Chapter 8

Absence

After what seemed like a terribly long blink, Sakura found herself watching different hues of green slide past her, like staring at a train rush by on the platform. Cool wind blasted her face every time the thing lurched her body upwards again. She tried to crane her neck around to make sense of everything, but her head throbbed and her throat burned. The last thing she remembered was feeling how her elbow hurt when she leaned her weight on it.

She descended, pink tresses lifting up from her forehead, and lurched up yet again, the rhythmic gust of air hitting her face repeatedly. Sakura tried to move.

"Stop it," the thing she was attached to grumbled, "You dislocated your elbow."

It sounded a lot like Neji. In fact, the gusts of wind actually felt a lot like hair, long, black, Huuga-styled hair. With that fact in mind, her head cleared up some. Her arms were wrapped clumsily around Neji's neck and she felt his sweaty palms grasped around her popliteals (the backs of knees), trying to keep her from falling off.

She tried to fasten her arms around him tighter and felt sharp pain around her right elbow. She couldn't feel her hand.

"Naruto," she croaked, trying to suppress the panic she felt when she realized her right hand was numb.

"Iwashi has him," was the response.

"Iwashi...?" she murmured to herself groggily, "Pointy-Beard?"

Sakura heard him smirk and say, "Yeah, but actually, he just shaved it a few days ago for a bet."

"Neji..." she said, trying to form the words together, "There's something real important...I..."

"Be quiet, don't stress yourself out. You look awful already as it is."

"No..." she struggled, "important...I gotta...tell..."

"Save it for later Sakura, we've got you and Naruto. There's nothing to worry about."

By the time he finished the sentence, Sakura was no longer listening. It was hard enough to stay awake as it was. There was something really important that she needed to remember, but she no longer could. She flickered in and out of consciousness throughout the run home.

Tenten had found them more than 200 miles from Konoha. Sakura could have sworn they were just a few metres away, but then again, her senses were hardly stable. Luckily, the dark-haired girl just happened to be returning to the village from a quick mission or else they never would have been discovered. Neji and Iwashi were there with her then, but Sakura couldn't remember anything except Naruto and Tenten until she woke up on Neji's back.

They carried Naruto and herself all the way back to the village, straight into the hospital. They were immediately hooked to different machineries that Sakura knew by heart. She watched as they wheeled him away from her as she was strapped helplessly onto her own bed. She blacked out after that.

Sakura woke up with a start, heart pounding and forehead beaded with sweat. She found herself staring at a black and white speckled ceiling with the buzzing of the lights as the only sound in the room. The first thing she noticed was how her throat still felt like sandpaper. At least her head stopped spinning. Sakura testily tilted her head to both sides, trying to yet again adjust to her settings. Her arm was strapped in a sling and she could barely feel her hand still. Didn't Neji say something about her shoulder?

It was disorienting to see through the eyes of a patient instead of a medic. She lied in bed and started to count in her head. One, two, Three Four...

There was something clawing at her, biting her, willing for her to remember.

Twenty three, twenty-four, twenty-five...

She stopped counting. Her mind wasn't in the right place, but nevertheless, she felt like she had to do something, go somewhere. With painfully slow movements, she tugged off the tube that connected her vein to the iv fluids irritatedly and tried not to wince from the pain. She slowly eased herself off the bed.

"Up you go," she said softly, "You can do this, Sakura."

Her knees were incredibly wobbly, but other than the constant stumbles and mini breaks she had to take, Sakura could move around. The jelly legs lead her to a surgical room where bodies came in and out like flies buzzing around a pile of apple cores. She wondered what was inside. She stayed to the walls and tried to get a closer look. Medic Sakura knew that she shouldn't go in, but Human Sakura kept on wandering. She shadowed a nurse too busy to notice and slipped in.

The lights were always so blindingly bright. The walls pristine and workers subdued. Sakura usually didn't go into ER very often, much less the emergency surgical rooms. Being a hot head herself, she liked to be out in the open and be able to dive in and patch up the problem, quick as a hare. She didn't like to be caved in, surrounded by numerous tools and complicated problems. She didn't like the feeling of having everything human kind could possibly come up with and still feel scared.

But nevertheless, she was still there, eyes clouded. The rhythmic beeps of the EKG soothed her like a lullaby to an infant. She stumbled closer and found herself peeking over the shoulders of the medics to find the bright bundle of blonde. They were hovering over Naruto's still body.

Then it all came back to her.

"Sakura-san! What are you doing here?! Who let you in?"

She looked up and tried to focus on the medic in front of her. Fear suddenly swept over her.

"You mustn't be here! God, you can't-"

"Kakashi!" Sakura gasped, grasping the medic's arm.

Several heads raised in alarm.

"I...Kakashi! He's...we..we have to go...my god..." she choked out, sobs erupting from her chest.

"What?" Said the confused women.

"He's going to die!" she screamed, eyes glassy, "Sasuke has him! Oh god..oh god...Sasuke...Sasuke, Sasuke-"

Sakura's whole body shook as she tightened her grasp onto the medic, convulsing and struggling for breath. 'Not this again,' she thought mentally before she violently clutched the front of her shirt, trying to wretch it away from her neck. It felt like it was shrinking, tightening its grip around her throat. She felt like her body was being squeezed, smaller and smaller. The medic stared in horror as Sakura keeled over. Animalistic wails escaped her throat and tears rushed uncontrollably out from her eyes.

"We have to go save..." she breathed desperately.

The ground jumped up from her feet and she dug her nails harder into the medic's arms to keep herself from falling down the black pit suddenly formed at her feet. Her arm slipped out of her sling and it suddenly caught on fire, the searing pain burning through her muscles. She tried to look up for help, but found eyes with masks edging closer to her. Her short rasps of air quickened and she cried like she did when she was 6.

"Sakura," someone cried worriedly.

The voice sounded like a death threat to her. The girl loosened her grip and willed herself to fall into the pit away from the masked monsters. She shrunk into the fetal position and tried to breathe.

"Someone get a paper bag! She is hyperventilating."

The masks and eyes scurried around her and someone stuffed something coarse against her mouth that smelled like recycled paper. She breathed through it, watching it scrunch up as she sucked in air.

"Kakashi," she tried again, before a fresh round of tears clotted her ability to speak.

"We know, Sakura, help was sent out for Kakashi."

Gentle hands reached out to her and after a weak struggle, she was powerless to them. She spasmed and twitched every now and then as they carried her back to her room, but it was passing. She lied there, curled on the bed, fingers tightly curled around her baggie. She squeezed her eyes shut.

A little less than two hours passed. Her breathing didn't return to her normal rate, but it slowed a little bit. A nurse, Makoto, came in and fiddled with her IV fluids bag, flicking the tube.

"Are you feeling better? You gave us quite a scare back there. Almost tore your elbow ligament again."

"Again?" she breathed.

"You came in with a dislocated elbow. Luckily you didn't break anything; it was just damaged muscles and ligaments so we didn't put you in a cast. Jump around like that again and your doctor just might do that."

She looked at her blotchy arm and sighed. No burn marks. It was never aflame. She felt like someone had held her head underwater only to find out that there was no one there beside her in the first place. She squeezed her eyes again and the image of Naruto on the surgical table popped up again.

"What's happening to Naruto?" she said, voice unsteady and muffled by the paper bag.

Makato pulled out a progressing lab report from a nearby machinery and said, "Sakura-san, you shouldn't worry about him. You already suffered enough yourself."

"What are they doing to Naruto?" she repeated obstinately.

The nurse gazed carefully at the data markings and wrote something down on a clipboard. Sakura felt a twinge of guilt to be a nuisance to her.

After another quick glance, Makato returned Sakura's glazed stare and shook her head in surrender. She pulled up a chair. She glanced at the clock.

"There is poison in Naruto. Beforehand, Tsunade and her team to take samples from him. They recognized the different elements, but it was just the compounds that simply did not make sense. Right now, the medics you saw in the OR are temporarily extracting the poison from him as Tsunade figures it out."

Sakura looked absolutely spent with her fuzzed up hair and tired eyes.

"Oh, don't look so sad dear. Soon, your whole team will be all patched up and okay."

"Makato-san?" she mumbled miserably, "Actually, we...we didn't...couldn't come back with the whole team. Sai..." she choked, "we lost Sai too. I don't-"

"Sai?" Makato said, "Oh right, I forgot to tell you. He's just fine, given his hand, but still, he is still better off than the rest of your platoon."

Stress renewed, Sakura's eyes flung open and she breathed heavily into the brown bag again. He's here?

"Wha-"

"Speak of the devil..." she murmured, staring out of the door.

"Ah-"

"Well," Makato said, taking Sakura's baggie away from her, "You seem to have calmed down. Press the button if you need me."

She smiled and left. Sakura struggled to sit upright, wondering what the nurse was talking about. She looked around the room, uninterested, and ran her left hand through her hair and rubbed her neck again. She rolled her shoulders as she processed the information the nurse gave her about Naruto and Sai. It feel strange to come back from a mission all by herself. Sure, she lost team members before, but never the whole team. But then Sai was here...or did she hear wrong? She rubbed more vigorously, only to sadden herself farther as she recalled Kakashi's earlier words.

'You're doing that again,' his past words echoed through her mind.

She was so hung up that she has even managed to create a little Kakashi in her mind. Great.

"You're doing that again," a voice said, irritatedly.

Sakura started. Little Kakashi sounded so real.

"Seriously, stop. It's getting on my nerves."

She focused her eyes to the source of the sound and realized it was never Kakashi's voice. It wasn't even a man's voice either. It was Ino. It was a cross faced Ino who was trying as hard as hell not to look distraught. Behind her was the rest of the gang she grew up with, with the odd touch of a birthday cap or confetti still sitting on someone's shoulder. They were scattered around her room.

"Sorry," Sakura barely got out before Ino gave her a quick squeeze and pushed her back again, sappy feelings all calmed down.

"You should be. What were you trying to do? Make your neck longer so it'll match your forehead?"

Forehead snorted loudly and was about to fire back a quick retort when a hand clasped on her shoulder. It was Lee and his two rows of pearly whites. His smile never ceased to amuse her. The party decided the girls had their space and closed in around Sakura.

"Sucks to for a medic to lose an arm, huh?"

"Sakura, I'm so sorry! I heard what happened to Naruto-kun..."

"Hey don't worry, the kid is too stubborn to die."

"Sakura."

She made a peculiar gurgle when the last voice spoke. It was Sai. All she could managed was a small, sighed, 'Oh.'

Sai stepped forward and genuinely smiled at her, a rare gift, and Sakura reached out to grasp his hand tightly. If her life was in animations, there'd be sparkles all around her. She realized just how much she missed him and his cold skin and coyness and pitiable longing for emotional contact. He squeezed her hand and his eyes looked excited to say something to her, but everyone tugged at her again and Sai disappeared into the back of the crowd again. The meeting was so, so brief. She had so much to say, but she didn't know how, with everyone around.

The condolences and questions were continued to be targeted at her and it got harder for her to breathe again. She wanted out.

"Glad to know you are feeling better."

Everyone looked over to see the incoming peach blonde. Her twin pig tails streamed behind her as she briskly marched into Sakura's room. Relief was blatant on Tsunade's face, but she resisted going up to her pupil and giving a big display of affection.

"Finally," Sakura began, eyes bright, "Okay so I've been thinking about the poison and I think if I-"

Tsunade's face narrowed down so suddenly Sakura stopped.

"Seriously, Sakura? You ran for miles, nonstop, carrying a 60 kg man on your back. You looked like a starving, half drowned cat and you only have one functional hand. Did you really think I'd let someone like you into my operating room?"

Tsunade leaned closer and hissed, "And with that little episode you threw in my OR? We are going to talk about that later. But for the operation, I don't think so. I doubt you can even keep your remaining hand steady."

Sakura couldn't utter a word. She needed to be there with him.

The Hokage turned to address the whole crew and said, "Don't let this girl out of your sight."

As an afterthought, she turned back to Sakura and muttered, "Seriously, get rest and maybe talk to Sai. Believe or not, he's been really torn up over you lot," and headed for Naruto's room.

"Be careful," she sighed after her, like a fretful, tired mother of a newborn.

As Sakura watched after Tsunade mournfully, Chouji handed her a cone-shaped, sparkly party hat from his pocket.

"too early to celebrate your welcome back party?," Ino grinned.

Sakura followed her pointed finger to the hastily boxed up liqueur and take-out food by their feet. She almost laughed.

Sakura woke up unhinged for the 3rd time that day. Her room was blanketed in a soft orange glow emitted by a few fat candles. Her window to the left showed nothing, but an eerie gibbous moon. She must've fallen asleep during Chouji's hospital party.

Sakura turned to her side and saw Sai in a nearby plastic chair, spreading the used confetti around with his foot. She didn't know what to say to him. It had always been eye rolls and snarky remarks. It was like making good with the brother that you always picked on and had fights with.

"Hey there," she said lamely.

It was the first thing that came to mind.

Sai looked up and ogled for a while before he responded, "Oh. You're awake."

"I am," she continued.

He cleared his throat eagerly, but before he could speak again, Tsunade marched in. She shot Sai a look and motioned her hand towards the door.

"With all due respect-" he began with a hint of frustration.

"I need to speak with my pupil. Go along and make someone else's life hard to stand. You two can chit-chat another time."

A frown was etched on his face, but he still bowed and left the room, looking disappointingly at Sakura.

Tsunade stood by the girl's bed and didn't know what to make of her. Sakura was a strong girl. No matter what leverage Kakashi may have had on her, Tsunade was sure she wouldn't break down so easily for that man. She decided to go right to the point.

"What happened in the OR today? As close you may be to Kakashi, I've never seen you have a breakdown for him before."

She paused. "They told me you kept on repeating Sasuke's name when you were in the OR."

Tsunade watched the girl's face carefully for any hint on how that affected her.

"What are you hiding from me, Sakura?"

She didn't respond for a long time. She played with the sheets of her bed and stared out the window behind Tsunade.

"Is Naruto awake?"

The Hokage turned away, frustrated, and briskly paced a circle before she returned to Sakura's bedside. The girl was just as stubborn as herself and she knew, oh she knew, how hard it'd be to get information out of her.

"Fine. Don't tell me. I'll figure it out myself. You have no idea how painfully obvious you've become to me. Every emotion you feel is blatant in your eyes to me. Every lie you tell, I will be able to see through it."

Tsunade leaned into her and stared point-blank into the girl's reluctant green ones, "We've spent enough time together for me to be able to read you."

Sakura snuggled more deeply into her blankets and her brows furrowed.

"Did you get the poison out?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me what I want to know," Tsunade replied keenly.

She stepped back and sat in the chair Sai was in just minutes ago. It was still warm. Sakura made a whiny noise, but she didn't utter anything else.

"I know you and Kakashi are hiding something. I was going to wait for a more civil situation to ask you in, but you had a breakdown, Sakura. I can't have someone so unstable work in your level of expertise; it is much too high of a risk."

"It's just a one time thing, out of exhaustion and dehydration and stuff. Maybe early PMS-ing."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Right."

They chewed over their own individual problems in solitude. Finally, Tsunade stood and stretched. She headed for the door and turned back once last time and said, "I'll give you some time, but you'll have to see me soon anyways to report the mission. Better you tell me yourself then for your secret to blow up in your face."

"Good night, Tsunade-sama," Sakura said quietly.

Two days later, when Sakura wasn't as strictly guarded, she decided to get out of bed. She had slept until the sun was already high in the sky. In hours, it was about 2 pm. The pinkette sat up and yawned, stretching out her sore muscles. She gurgled down some water from the plastic cup on her bedside table and swing her legs out of bed, testing them. Stiff, but steadier.

Sakura threw a blanket around her shoulders and tugged the pole hanging the iv fluids along. She was now sane enough to remember that the clear liquid was only helping her. Slowly, she made her way to the washroom and tried not to recoil when she saw her appearance. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her cheeks were sunken, lips incredibly chapped. Her skin looked dry and coarse and her hair was an artistic mess. Her arm was still hung limply around the sling. At least she lost some weight.

Careful not to draw attention, she walked out, trying to locate exactly where they put her. She was in the recovery wing. After two elevator stops, she quickly (for someone dragging along the iv fluids stand) sauntered down the hallway to the circular office in the middle of the floor. A cluster of nurses were inside, typing away on their computers. Sakura leaned on the desk and peered over to the nearest nurse.

"Where is Naruto? Can you give me his charts?"

"Excuse me?" she said confusedly.

She sighed and repeated through gritted teeth, "I said, where the hell did you guys put Naruto."

"ICU, Sakura-san, 4th bed to the right," someone else butted in.

Sakura recognized his olive eyes. He used to be a fellow intern with her.

"Do you know how-"

"Tsunade figured it out," he said, grinning, "Instead of creating a cure, she had the idea of tweaking the samples of the poison so that-"

"So he's alright?" she interrupted.

Exciting medical discoveries will have to wait for later.

"Somewhat. He's not in too much danger though, and that's saying a lot, seeing the state he was in when he came in. He hasn't woken up yet, though."

"Thanks," she said gratefully and he nodded.

Sakura quickly scampered on, reminding herself to properly thank Nobu some other time.

When the pinkette pulled away the curtain, Naruto just looked like he was asleep. His heart monitor blinked happy vitals and he didn't even need an oxygen mask. She sighed and leaned on the wall, holding tightly onto her iv pole. She flicked a stray piece of hair off his forehead and chuckled faintly when a little bit of drool escaped his mouth.

She hovered over him for some time before her legs started to get tired. She should go before people start noticing how long she has been there. He would never let it go if he found out that Sakura stared at his face for almost an hour.

She flicked his forehead and said, "Wake up soon. It's not fair for you to let me feel guilty about Kakashi alone. Don't be so selfish."

Sakura pulled the blanket around her shoulders tighter and walked out of the hospital wing. At the spur of the moment, she veered a sharp right, where the entrance was sure to be, instead of going back to her room. She needed air. Sure enough, she got a face full of midday breeze and...Sai.

"Hello," Sai said awkwardly, abruptly stepping backwards.

If it was anyone else, Sakura was sure to have smacked into them.

"Sai," Sakura said brightly, happy to see a familiar face, "Can you bring me outside?"

"Of course," he said, equally lightly.

They strolled amicably along the sidewalks paved around the hospital. After the old hospital was crushed, a new one was built. It mainly consisted of a short, stout, wooden building with the same character, 医, stamped above the front entrance. After the war, Sakura and a team of medics shed blood and sweat to beautify the hospital again. The walk with Sai reminded her once again how those budgeted months paid off.

He filled the silence with a one-sided conversation about their friends, about the soft deep, lulling voice was such a comfort to her right then. She had thought Sai was dead, but there he was, trying to make small talk, being his typical self. Sai lead them to the green slope that sat behind the hospital. The building blocked out the sunlight, but at least it was quiet and the grass was incredibly soft.

"Sit," she said gently, motioning the space beside her.

He walked beside her and was just about to lean down when Sakura pulled him into another hug. He stood absolutely still, bunglingly so. Sakura knew it was weird, but she couldn't resist. It was payback for giving her so many sleepless nights filled with nightmares of a bleeding Sai.

"Okay, I'm good," Sakura pulled back, business-like.

He sat, somewhat bemused.

"What happened to you? The last time I saw you, your guts were exploding all over my hands."

Sai looked dryly at her and said, "I don't know. I remember being cut and seeing your face that time. I remember being trapped in a box and transported to their hideout. I lost consciousness during that trip, but when I woke up again, my stomach still hurt, but it was stitched up."

He looked down at his hands, "It smelled terrible there, that I remember too."

"How did you end up back here? Why would they let you go?"

"I'm not sure. I was hit in the head and dropped just outside of Konoha. That's all I know."

"Did...you see your captors?"

He looked at Sakura and tried to read her as he said, "Some. I did see Sasuke-kun once, though."

She tried not to flinch.

"He just walked in and looked at me. Didn't say anything, just walked in, looked at me and then left."

"I'm sorry I let you go," Sakura said softly, touching his arm, "I don't know-"

"It is alright. You don't control your emotions. I hear that it can make you do stupid things."

She smiled at him and let go. That had to be the longest conversation outside of work they had in a long time.

He fiddled with his fingers and both were still at a loss for words, but it wasn't an uneasy silence. She looked at him.

'It's so easy to be around him,' she thought, surprised. He had already called her ugly so many times before that Sakura hadn't bothered to worry about her appearance since...forever, it seems.

"We found your little finger," she said, out of the blue.

Sai looked up, mystified and lifted up his four-fingered hand, "You mean this one?"

She laughed quietly and smiled, "Yeah, it was still in perfect condition when we found it. We brought it with us 'cause we thought you might've wanted to preserve it in a jar or something."

The corners of his mouth lifted and said, "That is very thoughtful of you, Sakura. May I see it?"

"Oh, it's in Kaka-" she broke off.

It was in Kakashi's pocket. Which was miles away. Alone. Probably dying.

Sai didn't pester her about it afterwards; he looked like he got the feeling that it was one of those things that you just don't prod at. He was getting very good at the feelings thing.

They sat there in silence for god knows how long. It was nice though; it was the sort of a comfortable silence that you could only share with people who didn't make you feel pressured to speak. They could still enjoy the playful breezes in a serene sort of solitude even after worrying their guts out about each other before.

"Oh!" she said suddenly, standing up.

Her head spun at the sudden movement.

"Oh..." she said again, dizzily this time.

"Sakura?"

"I had a present for you," Sakura murmured, rubbing her temple, "If only I knew where they put my clothes."

"Another present?" Sai responded, mildly amused.

Sakura could tell their was an excited little lad underneath that distant mask of his.

"Yeah, I had it in my pocket. It's this really nice pen...oh, you'll see when I show you. Come with me, I'll ask the nurses."

And so begun the adventures of Sai and Sakura. As her days past, they were constantly bromidic and dull. She was checked out of the hospital after three days, but was only given small, intern-worthy tasks at the hospital. She was once even given a D rank mission to 'role model for the younger generation,' as Tsunade putted it.

The mission report was the only somewhat nerve-wracking thing that happened to her so far. When Sakura explained how Kakashi misguided them on the goal of the mission, Tsunade was rather angry than shocked. She ran through the details of the mission and of the people she saw.

What she failed to mention was how long she was with Kakashi. She said briefly on how she met up with Kakashi shortly before they found Naruto. Then according to Tsunade, the long runs in the forests and warm nights in the motel ceased to exist.

In return for her elaborate account, Sakura was rewarded with the news that a platoon, Genma's, was sent out for him. Now, everyday since, she has been waiting for news of them. All the while they spoke, Tsunade constantly hinted back to Sakura's little 'accident' the day she was admitted into the hospital. Sakura didn't mention it once and quickly left before Tsunade could give it a second thought.

"Was there a lot of 'em?" a little girl's squealed, bringing her back to reality.

"Uh huh," another voice, probably a boy's, said cockily, "Hundreds! All real bad and mean."

She had promised Shikamaru that she'd go see Kurenai's child today at the preschool today. He confessed that he felt incredibly awkward around kids and hoped she could help. Sakura though, could tell it was a poorly executed plan to have her busy and focused on something else other than her pretty much comatose friend and missing comrade. It seemed like the whole village thought she was mentally insane. One short breakdown in public and you're branded for life. Combine that with her sad little sling she still had to wear, she was now officially Konoha's 'little stray cat.'

She was walking by the elementary school when she spotted the sources of the voices.

"Wow!" the little girl giggled excitedly, braids bouncing, "That's so cool! You so lucky you saw him!"

"Uh huh, I was the first one to spot him. I told everyone that he was here! He patted my head and said I was real good help. Uh huh," the boy smiled proudly and lifted his chin.

He crossed his arms and nodded sagely as the little brunette continued to gush over him, sashaying her orange dress as she blushed. Sakura smiled sadly at the couple as she passed by them. She use to be hung up on someone just like her. The pinkette shook her head vigorously, and rubbed her neck with one hand. She walked faster.

"I can't believe you and Kakashi-ouji are that close..." the little girl continued dreamily.

Sakura froze.

"Ouji?! He's no prince! I'm the-"

"Kakashi?" Sakura butted in urgently, "You saw Kakashi Hatake?"

The children stared at her, wide eyed, gaped mouth. She was leant over them enough to cast a shadow.

"Ummm...yeah, I was training outside of Konoha and then I saw him walking towards us so-"

She ran.