This chapter is for Quirky Del who left me many reviews on the course of reading the story, incredibly quickly, from February and in the process, being the 200th reviewer!
Chapter 32: Smile
They were gone.
She couldn't remember when she had fallen to her knees or when they had left. She couldn't feel the dull ache in her back that had been bothering her for days or the sting on her face where she had been struck. She could only feel the hollow emptiness. She couldn't get out of it; she didn't want to.
A watery groan shattered the silence and sliced right through her.
She remembered looking but not seeing; not hurting.
Then he looked at her; reached for her, willing her to come to him. She went.
She could feel the warmth of his hand as she clasped it. He gasped and gurgled as he struggled to speak. His mouth opened as if to say something but only blood bubbled out. She stared, her eyes devoid of emotions, her body numbed.
Only when the tips of warm fingers brushed her cheek feebly, did she know she was crying. There was no sob; not even a whimper. As he registered her tears, the brown eye, filled with steel determination and courage, melted away to fear. She quietly watched a tear, just one, to mirror her own, slid down his cheek. She followed its trail with her eyes. It fell into the pool of blood, melding with crimson.
She looked up but the eye was now glazed over, forever frozen in fear. However, her hand remained firmly and safely enclosed in his.
Silently, she inched forward, curling up into a ball on the floor. She tugged his limp arm over her shoulder as she leaned back into him, seeking comfort in the warmth.
Blood was inching its way down closer to his chest, where her head was. She could smell it, feel it seep into her hair. She didn't pay it any mind. Instead, she closed her eyes, wishing for sleep.
He came to a halt just before the broken fence. Eyeing the splinters with disdain, Sirius shifted back. In a second, he was standing on two legs again. Without missing a beat, he marched into the house, sparing a glance at the dead vines in the front porch. All the while, he muttered grudgingly to himself.
Despite the express orders from Dumbledore to remain at Grimmauld place, the loud absence of his cousin had already sunk too deep for him to pretend not to feel it. For the past few weeks, Sirius had spend it collecting whatever sparse information the Order had gathered about Tonks' disappearance, as well as Mad-Eye's.
To make matters worst, Remus was sent away to spend time in that hellhole in the empty hope that whatever he could find out from the werewolves would make the Order seem in a better position. Truth was, everyone's morale have already dropped to its minimal. Apart from the fact that they were unable to neither uncover nor stop any death eaters' activities, they were loosing their Order members one by one.
Apparently, the absence of Mad-Eye Moody was the last draw. The meetings were attended with grim expression that made Sirius want to drown himself in a vat of firewhiskey. The news that came with these dreary meetings pushed him to dash his head into the table.
Today, as Kingsley slipped away back to the ministry; probably painstakingly building on the lie that explains Tonks' absence, whatever that was…
Sirius dug his toe into the soft mud in the garden and withdrew his boot to find maroon coloured soil clinging on to the tip of it. He shuddered at the thought of whose blood it might be.
Casting a brief homenum revelio, Sirius strutted into the house. The state of the house was unsettling. Sirius' stomach twisted as he glimpsed the blood on the floor. Swallowing audibly, Sirius hunched over and started on what he came for; search for clues.
Sirius had never been to Mad-Eye's house before but the faded walls and creaking floors told Sirius that this house was not in a state any better before you-know-who broke into it. No matter how Sirius looked, everything was just as Remus and Kingsley had said and reported. There was nothing here to say where they might be.
It wasn't an issue of not trusting them; Sirius reckoned that there were some things he would feel better off to see for himself. The place was a wreck; as reported. There was blood and chaos. Not a trace of his cousin though; not that he was expecting to find Nymphadora in the house.
Sirius wandered into the bedroom. The bed was made. The place was…neat. Sirius gulped. Moody looked unbearably organised. There was not a speck of dust out of place. The clothes were folded and placed away in the dresser. The knick-knacks were stowed away in the drawer by the bed, displayed neatly. As Sirius walked past the mirror, he caught his own reflection.
He looked terrible. He now bore thick unkempt beard, shaggy long hair and Sirius almost could see the stench he must be emitting from his crinkled and filthy clothes. He looked like he lived off the streets. He laughed bitterly before turning away, intending to check the bedside drawers. Then realization made Sirius pause.
A mirror? Mad-Eye was the last person Sirius would think to even have a mirror around, much less in his own bedroom. It could've been used to improve his range of sight but the mirror was positioned such that it wouldn't do that.
Unable to stop the sense of paranoia, Sirius approached the mirror, reaching out and running his fingers over the steady brown wooden frame. It didn't feel different from any regular mirror. He ran his fingers on the edge of the frame, looking for even a hint of a lever.
Finding nothing, Sirius raised his wand and considered blowing it to smithereens but he didn't want to damage whatever was hidden by the mirror and besides, he wasn't even sure if there were such a secret compartment here; or if the mirror was merely a switch.
Maybe a password? Sirius drummed his fingers on his chin, wondering what password Mad-Eye would install. Blood perhaps? With a shudder, Sirius shook his head. That was too much a Black for the likes of Mad-Eye. Maybe words?
Clearing his throat, "Open," Feeling endlessly dense, Sirius sighed, dropping his wand hand to his side. Maybe his Auror security number? He shuffled over to the bedside drawer and found his weathered badge. Flipping it over, he saw the faded carvings of his name and below it, his security number, "1278-M00/I."
The mirror barely twitched.
Sirius grumbled, dumping the badge into the drawer and slamming it shut. For the next hour, Sirius spent it bombarding the mirror with nonsense such as, 'Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody', 'Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks', 'Ministry of Magic is bollocks' and even 'I love Albus Dumbledore'.
He sighed, glaring dejectedly at the mirror. In a heat of anger, Sirius punched it on its frame. He gasped as a loose splinter nicked his knuckle, causing it to bleed. Sirius swore loudly, examining his bleeding knuckle as the mirror wobbled.
"Nymphadora," A gruff voice said, just above a whisper in the room. The tone was almost reprimanding but it had a soft notion to it.
Sirius literally jumped about a foot into the air, glancing around anxiously with his wand out. There was no one. He turned back to the mirror; eyes narrowed his suspicion at it. His blood, which previously coated the frame, was gone.
"Don't call me Nymphadora?" Sirius offered meekly.
The mirror swung out abruptly. Sirius, startled, hopped back agilely, his wand pointed forward.
It nudged the mirror open wider with the tip of his wand and it slide open on its hinge.
Inside, neatly arranged were vials, held upright by a rack made for them. Inside them, they contain memories, each and every one.
It is her…Remus could feel it in his gut. The one who that patronus mentioned was her. Apart from that, he had doubts as to where 'here' was. He spent the better part of the day, instead of resting, pondering this mystery. Three words: She is here. Simple and yet, not, at the same time.
His head was pounding.
Greyback had given leave to the werewolves to visit the nearest town to loot, rape and do other unspeakable things. Remus pretended to be part of this party; which will not gain any personal attention from Greyback himself, as Remus noticed the last time they went to town.
Instead, it was led by Hilliard, who, in comparison, was not as bright and sensitive to what was happening around him. As they gathered to leave, Remus slipped off and retrieved his wand before slipping back into the group. They left the pack without further trouble and just as the looting began, Remus apparated.
He had to talk to Dumbledore.
Hogwarts was hardly a place he should be at, in light of what happened here about 3 years ago. Some students would already have graduated but most of them will not have. He lingered at the gate to send a patronus to Dumbledore to alert the headmaster of his arrival.
Dumbledore's reply was almost instantaneous and the gates creaked open, allowing him assess. As he made his way up to the castle, he heard the gates swing shut once more.
The castle was quiet apart from a few students that had no lessons at that time. He kept his head down, not wanting his previous students to recognise him and kick a fuss about his return. In return for his efforts, they hardly spared him a glance.
He muttered the password and stepped on the gargoyle as it sprung to life. As Remus approach the oak door, he could hear voice from within that sounded like Minerva. She sounded agitated and Remus hesitated to knock. Eventually, his marauder side won and he stood by the door quietly.
"We should ask Severus to take further actions before it's-"
"Minerva!" Dumbledore's voice rang over her terse words, "I do take Nymphadora's and Alastor's safety into consideration but forsaking Severus' in the process of finding them should not be the case,"
"But Albus, we don't have a choice in this matter. They have been gone for months now…" McGonagall's voice trailed off, "you don't think you-know-who will-" She paused but Remus didn't need her finish her sentence to hear what she want to say.
"No, I do not think he will kill her," Dumbledore spoke, confident as ever but there was a catch in his voice.
"But?" McGonagall obviously sensed it too; it's not everyday the greatest wizard the world has ever known becomes hesitant.
"It would be an entirely different matter with Alastor…" Dumbledore's voice ended with regret and thick with something Remus had never heard before in his voice; pain, "however, if Nymphadora should resist, I could make no promises for her safety. We have already done what the Order could to keep her safe; even if it means being a spy, just as Severus has been,"
"Albus, what Severus-" She cut herself off again and Remus could almost imagine the headmaster, with his raised hand, stopping her.
"I know what you want to ask Minerva. But what you ask is hardly what I am in a position to tell you. That is entirely Severus' decision to make. But I can assure you, his loyalty is not disputable. He knows what he is to do,"
"I…trust Severus to do what he is instructed to and he is a grown man who has seen more than he should in the First War, but the poor girl will lose her mind. Nymphadora is practically a student just graduated!" McGonagall's voice took a turn higher.
"Nymphadora knows what she is asking for when she answered me Minerva," Dumbledore pauses, "I have looked into her eyes as she answers me and I don't need legilimency to tell me she is hardly a student anymore or a mere cadet Auror just out of training who has not seen enough. She is not the same girl who once ran Hogwarts' hallways to escape detention after planting dungbombs in the Gryffindor common room, just because they beat Hufflepuffs at Quidditch."
Remus could feel a lump, unable to get rid of by swallowing hard, forming in his throat.
He was mildly startled as he heard a soft sniff from McGonagall, "I see her at Order meetings, stronger than she should be. Is that truly what we want to achieve; to forsake her sanity for her safety, for the better good?"
Remus could feel the giant awkward pause, even through a door, in the room as the Headmaster, their leader, hesitated, "I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that, Minerva. But the Order is here for a reason; Tom has to be stopped before the worst happens."
Even if it means taking a part of Nymphadora's soul…
From within, Remus could hear the scraping of chair on the concrete floor and he straightened out. He glanced over his attire once more before raising a fist to knock when the door flung open. McGonagall looked startled but she recovers quickly to give him a nod, "Remus,"
He nodded back and she slips past him, leaving the door open. Remus doesn't wait for her to leave before entering the office and closing the door behind him.
"Remus," Dumbledore acknowledges him from behind the desk, "tea?"
Remus nodded numbly as he sat. When the cup was placed in his hands, Remus talked. He told Dumbledore about the camp, what Greyback's routine was to the best of his knowledge and everything else that was too much of a hassle to pen down.
Remus told him about the house and what happens but even as the words left his mouth, Remus knew how inadequate and painfully empty his information was. When he was done, Dumbledore sat back in his chair, thoughtful.
"Have you considered taking Wolfsbane?" Dumbledore peered at Remus over his half-moon spectacles, the amiable looks, which the headmaster always had, in his eyes.
"I did, but I didn't have any and Greyback doesn't want us taking it. He'd rather the moon have thorough hold over every one of us," Remus explained carefully, "Perhaps if I were to take some for next moon, there would be more I can tell you,"
Dumbledore leant forward, tenting his fingers on the desk, "I will have Severus brew them for you and have them sent as soon as possible."
"Thank you," Remus didn't know if keeping his mind during the full moon was a good or bad news.
He hesitated for a moment, information about the mysterious patronus on the tip of his tongue but instead, he glanced down at the crudely blackened fingers, "Are you alright?" He gestured at the headmaster's hand.
Dumbledore hardly glance down, and instead, he half-smiled and gingerly shifted it, "A foolish mistake by a foolish old man," Remus nodded and went silent, "How did you find the opportunity to leave the camp?" Dumbledore asked; his tone light and friendly.
"Greyback often send packs of us into the town. To remind the people," Remus replied; his answer painfully vague but the headmaster nodded anyway.
All the while, Remus could see the knowing twinkle in his eyes and the unspoken apology about the suffering Dumbledore had him gone through; whether because of Nymphadora's disappearance or him acting as a double agent, Remus didn't know.
Sirius entered Grimmauld Place hesitantly, cringing every time something creaked. As he entered the kitchen, he half expected the whole order to be there, staring at him expectantly. But it was empty, as it has been for a while.
He pulled out the tough leather sack from his pocket and returned it back to normal size before placing it carefully on the table. He grimaced as the vials clinked against each other. Sirius made a dash up the stairs, trying to be as quiet as he could as he passed by his mother's portrait. Sirius was positive Walburga Black had a pensieve and all her things were stored in the attic since the Order moved in.
The attic was dimly lit by a line of sunlight that found its way through a crack in the window and doxy infested curtains.
"Hey Buckbeak," Sirius greeted hastily and bowed as properly as he could in his flustered state. Thankfully, the hippogriff wasn't in an antsy mood today and returned his bow.
"Accio Pensieve," He flourished his wand impatiently and heard a bang to his left. Sirius levitated all other boxes away till he saw the stone basin sitting at the corner. Placing the floating box he had on the floor, he levitated the pensieve and brought it downstairs.
The kitchen was just as he left it. Kreacher, thankfully, was no where in sight, just as Sirius had ordered.
He carefully lifted the metal dish and brought it over to the table. He settled into the chair at the head of the table before opening the bag and picking the vial at the very top.
Emptying it into the pensieve, Sirius plunged his head into it.
All around him was lush greenery that made his inside twist with envy. He was standing at the front of a small house, surrounded by a beautiful garden; the most beautiful Sirius had seen, apart from the one Remus' meticulous mother kept. The fence surrounding the house was painted white and stood neatly, without a piece out of place.
Then the front red door flung open and a man in his 30s stepped out into the garden. He had brown eyes with light brown hair that could almost be called blonde. He had a tall and strong build, set jaws and determined eyes. However, a chunk of his nose was missing.
Then it struck Sirius who this man was. Alastor Moody; in his prime. Sirius almost laughed as said man leaned over and plucked two blue flowers and turned to return back to the house.
Sirius couldn't see Moody's wand anywhere on him, definitely not in his hands. His right held a red crayon and his left held the two small flowers.
Grinning in amusement, Sirius followed the man into the house. They walked pass the cosy living room, with a comfortable couch and even beanbags in the centre of it, and entered the kitchen.
At the table, a small girl, who couldn't have been more than 2 years old, sat in a high chair. In front of her was a large piece of paper with some colouring on it. The table was littered with crayons as well. She looked up expectantly as Moody walks in.
Sirius froze. She was beautiful, even at such a young age, it was palpable the moment Sirius lay his eyes on her. Her cheekbones and black hair especially brought that out. She had large almond shaped brown eyes. Sirius couldn't place where he'd seen the familiar colour.
"Fwowers?" She spoke, her voice high and sweet, coated with the innocence only a girl at such an age could successfully pull off.
"Here they are," Sirius gaped as Moody replied the girl. His gruff and surly tone was now warm and cheerful. Moody sat down in the chair by the girl as he placed the flowers by the paper.
The girl's face lit up and she clapped, dropping the orange crayon, she held, in her lap. In return, Moody smiled; the quirkiest sight Sirius had seen. Sirius had not even been sure he had seen Alastor Moody smirk in his life. Then it struck Sirius where the girl's eyes came from. It was a copy of Moody's own.
"Tank you," She gurgled happily and picked up the blue crayon, adding an out-of-shape flower into the picture by the two stickman. The shorter one had long black hair and the taller one had brown hair. Both of them bore similar brown eyes.
"You're welcome sweetheart," Sirius watched, stunned as Moody leaned over and kissed her hair.
She was oblivious to the meaning of that as she continued colouring.
"Dada," the girl looked up as she picked up the yellow crayon. Sirius froze once again, in sheer shock. He didn't know Moody was married, much less the fact that he had a daughter.
"Yes, Lyra?" Moody leaned over, patiently listening with rapt attention.
"Mama?" She questioned with a frown as she looked down at her picture.
Moody visibly stiffened, "Dada told you, Lyra. Mama has gone away," He replied, his posture still rigid but his voice warm.
"Where?" The girl was insistent as her small hands curled into a fist around the crayon. Sirius raised a brow at the familiar insistence; otherwise known as stubborn.
Moody remained silent.
"Where?" She repeated, carefully pronouncing the foreign word; that she probably just learnt. Her face was turning increasingly red and her fist tightening. Sirius, having a few babysitting experience with his baby cousin, knew the eruption that promises to follow. Even the symptom of jiggling the short legs was similar.
"Lyra…" Moody reached out and placed a hand on her back, his eyes imploring her not to ask anymore but to a child her age, she only saw that he wasn't going to tell her. The girl, predictably, burst into tears. She cried, loudly. Sirius cringed. Nymphadora had cried the exact same way once; for an entirely different reason. Her head was thrown back, her little legs kicking the underside of the table, her fists pressed into the table as if to make it collapse. Her chubby cheeks flushed and her eyes squeezed shut.
Moody reached over, scooping the child into his arms and cradling her to him. The girl, Lyra, leant into her father but her little fist and kicking remained, as well as the tears and sobbing.
"Shh," Moody hushed her gently, patting her back. Sirius was once again, dumbfounded by the gentleness Moody demonstrated on her. With the wittiness that Sirius didn't have while facing a squalling baby, Moody picked up his wand from the counter and promptly summoned coloured smoke from the tips of her wand. Sirius could smell its sweet smell.
Moody directed it above Lyra's head and the girl sniffed, pausing in her bawling as she smelt it. She pulled away and looked up with puffy red eyes to see the pink smoke.
She tentatively reached up and interrupted the smoke with her fingers. It split and went around her fingers. As the smoke turned baby blue, Lyra smiled. It was the second time Sirius saw Moody smile.
To be continued…
A/N: I've done it again, haven't I? It has been almost a month since the last update. I'm truly truly sorry you guys! I know this chapter is shorter than my usual but it is what I could get out in less than half a day. I hope this chapter would be enough to make up for it. Obviously, I'm still having trouble juggling. So I thought maybe I should ask you guys if you all prefer short snippets and a short wait or a relatively longer chapter but the wait could range from a few weeks to maybe months. Leave me a review about it!
A huge thank you to all the reviews left for last chapter, they all make me smile (: Love you guys loads! Thanks goes to Jenny119911, tt crews, LoopyLuna13, Furionknight, HPfollower101, Neveraskquestions, Sarah15, paardenlaura, professor Pang and HammersNStrings!
Jenny119911: Thank you so much! About the English, it's fine! I get what you want to say and I think that's more than enough for a review. For the record, it's not as bad as you put it! Thanks so much for the effort!
Quirky Del: I'm not sure if you have read the story till this point but I just want to give you a big thanks (in the form of chapters and words here) for the numerous and very vivid reviews you left me! I read all of them and am really excited about what you might think about the story! Thank you!
Remember to drop me a review about this chapter!