Chapter 22: Scars
Upon the boy's assurance that his parents had always apparate with him, Tonks apparated with the boy near her flat. As promised, he wasn't nausea or even green in the face; in fact, despite the little cuts and scratches along his body, he had a smile on his face. Tonks hesitated to bring this boy to the Auror office immediately; she didn't know what held her back but she just couldn't pull this boy out of Greyback's camp only to send him into another torment in the Auror's Office for another round of interrogation.
Tonks held the boy's hand in hers, ignoring the looks of suspicion others had on her and the boy as she guided him up to the flat. There was still a slight limp in his leg as he climbed the stairs and eventually, Tonks piggy backed the poor boy up the flight of stairs; watching her own steps in case she sent both her and the boy to the ground by tripping.
Tonks let the boy down as she opened her flat. Her flat looked different. No clothes strewn the floor, the books were stacked by the shelves neatly. The place even smelt different. It smelt of a slight tinge of orange flavored soap.
She gently guided the boy further in and was greeted by the sight of Remus sitting at the table. He seemed to be brooding till he looked up and saw her.
"Nymph-" He paused, his eyes wandering to the filthy and hurt boy by her side. The boy was looking at Remus, his eyes wide as he took in the scars on Remus' face.
"Jason, can you do me a favour?" She knelt down to his level. He nodded solemnly, tearing his eyes away from Remus, "Can you give yourself a bathe in the bathroom, in the shower stall?" She said gently.
The boy bit his bottom lip, nodding.
"I'll get to your wounds later, alright?" Tonks added and the boy nodded. Tonks stood and guided the boy to the bathroom and made sure he used the shower stall before leaving him to change and bathe.
When she walked out of her room, she saw Remus standing hesitantly in the middle of her mini living room.
"Nymphadora," He breathed out before taking a few strides, covering the distance between them and embraced her. Tonks sighed as her body sank against his warm one. His hands rubbed her back, "are you alright? Are you hurt?" He whispered, pulling apart to examine her with his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked into his worried and tender eyes, scanning her face, her arms for any visible cuts and bruises.
"Remus…" Tears blurred her vision, "I hurt them…" She could feel Remus tense and freeze even as she lean into his embrace, burying her face into his chest. She felt horrible. After spending her whole life hating her cruel family, she now couldn't live with herself; feeling absolutely revolted at herself.
"Tell me about it," Remus spoke, his voice velvet and tender, coaxing her. She could feel the tension leave his body.
Tonks hesitated but then she realized that Remus didn't hide himself from her. He had the courage to come to her flat despite their little disagreement earlier.
She looked at him, "I am a monster, Remus. I'm just like Bellatrix is. I tortured them; tormented them."
"You are not her," Remus cupped her face between his hands, speaking in that firm assuring tone, "Believe yourself. You know who you are. Just as I know who I am,"
Tonks smiled, feeling him rub her back warm.
"I can be him. The person you see," Remus pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, "Someone worthy of your love,"
"More than worthy," She breathed, pressing in for more. His lips were hot and sensual against hers. Remus had the gentlest lips. It made her melt. She tugged him closer and they stumbled back onto the couch, with Remus beneath her. Tonks was reluctant and absolutely did not allow their lips to part even for a moment. Her heart pounded against her ribcage, thundering in her ears.
His fingers intertwined with hers to prevent any agonizing temptation from them. Her other hand, however, was splayed upon his chest as she straddled him. Remus rested his hand on the curve of her waist, steadying her on him. She heard herself emit a soft moan into his mouth. She was pleased when her hand slipped up to grasp his hair and she heard a soft growl at the back his throat.
She let her thoughts wander blissfully around one man, Remus, Remus…-
"Tonks?" A small voice called. They jumped apart, startled. There Jason stood. He looked fresh and cleaned apart from the dirty clothes he had worn back as Tonks didn't have any clothes his size for him.
"Jason," She beckoned to him. At the corner of her eye, she glimpsed Remus trying to inconspicuously pat down his hair and she couldn't help but smirk. Jason shuffled over and sat down between her and Remus on the sofa.
"Hello Jason," Remus spoke, his voice hoarse but gentle, "I'm Remus," He held out a hand for a handshake. Jason took it, his eyes wide as saucers.
"Hello," The boy's hesitation slowly disappeared and he smiled toothily.
Tonks drew her wand and cleaned his clothes. Then she lifted his arm gingerly. Cuts and bruises were covering every part of his pale skin. She lifted her wand in her other hand, muttering the healing spells she'd learnt from Mad-Eye. From the corner of her eye, she saw Remus take out his wand and started on the boy's left.
Soon, they worked their way up his chest where it was obvious someone had punched or kicked the poor child. Tonks winced as she healed it. By the time she was done, it was almost noon. She let the kid rest in her bedroom while Remus try to cook up something edible since cooking was out of the question for Tonks.
"Greyback has committed his life to bestowing the infliction on others. Biting children and then raising them as werewolf children," Remus explained as he made her some coffee.
"That's sick," Tonks said, watching Remus' reaction cautiously. He smiled wanly, as if to assure her uncertainty, "The Dark Lord most definitely didn't instruct him-," She paused. She'd said it. The words 'dark lord' practically flowed out of her mouth, almost too smoothly; it scared her at how fluent and natural it was for her.
"Tonks," Remus spoke, approaching the table. She blinked and looked at him, lost, "Greyback is depending on him for a living. He had to do some contributions to Voldemort, to make the werewolf seemed valuable," He explained as if he hadn't heard her slip.
"Voldemort," She made sure to emphasize it, more for herself than for Remus, "is sick."
She reached for the coffee but felt Remus's warm hands wrap around her wrist. He turned her hand over so the cloth fell back to reveal the ropey scar where the dark mark usually would be at.
"Yes, he is," Remus winced, and tenderly ran a finger over the scar. Instinctively, she flinched and her body tensed in anticipation. His eyes flickered up, noticing her reaction, "You don't deserve to live like this-"
Tonks stood, interrupting him. If he didn't stop, Tonks was certain she'll crumple into a heap right there and sob her heart out, "We're at war," She steeled her tone, "this is my mission," She averted his gaze, not wanting to see pity in them.
"I'll do anything to swap our places," Remus closed his eyes briefly, his hands holding hers. She glanced up and in that moment of eye contact with his tender gaze, she knew she didn't need anything more. She had everything; she had Remus and he loved her.
Remus turned out to be a wonderful cook, by Tonks' standards. Jason wolfed down the meal and began yawning. Upon leaving the bath, Tonks found the boy curled up on her bed, seemingly waiting for her to leave the shower. She smiled, sitting down on the bed by the boy, careful not to wake him.
The boy's brown hair was soft to the touch; his rosy cheeks were slightly married with traces of cuts that she'd tried her best to heal. His almond shaped eyes were closed. Tonks hesitantly touched his cheek gently with the back of her fingers, just like how Remus always did to her. The boy stirred and scooted closer to her.
Tonks gently carried him so his head was propped up on her pillow and he was tucked under the blanket. She smoothed out his hair, relishing the feel and that warm sensation that crept into her chest as the boy turned and snuggled up to her.
She gazed at the boy, realizing for a moment there, how he resembled Remus. From the brown hair to the blue eyes he had. For a moment, Tonks imagined his brown hair flashing red, then pink then back to brown. He'll be their child… their beautiful and perfect child-
"Nymphadora," Remus' soft voice brought her back out of her reverie, "is he asleep?"
"Yes, he's so tired," Tonks replied and watched as Remus rounded the bed and took a seat by the sleeping boy. Tonks smiled. This completed her picture; her family.
"Remember, we're going to your parents' tonight," Remus told her and Tonks could've sworn her eyes widened to twice their size.
"Sh-" She caught herself before the word could leave her mouth. She glanced down at the sleeping child and corrected, "Crap. We'll have to cancel. We can't bring Jason to their house or leave him here all by himself,"
Remus' lips cracked a small smile as a thought formed in his head.
"I think I've disappeared from their lives long enough to have a child," Tonks grinned, half-jokingly, "Imagine that, me as a mum!" She laughed, trying to quell her laughter. However, she glanced up to see that Remus' smile was gone and he was looking at the boy almost forlornly; furrows forming in between his brows. Her laughter instantly came to a stop, "Remus?" She practically whimpered.
Tonks recognized that look. It means he was thinking and she didn't like it when he thought too much.
He looked up at her; like a deer caught in the headlights. For a moment, Tonks' heart skipped a beat as her eyes met his, "Yes Dora?"
She stopped breathing. It seemed so natural for him to call her that which was only used by her father; who hadn't used it often either. The way he said it, the affectionate tone that melted its way into her heart left her yearning for more.
"Are you alright?" Tonks choked out, realizing he is watching her expectantly.
Remus chuckled, "fine. Is it okay if I called you Dora?"
"Fine, sure," Tonks replied quickly, too quickly. Remus laughed softly. She blushed and stood up slowly, careful not to wake Jason, "I'll inform my parents…" She muttered before slipping out of the room. Grabbing a hold on her owl, she sent it on its way upon attached a note she hurriedly scrawled out.
The night found them crammed onto Tonks' small sofa, her body pressed up against his, her arms wrapped around his torso and her head resting on his chest. His chin brushed against her hair as he shifted his head, his arms comfortingly around her.
"What do you intend to do with Jason?" Remus asked, his voice reverberating in his chest deeply.
"I don't know," She realized, her eyes half closed.
"Greyback couldn't have been happy with you," Remus said with a chuckle and Tonks followed suit upon hearing his.
"He'll have to live with it," Tonks huffed, retorting in that childish tone she still had. Remus chuckled again, kissing her on the top of her head. She sighed and pressed her head closer to his chest. She could almost hear his heart if she listened really intently.
"He will take it badly," Remus warned.
"Yes, he will but he can't do anything about it," she smiled, kissing his neck.
She heard a soft sigh escape his lips as he gently squeeze her in his embrace, "I owe Mad-Eye," Remus nuzzled the top of her head gently.
She frowned, "why?" Tonks tilted her head up so that her lips could touch his chin. Rough stubble had grown over the days.
Remus smiled, "He brought me to you, in more ways than one," He kissed her.
"What do you mean?" She was puzzled. Sometimes, Remus spoke in riddles and she was bad at deciphering those.
"Nymphadora," He rubbed her back, "he is the reason I faced my feelings for you. I could and would never have put you up to this if I were on my own. I could never do that," His gaze was achingly tender.
Tonks sighed, in frustration and fatigue, firmly pressing her lips to his again before pulling apart to speak, "You're perfect Remus. When will you actually see that?"
"How can I see something that's not there?" He said in resignation.
"If only you could see what I see…" Tonks said, cupping his cheek in her palm, smiling.
"An old, poor, dangerous werewolf," Remus sighed, his eyes slightly lolling to the back of his head as he melted into her touch.
She huffed in frustration.
"But I know who I am, I'm trying to accept that," He continued calmly, "to believe and I so badly want to believe I'm him, Nymphadora," His blue eyes flashed in a moment of frustration and slight anger as he spoke.
"You already are," She jumped up, feeling sudden need for him; the way his eyes flickered with emotions, how his lips moved as he spoke tender words... Tonks pressed her lips to him in a kiss that was anything but slow and gentle. She took his bottom lips in hers. Her fingers tangled in his hair, tugging at them gently. She needed him to understand, to feel how it is like for her.
"Nymphadora," He breathed in between their kiss before finally pulling apart, "you don't have to feel obliged to do anything for me," Remus said breathlessly.
"Oh Remus," She leaned in, yearning for the feel of his lips. His hands were frustrating restrained with Remus' unyielding self-control. Tonks pressed her cheek against his, feeling the comforting prick of his stubble. Remus trembled as he felt Tonks' hot breath blowing on the side of his face. She kissed the soft spot at his ear, "I love you so much," She moaned, her hands grabbing his as she sat up.
"Nymphadora, I don't deserve this," His voice was hoarse as she placed his hands on her hips, praying he would quickly lose it. He stopped short in what he wanted to say, taking on her lips with his.
"Keep this up and you'll be calling me 'Tonks' for the rest of your life," She whispered, nuzzling her face into his neck. He was breathing hard, his lips red and his face flushed but his eyes were calm, contemplative as they looked into hers.
"No, Nymphadora. We can't," His hands touched her shoulder and gently, he adjusted them to be in a more respectable position. Her eyes flashed with anger and she sat up abruptly.
"Listen to me," She stated firmly. Remus was sitting up slowly, watching her evenly, "we can, I want to. For Merlin's sake Remus," Tonks found herself clenching her hands into fists, "can't you just lose it for once, all the rational thoughts?" She lunged forward and cupped his face in her hands.
As much as Tonks wanted the reply to be so much different, she knew what it would be, "I can't. Control and restrain governs my life. I'm a werewolf, Nymphadora," He swung his leg over the side of the sofa.
Remus stood, putting some safe distance between them so that he was out of her reach; his temptation, "Without control…you don't know what I'm like,"
"One day, Remus, I will know that side of you too," She stated firmly and Remus drew back in something akin to horror.
"Nymphadora, you're making this more difficult than it already is," He spoke through gritted teeth and Tonks flinched at the tone.
"You promised me 3 requests," She spoke, averting his stare, "You kissed me for the first." She smiled at the thought. Remus' eyes soften as he too recalled, and held her stare in his gaze. She could almost see that sweet recollection right before her eyes, "and I have 2 now,"
For a moment, Remus' brows furrowed.
She smiled, holding out a hand to him, "come back to me,"
Remus's gaze held her evenly. They were contemplative and careful before he let out a breath and spoke, "Nymphadora, how can you even think a request was necessary," He gave in, taking her hand. Tonks relished the feel of his warm hand in hers.
"I'm not done with it," Tonks waited to him to sit before she laid her head on his shoulder, "come back to me, always." She nuzzled her face into his neck, taking in his musty and subtle scent that was always him. She loved it. It smelt like books and warmth, if it were to have a smell, like home.
Remus sighed, covering her hand in both of his. She seemed so fragile as her eyes begged him to stay, to come back to her side. The way she reached out to him was beyond any form of defense Remus could build against. He'd looked into his eyes and saw her. In his heart and soul, he knew she had never bared herself like that.
"Yes, always," He mumbled before he could think it through but the way it tumble out of his mouth surprised him. It was easy to say and he truly believed he will do it; in the moment of bliss with the feel of her warmth on him, it felt possible, easy. He felt her lips curve into a smile against his neck.
"Lie down with me," She squirmed back and found a comfortable position on the couch, shifting to make space for him. Tonks saw his doubtful expression and sighed, "I will behave. Until you think we are ready," She promised sincerely. Still guarded, Remus lay back and smiled at her, "So, what did Mad-Eye tell you?" She began, sounding casual but the withering look Remus was giving her told her he'd seen right through her ruse.
The truth was she was dying to find out what her old surly mentor could say to convince such a stubborn man otherwise, of the beliefs he'd held close to his heart since childhood. Tonks liked to think her beloved mentor hadn't resorted to violent means; like holding Remus hostage at the tip of his wand, for example.
Remus smiled, "He is a part of you, do you know that?" Tonks drew back in feign, and partially genuine, horror.
"Don't say that, Remus!" She pouted and he chuckled.
"You have that tone," the statement was suggestive of anything but Tonks got it instantly; having heard it for years. It was what Mad-Eye was famous for, that tone that often scared the life out of Tonks.
She grumbled, "At least he's a great wizard and mentor…"
Remus laughed, "You have some of his mannerisms too," He wrapped a loving arm around her and Tonks sighed in bliss. His fingers absently ran through her long purple hair. As Remus gazed at her, Mad-Eye's words struck him again.
"Lupin, what is it between you and Nymphadora?" The gruff old man asked less than politely as Remus quietly pushed the door close, leaving a small gap.
Remus was stumped. Of all the people to know, it had to be Mad-Eye who was like a father to the woman he loved, "N-nothing,"
"Don't lie to me Remus! I see right through you," Mad-Eye barked. Remus literally jumped. He wasn't scared, he was terrified. Remus gulped. Mad-Eye seemed to already be making good on that threat. His magical blue eye looking at him; 'seeing right through' poor Remus.
"We…" Remus opened his mouth to reply. Both Mad-Eyes' eyes were trained on him. He wanted to share how he felt, at least to someone but Remus realized there was nothing to tell. He loved her and that was it. He didn't have any plans, he couldn't have any plans; he's a werewolf, a poor and old one at that that didn't deserve a place in Tonks' heart. And yet, he did; he could feel it.
"Stop stammering!" Mad-Eye snapped, "Step it up Remus. Nymphadora cares about you. In all her years of Auror training, of all the eligible male Aurors at the office, there isn't one she took a second glance at but you. You, she looked at and lingered on more than a handful of times."
Remus blinked, he didn't realize Mad-Eye noticed, "Mad-Eye, you know I have nothing to give her," He sighed wearily.
Moody leaned in and stared at him with both eyes and growled in a hoarse voice, "If I'm not mistaken, Remus, with Nymphadora, you only have to give yourself. That will be sufficient for her,"
Remus just couldn't comprehend why it was worth it for Nymphadora. He's just Remus, just the quiet bookworm who happened to be a werewolf. "But it's not enough for me!" He shot back forcefully, "I want to give the woman I love more than just me but I can't-"
"So you'd rather deny her of everything!" Mad-Eye's sharp remark hit home. That was the issue he was agonizing over the whole time; whether to give what he could, which wasn't much, or to not give her anything at all and save her the pain and misery. Remus is a coward; he liked to think that. He didn't have the courage to be with Nymphadora then face her when she discovered what beast she'd gave herself to. The regret and hate; Remus would rather die then see that look on her beautiful face.
Remus turned away, feeling the fatigue eating at him.
"We're at war, Remus," Mad-Eye's tone lowered in volume but not intensity, "people die. Nymphadora can die. Merlin knows this mission kills her and only you can bring her back," Remus averted his eye, knowing that was true, "and you know, she is the only one who can truly help you live,"
"I don't know what to do," Remus buried his face into his hands, running it through his hair.
"You love her, Remus. If there is a time for this, this is it," Mad-Eye limped away, standing outside Nymphadora's room. The door was left ajar and he looked inside. Remus glimpsed a tinge of pride radiating off as he laid eyes on his last and most promising mentee of the few he had before leaving, the clonking of his wooden leg fading as he left.
Remus knew Mad-Eye is right.
Even as he stood gazing at Nymphadora, it seeped right into his bones as it did when he felt cold at night, without the comfort of a fireplace or a warm jumper; it caressed his heart, comforting him, when he shuddered at the thought of the next moon.
It is love.
His love for her touched him thoroughly, as did Nymphadora's love for him. That was the truth he had refused to accept; Nymphadora loved him and he loved her back, a thousand times over.
"I love you," He mumbled, grazing his lips on her hair. He glanced down when she didn't reply or even move to acknowledge him. Remus smiled in amusement as he finds her asleep. He watched till her eyes were wandering aimlessly under her eyelids and she was in a deep sleep. Her lips moved and mumbled incoherently as her hand grasped the front of his jumper in a fist. He sighed, placing a hand over hers that grasped his jumper, his thumb caressing the back of her hand.
"Remus…" Remus was startled to hear his name, muffled, and he glanced down to see Tonks still asleep, her face buried in his jumper.
Remus woke the next morning as he felt a tug. He stirred, opening his eyes to see Jason standing by him, timidly tugging on his jumper sleeve.
"Hey, good morning," Remus started to get up only to find that Nymphadora has got an arm over his chest and her leg over one of his. Her head was resting snugly on his shoulder blade, her face half buried in his shoulder. He smiled, gently extracting himself before getting up to wash up.
He did a quick job, all the time keeping an eye on the boy who was watching on with a curious expression.
"Jason, are you hungry?" Remus asked, catching him watching Tonks, who was still sleeping on the couch.
Jason nodded, glancing at Tonks nervously.
"I imagine Tonks is really tired so we shan't wake her yet, alright?" Remus knelt down to face the shy boy who nodded, "Great, what do you want for breakfast?" He smiled.
The boy cocked his head, his eyes cast down to the wooden floor.
"Is eggs alright?" Remus asked gently. The boy shrugged; the gesture barely noticeable. Remus felt a familiar pang of sadness punch his stomach. This was how he was with his mother on the morning after he had been bitten. She had showed endless torrent of concern and love for him but instead of reassuring him, they terrified young Remus then. He couldn't understand the unnecessary fussing his mother showered on him and that made Remus feel that something has definitely gone wrong then. True enough, on the next full moon, he went through an excruciating transformation that assured him that his life would never be the same again.
Hesitantly, Remus reached out and place a hand on Jason's shoulder, "Jason," he started; his voice low and earnest, "Did he bite you?"
He felt the boy begin to tremble, his terrified eyes still fixed on the floor.
"Jason, look at me," He said and the boy looked, "I need you to tell me," Remus probed gently, "Anywhere we might have missed…did he bite you?"
Slowly but surely, Jason shook his head.
Remus heaved a sigh of relief inwardly but he held the boy's gaze, "Good," He heard himself say and the boy smiled hesitantly.
"Remus?" He could hear his mother calling him. Her voice was approaching his room but he didn't want to see her, he wanted to be left alone. His shoulder ached. Cringing, Remus reached over with his left hand and pried his shirt away a little to reveal a red and raw ropey scar running along the length of his shoulder. His skin looked disgusting; uneven patterns swirling angrily over it. He let out a terrified gasp and turned away, irked and revolting.
He began hyperventilating and his shoulder hurt even more. Soon the door to his room opened and his mother shuffled over to his side, frantic.
"Remus dear?" She crouched by him, touching his forehead gently before cupping his face, "Is it hurting?" She asked.
Remus bit his lips, feeling his breathing calm at the sight of his mother. Her brows were knitted together in worry, her pupils dilated as she studied him.
"Remus, talk to mummy please," She pleaded.
Somehow, Remus felt obliged to do so, he opened his dry mouth, "I'm okay mummy," he assured her and watched her heave a sigh of relief.
"How's your shoulder, does it still ache?" She glanced at his right shoulder, "The mediwitch said it was okay to take off the bandages so I did,"
Remus nodded.
"Do you want some lunch? Then maybe I could get you some potion for the pain," Upon his nod, he felt his mother wrap him in her arms and helped him up. She held him firmly so he wouldn't fall till he reached the table. His mother was a mediwitch too, once. This proved exceptionally useful afterwards when she had to tend to his many wounds after a full moon.
His mother was different since he was hurt. Her beautiful brown hair hung in pathetic tendrils around her face instead of the usual neat bun, her eyes were red and puffy and dark eye rings circled her eyes. Her lips were often pinched into a thin line and it looked red and raw from the chewing.
"Mummy? Where's daddy?" He asked and regretted it.
Her eyes fell and she looked on the brink of tears again, "Daddy's out working, Remus," She touched his unhurt shoulder, "Let's eat." She sat down in the chair beside him. Remus had always been a sensitive child to his parent's feelings, especially his mother's. So he knew when the topic about his father's whereabouts was definitely closed for today. Quietly, he ate his meal.
"Is it good?" Remus smiled as he watched Jason lick clean his plate of eggs. The boy nodded eagerly, taking the glass of water Remus handed him. Tonks didn't have anything in her flat apart from coffee. Remus gazed at the boy thoughtfully. He is a beautiful child and Remus imagined this is exactly how his child would be; except having the uncanny ability to trip over flat surfaces and change his hair every color he could think of.
Remus loved children and often dreamed of having his own. But being a realist, Remus understood that this will never happen. Merlin forbids he bring another innocent child into this world with the curse he had to live with. How the child will find another to love him like how Nymphadora loved Remus was beyond him. The child will grow up to loathe his father and so will Nymphadora; loathe Remus for giving the curse to their child, her baby.
Remus was snapped out of his reverie as Jason placed the empty glass of water on the table and looked up to smile at Remus. He returned it kindly.
He glanced at the clock which told him it was getting late. Remus stood from the table and went to Tonks. She was now sprawled on her stomach, her right leg hanging off the side and one hand supporting her head. Her right arm too hung off the couch.
He smiled as he knelt by her sleeping form. Her lips formed a small pout as she slept, her bright pink hair adorably disheveled from sleep. He cupped her cheek.
"Dora? Time to wake up sweetheart," He shook her gently. To be astonishment, she let out a soft and agonizingly adorable groan and shied away from him, curling up and continued sleeping, "Dora," He leaned over and said in a firm voice that was betrayed by a smile.
"No, just a lil' while longer," She moaned out before covering her face with her arm.
Remus watched on, bemusedly, "you'll be late for work,"
"Damn it all," She muttered and Remus chanced a glance at Jason who was looking on curiously.
"Jason? Can you bring the glass and plates to the sink please?" Remus asked. The boy nodded and jumped to his feet, carefully bringing them in as he instructed. Swiftly, Remus bent forward, pulling aside her arm and kissed her full on the lips. Unsurprisingly, she kissed back with fervor, her arms wrapping themselves around his neck quickly and firmly, preventing him from straightening out. She tasted like the chocolate she nicked from him and devoured before they slept last night.
"Dora," He protested in between the kiss, fretting if the boy was to return and see two grown adults in this position. To his surprise, she gave a vicious tug and he fell flat upon her, their lips still locked together. Finally, she loosened her hold on him and he pulled back to see her awake, and smiling.
"What a way to be awakened," She smirked and Remus saw Sirius' smirk in hers. He smiled, nuzzling his face into hers before getting off her.
"Come on, time for work," Remus offered a hand and she took it but pulled him down again.
"I intend to be awakened in a similar manner forever," She pecked him on the lips again before shuffling to the bathroom.
Remus chuckled as he sat there, feeling the couch still warm from the warmth off her body.
Tonks rinsed her mouth in the sink and straightened out. She caught her eye in the mirror and stared. The eye bags beneath her eyes were gone, magically. Her hair was now a striking pink; morphed in her sleep subconsciously. She looked much better as a whole. Tonks reached out and untangled her pink hair as it is; she missed it.
In her peripheral vision, Tonks caught an unwelcome sight of her ropey hideous scar on her inner arm. She froze, lowering her arm and looking at it in greater detail. It was thin but was lumpy. Tonks felt tears swim in her eyes as her fingers skimmed the scar, down its length on her arm. This is who she is, belonging no where; not in the order nor in the ministry and definitely not with the Death eaters.
The Dark Lord had intentionally expressed his wishes to bestow upon her the Dark Mark but had blatantly gave her a scar instead, right where the Dark mark was supposed to be on all his most loyal servants. He didn't give her that for nothing and Tonks was not stupid.
Harry Potter had one; the scar in the shape of a lightening bolt that set him aside from others as the chosen one. And now she had one; to label her the traitor, to everyone. She wasn't certain if Voldemort trusted her fully but she was sure he didn't know she was sent as a spy or she'd be dead already. Tonks liked to think she was still being tested; rather than the fact that she was being played with.
Whatever it was, she was playing her part in this war and Tonks know deep down where she belonged and that was on the side of good; fighting for Harry Potter in this war against Voldemort. If there was anything her mother taught her, as childish as it sounded, the good will always prevail.
"Tonks?" She heard a knock on the door before the call and she jumped. Her hand snatched her wand up from its place beside the sink, "are you alright in there?" It was only Remus.
"Yes, I'm good," She called back, her voice cracking. Hurriedly, Tonks wiped her tears with the back of her hand and stowed away her wand. It rarely left her side now. She wrenched the door open to see Remus standing there. His eyes betrayed the worry he was feeling.
"Nymphadora?" Remus touched her arm, noticing her eyes looked a little red.
"I'm fine Remus," Tonks forced a smile, "I gotta go to work,"
"Of course," He stepped aside and Tonks slipped into her room to get changed into her scarlet auror robe.
Remus watched her close the door on him, averting his gaze. Tonks, unlike the rest of her family, isn't very adept at lying. The moment she opened the door, he knew something was bothering her. Her hair was the color of a withering plant; mousy brown, close to black; not the bubblegum pink he adored that fit her well.
He sighed and slumped down on the couch. Jason was sitting at the dining table, doodling on a piece of parchment which Remus conjured for him with some crayons Remus found in Tonks' flat.
The manila folder that Tonks carried with her caught his eye. Remus carefully opened the folder and removed the thick stack of paper within. His eyes skimmed across the information about werewolves, mostly crimes.
There it was; Remus Lupin, beta of the pack…duration: unknown. It irked him now that that fact was written on paper so clear for the world to see. He'd joined in the moment of desperation, of loneliness that no one but an old quiet werewolf can comprehend. It was a time after James and Lily's death, when Sirius was hauled into Azkaban and Peter was thought to be dead. Since Voldemort was destroyed by baby Harry, the Order was disbanded and Remus was truly alone.
Despite the Order members' attempts at coming together, no one could hide the pain of the loss of their loved ones in this war. Coming together as the Order would only reopen old wounds that they'd all sustained in this war. After a few pathetic tries at a gathering, they stopped trying altogether and in an attempt to deal with his grief, Remus locked himself in his flat. He didn't work, unable to find a decent job. He ate only leftovers or takeaways. He was scraping by.
The idea of joining the pack came to him as a spontaneous decision when he was flipping through his old school album. He knew it was the last thing his friends would want for him but they are not here for him; no one is. He decided that it was for the best. With a rucksack of worn clothes and his wand, Remus left for the pack.
It was difficult to gain everyone's trust and confidence but Remus did eventually. He was a man with nothing else to lose and there was nothing that drives a man more than that, much less a feral wolf. He threw himself into the heat of the battle with no regard whatsoever for his own safety. Just this alone earned him Greyback's trust after being among cowardly wolves for so many years.
Greyback accepted him; the product of his own decision to punish John Lupin so many years ago. Greyback praised him and Remus reveled in the feeling of being accepted and being approved of; this was something he had not felt since his schooldays but something was always missing; love.
But that is in the past, now Remus no long felt that urge to be accepted, approved of or even loved; he had them all.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of crashing from the bedroom and muffled words of Tonks cursing colorfully. Remus smiled as he stood hurriedly; encouraged by the desire to see her and to make sure she's alright. He knocked.
"Come on in, I'm decent," She called and Remus did. There she is; beautiful in her scarlet robe. She was sitting on the bed, clutching her foot.
"What happened?" He smiled bemusedly. Her mousy brown hair was in a mess, her heart shaped face flushed and her eyes watering with pain.
"I tripped," Tonks looked purposefully at the small cupboard that lay on its side on the floor, "and twisted my ankle when I fell," She added sullenly.
Remus whipped out his wand and sat down at the edge of the bed by her side, "Here," He gently brushed her hand away and winced at the sight of the bluish, swollen ankle. Remus glanced up to see that Tonks had latched onto her pillow by her mouth. She nodded to Remus.
He placed his wand tip to her ankle and muttered some spells he knew to fix a twisted ankle which his mother taught him. The spell could fix them; but not the ones that are serious.
The bluish bruise faded and her ankle looked less swollen than before. Tonks muffled her scream as Remus' spell did its stuff. He looked at her apologetically, fixing bones was never painless.
"Better?" Remus stowed away his wand, taking her hand.
She rotated her ankle testily, wincing, "Tender but functional." Tonks sighed, standing up, "thank you,"
"You're welcome," He replied. They went out of her flat, Tonks holding onto Jason's hand as they crossed the street to the alley. Remus had to pinch himself for him to snap out of the daydream of how much they looked like a real family. He kissed her goodbye before they apparate their separate ways.
To be continued…
A/N: Extra long chapter for the extra long wait! Well, I know many of you are eager to find out what Mad-Eye told Remus that night so here it is! I hope it didn't disappoint! And virtual cookies for anyone who can point out the line that is a reference to the fantastic movie and book 'Kite Runner'!
Please don't forget to leave a review for me! They make me write so much faster! Come on guys, we're reaching 100 reviews!
Thanks so much to those reviewers of last chapter who inspired this one!
Angelic94: I'm so glad you liked it! It was one of the more interesting ones to write (: Well, then I hope you like this one too; more struggles for Remus! Couldn't agree more; Remus is just so lovable! Thank you so much for the compliment! That's actually one of the most plausible interpretations of the scars and I think it fits well. Haha, no bad Tonks this chapter and Greyback is going to get more, this is not the end (:
DMSTonks: Hope this chapter gave you an idea about the boy! I think this chapter also showed you what Mad-Eye said to Remus (: Tonks and Sirius are definitely on its way with what I have planned ;) Thank you, I have been afraid Remus was a little out of character; he is a complicated guy/wolf. Thanks again!
The Drawer: Thank you so much! Hope this didn't come too late!
Nymphadora-Remus4ever: Thank you! I'm glad you loved it; I had so much fun writing that ;) Me too, they're unbelievably good together! Thanks so much!
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