A/N – new chapter, hope you like it. More angst – yay! It's getting harder and harder to write because I know where it's going and I don't want to take it there... I hope you'll love it all the same. Please leave reviews, I love to know what you think, and it keeps me going! :)

Words: 2300

Warnings: None.

CHAPTER 7

When Guinevere awoke early that morning, she instantly noticed the empty space in the bed beside her. As she reached out with her arm in search of him, the sheets felt cold against her skin and she opened her eyes instantly. Sitting up quickly, she looked around frantically. She sighed heavily when she noticed Arthur sitting across the room at the head of the table, staring pensively out the window.

"Arthur?" she asked, throwing back the bed sheets and standing up. "Are you alright?"

As she approached him, she noticed the tears still swimming in his eyes and her brow furrowed with concern. She reached out and touched his shoulder, but he didn't react.

"Arthur?" she asked again, growing evermore worried. "What's wrong? I didn't hear you come in last night and the bed was empty when I woke up... where were you?"

Arthur took a deep breath, then, as though suddenly noticing she was there, he looked up at Gwen and forced a smile. "Guinevere." He breathed.

"Did you get any sleep last night?"

Arthur shook his head briefly and she sighed. Why was he doing this to himself? She hadn't seen him this unsettled in years and with all that had happened over the past few days, she was beginning to grow very concerned.

"I'm fine, Guinevere. Thank you." He said, standing up slowly. He looked down at her, then embraced her in a tender, gentle hug.

She responded by wrapping her arms around his waste and pressing her cheek against his chest as she sighed. "I'm worried about you Arthur."

"I'm fine." He kissed her forehead as he pulled away, "I've just ... I've got a lot on my mind at the moment."

A moment of silence that could have lasted an eternity engulfed them as she looked up into his eyes, searching, but he couldn't bear to return her gaze. Instead, he sat back down in the chair and eventually, he spoke, rather unexpectedly, as Gwen began to turn away. "You lost your mother, didn't you?"

She turned, surprised at the question, but answered, "Yes. She died when I was fifteen."

"And if you could go back? If you could change that one thing that you wished you didn't have to lose; if you could have your mother back, would you do it?" Gwen opened her mouth answer, but found nothing came out. She sighed, but before she could say anything, Arthur continued. "Even if it meant that to have her back, you would have to sacrifice a Kingdom?"

"Arthur I would love to have my mother back. And I would give almost anything..." she replied slowly, "But... why should one life be more important than any others?"

"You mean more to me than this entire Kingdom." Arthur replied, looking up at her. "And I'm so glad I don't have to make that choice..."

Gwen's eyes filled with worry as she gazed down at her husband, trying to suss him out. But before she could open her mouth to say anything more, Arthur stood up abruptly, smiling. "Nevermind, it's nothing. I'm just over-thinking." He chimed.

She nodded wearily, knowing better than to pry. If he was upset, he'd talk when he was ready and pestering him with questions wasn't going to do anything other than get them both worked up. Instead she gave him a smile, whispered, "I love you." And then made her way over to the screen, where she began to undress.

Already dressed, not having changed since last night, he paused for a moment, considering what he should do for one moment more, before standing, grabbing his jacket, and leaving the room abruptly.

Guinevere was the love of his life, and so far she was the only constant in this confusion of worlds he'd somehow got messed up in. But she would think him insane if he told her what was really going on. Even Morgana would probably laugh, and how could he possibly speak to his mother of this? No, there was only one person he needed to talk to, who he could talk to – Merlin.

Even if things were different here, Merlin was always the one to give him that much needed advice when he was lost; even when he didn't want it, Merlin always had something to say. And as stupid as he was at times, there was a lot of wisdom behind the things he said, and though Arthur never liked to admit it, he was wise far beyond his years. Right now Arthur would just have to swallow his pride and ask him for help. He needed him now more than ever.

After first venturing into the chambers he was informed belonged to Merlin, only find them empty, Arthur eventually found Merlin in Morgana's chambers, some time later. When he entered, unnanounced, their smiles faltered for a moment.

"Arthur? Can I help you?" she asked.

"Actually, it's Merlin I wanted to talk to." He replied, turning to look at him. "If you have a moment." He added.

"I'll be out in a minute." Merlin replied shortly.

Arthur waited outside for a few minutes, getting restless as he began to bounce on the balls of his feet, holding his hands together behind his back. Eventually, both Merlin and Morgana emerged, and she smiled at him for a moment before letting go of Merlin's hand and continuing down the corridor.

Both of them still standing just outside the door to Morgana's chambers, Merlin looked up at Arthur and asked, "What is it?"

"Merlin, I er…" he began, but wavered for a moment, unsure exactly how to start such a conversation. "What do you know about Djinns?"

"Djinns? Nothing... I don't recall the name, why?"

"I need your help, Merlin."

But before Arthur could say anymore, he was interrupted. "Why are you coming to me for it, sire?"

Arthur paused, momentarily taken aback. "Because you're my friend. And I don't have anyone else to turn to. Now – what if... what if there were a magical creature that could create another, alternate world for you; where one small detail was altered and it changed everything? Would it... would it be possible? Could you get back?"

Merlin looked up at the King for some time, as though studying him. Eventually, in a cold voice he replied, "Are you mocking me, Arthur?"

"What? No, Merlin, I'm being serious! People's lives are at stake; I need your help!"

"You've not been yourself the past few days." Merlin said, his voice cold and calculated. "If there's something wrong maybe you should consult the physician."

As he turned to leave, Arthur caught his arm, now hurt more than confused. "Why are you being like this? What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Merlin replied, scoffing, looking down at Arthur's hand, still gripping his forearm.

Relinquishing his grip apologetically, Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes and then it suddenly hit him; he could now see what it was he hadn't quite been able to place before – there was a dark bitterness festering behind those blue eyes that he'd once known as so full of life. It was so un-Merlin like and made Arthur feel acutely uncomfortable.

"Arthur for the past few days your behaviour has been completely unexplainable and unpredictable. First, you show interest in my work, you pretend you know nothing of my family in an attempt to actually engage with me in a friendly conversation. You announce you're happy at my engagement with Morgana, and since then you've kept treating me as though we're long lost friends."

Arthur paused for a moment as the realisation of what was happening finally dawned on him. "So... we're not friends?" he asked, his voice suddenly so small.

Merlin scoffed. "Your majesty, in the past few years we've barely spoken a single word to each other! Why come to me now all of a sudden?"

"Because I need your help!" he urged, but Merlin laughed mirthlessly for a moment, turning away as he nodded, rubbing his hand across his mouth for a moment.

"You need my help?" he replied darkly, "You know, that's what you said last time and all my friends ended up dead. You always need my help. Do this, Emrys, do that Emrys. Help me here, go there, put your life on the line Emrys, help me finish this work Emrys! You treated me like I was a servant! You've always treated me like I was something to be walked all over, ever since your father appointed me Court Sorcerer and personal attaché to his prince as reward for saving your life. But unlike your sister, Arthur, your wealth and rank has given you nothing but pride and arrogance, and for years you mistreated me with it. The only times you'd ever speak to me – 'I need your help'! So you'll forgive me if this time, I say no."

"Merlin... I..." Arthur began, but found he was lost for words.

"And that's another thing! Since when do you call me 'Merlin'? You've always used my Court Official name, ever since I was appointed the position." Merlin snapped.

"Right." Arthur nodded, ashamedly struggling to hold back the pain threatening to spill out as tears. "Of course. You're right, erm... Emrys. I'm sorry..."

As Arthur searched in Merlin's eyes for some sign of the love and warmth he'd known, Merlin stared back with a cold, bitter look. Eventually he turned and walked away, leaving Arthur standing there in the corridor, suddenly feeling more alone than ever, and completely unsure of what to do. Biting his lip as he fought back tears at the devastating revelation, on top of everything else he'd discovered, that Merlin didn't care for him at all.

Nodding slowly, Arthur turned and walked away down the hall.

Uther's grave was, as per tradition, out in the Field of Sorrows, just outside of the citadel. Of course, it would eventually be moved to the vaults under Camelot's great city and a hidden monument built for him to rest with the Kings of Old in the dark, there. But Arthur was thankful for the seclusion he found when he ventured out to that field as night drew in.

He hadn't eaten all day, and he knew Guinevere was worried about him. But he'd cancelled all his meetings, he'd cancelled everything. He just needed to be alone. Spending most of the day in the forest, alone had offered him some solace, but no matter how far away he ran, he couldn't escape the fact that he was stuck in this world that was, that could have been so perfect. Only now it wasn't...

He approached his father's tombstone with only the light of the moon for guidance. Still, even as the dark drew in, he could make out his father's name, engraved onto the large boulder that stood at the head of his grave. There was grass, and small flowers even, growing up out of the earth under which he lay. Arthur wasn't really sure what to think – he hadn't approached his father's grave before, in the Camelot he'd lived in; it was too painful. But now... now everyone he knew and loved was different. Everything had changed and he needed some guidance.

"It's not fair..." Arthur sighed, his breath visible as the cold settled in. "Why did this have to happen? Why did any of this have to happen? All of these people – Gaius, Annis, all of her Kingdom; thousands of innocent lives... they're all dead. And then there's this peasant boy who's... haunting me – he's everywhere I go but at the same time I can't ever seem to find him. I don't know what it means. I don't know what to do..."

Arthur felt a chill pass over him as the night drew on and he continued standing there, no longer fighting back the pain and the tears that pushed against his defences. He had to be strong. His father would want him to be. But he wasn't this strong...

"Of course, I know what you'd say! Magical creatures that do this are evil, they aren't to be trusted. I have to hunt it – get it to return me to the Camelot I know... You'd say that I cannot sacrifice everyone's lives for my happiness, that my duty is to my people, that because I'm King... being happy isn't part of the job!" his voice began to get louder until it reached its crescendo and fell quiet again. Taking a deep breath, and blinking slowly, Arthur continued. "You'd like it here. You know, a little happiness wouldn't have hurt you. Of course, I mean the you you, not the 'here' you... he sounds like a completely different man to the father I knew... But that's why I wish I could keep it! Knowing you were happy, knowing..." he broke off again and took a moment to wipe the tear from his cheek.

"Why can't I stay? Why shouldn't I be allowed to be happy? Everything is how we always wanted! I'm married, I'm expecting a child! Morgana is here, she's still with us and she's... she's so happy, father! She's engaged to Merlin! And mother... my mother is still alive. You know I always wanted that, even if I never spoke about it. I know you wanted her back too. And she's here – I've finally got what I want! ...But at what cost?" Another tear fell, which Arthur again brushed away with his hand as he continued, "I can't face the thought that all of those people's lives are on my shoulders. And it's my fault; I shouldn't have gone into that cave alone... but why is it my job to always save everyone?! Can I not have this moment of happiness without it being ruined, without..."

Arthur broke off for the last time as his voice cracked. He stood for a moment, staring down through the darkness at Uther's gravestone. Then, nodding and wiping the tears from his eyes, Arthur sighed heavily. He was the King. This was his job. He knew what he had to do...