"If I hear any singing whatsoever," Mike said as the Monkees boarded the last train to Clarksville, "I swear, I'm going to throw a tantrum like a two year old. This day has been nothing but disastrous, and all I want to do is find our seats and take a nap. Got it?"
"Got it!" The Monkees all agreed.
"Gee, I hope we don't run into any gang members on this train," Micky said as the four musicians jostled past all of the passengers boarding the train.
"Oh, excuse me, miss," Peter said after bumping into an elegant lady in a pretty black coat and hat.
"Oh, that's alright," she said quietly, smiling at him before continuing down the aisle.
Peter glanced back at her. "I wonder what's wrong," he said.
"What do you mean?" Davy asked.
Peter shrugged. "She just seemed so sad," he said. "I wish we could help her."
"There's probably nothing we could have done anyway, Peter," Mike said. "Don't worry about it."
"Yeah, you're probably right," Peter said with a sigh. "Let's just go find our seats, like you said."
They found their seats soon enough, and despite the uncomfortable chairs and the noisy car, Mike fell asleep almost immediately, as did Micky, who promptly began snoring.
"What do you know, he does snore," Davy said as he settled down in his seat. "It's a wonder too, I'll never be able to sleep in such a hard seat."
"Yeah, they're not exactly comfortable," agreed Peter, who had gotten a seat directly in front of a small boy, who was entertaining himself by kicking the back of Peter's chair.
Everything got quiet after the train started moving, however. The small boy fell asleep in his chair, most of the passengers either slept or read or other quiet things. The train jostled every now and again, but for the most part, the ride was smooth and quiet. After about a half hour, Micky woke up.
"Huh, wha' happened?" He slurred, looking around bleary-eyed at the quiet car.
"It got too quiet, I guess," Peter said. "It woke you up."
"Which doesn't even make any sense, by the way," Davy said.
Micky yawned, ignoring Davy's comment. "Hey, let's go exploring," he said.
"Exploring!?" Davy exclaimed quietly. "Why? It's night time!"
"Yeah, but I can't sleep now," Micky said. "I just had a nap, now I'm wide awake!"
"But wait," Peter said. "Don't you remember what happened the last time you went exploring?"
"Oh, that won't happen again," Micky said. "We don't have any information on a gang with us. Nobody's looking for us this time."
Davy sighed. "Oh, alright," he said. "Not like I'd get any sleep around here anyway."
With that, the three of them got up quietly, so as not to wake up Mike, and crept down the aisle to explore the rest of the train.
Of course, exploring a train at night was a lot different than during the day. Most people were asleep, so they couldn't strike up any conversations. The three Monkees walked the length of the train without running into anything particularly interesting, and then they began their return trip.
"Well, that was a waste of time," Davy said as they walked through one car. "Nothing happened at all."
"I thought you didn't want anything to happen," Peter said with a confused frown.
Davy glanced at him. "Well, I don't want anything bad to happen," he clarified. "I wouldn't mind if anything interesting happened. Beats sitting around doing nothing."
Just then the door to the next car burst open and the lady that Peter had bumped into earlier came rushing into the car.
"Oh," she said in a panicked whisper when she saw them. "You never saw me! I didn't come this way, got it!?"
With that, she ducked behind a row of chairs about halfway up the aisle.
"How about that?" Micky asked Davy. "Interesting enough for you?"
"Something tells me this is going to classify in the 'bad' category," Davy said.
The door opened again and three men came into the room. "Hey!" One of them said, spotting the three musicians. "You there! Did a woman come through this car just now? Wearing a black dress and hat, brown curly hair?"
"Nope, didn't see her!" Micky said as Peter and Davy shook their heads. "Maybe she was in the last car, and you missed her?"
"Hmph, maybe," the man said. "If you see her, let me know, got it?"
"Yeah, sure thing," Micky said. "I'll come find you and let you know."
"Heh. Smart kid," the man said. "Come on, guys. Let's go double check the last car."
The three men left the car and Peter turned to the rest of the car. "Okay, they're gone," he said. The lady stood up and breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank you," she said. "I don't know what they would have done if they'd found me."
"What did they want with you, anyway?" Davy asked.
The lady hesitated. "Well..." she said. "To be completely honest with you, they're after me because of this."
Reaching into her black clutch purse, she pulled out a golden ring with a huge diamond set in the middle.
"Wow, would you look at that!" Micky said, his eyes wide.
"That's the biggest diamond I think I've ever seen!" Davy exclaimed.
"Where'd you get it?" Peter asked. "It's not... it's not stolen, is it?"
The lady laughed. "Not exactly," she said. "Well, not by me, anyway."
"It's stolen!?" Micky exclaimed.
"Shh," the lady exclaimed, glancing at all the sleeping passengers. "I didn't know it was stolen when I accepted it. Although, I should have guessed, knowing the man who gave it to me."
"Who gave it to you?" Davy asked.
The lady sighed. "Johnny Brewster. He's my fiancee."
"So, Johnny stole this ring and gave it to you?" Peter asked. "That wasn't very nice."
"Oh, he can't help it," the lady said. "It's his job."
"You mean Johnny Brewster is a thief!?" Micky whispered excitedly.
"Worse," the lady said. "He's a Good Guy."
"Now, this is why we shouldn't have gone exploring," Davy said.
"And I'm a member of the Black Rose gang," the lady continued. "Katie the Killer at your service."
"Katie the Killer!?" Micky yelped. "Don't kill us, please!"
Katie the Killer laughed. "Don't worry," she said. "I'm not a real killer. That's just my handle. I kill with my charm and good looks. But I don't want to be Katie the Killer anymore. I want to go back to being plain old Kate Harper, and I want to marry Johnny Brewster. But they don't let you out of the Black Rose gang that easily."
"Oh, so those guys were after you because you want to leave your gang?" Peter asked.
"Oh, no," Kate said with a laugh. "Those men are Good Guys, and they were after me because they think I stole from them. You see, Johnny's a Good Guy, and this diamond ring is from the loot his group stole from a house in Sand Springs. Johnny took it to give to me, as an engagement ring, but he didn't know that his boss, Stevie Garcia, had the jewelry counted. He noticed the ring was missing, and he confronted Johnny. Johnny had no choice, he told Stevie that I'd stolen the ring."
"Some boyfriend," Micky said with a scoff.
"Oh, it's not his fault," Kate said. "You see, Stevie already suspects us. If he ever found out that Johnny was seeing me, he'd kill him!"
"Well," Peter started, but Davy nudged him. They couldn't spill the Good Guys secret about faking their deaths. Not that they wanted the gang to be successful, but they didn't want the Black Rose Gang to be successful either, and if they told Kate the Good Guys secret, the Black Rose Gang would have the edge.
"So those guys are after you because Stevie thinks you stole the ring from his stolen loot?" Davy asked.
"Yes, that's right," Kate said. "Johnny is trying to stall him until we reach Clarksville. Once we get there, we can shake the rest of his branch. Johnny's going to sell the rest of his portion, and then we're going to run away together to Paris, where we'll marry and live out the rest of our lives as unsuccessful artists, but we'll have enough money from our days as thieves to live out our lives comfortably."
"Well, that sounds nice," Peter said. "Good luck!"
Kate smiled. "Thank you for hiding me," she said. "I'd give you a reward, but something tells me you wouldn't want any of my money."
"Yeah, you got that right," Micky said. "Thanks anyway, but we just want to get back to our seats without getting involved in another gang war."
"Another?" Kate asked. "You've been in one before?"
"Yesterday, in fact," Micky said. "We got caught up in an interception thing between-"
Davy elbowed him, glancing at Kate. It also wouldn't do for her to know that they had helped the Good Guys deliver an envelope full of information on her gang to the California police.
"Well, the point is, we don't want to get involved," Micky said. "Good luck with Paris, I hope you and Johnny are very happy together."
"Thank you boys," Kate said. "Good luck with not getting involved."
With that, the Monkees left the car.
They only made it past two cars, however, before they were stopped by one of the men who had been after Kate earlier.
"I need to talk to you boys," he whispered. "It's important!"
"Uh-uh," Davy said. "I'm sorry, but we're not involved. At all. So we'll just be going now..."
"Look, I didn't want to have to do this," the man said desperately, pulling a gun out and training it at the three of them. "But you leave me no choice. You're coming with me."
"Don't even try it," Davy said. "You're a Good Guy, Good Guys don't kill."
The man looked surprised. "You know that?" he said. "That's a gang secret!"
"Yeah, well, you're not the first Good Guy we've come across," Peter said.
"Well, in that case, you have to help me!" The man said. "I know that Kate Harper went into that car. So that means you were hiding her. I'm Agent Elderberry, my real name is Johnny Brewster, and she's my fiancee. Please tell me she's safe!"
Micky sighed. "Yeah, she's safe," he said. "But we really don't want to get involved, so we'll just be on our way."
"But you know about the gang secret," Johnny said. "That means you're already involved. You've got to help me. Stevie and Clint are suspicious of me, they're not going to let me out of their sight when we reach Clarksville. You've gotta help me break out of the gang!"
Micky let out a small moan. He looked over at Davy and Peter, who looked back at him. They all knew what they were going to do next.
"Fine," Micky said. "We'll help you break out of the gang."
"Thank you," Johnny said. "Thank you so much, first thing you have to do is take me to Kate."
Davy sighed. "Alright," he said reluctantly. "Let's go."
"Kate!" Johnny said in a whisper, running down the aisle towards Kate, who stood up and smiled as Johnny picked her up and spun her in a small circle.
"Johnny!" She said, laughing and then looking around. "What are you doing here?" She asked in a whisper. "Won't Stevie be suspicious?"
"Forget Stevie," Johnny said. "I've got some help from these three boys, they're going to help me break out of my gang. Then we can go to Paris and get married!"
"Oh, Johnny, I love you!" Kate said.
"Oh, Kate, I love you too!" Johnny said.
"Guys, not to interrupt," Davy said, stepping up to the couple. "But we need to decide how we're going to break you out of the gang, and we need to decide quickly!"
"Right," Johnny said. "Um, any suggestions?"
The Monkees all looked at each other.
"One thing I'd like to know," Micky said. "How did you two fall in love anyway, being in separate gangs and all?"
"Well, it all started at a jewel heist in Alabama," Johnny said. "She was supposed to come and pretend to be an Agent so she could pick up the ice."
"But I took one look at Johnny and fell in love," she said. "I could tell he wasn't happy being a gang member, so I took a chance and told him who I was."
"It didn't make any difference in the world to me," Johnny said. "She didn't want to be in the gang anymore either, so we made secret plans to see each other."
"We've been secretly dating for six months," Kate said. "But now, we can't get married, because if anybody from our two gangs found out, they would hunt us down and kill us both!"
"Boy, sounds like a real Romeo and Juliet story," Peter said.
"That's it!" Johnny said. "We've just gotta do what they did, and we can run away without having to worry about them tracking us down!"
"But, Romeo and Juliet both died!" Micky said.
"Exactly!" Johnny said. "We've got to fake our own deaths! Then we can go to Paris and we'll never have to worry about being followed!"
"Oh, Johnny, that's a great idea!" Kate said. "But...how are we going to do that?"
"Oh, it's easy," Johnny said. "I've already done it twice. It'll be harder to fake your death, however. You see, the Good Guys Gang doesn't kill anybody."
"Really!?" Kate asked in surprise. "But, I've seen it in the newspapers, they kill all the time!"
"No, see, it's always faked," Johnny said. "I've got the equipment to do it here on the train, so it'll be easy to make it look like you shot me. But I don't know what to do about you, because my gang will never believe that I shot anybody, so they'd be suspicious about the whole thing."
"Well, then what are we going to do?" Kate asked.
"Hey, wait a minute," Micky said. "I've seen this on tons of movies! We've gotta make it look like you committed suicide."
"Suicide!?" Kate said. "How would I do that!?"
"Well, we go to a car filled with lots of people, for witnesses," Micky said. "You pretend to confront Johnny about the diamond, and then he'll say that he's really a member of the Good Guys Gang, and that he was just using you to get information on your gang. You get mad, you cry a little, say he betrayed your trust and love or something, and then you shoot him, and then you shoot yourself. You both die in front of the witnesses, and then you hide until you get to Clarksville! It's foolproof!"
"I wouldn't exactly say foolproof," Davy said, but Johnny and Kate seemed to like the idea.
"Let's do it," Johnny said. "I'll go get the equipment."
"Boy, I hope this works," Micky said nervously as he, Davy and Peter sat in some of the available chairs in one of the cars.
"Relax, Micky," Davy said. "We're supposed to be calm until they come in."
At that moment, Johnny and Kate entered the cars from two different sides, Kate holding one of Johnny's fake guns, which had been emptied of it's water supply.
"OH NO, THAT WOMAN'S GOT A GUN!" Micky yelled, waking up several of the sleeping passengers, who started screaming.
"Be quiet!" Kate said emotionally, fake tears running down her face. "All of you, quiet down!"
The passengers quieted down, and Kate began her performance.
"Johnny, how could you!?" She demanded. "I thought you loved me!"
"I'm sorry, Kate," Johnny said dramatically. "But I'm not who you thought I was. I work for..."
He looked up into the distance. "The Good Guys Gang!" He announced. Kate let out a sob and the rest of the passengers gasped.
"Well, I'm a member of the Black Rose Gang!" Kate announced to several more gasps from the passengers.
"I know," Johnny said, turning to her. "That's why I got close to you. I've been using you, Kate, to spy on your gang!"
"You... you spy!" Kate yelled. "You liar! You don't love me! You never loved me!"
"I'm sorry, Kate," Johnny said, in a tone that was far from sorry. "I could never love a killer like you!"
Kate let out a small yell and pulled the trigger, causing a bang and a little bit of smoke. Johnny fell to the ground with a yell, pressing a small packet of red paste against his chest over his heart. The packet burst, causing the illusion of blood to stain his shirt and fingers.
"Yealgh!" Micky exclaimed. He knew it was fake, but it looked gross.
"I loved him," Kate sobbed, looking down at Johnny's "dead" body. "I don't care if he used me, I loved him!"
With that, she lifted the gun to her head and pulled the trigger a second time. There was another bang, but she didn't need to worry about fake blood, because her hat covered most of her head anyway.
Then the passengers started screaming for real, and some of them even fainted. Security guards came in and were shocked and startled by the two bodies on the floor.
"Is there a doctor in the car?" One of them asked. Now it was Peter's part.
"I'm a doctor," he said in a deep voice, standing up. He had dressed for the occasion, he had one of those headbands with a round mirror on it wrapped around his head, and he had a stethoscope hanging around his neck. He examined both bodies, and pronounced them dead.
Several of the passengers told their stories to the security guards, and the guards carried the bodies out of the car, as the stewards ushered the distraught passengers to other cars and promised refunds to those who demanded it.
Peter, Micky and Davy hung around for awhile, making sure to give their statements to the guards asking the questions, so that the story would be clear.
Finally, as they walked back towards their car, they heard a "Psst!" From an elderly couple sitting in two chairs in the back of a car. Walking up a little closer, they saw that the couple was Kate and Johnny, in disguise.
"Thanks, boys," Kate whispered, smiling from ear to ear. "We couldn't have done it without you."
"Yeah," Johnny said. "Hey, if you ever get to Paris, look us up. We'll be happy to show you around, maybe even give you a place to stay, if we have enough honest money. We know you don't like to use the rest."
"Hey, thanks," Davy whispered. "We were happy to help you break out of your gangs. Take care of yourselves, you hear?"
"Don't worry," Kate said. "We're off the map for real, now. No more crime, we can finally settle down and live like honest folk."
With a final goodbye, Davy, Micky and Peter all moved off towards their car, where Mike was still dead asleep in his seat. After the night they'd just had, it didn't take long for the three of them to fall asleep themselves.
"ALL OFF FOR CLARKSVILLE," The conductor called out, waking the four boys in the morning.
The four musicians gathered their things and went to the ticket booth to get tickets for another train.
"Well, that actually wasn't that bad," Mike said with a yawn while the ticket master got their tickets East. "I expected some horrible adventure to happen. But nothing happened after all. How about you guys? Did you sleep well?"
The other three Monkees looked at each other, wordlessly asking if they should tell Mike about the night they'd had. They decided not to worry him with details.
"Well, we stayed up a bit later," Davy said. "You know how it is, with the springy seats and the bumpy train ride."
"Yeah, I guess so," Mike said, handing each of the Monkees a ticket. "I was just so tired, I could probably have slept through a murder."
Micky laughed. "A murder, that's real funny, man," he said, looking down at his ticket. "But, I'm glad you got to sleep the night through. Something tells me we're gonna need it."
"Really?" Mike asked. "What makes you say that?"
"Cause the next stop on our trip is a town called Hazard," Micky said, pointing at his ticket. "And I don't know how it got it's name, but after the kind of trip we've been having, something tells me it was a prophecy about us."