He hates the silence the most. Not knowing what is happening, not knowing how is she.
He knows there is something wrong with her. He knew it form the moment the doctors made him leave.
Their baby was okay, that he made sure. She was with nurses, her cries long, loud, healthy. She had Mikasa's hair, it was so obvious. She wanted their baby to have his eyes, but he had always hoped the baby would look just like her. For a moment, he thinks that maybe it would be painful now, but he pushes those thoughts as far away as he can.
Armin sits beside him, coffee in one hand and Annie's hand in the other. Their eyes are tired, and their shoulders seem to weight tons.
He doesn't want to know how he looks.
He, honestly, feels like shit. His head hurts, his legs won't stop shaking and his hands will go raw if he doesn't stop rubbing them together, but what else can he do?
He can feel Levi's stare, her only family. His eyes on him, not really blaming. He knew what it's like waiting for people to tell you about the fate of your loved ones. His spouse is by his side, their hand resting atop of his and their arm around his shoulders. They send him a weak smile, an attempt to make him feel better. It doesn't work.
"What will you name her?" Historia tries to make conversation, her tiny legs swinging and her hand squeezing Ymir's. Her bitten lips are red as the corners of her eyes, their gift for the baby between their chairs. The gift for Mikasa rests beside it.
"Mikasa wanted to name her Carla. I… I'll wait for her to tell me, when she gets out of there" his voice is hoarse, there is a knot in his throat and he feels like he may puke right there in front of everyone.
"It's a beautiful name" Historia kind of smiles, her lips trembling and her hand clenching around Ymir's.
They wait, and wait, and wait. A doctor comes out and asks for the family of Mikasa Jaeger. Levi and Eren jump at the doctor, their voices silent but their eyes screaming.
It's like…a prolonged sound in his ears. He doesn't hear, he doesn't see, he can't even feel. He thinks that maybe someone catches him, maybe someone-it takes him a moment to realize it's him- screams, and there is pain, and tears.
Armin is there. He knows the shoulder of his best friend, and their cries are one, and their pain is shared and it hurts so much.
It's a hand. And it is around his heart, squeezing it, twisting and crushing, and maybe time stops but it hurts too much to notice.
Their baby crosses his mind. He can hear her cries on his ears, and he thinks he can't do it alone.
He goes to that place where all the babies are held. He leaves their friends wondering where he is going, but it's too much with their sobs and tears and pity and he doesn't want that. The nurses know, they show him his baby and he can feel the tears on his eyes.
How can he do it alone? How can he raise a baby, a fucking baby, on his own? He's young. He wants someone- his mother, his father, Mikasa- to be by his side, to tell him what to do.
Mikasa would know what to do, she always did, but his heart and his mind and all of him scream because she's gone. He hates that.
And the hallway is silent and he hates that too.