"I don't want it! I don't fucking want it!" Dan screamed as Phil tried to calm him down enough to start his first chemo session.
Phil sighed, frustrated. This had been going on a half hour. He totally understood why Dan was scared.. But.. This was too much. Dan refused chemo the day before as he burst into tears, forcing Phil to take him home. Dan had kept Phil up all night crying and getting sick all over himself every hour.
"I don't want it! You read the side effects! Hair loss.. Bleeding!" Dan sobbed loudly.
"Bear.. Don't pay attention to that.. I will be here the whole time.. Until you are 100% healthy again." Phil whispered to him. Dan looked into those deep blue eyes and the doctor took that as his cue to inject the chemo shot.
Dan yelped before looking at Phil again. "I'm so so proud of you Bear.." He cooed as Dan stood up.
"I feel sick again.." He whispered and let Phil support almost all of his weight. Phil nodded and thanked the doctor before scooping his little Bear into his arms and carrying him to the taxi he had previously called.
~2 weeks later~
Dan was laying in bed, curled up sobbing as he coughed up even more blood. This had been happening the last two hours. Phil had taken the role of the kind and understanding boyfriend, but he would be lying if he said he just wished Dan would be quiet for 10 minutes.
"Dan. You have to eat something. You haven't had anything in a week." Phil said as he tried to desperately get Dan to eat something other than a cup of yogurt and a few crackers. "Look! You can even have Maltesers if you finish your soup!"
"I don't fucking want it!" He cried. "Just let me lay here and die!"
Phil dropped everything he was holding as tears streamed down his face. "Don't you fucking dare Dan. Don't you dare! This is hard for me too! You think I like just standing on the sidelines watching the man I love whither away?! That I can't do something to help?! It's tearing me apart Dan.. I just keep trying to make life as happy and normal as possible and you just keep saying you want to die! Do you know how hard that is?!" He was sobbing at this point. Dan looked down and teared up.
"I'm sorry Phil.. I'm so sorry.. I know you're trying.. I'm just scared.." He whispered.
"I know honey.. I'm sorry I overreacted.. I'm scared too.. But we can do this." Phil whispered and ran his fingers in Dan's thinning hair, a small clump falling off into his fingers.
Dan teared up and looked horrified as he saw the small amounts of brown fluff on his boyfriend's fingers. "Oh my God.." He cried trembling.
"Shh.." Phil soothed, but Dan's sobs only got louder and louder. Phil tried to calm him down for 20 more minutes before he carefully set Dan down on top of the duvet and got up, quickly leaving the room.
Dan sat there in shock, thinking Phil was upset with him and fed up with all the bullshit that inevitably came with a cancer patient as a boyfriend. Dan curled up and started to cry even harder when Phil came back in the room with something behind his back. Dan looked up confused but smiled a tiny bit as he saw the sweet look on the older boy's face.
"Why did you leave?.." Dan asked quietly while sniffling.
"I needed to get this." Phil grinned and held out a pair of haircutting scissors and a battery powered razor.
"No!" Dan yelled and covered his hair. "I want to keep it as long as I can Phil! Don't shave it off!"
Phil chuckled. "No Bear, they aren't for your hair, they're for mine."
Dan looked up with a confused expression and made Phil chuckle even more.
"Well I was hoping my lovely boyfriend could give me a haircut?" He smiled and pecked Dan's cheek.
"I-I don't know how to cut hair Phil.." He said quietly.
"That's okay! Just do whatever you like! It will look lovely!" He grinned back.
Dan bit his lip. "Promise you won't get mad if I fuck up?.."
"You couldn't possibly!" Phil encouraged. "But if it makes you feel better I promise, love."
Dan hesitantly took the silver scissors and snipped a small piece of Phil's fringe and looked at Phil to make sure it was okay. Phil just smiled and encouraged him to continue cutting.
Bit by bit, the black mop of hair was disappearing. Dan cut big chunks, small chunks, and shaved quite a bit off. For the first time in weeks, Phil actually heard Dan laugh. Not a fake laugh or small giggle, but his genuine laugh that was Phil's absolute favorite sound.
"You look fucking ridiculous!" Dan managed between his laughs.
Phil looked at his boyfriend's handiwork in the mirror and grinned. "I think it looks quite good! I suit it! It looks like I could join a punk band now!"
Dan giggled. "You will never be in Fall Out Boy!"
"Damn!" Phil laughed. "I suppose I will just have to snuggle my perfect boyfriend instead of touring around the world."
"I don't see a problem with that." Dan said happily and climbed on Phil's lap to snuggle.
'He's lost so much weight..' Phil thought. He was beginning to feel sad again until he looked down and saw this sweet smile on his boyfriend's face that exposed his dimple. There was an elegant blush on Dan's face that made Phil smile too. Dan didn't look sick, he just looked like Dan. His Dan. His Dan that would beat this. They would make it through this. Together.