To which I raised an eyebrow, so mostly I ragged war with Hayden over Clint, with what I thought was the international and gender-national sign for confusion, but apparently meant, "ha, ha, ha, I don't think so b*tch, he is mine." God I will never raise my eyebrow ever again. She raised her eyebrow, which in some weird unexplainable way changed the sweet and innocents of her face.
"Hey Alison can you show me how the VCR works, you won't mind will you Clint." Hayden asked with a small smile.
"No go right ahead." Clint asked unaware that I was about to be killed by some crazy lady cause I raised my gosh darn eyebrow. Hayden and I walked into the living area and she confronted me right there and then.
"Alison what do you think you're doing?" Hayden asked grabbing my arm. I let her do so.
"What do you mean?" I asked with an innocent smile.
"You and Clint, you said there was nothing, you lied." Hayden stated.
"I was telling the truth and I still am, there's nothing, but if you're afraid of a little competition, then I guess you just have to deal with it." I said turning, but her arm was still firmly grabbing my arm.
"How about this, we both go after him but whoever gets kissed first, wins." Hayden said with a smirk.
"But he has to kiss us, not the other way around." Hayden nodded, "And the loser?"
"Has dish duty." Hayden and I giggled. As serious as we were, we were also having fun with our little competition.
"Good luck. You'll need it." I said with a smirk and Hayden snorted.
"You're the one that needs it."
"Are you trying to scare me?" I asked.
"I don't need to try." Hayden said releasing her grip and starting to walk away, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"I was asking because it seems like you need to brush up on your intimidation skills." I said releasing my grip and walking away with her mouth left open. I walked over to where Clint was in the kitchen. He was leaning against the fridge watching me walk into the little kitchen nook area. I went over and stood next to Clint.
"What was all that about?" Clint asked looking at me.
"Nothing, just a blonde teaching a brunette where it's at." I said with a smile, Hayden walked into the kitchen area.
"Maybe we should start the movie night early, I'm actually going to head over to the cafeteria and grab us a pizza." Hayden said with a smile.
"Thanks Hayden," I said looking at her; I would have to thank her with a box of go-gurts tomorrow.
"No problem." She said eyeing us one last time then leaving.
"Now let's talk." I said crossing my arms.
"Okay, you're not sleeping, and when you do, you have nightmares, any flashbacks or anything?" Clint asked.
"I haven't had flashbacks in years, I don't sleep that much, I get nightmares ever now and then," I said then slide down the fridge and sat on the floor and wrapped my arms around my legs and held them close to my chest. Slowly Clint sat down right next to me.
"When Tracy and Logan first adopted me I was too afraid to even let Logan touch me, it took weeks before I even hugged him. I even slept with the door locked and a chair under the handle, I even slept under the bed, heck I still do on really bad days. With marks, I had to get use to them touching me, that was the hardest, usually after those marks the nightmares come back for a while, but the flashes stopped and haven't come back." I said leaning my head back.
"How often are the nightmares?"
"Twice a week, sometimes more." I said.
"Therapist?" Clint asked, I turned my head to face him.
"Tracy and Logan got me one, helped a bit, but I'm not really a talker, especially when it comes to this."
"Well you know you can always talk to me right?" Clint said turning to me.
"Thank you, for everything." I said looking at him.
"You don't have to."
"But I do," he leaned a bit and so did I; I just closed my eyes when I heard the door open. My eyes flashed open and so did his.
"I got the pizza, hope you guys don't mind black olives." Hayden said as she walked into the kitchen and stopped looking at us.
"Um can I use your guys' bathroom real quick?" Clint asked getting up.
"Yep." I said getting up too, Clint left and once Hayden heard the door close she looked at me.
"You win." She stated quickly.
"What?" I asked turning to her.
"You win."
"He didn't kiss me, we didn't kiss."
"It's not just that, I can see him around you Alison. He might laugh with me, but when he's with you its' totally different. He likes you I can see and others too. He likes you, not me, and I have a feeling, even if you won't admit it, and you do too. Besides I'm better at dishes then you, and there are other fish in the sea, especially here." Hayden said with a grin.
"Thank you," I said with a smile.
"Okay enough of the cute stuff let's eat some pizza and watch some movies." Hayden said grabbing a slice. Maybe a roommate wasn't going to be as bad as I thought.
Author's Notes: So for those of you who have been waiting for it, you're probably going get it if you ask for it! Please Review and thank you for reading!