Chapter 6: Oh Merlin
June 1995
It was like Déjà vu.
Tonks watched as the excited first years jumped off the Hogwarts Express, waving goodbye to the new friends they made and hugging their parents as they made their way home from a whole semester of school.
"Feeling nostalgic?" Bill Weasley teased.
"A little." Tonks admitted, glancing around. It was the time for Harry Potter and most of Weasley kids to return from Hogwarts. After the big affair of Harry claiming Voldemort's return, of course the Order would step up on their security protection for Harry. Thanks to Molly's enthusiasm at the last meeting, Tonks had found herself on an Order Protection mission, and coincidentally, with Bill.
Walking ahead, Arthur was guiding Molly through the herd of students while Tonks trailed behind with Bill. She was wearing her hair long and red, like the Weasleys today. It helped her fit in and did disguise her pretty well.
Of course Tonks missed having old' Bill there but she didn't feel comfortable with Molly trying to match make her with her two oldest sons. Bill seemed to sense Molly's intention and mercifully kept a safe distance. Tonks definitely didn't need another Charlie-case on her hand.
Tonks stood there awkwardly as the Weasley family embraced at the train station.
"You're Tonks, aren't you?" The only daughter in the Weasley family approached her.
Tonks smiled, instantly taking a liking to Ginny Weasley for not using her first name, "That's me. Wotcher Ginny!"
Ginny grinned and they engaged in a girl's conversation with Ginny asking Tonks questions about being an Auror and her past school life. It was no wonder Bill and Charlie was always complaining about the boys and talking about how nice it was to have Ginny as a sister.
Ginny was easy to be around.
Then Tonks caught sight of Harry. After weeks of seeing his face on the front page of the Daily Prophet, Tonks was pretty certain that was him.
The skinny boy was wearing jeans and a jacket over his faded t-shirt. He arranged his glasses higher on his nose as he trailed miserably behind a plump man, whom Tonks assumed was his uncle. Then Harry turned towards her direction, waving half-heartedly before rushing to catch up as his uncle barked at him.
Ginny was waving back.
"You know him?" Tonks asked, realizing how stupid a question it was, she rephrased, "I mean personally."
"Sure, he saved me last year from the basilisk." Ginny shrugged as she watched Harry and his uncle walk away.
Tonks nodded knowingly. Of course she'd heard of that. She was in Auror training at that time, Mad-Eye had mildly grumbled about it; Harry Potter braving a basilisk to save Ginny Weasley—the damsel in distress—it was a pretty dramatic story.
"So, you're part of the Order too?" Ginny asked.
Tonks was slightly taken aback at how casually a third year like Ginny put this, but nodded nonetheless.
"That's cool," She commented.
"You'll get your turn." Tonks grinned before guiding her to pick up the pace, "Come on, we got to get back before sunset." Ginny nodded, chuckling.
Tonks sighed dramatically, earning an arch brow and a glance from Remus Lupin.
He was perched across the table from her, reading, of course…
"What?" Tonks demanded when Lupin didn't drop his gaze back to his book.
"That's the twenty-eighth time you're sighing." Remus told her, a slight smile playing on his lips, "you're making me depressed." His pale blue eyes twinkling.
Tonks glowered, "Glad to know my boredom is feeding your amusement."
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to go early." Remus said, closing his book and walking to Grimmauld Place's study to return it.
She grinned in triumph.
It was her turn to keep watch on Privet Drive, where Harry Potter resides with his uncle and aunt. Tonks had been mulling over it the whole week since the last meeting which announce the duties for keeping watch over Harry. Mad-Eye was supposed to be doing the duty with her, which Tonks thought would turn the keeping-watch mission into an engaging lesson about why constant vigilance is important. However, since Mad-Eye had more important things to do, Lupin was standing in to 'babysit' the newcomer.
Tonks subconsciously smiled, almost grinning to herself as she thought about her mentor.
"Something funny?" Remus Lupin appeared at the doorway of the kitchen, smiling.
Tonks got up, chuckling to herself, "Nah, it's nothing." She grinned as they walked down the corridor, leaving Grimmauld Place. As she closed the door behind them, "You're not actually close to Mad-Eye, are you?"
Their conversation met a slight paused as they both apparated, appearing in tunnel near privet drive.
"In what context?" Lupin asked, as they walked down the path.
"Like close friends, secrets and stuff."
"I doubt Mad-Eye does that with anyone." He said.
"Okay, so, I was just thinking about Mad-Eye…" Tonks rambled on and on as they walked to Privet Drive, effectively humoring Lupin into chuckles with Mad-Eye's paranoia and mannerism.
As they neared Privet Drive, Tonks pulled out the invisibility clock which she'd loan from Mad-Eye for this mission. She draped it over both of them as they walked to a distance from the house Harry Potter lived at and sat down in a secluded spot by a path near a tree. They watched
"Super." Tonks muttered after a while.
"Huh?"
"We're going to have to stay under this invisibility clock, quiet for about till dinner aren't we?"
Lupin nodded nonchalantly, "We could whisper if you're absolutely certain you won't survive."
Tonks rolled her eyes, "Have you actually spoken to Harry?"
"I taught him for a year at Hogwarts."
"Wow…" Tonks muttered, when she thought Lupin couldn't be any more boring, "Professor Lupin." She whistled, "What happened to that?"
"It wasn't a suitable career, for someone like me," Tonks watched him out the corner of her eye; he was looking out into a distance.
"Have you found another one?" Tonks asked casually as she picked at the grass.
"Not really," Lupin said softly. If she'd not been listening, she'd have missed that, "Harry,"
Tonks looked up and true enough, across them, the same boy she'd seen at the train station came out of the house.
"He looks miserable." Tonks murmured as she squinted.
"Must be his relatives again," Beside her, he sighed. Tonks couldn't think up a reply as she watched Harry Potter. He picked distractedly at the well trimmed bush growing out in the front porch before walking up the lane and away from the house.
"Come on," Tonks murmured, standing up and huddled underneath the cloak, they followed Harry till he was at the park.
It was surely a feat for Tonks to be walking huddled under a clock with another person and watch for his feet. Her eyes kept watch on the ground while they walked, trusting Lupin to make sure they don't lose Harry or they would have hell to pay when they get back to Grimmauld Place.
Tonks was just stepping over a ledge in the uneven concrete when she felt Lupin's hand on her elbow. She looked up to see Harry sitting on the end of the merry-go-round, brooding. She followed his partner's lead as he maneuvered her over to the side under a tree for them to sit at.
Both of them watched Harry closely, not daring to speak in case Harry hears them from this proximity. But honestly, who cares if Harry catches them? Judging from what Sirius was ranting about, he would be more elated than anything to see them.
"Lupin," Tonks murmured, pointing out a bunch of burly boys approaching him. She turned to see his eyebrows raised.
"Call me Remus and that's his cousin."
Tonks nodded, turning to watch as the 'cousin' teased Harry, laughing along with the other boys. Harry merely glared till they left him alone. That definitely got Tonks wondering, why didn't he stand up for-
"He's so unlike his father…" Remus muttered beside her. Tonks turned to find him curled up by her side, keeping his legs under the clock.
"You knew his father?"
"Yes."
Tonks rolled her eyes, not receiving anymore elaborations on that topic. Remus Lupin somehow unsettled her a little; not because he was a werewolf. It was the way he carried himself that made her self-conscious. He was always so polite and refine when he moved or speak, Tonks felt she fell short in whatever he was good at. She felt like she couldn't measure up…
"I'm sorry," He spoke, his voice merely a whisper and next thing she knew, his arm wasn't pressed against hers anymore. Tonks turned to see him scooting further from her.
"For what?" Tonks asked.
"I'm making you uncomfortable," he pointed out and she looked up to see his face. His eyes were solemn and his lips were curved into a forced smile. Something in her expression must have changed because then, he continued, "It's perfectly normal."
"I'm not afraid of you." Tonks blurted, looking him straight in the eyes. And oh Merlin, didn't he have the most sincere and beautiful eyes ever. Light seemed to find his pale blue eyes and glinted off them in the most beautiful way. As he spoke, they were guarded so they did not reveal anything Remus didn't want to reveal but then he chuckled in response to her statement. The guardedness was gone, replace with amusement.
"I doubt you'd be," The amusement didn't leave his eyes, "but it's not normal."
"I was never born normal." Tonks replied simply, tearing her gaze away from his eyes and tugged a lock of her bubble-gum pink colored hair.
"In a good way,"
Tonks snorted, "Right..."
"You are special," Lupin persisted, "You don't see yourself very well,"
Tonks turned, rolling her eyes, "Maybe because I'm always changing?" She suggested and as if to prove her point, she morphed her features away to be replaced with someone beautiful she'd met at the Leaky Cauldron the other day. Her pink hair grew out to dark and curly. Tonks could feel her face rearranging itself. Her irises turning blue.
When she was done, she turned to look at Lupin. He looked amused but his eyes were calculative, as if thinking hard about something. His lips, however, were sealed shut.
Tonks smiled, pretty certain she'd dazzled him with this, "How is it, Professor?" She teased.
To her dismay, Lupin seemed to have a very good control over himself. His face never revealed anything he didn't want to. He contemplated for a while before smiling.
"What?" Tonks demanded when he didn't say anything.
Lupin only shook his head, his smile gone.
"What? Spit it out!" She said in a low tone, nudging him viciously but he seemed to have seen that coming, reaching out with his hand to block that.
Looking straight at her with earnest eyes, Lupin spoke, "I think you should never morph yourself again,"
Scowling, Tonks tugged her elbow from his grip and morphed back with a huff. She was pretty sure her hair morphed itself wrongly by going red instead of pink.
"Is this your real self?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious. Tonks was tempted to give in but she turned away, pretending to have not heard his question.
"Are you mad at me?" He asked tentatively.
"Yes," she replied tersely, refusing to look at him, "I am,"
"I think you misunderstood me-"
Stupid werewolf… "Let's go," she interrupted, still hurt from such a blunt insult from, of all people, the polite and refine Remus Lupin! Building the patience to listen someone out was never her strong suits. It seemed hypocritical to her; trying to explain your way out after throwing an insult so casually.
That put a stop to whatever he wanted to say when he saw Harry had started walking back. They got up awkwardly before trailing after him.
"I'll ask Dumbledore for a second one if we get the next watch." Remus mumbled beside her. As they walked along the dirt road, their shoulders constantly bumped together and Tonks was obviously struggling to keep her balance from the constant and uncomfortable colliding with a stronger person.
Forgetting her anger, Tonks started "I-" She was cut short as she tripped over her other foot while stepping forward awkward to avoid his. Tonks felt Remus grip her upper arm firmly with one hand and the other supporting the small of her back as he steadied her back up, "Thanks," Tonks sighed, looking up at Remus's poker face, "you must be wondering if I'm really functioning on two legs."
"I already know you do," Remus stated, releasing her arm, "It's your coordination; one of them is constantly tripping over the other."
Tonks rolled her eyes, "well, thanks," She retorted hotly.
"I didn't mean to offend you," He said as they continued walking, "Do you mind? It would be easier." Tonks glanced at him to see his arm raised slightly behind her. She shook her head and felt his arm rounded her back and his hand rested on her waist. Tonks turned to hide her blush, frantically morphing it away.
They walked in an awkward silence but it was easier without their constant bumping of shoulders.
Tonks couldn't help but feel self conscious again. She could the heat from his arm practically scorching her through her robe and onto her skin. But it was probably even comfortable to be in this position if the weather isn't already quite warm.
Remus Lupin didn't seem to find the need to speak on their walk back and Tonks was too caught up in her thoughts to start a conversation. As Harry entered the house glumly, they settled down on the same spot. Remus removed his arm just as they settled down.
"How long more?" Tonks asked, glancing up at the sun.
"About 10 more minutes. If Mundungus keep to the timing," He replied, glancing at his watch.
Tonks snorted. Mundungus Fletcher. She could never understand why Dumbledore had decided to leave Harry's night protection to him; the thief and the drunk. He was known for his abandonment of mission halfway for more pressing matters such as filling his stomach of more beer.
However, this time, Tonks was proven wrong. She heard a soft crack disturb the quiet neighborhood and Mundungus stepped out, looking around.
They got to their feet and walked towards Mundungus. Remus tugged on Dung's sleeve quietly as they walked into the alley Mundungus had apparated into. Tonks yanked the invisibility clock off her and practically jumped out, breathing in the comparatively cooler summer air.
They handed the cloak to Mundungus.
"Don't you ditch on Harry, Dung." Tonks warned before they prepared to apparate.
"Scouts' honor, Nymphadora," Mundungus shot her a toothy grin, raising his hand up in a mock promise.
Tonks snorted, "Don't call me Nymphadora," She snapped before apparating away, hearing a slight chuckle from her side where Remus stood but she couldn't be sure.
They appeared in another alley, the one to go to Grimmauld Place. Keeping their heads down, both of them walked briskly into the old house.
"Shut up," Her cousin's voice echoed down the hallway.
Tonks could hear Sirius's voice the moment they enter the house. She abandoned her coat at the entrance on the rack. She picked up her pace, curious. There wasn't a meeting tonight but there is a promise from Molly to come to cook so Tonks was almost certain there'll be a crowd for tonight. She just wondered who would be so kind as to bother to annoy her cousin for her.
Watching for the troll leg umbrella stand, Tonks carefully maneuvered away from it to enter the kitchen safely.
"Welcome home baby Cuz!" Sirius stretched out his arms to their full length towards her.
Tonks muttered under her breath unintelligently, already sniffing at the aroma of Molly's cooking from the kitchen.
Dedalus Diggle, Hestia Jones and Kingsley were there at the table. Tonks's eyes followed on opposite Kingsley. There was Bill Weasley, Fred and George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley who was talking to another bushy-haired girl Tonks didn't recognise and Charlie-
"Charlie!" Tonks blurted in surprise.
"Hey, Tonksie," Charlie grinned, getting up, "Surprise."
She stood there, shell shocked as he embraced her firmly. Through her surprise, Tonks managed to lift her hands to rest them on his back as he got her in a chokehold.
"Wow, let her breathe Charlie," Bill chuckled from across the kitchen.
Charlie buried his face into her hair and kissed her on the cheek before letting her go.
Tonks blushed, morphing it away promptly, "Hey, what brought you back?"
"Excuse me," Remus muttered from behind her before wedging himself between her and the doorframe to get into the kitchen. Tonks watched as he got a seat beside Sirius.
"Well, Ron and Ginny is back, I had to come back at least once a year thanks to mum, so might as well make it so I could see them," Charlie grinned.
"So that he could see you," Fred and George said in unison, smirking as Charlie shot them a meaningful look.
Tonks's blush deepened.
"Hi Tonks!" Ginny smiled, cutting into her brothers' tease.
"Wotcher Ginny," Tonks greeted, grateful for an excuse to not form a reaction to the twins.
She pulled a seat out for herself, two seats away from Sirius, and sat in it.
"Sorry, feel free to ignore the twins." Charlie murmured, leaning towards her and she sat down.
"It's fine," Tonks grinned, "I'm no stranger to pranks."
"Yeah, I remember," Charlie chuckled.
Tonks let that slide, turning her attention towards Ginny, who was apparently calling to her over the noise.
She got out of her seat and joined Ginny when the girl said she was reserving a seat for her.
Over dinner, Tonks talked and laughed about school jokes, at Harry's and Ron's expense which Hermione Granger, the girl Ginny was talking to earlier, shared.
She didn't miss that Charlie didn't look away from them more than necessary.
..::..
"Molly, do you need any help?" Tonks called as the older woman started clearing away the dishes while people shuffled out the door after thanking her for the meal.
"No dear, I think it's fine. I can manage." Molly replied, flustered.
Tonks glared at Sirius in annoyance as he chuckled. Inevitably, she met Charlie's eye. She hurriedly smiled at him and he smiled back.
"Well, I'll get going then. I have some papers to get done by Monday," Tonks stood, picking up some old excuse to be leaving. She was already berating herself for how stupid she sounded. It was Friday night…but she'd rather rot at home than faced with the crush Charlie was apparently still having on her.
She didn't miss Charlie straightening up anxiously as she moved for the door.
"Bye Tonks!" Ginny and Hermione called after her. Apparently, the Weasleys would be staying at Grimmauld place for the moment so that Molly could cook for everyone and not rush home late at night.
"Bye," Tonks smiled, already slipping out the door.
"See ya later Cuz!" Sirius waved with enthusiasm, determined to at least annoy her this one time for today.
Tonks rolled her eyes, waving briefly before dashing for the door. Just as she left Grimmauld place and started for the alley…
"Hey! Tonksie! Slow down," Charlie called behind her.
She sighed, slowing down. Tonks wanted to have a nice talk with Charlie but she didn't want to end up having to talking about their relationship together; that will never end well and she still wanted to be friends with Charlie.
"Wotcher!" Tonks exclaimed with false enthusiasm as he stood by her side.
"Why are you in such a hurry?" Charlie asked, beaming at her.
"Erm, papers," She reminded him as well as herself about her old excuse.
He nodded knowingly.
"What are you doing here? I thought you're staying at Grimmauld place for a while?" Tonks asked.
"Er…" Charlie hesitated, his eyes flickering between the pavement and her, "I needed to drop by home to get something,"
"Oh, ok," Tonks nodded, continue to walk towards the alley for apparition.
"Wait," She felt his hand touch her arm gently, stopping her, "No, I lied okay? I…I needed to talk to you."
Tonks closed her eyes, facing away from him as she cursed the upcoming talk. It couldn't be anything pleasant. She turned, already arranging her face to something she wished looked like curiosity.
"C-can we walk?" Charlie asked softly. Tonks nodded, feeling bad all of a sudden when faced with his tortured expression.
She made it to the pavement and started walking. Tonks had never walked home from Grimmauld place before, she wished it was nearer.
"Tonks, I…" Charlie let out a long sigh, "I love you."
His voice was thick with emotion but Tonks forced her legs to keep walking as she smiled at him warmly, "I love you too mate," She hoped her tone screamed friendship.
"No, Tonks, I mean, not in that way," Charlie struggled to keep his legs moving and form coherency with his mouth, "I can't stop thinking about you. I make mistakes, at work. I just had to come back to see you."
"What mistakes?" Tonks asked, as if that is relevant to anything. She could feel the roll of his eyes at her but she struggled not to look at him.
"That's not the problem. It's just-" He cut off abruptly.
"Charlie, don't you love your dragons?" Tonks demanded, finding her escape.
"Yes…" Charlie's voice trailed off and Tonks's heart took a leap in silent triumph. They walked silently to her house. Then he spoke after they made it about a reasonable distance, "I'm just not sure if I love dragons more than I love you anymore. Like I thought I do."
Tonks was never a tactful person. Her words of rejection had all psychologically damaged her crushes back in Hogwarts.
"I miss you," Charlie said, slipping his hand into hers. Tonks jumped, slipping her hand away before he could close his fingers around hers.
"Weasley," he winced as she used his last name, "I really just want to concentrate on my work right now."
"I know, and you've got the order, so there's a lot on your mind," Charlie rambled on almost frantically, "but…"
Tonks gulped.
"I just want you to let me love you, that's all I ask from you," Charlie's voice reduced to a whisper, "I'd have a reason to stay."
Tonks knew this had been Molly's wish all along, to make Charlie stay because of someone he loved. Before Tonks could formulate a response, her flat loomed ahead.
"Tonks?" Charlie murmured, his hand taking hers so suddenly that she didn't have time to pull away, "Give it a chance."
She sighed, seeing no threat in this offer. Tonks nodded eventually, "Alright, I'll give it try."
Charlie's face brightened up into an exhilarated smile. She'd never dreamt in her entire life she could make someone so happy. He pulled her into a hug and hesitantly, Tonks rested her head on his shoulder. When he let her go, Charlie still had that smile on.
"This is my flat." Tonks told him, realizing he didn't know.
"Oh, alright." Charlie smiled, "I'll see you tomorrow? At Grimmauld Place."
"Yeah, sure." Tonks forced a smile.
"Goodnight," He leaned in and Tonks forced herself to stand still. She felt Charlie's lips on her cheek, "I'll see you then." Tonks could feel his smile on her skin before he pulled away.
"Goodnight," Tonks's voice stuttered and Charlie grinned. She made her way up to her flat, throwing a tentative smile back at him as she disappeared behind the door.
As Tonks maneuvered into her messy flat, her head was spinning. She didn't know how to tell Charlie without letting him down so she gave him an empty promise, some hope. She had no idea if that was a good or a bad thing.
Then her doorbell rang, causing her to jump out of her skin.
"Charlie?" She muttered before dragging herself to the door. Tonks yanked the door open, surprised, "Lupin." She blinked.
Is this a sick joke?
"Remus," he corrected, his lips in a slight smile.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, a little too quickly. Merlin…His eyes are doing that magical thing again with the light…She groaned, how'd he do that? She demanded inwardly.
"You left your coat at Grimmauld place?" Lupin held up her coat in his hand.
"Oh," Tonks reached out and took it, standing there awkwardly.
"Thanks?" He arched an eyebrow.
"Erm, yeah, thanks."
Chuckling, he replied, "You're welcome, Nymphadora."
That did the trick to snap her out of admiring his eyes, "Don't call me that!" Tonks snapped frantically.
He laughed quietly, nodding, "Have a good night."
Tonks shut the door before he can even turn around, her heart palpating furiously in her chest.
"Damn Remus Lupin…" she muttered, tossing her coat on the already crammed couch. Tonks couldn't understand why can't he just call her Tonks? "Fine, two can play at that game." She sat down angrily by the window, already telling herself to never use his first name, till he gave in.
However, her heart skipped a beat as she spotted him walking into the streets, just emerging from her flat. Tonks growled as her mind flashed with the smile his eyes seemed to be capable of conveying. She angrily abandoned the window and headed for the bathe.
As she crawled into bed, Tonks started to arrange her thoughts.
Charlie Weasley is her friend and most definitely didn't make her heart sing, not in that way. On the other hand, this werewolf, Remus Lupin made her nervous, and angry.
Tonks sighed in frustration, burying her head in her pillows; she was most definitely not going to touch the stack of neglected documents tonight. Scrimgeour can have my arse for all I care…
To be continued…
A/N: Well, there you have it folks! Hope you liked it! Happy New Year to all my readers! Apologies about the title, I'm lacking a better title for this chapter! I'm open to any suggestions for the fun of it! ^^
Don't forget to leave a review for this chapter!
Many thanks to the reviewers of last chapter:
B0xing the stars: Thanks so much!
Divinia Serit: Thanks! Glad you loved the meeting with Sirius and the interactions! Hope these interactions with Remus didn't disappoint!
Teddy R. Lupin: Thanks so much! About what happened between Remus and Tonks…if you're meaning the conversation between them about Tonks's cracked skull. That one is shown at the earlier chapter where Tonks had an accident on training with Mad-Eye.
Jokegirl: Thanks! It'll be AU starting from next chapter and this chapter did have a little AU with Charlie.
Yreva13: Thanks so much!
Hope06: Thank you! Yes, some characters tend to be more intriguing and harder to get right!