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Author's Note at the bottom.

Chapter 54

After Jason left Elizabeth got dressed in blue jeans and a sweatshirt. She went downstairs to find Johnny in the kitchen. She made very stilted small talk while having her morning snack. Still feeling raw and not wanting to answer her friend's questioning looks she escaped to her studio to paint.

Unfortunately all she did was sit there and stare at a blank canvas. Her muse had fled under the crushing weight of just how badly she'd treated her husband this morning. His voice when he spoke after she asked him to leave would haunt her forever. He just wanted to help but she was too insecure to let him.

Elizabeth got up and walked over the phone on the wall. All she had to do was call him and ask him to come home. He would. Without hesitation. So why wasn't she dialing his number? Why wasn't she reaching out for the one person who would always be there when she needed him to? What was wrong with her? And how did she fix it?

Johnny had no clue what was going on but it was clear that something was wrong with the Morgans. Jason had walked out of the house this morning without a word. Normally he had a list of instructions for whoever was with Elizabeth. The guys just listened and tried not to smirk.

Elizabeth was normally a chatterbox but she'd been pretty quiet too. Felt like a fight to him. When in doubt the best thing to do was call for back up. In this case he didn't call Francis, he would be no help. He understood the female mind about as well as Johnny did. An expert was needed, so Johnny called Kelly because if Elizabeth came in and started crying he was gonna kill Jason. No one made his little sister cry.

She showed up with back up of her own. Lainey was standing on the porch too. "Where is she?" Kelly asked her boyfriend. When Johnny called and explained what was going on she knew that this was beyond her expertise. Elizabeth she could handle, Jason was a complete mystery.

"The studio. Should I be expecting anyone else?" He asked the two doctors.

"No, it's just us." Kelly replied as they walked through the house. Elizabeth had done an amazing job on the décor. "How bad is it? One to ten."

"Seven?" Johnny took a guess.

"Okay, leave it to us." Kelly told her boyfriend as she and Lainey walked out of the back door and followed the path to the studio.

"Elizabeth?" Lainey called as she knocked on the door.

The petite brunette opened the door and looked at her friends. "I'm a horrible wife." She said before bursting into sobs.

"Oh sweetie, I'm sure that's not true." Kelly said hugging her friend and leading her back inside.

"Let's have a seat and talk about it." Lainey said taking over. "What exactly happened?"

"I asked Jason to leave." Elizabeth told her friend.

"You asked for a separation?" Kelly said stunned.

"No!" Elizabeth said correcting her friend. "We had a fight about him not wanting me to wear high heels and then it veered off on to another topic all together." Elizabeth told them what she said and how Jason responded.

Kelly and Lainey just looked at one another. "Your husband's an idiot." Kelly said rolling her eyes.

"No, he's not." Elizabeth immediately came to Jason's defense.

That made Lainey smile. The couple would be fine. After Jason pulled his foot from his mouth and apologized. Then Elizabeth could as well. Neither one of them had handled things the best way. "Elizabeth." Lainey was in full therapist mode. "Did you talk with anyone after Lucky attacked you?"

"No." Elizabeth knew she should have spoken to someone but instead had fallen back on her habit of stuffing things deep inside and forgetting them. "I wasn't hurt that bad and I kept telling myself that I should just get over it. I have this great life and there is no need for dramatics. Jason got enough of that before."

"Liz you are the least dramatic person I know. No one would be surprised over the fact that being attacked left you unsettled. I think you should speak to someone, especially considering you didn't talk to anyone about your rape. What Lucky did to you had to have stirred up some very bad memories." Lainey said quietly. "What your feeling is perfectly normal given the circumstances. You need to tell Jason what you've been dealing with, because I'm guessing you haven't."

"No, I haven't. He's been trying to make sure that I stayed safe. I didn't want to heap this on top of it." Elizabeth had figured the feelings would pass. "i know Jason wasn't trying to hurt me and I still don't fully understand why this is happening."

"He's a big guy I think he can take it." Lainey, like everyone else, knew that Jason would do whatever was necessary to care for his wife. "It's not surprising that this is popping up now."

"Why is that?" Kelly was curious.

"All of the recent attacks have been on Elizabeth's sexuality. There is a reason people use the word whore when talking down to women. It's too make them feel dirty and worthless. I'm guessing that on some level Elizabeth is still confused about sex and now that she's having a lot of it things can get muddled. I'm also guessing that Elizabeth is doing things with Jason she's never done with anyone else." Lainey told the OB/GYN. The therapist turned back to her friend. "Like i said before I think you need to talk with someone. Not me, I couldn't be objective we are too close, but I can recommend someone if you like."

"Okay." Elizabeth was feeling better already. She'd been worried that she was going to end up in Shadybrook. "I should call Jason. I need him here with me."

"Yeah, you should." Kelly said squeezing her friend's hand.

"That's a great place to start." Lainey said in agreement.

Jason was pulling into the garage when his phone buzzed. "Morgan."

"Hi." Elizabeth said softly. She wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't answered.

"Hi." He was so happy she called. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty stupid. Can you come home?" She asked him.

"I just parked my car in the garage." He said smiling. She wanted him home and that made him feel better.

"Okay. I'll meet you at the front door." She said before hanging up.

Both she and Johnny were on the porch when he walked up. "Are you in for the day?" The Irishman asked his boss.

"Yeah." He was looking at his wife. "You can go home."

Johnny didn't say anything he just walked off.

"You want to go for a walk?" She asked him. "We could take the dogs."

"You won't get cold?" He asked her.

"If I do, I'll tell you." Elizabeth said smiling.

"Let me go get them." Jason said returning her smile.

Jason went to move past her but she stopped him. Rising up on her toes she gave him a soft kiss. "I'm sorry." She needed to get that out now.

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to imply that what happens between us is somehow dirty." Jason wrapped his arms around her tight. "I didn't mean to make you feel less than beautiful."

"It wasn't you. It was me. Get the dogs and I'll tell you." She said looking up at him.

"I love you." He said kissing her.

"I'm so grateful for that and for the fact that I can love you back." She told him.

"I'll get the dogs." With that he moved into the house.

They took the dogs on a nice long walk but didn't talk. Instead they just held hands and took some time to settle down. When they got back inside he made them lunch after which they settled into a chair in the living room. Her curled up on his lap and a blanket over them.

"Ever since the morning that Lucky attacked me I've been feeling off." Elizabeth started trying to find the words to make him understand. "It's not all the time. Just sometimes I feel dirty. Or that I deserved what happened to me."

"The same way you felt after you were raped?" He guessed wondering why he hadn't picked up on this. She was suffering and he hadn't noticed.

She nodded. "A part of me believed it when he called me a whore. According to Lainey it's the part of me that never healed after I was assaulted. I've always had issues with sex. When I was Lucky, Ric and Zander I would sometimes feel dirty after sex. I don't feel that way with you, with you I feel bad because of how often I want to have sex. And like I said it's not all the time, so I'm not usually prepared when the feelings surface."

They'd made love just this morning. "You were feeling that way this morning before I made my comment?" He guessed.

"Yes." She said softly. "I love being with you, and I do want you all the time. It's just wanting you so much made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Kelly said it's perfectly normal to want you so much, I just have all these other issues that make me feel like I'm being bad."

"I had no clue." He pulled her closer.

"How could you when I didn't tell you. Lainey gave me the name of a therapist I'm going to go see him tomorrow morning. She doesn't think I need intensive therapy, but she says I need to talk to someone." Elizabeth told Jason.

"I think that's a good idea. I'd fix this for you if I could but I can't." He never wanted her to hurt or suffer.

"I know. I'm sorry I asked you to leave. I won't do that again. We are stronger together." She promised him.

"Good because I'm not ever going to leave again. I told you no bailing and the minute you pushed I walked out." Jason was angry with himself.

"You didn't go far, and you came back." Elizabeth pointed out.

"I should have never left." He wasn't letting himself off the hook for that. He needed to do better. Looking at the clock he saw it was almost time for her nap. "Can I nap with you today? I'm tired."

"I'd like that." Elizabeth wanted him close.

"Can I ask you a question without being a total dog?" He needed to know something.

"Sure." She snuggled close as he picked her up.

"Can we still have sex?" He didn't want to hurt her.

"Yeah, Lainey said it should be fine. I just have to be honest with you about how I'm feeling. She said that you will probably be more help to me than the therapy. I just have to let you take care of me when I need it." Elizabeth had trouble asking for help. This morning was a direct result of that.

"So when I ask you if you're okay you'll tell me." He asked every single time they made love.

"I will." She vowed as he took them upstairs.

The next morning after Cam left for school Jason drove his wife to see the doctor. He was surprised that Lainey sent them to see someone outside of General Hospital. At the same time he was grateful, since he didn't want Elizabeth subjected to gossipmongers dissecting her life. Since they'd gotten married her name appeared too many times in the paper for his liking.

When she went into the office he sat in the private waiting area and tried to read the magazines on the table. Since he couldn't concentrate he decided to answer emails, but after the first one he gave up on that too. So he sat and watched the clock.

One hour later Elizabeth walked out of the office. They stopped briefly at the receptionist's desk so that she could make a follow-up appointment for next month. He waited until they were in the car before speaking. "What did the doctor say?"

"PTSD." Elizabeth said still coming to grips with her diagnosis.

"Really?" Jason was surprised as well. That was something he associated with soldiers. "What happens now?"

"Now I go start therapy, the doctor agrees with Lainey that my case isn't severe but I should talk with someone about Lucky's attack and how it made me feel. He said the nightmares I was having was part of me trying to deal with everything I was holding in." She took his hand in hers. "He thinks that having you helped immensely. He said the fact that I feel so safe with you helped me deal with this mostly on my own. I just need a little more help."

"See I told you that you were strong." Jason was feeling much better. Now that they knew what was happening he could help her. "How do you feel?"

"Really good." She told him smiling wide. "Like I'm in control."

"Good." All he wanted was her to be healthy and happy. "So what do you want to do today?"

"Go home and be with my husband." Elizabeth leaned back in her seat feeling such a sense of relief. She was going to deal with what had happened to her and move on. With Jason by her side.

As I always say I am not a doctor. I did some research on PTSD, it can be immediate for some people. For others it's a slow build. In Elizabeth's case her past trauma combined with what Lucky did and her habit of ignoring her own needs caused this. What I did see was that a lot of people said what triggered their first major attack was something fairly innocent. Something seemly unrelated to the traumatic event. I used this as a means to address the push-pull they do so well. I think they needed to say out loud, again, that they both wouldn't run.

Also some of you don't like that Jason talked with Sonny. That's okay, not everyone likes everything about every story. Even if I make you angry I've made you feel something and that's awesome. Sonny went over because Elizabeth asked him too. When he found out what was at the root of the problem Sonny didn't really want to talk about it. He felt it was very personal, but he put his discomfort aside to try to be a good friend. After all the crap Sonny has dumped on Jason over the years the least Sonny could do was listen.

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