Chapter 14: Not okay

She was a fast learner but Voldemort wasn't patient enough to watch her learn. Her 'lessons' were becoming more of a do-it-on-the-first-try-or-suffer. Tonks was even beginning to miss Mad-Eye's lessons…

Impressive enough, none of Voldemort's lessons ruin her attire. It was creased from her writhing on the floor but other than that, it was not burnt and blood was never drawn. It was 'the power of Dark Arts' as the Dark Lord had claimed. Every spell she muttered, Tonks hated herself for that but her wand seemed to be reacting well to the change to the 'dark side'. If she did it right, the spell wouldn't come out as a whimper. Sometimes, even Voldemort looked particular impressed in his sick twisted smile.

Her clumsiness, to her surprise, had failed to reveal itself to the dark lord. She's pinned the possibility on the fact that she'd barely moved a single step for her trainings. Clearly, the dark lord only bothered about her skills with casting Dark arts.

Since her first lesson at the Dark Lord's personal 'great hall'—a sick joke on Hogwarts—Tonks had been given her own room. It was huge but she didn't see or feel the luxury. Now, she had Peter coming in every morning or night to update her on the schedule of the training if it was altered by some 'pressing matters'. Other than that, Tonks spent her days in her room. She didn't doubt that it would be locked, and probably even heavily guarded from exit by various Dark Arts.

Tonks didn't mind spending time in the room. In her days away from her cell, she realized Bellatrix too lodged in the very same mansion, it was infuriating but thankfully, Bellatrix seemed to have turned a blind eye to her presence at all.

She had been brought robes. All black and a little too royal for her taste; it had an air of the noble house of Black around it. Looking in the mirror, Tonks realized how much she actually fit in it. Her aunts didn't seem at all proud but rather disgusted with her attire. Tonks sat down on the bed rigidly, staring towards the door as she heard footsteps approaching.

"Peter?" She had gotten to address him by his first name and unnerving Pettigrew was quickly becoming a private joke of hers; take it as a revenge in a small way for his friends he betrayed.

"The Dark Lord wishes to see you," He squeaked.

Of course…what else?

She rose and strode out with her head held high. The Dark Lord liked it when she held herself high and proud, it reduced her suffering at least so it wasn't in vain.

"My Lord," Tonks bowed as she stood before Lord Voldemort, in his 'great hall' again.

"Please, do away with the formalities Nymphadora," Voldemort said and Tonks looked up to see that sick twisted smile on his face again. It was disturbing, "I have someone for you to meet,"

He gestured to the death eater stationed at the door.

Tonks began praying. Not Remus or Sirius or Mad-Eye or-

Her thoughts were cut off as a man, dressed in blue Auror robes, was dragged in by his shackled legs.

Tonks recognized him. Daniel Ruane. He was a few years her senior in the Auror Office and rarely interacted with her but they had at least greeted each other on a few occasion. Why is he here? What did Voldemort want with him?

The masked death eater dropped his grip on the man to let his shackled legs fall to the marble with a clank that reverberated around the hall. Voldemort waved again and his inner circle death eaters filed in.

"Daniel Ruane," Voldemort spoke. The man, crumpled in a heap, struggled to look up. Most of his body was covered in burns, gashes and bruises. It was painful to look so Tonks adjusted her gaze slightly over the side so she was staring at the reflection of the lights on the marble, just beside his face.

Ruane looked speechless as he looked up and a moment later, blood drained from his face and he just stared, "You…you-" His voice broke off, going off pitch.

"You- you" Voldemort imitated his stammering in a high pitched mockery. His death eater cackled with laughter.

Voldemort flicked his wand and his body curled up and he screamed his lungs out. Tonks felt chills going down her spine as she fought the urge to help.

"Nymphadora," Voldemort smirked, beckoning for her to come forward. She did as she was told. Ruane remained on the floor twitching for a couple of moments before his brain seemed to register the name. He looked up at her, his eyes flashed with recognition, shock, puzzlement then hope, "Ruane here, is a mudblood," He spat.

Tonks pressed her lips together, knowing what he wanted her to do.

"Being your fellow colleague, I think, you should have the honor of this cleansing ceremony," Voldemort inclined his chin, as if daring her to challenge him.

Tonks hesitated. What is he asking from her? She knew she couldn't get out of this without doing something. She remembered the spells to torture, the ones she'd learn from Lord Voldemort himself. But she also knew the killing curse. It would be a mercy, a small voice told her.

But it's wrong! Another protested, He's innocent!

There begin to be murmurs among the death eaters who were acting spectators, probably for her test rather than the 'cleansing ceremony'.

She had to do this…

Clenching her fist, Tonks looked towards Voldemort, tearing her eyes from Ruane, "Yes, my Lord. It would be my pleasure," She almost choked on her words before she abruptly cut off. Swiftly, Tonks whipped out her wand, walking towards the middle of the room where Ruane was still squirming on the ground.

"Tonks…" Ruane growled in whatever energy he could muster, "You traitor,"

Something in her snapped at that accusation. Tonks found herself muttering the spells, her wand seemingly moving on its own accord. Ruane's screams filled the room again. She held it for a full five seconds before dropping the spells, already feeling apologetic.

Suddenly, something clattered to Tonks's feet. She looked down to see a wand. Ruane too seemed to notice it. Tonks didn't know what to do. On one hand, Ruane is an Auror and her colleague. On the other, if she intentionally let him survive (not that she knew how), Voldemort would be furious and probably kill her. Even if he didn't, the Auror department would find out about her involvement with Voldemort and she could lose her job (if she hadn't already by being AWOL for so many days) and become a wanted fugitive.

Ruane acted, just as an Auror would and was trained to. He scrambled towards it frantically. As his hands wrapped around the wood, Tonks acted. She heard a crack as the soles of her boots stomped on Ruane's hand. He winced, but didn't cry out. In fury and using his superior strength, he yanked his hand away and Tonks let him. She glanced to see Voldemort watching with a sickened smirk. She had no doubt he had gave Ruane his wand on purpose.

He stumbled back, shooting a spell at her instantly. He looked like a pile of standing bones, clattered in rags that used to be his robes.

Tonks felt a twinge of pity for him but self-preservation came first. She quickly defended herself, conjuring a simple shield which deflected the spell into the wall. Tonks was surprised at how easy it was. Last she remembered, she was not a match for her Senior Aurors, especially one of Ruane's status and that spell didn't look weak at all.

Still caught in surprise, Tonks blocked multiple shots from the appalled Auror easily.

Suddenly, a jet of green light flew to her. The killing curse!

Tonks used what she learnt. Muttering the right incantations, she formed a black shield in front of her. It expanded and contracted like a bubble as the killing curse disappeared into it. Concentrating on what she'd learnt, Tonks thought the incantations for the killing curse.

Two jets of green light emerged from the black shield, heading for Ruane. His eyes widened and he dropped to his stomach. The two spells hit the wall, causing two dents.

"Dark Arts…" Ruane hissed. Many Death Eaters laughed. Tonks felt the power practically causing her hand to tremble in anticipation. She knew it was only the beginning of what she was taught and can do. This was why Dark Arts was forbidden. Its formidable power was seductive. Any practitioner would fall to its feet, begging for more power and using it in ways unimaginable.

Mad-Eye had given her the Dark Arts talk much like how Ted Tonks had given her the stranger talk. He'd warned her how dangerous it was and how difficult it was to stop. It was like a drug. He'd also told her, people strong enough could use it however they wanted but others used it for destruction, now Tonks knew why.

She couldn't stop the twisted exhilaration as she saw her stronger spells caused Ruane to practically scramble away so he could live.

Tonks could hear Voldemort laughing behind her. She flicked her wand swiftly; Mad-Eye's training kicking in. The spells shot ahead of Ruane as he ran. As Tonks wanted, the spell missed his face just by less than an inch but he stopped.

Instantly, she followed up with another. Confringo!

Ruane was blasted off his feet and into the wall behind him.

"Kill him," Voldemort hissed the order from behind her. Tonks glanced back. Everyone was watching her, even her wand seemed to be twitching in anticipation from the sheer power it knew it would unleash.

She knew the spell.

"Tonks," Ruane scrambled to a sitting position, wincing as his wounds tore. His eyes were pleading as she advanced on him, buying time for her head to think, "Tonks, don't."

Tonks strode forward, deliberately slow. To bystanders, she'd simply look like a torturing sadist. She couldn't do it. He-

"I have a wife, and a child!" He practically shrieked his plea.

That's what she could have, with…someone.

"Please! Don't kill me! My child is so young, he needs his father…"

"Do it," Behind her, she heard Voldemort hiss.

I can't…

Tonks stopped in front of Ruane, her jaw clenched. She could see the tears welling up in his eyes as he shrieked about his son.

I won't just be killing Ruane…I'll be killing his family too if I do this…

Suddenly, Tonks glimpse him raising his wand. Instantly, she did her own spell before he could do his.

Expeliarmus.

She heard several chuckles and one distinct cackle as she unleashed, not only not a spell of dark arts but a famous spell that people of the order used.

With Ruane's wand in her hand, she steadied her wand, pointing right between his eyes, "No…Please…" Ruane croaked, his whole body trembling.

I'm sorry…

"Avada Kedavra,"

Ruane's body fell forward, his eyes glazed as his face hit the floor.

Tonks closed her eyes, feeling the guilt seep in, burning her chest where her heart used to be. She hated herself for that. She'd never taken a life before, much less a fellow Auror's; an innocent life, one of a loyal husband and a faithful father.

"Well done,"

"Moony?" Sirius snapped.

"What?" Remus replied wearily.

"You look like shit," He shrugged, leaning a little too far back in his chair, a bottle of fire whiskey in his hands.

The order meeting had just ended. Everyone, not in the mood for meals, left instantly. There were a lot of death eaters' sightings but the most prominent news was about Tonks.

Coming from Snape, Remus could practically taste the bitter bile on his tongue.

They were torturing her…

It made him furious that no one would see that. Everyone saw what was in front of them; Nymphadora Tonks had just murdered a Muggle-born Auror in cold blood.

Questions with such meaning turned up: what if Tonks had truly turned to You-know-who?

Sirius had jumped up at that, yelling again. Remus blamed it on the extra bottle of fire whiskey he consumed these days.

Kingsley had been faithfully covering up for Tonks at the Auror Office. Dumbledore did that in the Order Meetings against the members of the order but the cold truth stabbed everyone like a knife despite Dumbledore's assurance that the murder was regretfully necessary for Tonks's infiltration.

Snape had agreed to that but no one believed that. Everyone still bore skeptical looks as they walked out of the kitchen.

Remus, on the other hand, didn't know what to say. In rational, there was a possibility Tonks had lost her senses but in his heart, he knew Nymphadora and she was not a traitor. He found himself fighting the urge to get her out of that horrid place. Remus heard the unsaid messages in Snape's reports which now circulate around Nymphadora.

She was suffering there.

Remus almost had a panic attack when he heard she was blind upon arrival. Snape's assurance that it would be temporary sank to that back of his mind and so did Dumbledore's request for Snape's assistance in that matter didn't lessen his urge to do foil the mission. Every day his heart convulsed and stuttered in fear for her.

Then news came that she had regain her sight but Voldemort had unexpectedly began to train her in Dark Arts. Mad-eye fumed at that but said no more, probably knowing it would be futile to object to that.

The full moon came and went during this time, Remus forgot when but had been diligently taking his wolfsbane which Sirius had sponsored in return for Remus doing the chores in the house when Molly's absent; it was the only way Remus was willing to take something from Sirius.

Remus rushed up to the attic as his bones throbbed, warning him of the imminent change while he was busy thinking in the library. The rest was blurred, the next morning having been pelted by curses from Sirius of a bad night due to a certain wolf mournful howls.

Remus missed her. She was not difficult to miss. Nymphadora (Merlin-forbids he call her Tonks) was lively, funny, adorable even… she made him happy. It was easy to forget what he was around her; something that is a danger for her.

"I'm hungry," Sirius hinted, breaking his train of thoughts.

"And?" Remus leaned back in his chair, not breaking his gaze on the table.

"What do you mean 'and'?" Sirius demanded.

"Later," Remus brushed him off, not in the mood to cook but Sirius didn't seem to be in the mood to remain hungry. Sighing, Remus tossed him a packet of unopened chocolate. It was Nymphadora's favorite and quickly becoming his. Remus bought 2 one day, one for him and one for her, only remembering she wasn't here to eat it after he'd made the purchase and was thinking how to give it to her. He'd either eaten it or gave it away.

"You've changed the chocolate you ate," Sirius pointed out as he munched. Remus sighed, wishing Sirius hadn't notice.

"People change," Remus replied.

"Or only Nymphadora,"

"She'll smack you for that," Remus felt a small smile on his lips as he said that. Then his mind registered what Sirius said, "What?"

"Either you're a very lonely and nostalgic wolf or you're in love with her," Sirius shrugged.

"It's neither," Remus said, deadpanned. He was good at this and that made Sirius annoyed.

"Make that a wolf in denial,"

"Enough, Padfoot,"

"Remus, you've got to start growing a backbone when it comes to woman,"

Remus lunged, snatching the half eaten chocolate from Sirius.

"Oi!" Sirius barked, attempting to get it back but Remus swiftly vanished it. Before Sirius could say anything more, Remus left the kitchen and headed upstairs. He really didn't need to deal with that right now. Sitting in the library without a book with him, Remus sat staring at the fire, nibbling at a fresh bar of the same chocolate.

Sirius is wrong. I just missed her, that's all. Who wouldn't?

Tonks still had the sores from the torture from Bellatrix but she was aware of her sudden rise in position after the death of Ruane.

She was now attending every meeting, especially the one where only all the Death Eaters of the inner circle could attend. Mostly, Tonks was hushed about her opinion, only offering it when asked. Sometimes, she amused the rest, sometimes she impressed them and others, she angered them.

It was so difficult to act. Now Tonks understood why Snape always kept a neutral face.

Voldemort had sessions arranged where he would secretly invade her mind and Tonks would feed him information, pretending she wasn't aware she was being invaded. Other time with the Dark Lord was spent training her skills in Dark Arts; this in particular made her Aunt jealous to no end.

Also, Tonks had participated in various tortures down in the dungeon. The Dark Lord's pleasure attained from this in particular didn't escape her notice. Voldemort had very deliberately highlighted her talent in that aspect, which he pointed out that it could've been inherited from Bellatrix herself; to which, both witches scowled and hissed.

Tonks didn't understand it one bit. Besides the fact that Tonks was a metamorphagus and all those things about her Black bloodline, she was also a half blood. Voldemort was famous for his preference of pure blood witches and wizards. She didn't ask though, knowing she could be reminding him of the fact about her that he hated most. Her curiosity wasn't worth a cruciatus curse moment.

Today, she was due to attend another meeting.

Tonks left her room, shutting the door behind her with her wand. In her time here, Tonks begin to find the need to do things with her wand, it gave her an excuse to keep it in her hand and also accentuate her 'pride' to be a witch.

She entered the room they used for meetings. It consists of a long table with made chairs of high backing. Generally, the whole room screams luxury. Tonks walked pass Nagini, the Dark Lord's personal pet, and sat down beside a masked Death Eater. As he vanished it, she realized it was Yaxley. She recognized him from the wanted posters they printed in the Auror Office.

All the most trusted Death Eaters were all there; including Snape. Most of them were still evidently uncomfortable with her presence; the fact that she still hadn't had the Dark Mark didn't miss their notice.

Tonks listened to the Dark Lord's plan about what to do with Harry. Then the topic shifted to the next plans.

"Nymphadora," Voldemort turned to her, "I would like you to keep surveillance on the Order and our dear Aurors for me,"

Tonks nodded rigidly. This was a fine line she'll be treading on from now on.

It was evident that either Voldemort hadn't trust her yet or he was testing her and sending her to die.

"Bellatrix, I would like you to help Nymphadora master the arts of Occlumency,"

Tonks didn't miss the hiss of protests from her Aunt.

"Yes, my Lord," Bellatrix said despite her objections.

"In your mission, you'll take residence at Spinner's End," Voldemort continued, "Severus would see to the arrangements."

"Yes, my lord," Both Snape and Tonks bowed their heads.

The rest of the meeting was uninteresting to Tonks. It was thick with Voldemort's sick obsession with unnerving his Death Eaters.

The meeting was soon over and Tonks found herself walking the halls with Snape.

"I assume you know your way," Snape said curtly.

"Regrettably," Tonks replied. She's been there once on an Auror mission.

Snape didn't reply as he left the halls, cutting down the stairs.

Tonks went back to her room, packing with her wand. There wasn't much she had with her. So far, this was going too well. She'll be working as spy of the order now but living with Snape. If this goes well, Tonks could return to work and resume her normal life before she was chosen by Voldemort.

She packed everything in a small rucksack, it wasn't worth using the trunk she was provided. She pulled her travelling cloak, again provided for her, over her shoulders.

Tonks left the mansion the way she saw everyone did. The death eaters at the gate stared at her. Her hair was black and long so definitely not eye catching but news of Tonks's joining Voldemort's inner circle spread like wildfire. She was delightfully pleased to hear that the fact that she can take any form unnerved the Death Eaters.

She wasn't faltered by their stares, in fact she strode pass them with her head held high, apparating away once she was out of the anti-apparition wards.

Spinner's end wasn't the most cheerful neighborhood. Everything is black… Tonks was already sick of the color by now.

She knew which house was Snape's, it wasn't difficult. She knocked, pulling the hood of her travelling cloak over her head, concealing as much of her face as she could. The door opened with Snape standing in the doorway. He regarded her very shortly before letting her in.

The house was dodgy and dark. Tonks was surprised there even was a couch.

"Your room," Snape walked to the stairs and started up.

"I won't be staying here permanently." Tonks reminded, following him.

"Of course not," Tonks could hear the sneer in his voice, "only when absolutely necessary,"

She rolled her eyes as he led her into a musty smelling room. It was considerably small but not exactly filthy. She suspected Snape made a point to clean up before she came. There was a bed at the corner of the room, by the window. An empty shelf and a wardrobe at the other side. Basically, all the furniture she needed was there.

"Thanks…" She muttered as she entered. Behind her, she heard Snape close the door and left, giving her the privacy she wanted. Tonks slumped down on the bed, the soft mattress sinking down with her weight. She wondered when the next order meeting was and if it would be safe for her to head to Grimmauld place now, with her re-founded freedom.

She began unpacking the clothes she was given, all black or green, and stowed them away into the wardrobe, after all, she'll only be wearing those when she needed to meet any death eaters formally, and it was only right for her to resume her normal wardrobe with the Order Members and her family.

Tonks took out her wand, "I'm fine and safe now. At Snivelly's house. Expecto Patronum," The beautiful ferret emerged from the tip of her wand and cocked its head before bounding off and disappearing into the wall. She figured, Remus would want to know.

After she'd unpack, Tonks decide to explore the house. She wouldn't want to get lost in Snape's house, that's for sure; it was just too embarrassing.

His house was old. The stairs creaked and there were signs of neglect everywhere. The dust collected at the top of the portrait, the wilted plant. She approached the stairs, heading up. There were several rooms she passed but didn't dare barging in, in case Snape was in any of them. Instead, she climbed all the way up.

Tonks found herself in the attic. It was just like the rest of the house, except it looks like no one has been in here for years. Dust had even gathered on the floor, with Tonks leaving footprints among the undisturbed attic. Boxes piled up in the corner. Then her eyes glimpse green.

Curious, Tonks approached the pile of boxes. A green fabric which had caught her eyes was peeking out from the seal of the box. She plucked out her wand and started shifting the boxes so she had access to that particular box. Tonks undid the magical seal easily.

Inside, as expected, was bigger than it looked. Articles of clothing, folded and stacked up at a corner, there were jewellery, books and some photo frames. Tonks reached for the book, coughing as dust flew up to her face. She flipped it open, sitting down on the dusty floor, not bothering if it ruined her black robe.

It was a photo album. There were many pictures that were mainly circled around one woman. She wasn't exactly beautiful. She was thin and sullen looking. Tonks got to the back of the book. It was signed: Eileen Prince.

Tonks slammed the heavy book shut and picked up a photo frame. In it was a mini version of Severus Snape and the woman: Eileen Prince. She had her hand on Snape's shoulder, both looking sullen.

Guess it's in the family, Tonks mused.

She got bored with this box and began looking through the others. She knew this was probably rude but it wasn't in Tonks's nature to stop and consider it.

The other box was filled with papers and more books. She picked one up and opened the already torn open envelope. Pulling out the parchment inside, Tonks realised it's a letter. The hand writing was long and slender, a girl's. She glimpsed the name. Lily. Isn't that Harry's mother?

"What are you doing in here?"

Tonks turned from her position on the floor. Snape was practically livid with anger in the doorway of the attic. His hands were balled into fists and were shaking, his face was paler and his lips pressed into an angry thin line.

"Nothing, I'm exploring," Tonks shrugged, putting the letter back in the envelope and then stowing it back into the box.

"Get out," He hissed, noticing the letter.

Tonks rolled her eyes, waving her wand and placing the boxes back into their original place, minus some dust, and walked to the door. She stood in front of him, staring as Snape barricade the door with his arm.

"You will not wander up here again," Snape said, his black eyes glaring.

"I'll try," Tonks sneered, it was never in her nature to take orders, "I'm wondering if you want to keep your hand," Her wand twitched threateningly in her hand.

Snape glared, "Now I'm entertaining the idea of having you brought to the Lestrange mansion for a stay,"

Tonks herself was not an angel by now, she was fuming with the threat, "Go ahead," She seethed.

Their eyes locked and glared for a moment before a knock was heard downstairs. They both stiffened but unwilling to break the eye contact. Then Tonks looked away and Snape removed his arm from blocking her way. He spun around and went downstairs to the door, Tonks followed close behind.

Secretly, Tonks's heart pounded at the fact that it could be Remus, since she'd inform him earlier via patronus. Snape opened the door a crack and talked. Tonks couldn't make out what he said from the distance she stood from the door. She tapped her toes impatiently.

Finally Snape opened the door wider.

Mad-Eye stepped in, clad heavily in his travelling cloak, the sound of his walking stick colliding with the wooden floor reverberating around the house

"Mad-Eye!" Tonks blurted, rooted to the spot all of a sudden. Mad-Eye looked the same, but a little more surlier if it was even possible, his magical eye surveying her critically. She bounded forward, throwing her arms around Mad-eye's neck. She felt him stiffen, probably going against all his life morals by patting her on her back; a small gesture to return the hug.

"Anything to tell me lass?" His deep voice rumbled into her ear. Tonks hid a smile as he attempted to come out of his all business facade.

"Yeah, I miss you," Tonks said thickly, feeling the tears coming. She retreated, forcing her tears back as Mad-Eye trained both eyes on her.

Then Mad-Eye turned his magical eye towards Snape, his normal one still on her, "Dumbledore's calling for a meeting, tomorrow afternoon,"

"Then it's nice of you to grace us with your presence just for such news," Snape replied.

Mad-Eye stared, "Nymphadora will be staying at Grimmauld Place for tonight, if your dark lord don't mind,"

It was the first time Mad-Eye have ever sounded anything close to sarcasm, he was normally to the point and direct. For a first time, it worked quite well.

Snape narrowed his eyes and raised his brows, shrugging. And for once, Tonks didn't object to Mad-Eye making the decision for her. At this particular moment, she wanted nothing more than to return to Grimmauld Place. She missed everyone there.

"Come on," Tonks turned, not bothering to go upstairs to gather her belongings, Sirius would probably be so happy he'll provide for everything. She followed Mad-Eye out of the house. For a moment, Tonks felt a pang of guilt. After all, Snape had helped her these days; but his cynical attitude didn't help her express her gratefulness.

"Where to?" Tonks asked, to confirm, as Mad-Eye got ready to apparate.

"Grimmauld Place," he said the reply, evidently impatient with having to repeat himself. Tonks shrugged it away, too happy to bother that she'd disturbed Mad-Eye. They apparated and Tonks practically ran up to Headquarters. The old house had never looked more welcoming in her entire time here.

She reached for the door handle, practically throwing the door open in her excitement. The dark dingy corridor seemed all warm and welcoming. Tonks heard footsteps coming from the kitchen, which had its door closed. Feeling her anticipating filling to it's brim and her heart itching for the stuttering she'd used to dread; she threw the kitchen door open, idly registering the entrance of Mad-Eye through the front door.

"Cuz!" Tonks saw a blur before feeling the choke of a hug from Sirius Black.

"Wotcher!" She felt herself grin, despite the disappointment.

"You're thinner," Sirius examined her at arm's length, his face puckering exaggeratingly; an accusation.

"I'm fine," Tonks replied quickly, not in a mood to wallow in pity.

"What did that no-good Medusa do to you," Sirius narrowed her eyes.

"The normal," Tonks shrugged, unable to keep the grin contained.

"And stop grinning like you're the happiest person in the world, if you're a guy, I would've stripped you down and check for wounds myself," Sirius snapped, "Even if you aren't..." He waggled his brow suggestively.

Tonks slapped him across his cheek playfully and Sirius grinned.

"I am the happiest person in the world," Tonks smiled.

"You look good in black," Sirius said, suddenly serious, "beautiful,"

"Sirius..."

"I mean in the less offensive way possible," He said reassuringly.

Tonks smiled, "Thanks... where's-"

"Upstairs, full moon's tonight," Sirius fought her to it.

Tonks could've slapped herself. She'd completely forgotten!

"I'm going-"

"Oh no you bloody well don't. Moony wouldn't want you to see him like that," He held her by her shoulder, "he received your patronus by the way. He was over the moon, literally."

"Really?" Tonks asked, smiling shyly.

"Yeah, happiest I've seen in more than 15 years before a full moon that is,"

No, a warning from Sirius isn't going to stop her. All she needed with an excuse to get a new set of clothes upstairs and to Remus's room she was creeping to.

Tonks was extra careful. She remembered the time she was told by Remus that a few days before and after the full moon, his senses were the sharpest. Even a slight disturbance could set off the wolf in him. She didn't want that.

Creeping up the stairs successfully, Tonks stopped on the landing to listen for anything. It was so quiet she thought she could hear her own heartbeat. She held her breath and started to take a step after another. Her breath hitched in her throat as her toe caught on a loose floorboard.

Instinctually, she attempted to bring her other foot forward. However, it was a tad too late. She crashed to the ground. Downstairs, Tonks could hear Warbulga Black going off. She cringed to herself; to her clumsiness and to the dull thud to all her wounds.

At the mansion, she had rarely tripped, only doing it on her own feet sometimes on the smooth flat marble floor. The Grimmauld Place was apparently more hazardous for her.

Tonks cursed, her body aching in different places at the wounds she'd sustained. Just as she started to scramble to her feet, she felt an arm encircled her shoulder, another getting a good grip on her arm and hoisted her to her feet firmly but gently.

Her heart skipped two beats and started pounding in her chest too quickly.

"What are you doing up here?" His velvet voice sounded hoarse by her ear and a little too harsh than she remembered.

Tonks hid her cringe pretty well, "I wanted to see you," She looked up, meeting his eyes; which was a dull light blue at the moment. His whole face was so weary, Tonks thought he could collapse on the spot at the moment despite the fact that she could still feel his strong arms around her shoulders, "What?" Tonks asked, her voice coming out as a whisper as she looked into his eyes. She hastily cleared her throat, "Don't you want to see me?" She needed to keep herself talking before she become too mesmerized by his eyes to talk.

"You don't know how good it is, to see you," He smiled a genuine smile, the edges of his eyes crinkling just the way Tonks remembered and liked. She threw her arms around his neck, squeezing it firmly in her arms. She could hear him wincing but his arms wrapped around her waist nonetheless.

Tonks noticed more grey in his brown hair; somewhere in her chest came a pang of something akin to heart ache.

They pulled apart and Remus gentlemanly withdrew his touch on her. Tonks was more adamant with hers; her hands remained locked behind his neck.

"How's full moon been?" She asked casually, reluctantly removing her touch on him as he walked; or rather staggered, into his room. Tonks followed him.

Remus shrugged and Tonks could see that it took all his strength to just do that. He sat onto his bed heavily.

"You're th-"

"thinner," Tonks interrupted, finishing for him, "it tend to happen, there," She forced a smile and if Remus looked sickly, lost and tired earlier, he looked as though he could collapse into a heap and cry now.

She took a step forth, throwing her arms around him for a second time today. It wasn't like she minded the extra hug. In fact, Tonks felt she deserved them after so many days with the almighty Lord Voldemort and his minions, who were less than gentle with her.

"Tonks, no," His voice said, rigid into her ear, "not too close,"

She was hurt but apologetic that she'd caused him pain. Tonks withdrawn, "I'm sorry…I thought you needed a hug…"

"I do," Remus smiled weakly, "but not when-" He paused before continuing, "the creature is so close,"

"Remus…" Tonks murmured, standing in front of him, apparently still in his personal space as she glimpse his jaw clenching and his hands, balling into fists. She was looking at his fists lying on his lap when she saw the ropey scar, peeking out from under his long sleeved shirt. She lunged towards it, "What is that?" She demanded.

"Nothing," Remus's voice sounded strained as he attempted to hide it but she was already gripping his hand firmly in both of hers.

She pushed back the cloth to reveal a long jagged ropey scar on the back of his hand, stretching from just after the wrist to the middle of his forearm.

"What happened?" Tonks's voice came out as a whimper as her fingers traced the scar, it looked half healed. Her eyes recognized a werewolf teeth mark when she saw it; after witnessing quite a number of them on werewolves' victims, "Tell me!" She snapped.

Remus flinched just a slightly before he started explaining in a strained voice, "When we don't get something to eat…" He paused and Tonks gave him all the time he needed, "we find something else to chew on," Remus finished in his casual tone, as if talking about the weather.

"Remus!" Tonks gasped, appalled.

"I'm fine," He muttered, extracting his hand from hers gently.

"No, you're not," This time, she sat down beside him, enveloping his waist in her arms this time, pressing the side of her face near his chest.

"Neither are you," His voice rumbled deep in his chest as he spoke. His fingers trailed a healed scar behind her ear. Tonks wasn't aware when she'd gotten it, though she suspected it was from the time she crashed and positively shattered a wooden table into splinters.

"Remus, I…" She started but couldn't find her strength to end it, instead, she continued into another category altogether, "have you taken your wolfsbane?"

There was a momentary silence before he replied, "Yes,"

"Good," She buried her face into his chest, no, you liar…you haven't…

To be continued.

A/N: I'm alive! Sorry for the long delay! I have been out-of-this-world-ly busy with school! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! And I apologise in advance if any mistakes is particularly glaring and annoying, I really rushed this chapter up for you guys whom I hope are still waiting for this!Sidenote: Yes, we finally got a lovely Remus-pov! I hope you enjoyed it! I definitely loved writing the in-denial Remus.

Thank you to those who read and reviewed last chapter!

Nyxborn: Well, I think the answer to what color is Tonks's wearing her hair is in this chapter; black. And yeah, it's only right for her to be in her true form, I think. Afterall, this is an infiltration by her. Andromeda's reaction will not really be addressed till a later time Thanks!

SpencerReidFan89: Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it!

Hope06: Keep reading :p Thanks for reviewing!

Remuslover101: Glad you love it! Thanks!

Justme667: I'm assuming you love cliffhanger Thanks for the review!

LadyOblivious: Yes, it was Glad you hung on to the end! Thank you!

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