I Don't Mean To Presume Chapter 30: 30 I'll Still Be Loving You, a glee fanfic

30 I'll Still Be Loving You

Shelby was in her classroom, going over some sheet music when he pushed open the door and stalked in, Lauren right behind him. She shut the door and stood beside it, he'd wanted a witness, someone without a personal axe to grind. "Puck," Shelby greeted him. "I'm afraid if you want to see Beth tonight isn't a good time."

"This ain't about Beth," Puck tried to keep his voice even, wasn't sure if he was succeeding or not. "This is about what you did."

"What I did," Shelby repeated blankly. "What have I done?"

"You fuckin' set me up," Puck barely kept from shouting the words. "I got a few things make my shit life bearable Shelby. I got music, I got my coach and my friends, I had the chance to see Beth and I had Rachel. I finally had the girl I've loved for fucking ever in my life for real. And you fucked that for me Shelby. I just want to know why."

"Puck, I don't know what you think-"

"Bullshit," Puck cut her off with a slash of his hand. "Tell me exactly what the hell is going on in that fucked head of yours or I swear I'll go to the cops. I'm still a goddamn minor Shelby. And any adoption is conditional on a good home for the kid. I swear I'll fuck you as hard as you fucked me if you don't help me fix this."

"I can't fix something that isn't right in the first place," Shelby leaned back against her desk and folded her arms, staring at him with those dark eyes so much like Rachel's it hurt.

"My life aside, Rachel is miserable," Puck argued. "She already thinks you don't give a crap about her. Now she knows it for certain."

"This was all about protecting Rachel," Shelby protested.

Puck smirked and waited, now they were getting somewhere. "Convince me," He invited coldly. "Tell me exactly what this was supposed to get done. Why this? Or I swear I'll go to the cops. Rachel's dad LeRoy is a lawyer. I'm pretty sure he could help me get Beth back. If you've screwed up my chances with Rachel for good then damned if I'll play nice with you anymore."

As he watched, keeping his face cold and hard, Shelby seemed to wilt slightly, "When I heard you and Rachel were dating...I wasn't thrilled but she seemed...happy so I didn't say anything." She offered, "I tried to keep an eye on the two of you but you seemed to really love her and she was... different with you than she was with that other boy or Jesse."

"Yeah," Puck scowled and nodded. "So what changed?"

"I... I saw her in the hall, and I... well I just wanted to talk with her, to be sure she knew what she was doing," Shelby took a deep breath. "She wasn't entirely welcoming but," She shrugged. "Rachel isn't like me, she isn't hard yet. So she talked to me. And I saw the ring."

"My class ring," Puck clarified. "The one she never takes off."

"Yeah," Shelby nodded. "I asked her if it was yours, did it mean 'going steady' like they used to, that sort of thing."

"And she told you why I'd given it to her," Puck realized. "And you took that all wrong."

"She said it was a promise," Shelby nodded. "And I...honestly I would have left it at that but..."

"But?" Puck's fists clenched when Shelby didn't say anything and he leaned forward slightly, "Shelby you're fuckin' with my life and Rachel's here. What happened that you went from 'okay its a promise' to 'I've gotta break these two up'."

"Rachel's friend, the boy with the perfect hair," Shelby took a deep breath. "Kurt. He came by to talk to me about Rachel. Quinn had already mentioned that you two were intimate."

Puck legit growled in his throat at the thought because Kurt had never been a fan of what Brittany called Puckleberry, "What the fuck?"

"He and Rachel are close, at least I thought they were," Rachel's biological mother tried to explain. "I always see them talking and hanging out in the halls."

"Okay, so Kurt said something," He was really ready to pound something. Puck tried to unclench his fists and wasn't having much luck with it.

"It was a very dramatic conversation," Shelby sounded half apprehensive and half amused. "But the gist was that you weren't ever getting out of Lima. That you'd already put a ring on her finger and you'd end up keeping her here. How he'd talked to Rachel about this and she was talking about college with you and children and New York was barely a blip on her radar anymore. How you had her so wound up in you that she was giving up her dreams."

Puck was so astonished, so fucking pissed at the lies that he couldn't speak. Legit his mouth opened up but words wouldn't come out. He wanted to scream, he wanted to hit something, someone, preferably Kurt's overly pale face. Lauren's voice helped cut through the red that seemed to be dropping over his eyes again, "Hate to break it to you Shelby, but you got played."

"What do you mean?" Shelby didn't seem to realize just how furious Puck was or how close he was to losing it. He swore sometimes he totally got what it was like to be Bruce Banner because moments like these he could totally burst out of his clothes and skin and turn into the green rage monster. Deep breaths to keep from hitting the walls and throwing desks were helping minutely.

"Rachel has never once given up the idea of New York," Lauren's voice, annoyed and knowledgeable and ready to deliver a verbal smack down calmed him almost as much as Rachel's would have. "She and Puck have been working to bring up his grades for two years now. The plan is for both of them to go to New York. Puck's playing basketball this season so he can go to NYU, to Tisch if he doesn't get into Julliard."

"I don't see why Kurt would-" Shelby shook her head. "If he knew that...why would he tell me that Rachel would stay with Puck in Lima?"

"Because Kurt don't know everything," Puck snapped finally getting his voice back through his rage. "Because he ain't ever been a friend to me an' he ain't that great a friend to Rachel. We don't tell him stuff we don't want all over the school."

"Everybody knows Puck is trying for a scholarship," Lauren explained. "They don't know that even if he doesn't get one, he and Rachel are still headed for New York together."

"And Kurt doesn't know that," Shelby's voice sounded...defeated. Puck looked at her fully and she looked just as busted up as Rachel had when Finn had lied to her about Santana.

"Kurt thinks I'm a Lima Loser," Puck realized his voice had gentled slightly and sighed. "He's never made any secret of the fact that he doesn't think I'm good enough for Rachel. You know maybe I'm not, but it isn't for anyone but Rachel to decide." He folded his arms and looked at her, "So what was the plan? Me an' Rachel come over and you make sure she knows I'll always cheat on her?"

"I'm sorry but with what I knew about you, what Quinn had told me and Kurt's friendship with Rachel…I thought…Obviously I was wrong." She frowned, "Kurt got the idea from Much Ado About Nothing," Shelby explained tiredly. "He said Rachel was such a drama queen that if she saw us kissing she'd have a fit, do something dramatic and she'd break up with you." She shook her head.

"But she didn't," Puck's voice sounded raw to his own ears. "We're both miserable but she's still wearing my ring. She ain't dumped me."

"You're different Puck," Lauren once again was the voice of reason. "Seriously different for her. Whatever she felt for Finn...it was all tied up with other crap. She was happy to broadcast it when he screwed up."

"She fought for him," Puck reminded Lauren. "She ain't dumpin' me but she ain't fightin' for me either."

"Maybe this time around she doesn't know how," Shelby's voice sounded as surprised as he did that she was saying anything. She looked at the picture of Beth on her desk and sighed, "When you finally find someone that really matters. You'd do anything to keep them, to make their world right. But if you've never had that before... nothing in your experience applies."

Lauren nodded and came to stand near him, her hand on his shoulder in comfort, "You said she wasn't fighting for you Puck. Maybe you're just...so important she doesn't know what to do."

"From what I've learned of your history, your reaction to this isn't typical either," Shelby pointed out. "How many women have you slept with since Rachel stopped talking to you?"

"What? None," Puck growled, furious all over again that she'd even think that. "I won't cheat on her."

"But she thinks you already did," Shelby shrugged at him. "Why not just go with it?"

"You are a piece a work," Puck shook his head in amazement. "I didn't do anything wrong. Why would I make this worse by screwing someone else?"

"Any other girl and you would have Puck," Lauren reminded him. "I think that's Shelby's point. You aren't acting the same either."

"Fuck me," He sat on one of the student desks and shook his head. "What the hell do I do?"

"We've got to get the two of you talking again," Lauren sighed. "She's not the same without you Puck. You're her best friend. San and I are cool and she loves us and having Sam in the house...at least it keeps her from moping because she's got this thing about making him feel like family and that means keeping him company."

"Yeah I know what you mean," Puck groaned. "Artie's cool and Dave and AZ are doin' their best but Rachel's my BFF you know?"

"If I can make a suggestion?" Shelby offered diffidently. When they both looked at her she spread her hands, "Anything I say to her will be suspect. But I know she still has to do her Glee assignment. She'll go last if she can."

"Puck you should hang around, make sure you grab her afterwards," Lauren told him firmly. "You've given her time, given her space. I'll tell her before Glee what we found out from Shelby. She won't have a lot of time to think so you get her alone and talk to her afterwards."

"So I got until Friday to man up," Puck nodded. "What the hell, what I'm doin' now isn't working."

"That's the spirit," Lauren retorted dryly.

Rachel shoved her phone into her jeans pocket and got her books out of her locker. She hadn't changed her phone screen yet, she kept telling herself she should but she hadn't. She'd gotten a picture of Puck that summer, he'd been lying on her bed, shirt off, talking about music, his face so alive and happy as he talked to her. She'd held up her phone to take the picture and he'd stopped talking and just looked at her. His smile had been so perfect, the look in his eyes made her feel so loved... she just couldn't seem to take that picture off her phone.

"Diva," Kurt's high pitched voice reached her ears and Rachel turned to look at him with a half smile. "Love the jeans, shows off your legs and you derriere, and the top is sweet. Boots are very nice too... scored a high B today sweetie."

"Wow, thanks," Rachel rolled her eyes as she grabbed her books. "So what's up?"

"I just heard that Jesse St. James is back," Kurt gushed. "Now that you and Puck have broken up, take off that clunky ring and go after someone you have something in common with."

Rachel wondered if temperament could be contagious because for a moment she saw red, just like Puck did when he got really mad. Forcing her temper down she looked at Kurt, "First of all, Jesse and I have nothing in common. Our values are completely different."

"But you're both meant for stardom, for Broadway, you both love show tunes," Kurt began his argument.

"No," Rachel shook her head. "No, Kurt. I won't date Jesse. I won't date any of Blaine's friends from the Warblers. Puck and I aren't broken up. We're not broken, we're just a little...bent, you know, out of shape. And we'll fix it."

"Gaga Rachel, why are you still hung up on him?" Kurt rolled his eyes at her and Rachel fought the urge to slap him. Then she saw Puck standing on the other side of the hallway, obviously listening to the entire conversation. It was as much to him as it was to Kurt that she spoke next.

"I love him Kurt. I love him more than I ever loved Finn, feel more than I did with my crush on Jesse," She shook her head, "What he did hurts me. It hurts like a knife to the lung every time I breathe. But I'm not giving up on this. This... Noah is the most important person in my life. And I'm going to fix this. I'm... I've got to fix this somehow. I just need to figure out what's wrong with me first."

"But Rachel he's-"

"Kurt," Rachel shook her head at her friend. "I don't want to hear what you think he is. You thought he was trying to weigh me down and keep me in Lima. You thought he'd proposed. You have no concept of what our religion is like or just how adult we have to be to marry in our faith. Noah and I... we talk, or we did, about a lot of things. We want a future together, but its a future that doesn't include Lima." She held her books tightly to her chest and stared at Kurt. "I'm not giving up that future with him Kurt, not even if he fucked Shelby. I'd forgive him if he cheated on me a hundred times because I know he's hurting, that he's hurting as much as I am. Whatever he did...he didn't want to hurt me. I can feel that."

"If you're so sure, why are you not talking to him then?" Kurt's voice sounded smug and superior and his face was set in that 'I'm better than you' expression and she wanted someone to throw him in the dumpster to get rid of it.

"Because I hurt too. And because whatever precipitated this... I need to learn how to deal with it, to figure out what's wrong with me, before I can be with him. He deserves better than what he's getting from me," Rachel snapped back. "But it doesn't mean we're broken up and it doesn't mean I don't love him. So get that through your head."

She spun on her heel and nearly stomped away before she remembered her posture and changed the stomp to a graceful stalk. Dave and AZ saw her coming towards them and grinned before they parted and let her pass. "Lookin' good B," AZ offered the compliment.

"Thank you," Rachel replied primly. "I'll see you in Glee!"

Rachel barely saw where she was walking and nearly stumbled over the risers in the choir room. Lauren had caught her at her locker and told her she had things Rachel really needed to hear. The conversation that had followed hadn't been an easy one. The idea that Kurt would go so far to get Puck away from her, that her biological mother had deliberately done this thing... hurt she and Puck, staged a lie, all to break them up. It just boggled the mind. Why? That was what she couldn't understand, why had they done this? Quinn was easy enough to understand, she'd never liked Rachel and she outright hated Puck usually. But the other two…she just couldn't take it in and make it make sense.

Lauren had explained that Shelby had truly believed what Kurt had told her, and she'd seemed genuinely sorry about the trouble she'd caused, and not only because Puck was threatening to screw with her custody of Beth. What Rachel just couldn't understand was why Kurt had done it. Unless he was really convinced that Puck would keep her in Lima.

Did it matter why though? That's what she kept trying to figure out. Whatever his motivations Kurt had deliberately framed Puck so that she would think he was cheating on her with, of all people, her biological mother. She shook her head, it really didn't matter why Kurt had done it, all that mattered was that he did. She couldn't trust him, especially given his attempts to set her up with 'suitable' boys. Lauren sat down next to her and Santana next to Lauren.

The Latina leaned over her girlfriend towards Rachel, "Hey B, I'm sorry Kurt tried to screw you and Puck up. But if you want we can break into his house and cut up his Michael Kors jacket in revenge."

"No," Rachel shook her head and offered her friends a half smile. "No Kurt still doesn't understand just how wrong he was. Wrecking his clothes won't make him see either."

"I don't get what Blaine sees in him," Lauren mused. "He's bitchier than me or San, all the time, not just once a month. He's a bigger diva than you and with less talent to back it up. And he's a nosy little gossip with a fashion obsession. I don't see a lot of redeeming qualities."

"He's a coward too, took off when he was getting bullied, never mind that Rachel and the rest of our original Gleeks were getting bullied just as badly and not just by Dave," Santana reminded her.

"To be fair he really was afraid of Dave," Rachel murmured. "David has changed and grown up a lot but back then, he was confused and Kurt knew and David was just as afraid."

"So they've both grown up some, and I heard that Dave even apologized?" Santana asked.

"He did," Rachel nodded. "Very nicely too. Before the party even. Said he'd be glad to have Kurt back on the team, even if he did want music before he kicked."

"So Kurt basically has everything he wants but he's still trying to break up you and Puck," Santana frowned. "I don't get what his deal is."

"He thinks he knows best, thinks he's right," Lauren was frowning plainly thinking of something else. "I think he really just wants Rachel to get out of Lima. And if you can do it before Finn is out of Juvie then so much the better."

"Speaking of Finn and Juvie," Santana's lips twisted and Rachel knew she was restraining herself from ranting about the disturbingly short sentence Finn had gotten. "What's the word on the assault charges from your party?"

"We're meeting with the prosecuting attorney next week," Rachel sighed. "Since this time Finn assaulted both of us, not just Puck, we both have to be there. The assistant district attorney wants to push for actual jail time. It's actually worse since Finn was trying to drag me out of the house. She wants to add kidnapping charges so that Finn and his lawyer will cave and take a deal. She was saying how she doesn't want Puck or I to deal with a hearing or trial or whatever."

"I still don't get why they didn't sentence him longer in Juvie," Santana scowled.

"It's a legal thing I think," Rachel leaned against Lauren and her friend obligingly wrapped an arm around her shoulders in a hug. "Juvenile detention is only for people under eighteen. Any sentence to a juvenile facility ends when the detainee reaches that age. Seven months was the longest the judge could give him without putting him in actual prison. The good news is that his record, because of the nature of the charges, won't be expunged upon his release. Puck's records will be."

"That's something I guess," The Latina said grudgingly. "Are you going to speak for him again? Or is Puck? Asking for leniency?"

"No," Rachel shook her head. "I wouldn't speak at the hearing before. That was Puck's choice. He still felt bad that he'd slept with Quinn, that he'd let Quinn lie. I always thought that was more Quinn than Puck, I still do." She straightened and got out her music, "We gave him a chance, we didn't push for him to be held, he was released on bail and admonished to stay away from us. He came to my party and started trouble. This time, whatever the DA decides, I'm okay with. I trust her judgment. It's time Finn figured out that we're through bending over backwards for him."

"So no more songs to make him understand that you really cared once but its over," Lauren asked her teasingly.

"You know how bad I am at letting things go," Rachel shrugged. "It was a good song for the assignment, and it said what I wanted it to. That whole song is about living in a fantasy and how reality...well reality is how things hurt. It's a wonderful song."

"I dunno, I liked Sundown better," Lauren grinned and sang a few of the lines, "Sundown you better take care..."

"If I find you been creepin' round my back stair," Rachel sang with her. "Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losin' again."

"Gordon Lightfoot rocks," Lauren declared. "And so do you B."

"Nice pipes," Puck said as he walked into the choir room and nodded at the rest of them gathered there. Rachel watched as he took his usual spot beside Artie and met her eyes. His gorgeous hazel eyes were dark with pain and he was still walking with his shoulders hunched. She forced herself to smile at him and hoped to God he'd understand that she really just didn't know what to do anymore. And she was the last one on the roster today. How was she going to sing with all of this inside her? Maybe lightening would strike her and she wouldn't have to sing?

No, she couldn't get that lucky. Rachel watched as Blaine and Dave of all people got up and sang, a duet, 'What You Gonna Do With a Cowboy'. It was as funny as it was melodious and segued perfectly into Azimio singing 'Friends In Low Places'. And then it was her turn.

Rachel walked down the risers and took a deep breath, as Artie rolled forward with his guitar. This wasn't something she was willing to do an introduction for, not her usual elaborate one anyway. "So this is a song by Restless Heart," She moved the microphone down to her height and took a deep breath, "It's pretty self-explanatory, it's called 'I'll Still Be Loving You'."

Artie's fingers began to strum and pick the guitar strings and she took a deep breath and looked straight at Puck, at her Noah, while she sang and put all of her confusion and heartache into her voice,

"Changin' my life with your love
Has been so easy for you
And I'm amazed every day
And I'll need you
'Till all the mountains are valleys
And every ocean is dry, my love..."

She couldn't look away from him as she began the chorus, this was fact, this was undeniable,

"I'll be yours
Until the sun doesn't shine
'Till time stands still
Until the winds don't blow
When today is just a memory to me
I know I'll still be loving
I'll still be loving you
I'll still be loving you..."

The next verse was so important, she had to make him realize that he was it for her, that everything she'd felt in the past was a shadow compared to what was inside her for him,

"Never before did I know
How loving someone could be
Now I can see, you and me
For a lifetime
Until the last moon is rising
You'll see the love in my eyes, my love..."

His face, God his face was like the sun, hope and love and pain and fear twisted across it as she sang the last chorus. She'd decided against drawing the song out, wanting to keep it simple, to keep it real as Puck would say. His expression alone would have taken away her voice if she'd tried to sing any further.

She took a deep breath as Artie's guitar died away and smiled her thanks at her friend. Rachel waited for the comments and critiques and took her seat again, her back ramrod straight.

Author's Note: So I know some folks didn't want Rachel and Kurt's friendship messed with and I'm still working on where all this is going. But I will say that these are still kids in high school and regardless of how mature they might act at times, they're still going to screw up. Kurt and Rachel to me always had a sort of frenemy relationship. And we won't even bring Quinn's issues into the whole mess.

Sorry to leave you folks on a cliff hanger here but the muse sorta stopped and said 'no more' and I'm working on the rest. We do have Paceismyhero to thank for this and the last chapter as her latest story really got my head back in Glee/Puckleberry mode.

Hope you'll be patient with me as I work out where this is going and how it'll be resolved. Next chapter I do think Puck and Rachel are going to finally communicate. They really need to at this point don't you think?

Oh, and I put the explanation of Finn's sentencing and stuff in because some folks were really livid about how little time he had to spend in Juvie. As far as my research goes Rachel's explanation is as accurate as I can make it.