Guilty - XII
'Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we are going to do anyway'
- Isabelle Holland
Willow had been awake for some time. She had been relieved to discover that the screaming had stopped and, despite the alien surroundings that greeted her eyes, a sense of calmness flooded her body almost immediately. She was safe for the time being she was sure, and in the company of friends. However, mere seconds later, Willow had been decidedly less pleased to discover the aforementioned friends locked in a clinch that threatened consequences worthy of the Hell surrounding them.
The Slayer and the vampire had leapt apart the second Willow had opened her mouth to utter the first syllable of protest. She had managed little more than a few guttural grunts, shock causing her to lose the ability to accurately form words. Yet Willow's fury was as palpable as Buffy and Angel's guilt.
The hours since had been endured in uncomfortable silence. Buffy sat in one corner of the room and Angel in another, both as stoic and petulant as scolded children. Willow reclined on the cot she had awoken upon and angrily turned pages in a book she was hardly even pretending to read. It seemed to Willow as though the years of practice Buffy and Angel had accumulated at reigning in their passion had suddenly been erased from their respective memories. She could only attribute this to the six months they had spent living in a kind of limbo, unable to contact each other and oblivious to their respective safety. Now, it seemed they were like recovering alcoholics with an open bottle of Bourbon grasped firmly in both hands; and Willow feared the temptation to taste what was forbidden would prove too great to resist. Buffy and Angel gazed at each other often with fevered expressions, guiltily glancing away whenever their eyes met. For some reason, this ignited Willow's anger even more so than the kiss itself.
Buffy curled her knees into her chest from her position on the floor and pretended to examine her fingernails as she hummed under her breath. Willow thought she recognised the tune, although the last time she believed she had heard it was at their senior prom several years ago. Rolling her eyes and sighing, she realised there was little doubt as to the thoughts that plagued Buffy's mind. Willow slammed the cover of the book closed and allowed it to fall from her fingers, ignoring Angel's doleful expression as the priceless tome hit the floor with a dull thud.
"I can't stand this anymore, guys," Willow said, her eyes blazing as she surveyed her friends. Buffy shrugged meekly, clearly too consumed by remorse to offer much else in response.
"I agree," Angel replied, climbing to his feet and holding his hands out before him as though in surrender. Willow hid a smirk, enjoying just a little the apprehensive look the vampire shot her as he approached.
"Maybe you should fill us in a little on what's been going on here, Angel," Willow suggested, folding her legs underneath her body and cupping her chin in her hands as she squinted through the relative darkness at Angel.
The vampire visibly relaxed and moved to lean against the wall opposite the cot. Willow watched him carefully as though afraid that the almost magnetic pull between the Slayer and vampire would prove too strong for either to resist. Willow slumped a little in relief as Angel crossed the room safely, and Buffy remained unmoving where she sat.
"We already know a little," Willow began, "we just need you to fill in the blanks."
Angel gave a curt nod and waited for the witch to continue, deliberately refusing to allow his gaze to stray to Buffy. Her face was angled to the floor, her hazel eyes remaining affixed and unblinking upon the concrete. Her rosy lips were pursed as though she were deep in thought, and Angel resisted the urge to shudder with pleasure as he remembered the soft and warm sensation of them massaging his own.
"So, abridged version?" Willow probed, breaking Angel's reverie and frowning reproachfully at the vampire as he blushed.
Angel cleared his throat before he spoke, more from habit than necessity.
"Gate to Hell opened, monsters and chaos ensued," he answered, folding his arms and meeting Willow's exasperated gaze. He was toying with her a little and enjoying it greatly.
"Those are the parts we knew," Willow replied caustically, refusing to rise to the bait. Angel could be highly infuriating when he so desired.
"What's out there?" Buffy interjected, her voice cutting like a knife through the tension. Clearly she desired to end the game and extract some actual answers from her former lover. "Besides Hell, I mean."
Angel paused, and then simply shrugged.
"Honestly, I don't know," he answered after a few moments of pause, "but whatever it is, it's a whole lot worse than anything any of us have ever seen before."
"It always is," Willow scoffed, flexing her right hand and watching with a grimace as blue sparks crackled between the tips of her fingers. "But there sure is a lot of dark energy in the atmosphere."
The seconds ticked by with yet another healthy portion of uninterrupted silence.
"What was that sound?" Buffy demanded, her thoughts returning to the keening she and Willow had encountered on the streets. Willow's entire body tensed at the reminder of the unfamiliar power that had rendered both she and the Slayer temporarily helpless against the attacking vampires. She mentally reproached herself a little for her behaviour, considering momentarily that she and Buffy now both owed their lives to Angel.
"The damned," Angel answered, his lips curling upwards into a bitter and humourless smile. "The souls of the humans who have been dragged to the pits of Hell and endured centuries of torture. The suicides, murderers… the souls of the un-baptised…"
Willow swallowed hard and, from across the room, Buffy released a strangled gasp. She knew that they were both dwelling on the same prospect; that the tortured cries they had heard were in part the souls of those whose only crime in life was the lack of a ceremony that even now seemed so wholly insignificant.
"So why doesn't it affect you?" Buffy asked, managing to find her voice whilst Willow still struggled beneath the weight of Angel's revelation. He simply shrugged, utterly desensitised by the previous six months and now only intent to press on with the mission at hand.
"You get used to it."
Willow hoped that she would never reach such a point that she would become deaf to the pain of so many.
"So, what do we do now?" Willow finally managed, aware that her voice was as pitiful as the candle flames in the gloom of Angel's refuge.
"We kinda barrelled in here without too much of a plan," Buffy admitted, finally consenting to smile and allowing her eyes to lock onto Angel's face. Angel returned her weak smile and his spirit soared a little as he heard Buffy's heart flutter in her chest in response.
"Well I guess we can't just leave," Angel answered, struggling to grasp onto even the tails of a plan, "the force field popped right back up not five minutes after you got in. Besides, there are too many people in these sewer systems for us to be able to round up and successfully evacuate."
Buffy nodded slowly, chewing on a strand of her hair as she pondered Angel's words.
"I guess Giles was right then," she said eventually, "I guess this was a trap. Someone… something, wanted me in LA, and now it's got me. I can't think it's gonna be too long before it starts calling me out."
"Perhaps," Angel replied coolly, hiding any discomfort he felt from Buffy's words. "But I sincerely hope you aren't suggesting we use you as bait."
Buffy wrinkled her nose at the expression, which was one she had come to loathe over the years of her time as Slayer. The word 'bait' evoked images of juicy pink worms dangling on hooks in her mind, and such images were ones she could currently do well without.
"I'm just suggesting that maybe we should wait for whatever wanted me here to come to us."
"Well we sure as hell aren't prepared to go to it," Willow replied, "and I don't even know how to begin taking down the energy field with magic alone, not even from the inside."
"Maybe not," Buffy said, a smile beginning to spread across her tired features, "but that field has to be coming from somewhere in the city."
"We find the source, we have a better chance of taking it down," Angel finished, nodding his agreement even as he spoke.
"And getting all these people out," Willow added, her mind lingering on the residents of the city who were unfortunate enough to remain within its limits. Buffy shot her friend a warm smile and nodded resolutely.
"We'll get them out, Will, don't worry," Buffy promised, relieved when Willow graced her with a responding grin. "First I guess we gotta do a little recon. Check all the places the field could possibly be run from. Will, what are we looking for here?"
Willow shrugged unhappily, "I really can't say. The source of the field could be a person, an object, even an animal. We don't have that much to go on… in a city this size it will be like playing a really confusing game of Where's Waldo when you've completely forgotten what Waldo looks like."
"Granted, not helpful," Buffy grimaced momentarily before continuing, "but I'd prefer to get everyone else out before we rumble with whatever has dragged us in. At least with the field down, we can retreat if we really have to."
Angel and Willow nodded their agreement. A feeling of relief swept through the occupants of the cramped room as the albeit somewhat tattered beginnings of a plan emerged. Willow hated feeling so unprepared and knew from experience that in this at least she and Angel were similar. Buffy was a more adaptable creature by far, and had often plunged headlong into danger completely unprepared yet emerged on the other side victorious, and relatively unscathed.
"When we find whatever this thingy is," Buffy began, focusing her attention entirely on Willow, "will you know?"
Willow nodded, although seeming somewhat reluctant to commit to an answer. Finally, she sucked in a deep breath before speaking in a rush, "I think so. There's so much energy and magic bouncing around this city, we should all be able to see it. No place on earth is capable of cloaking the amount of supernatural energy Hell brings with it, not even somewhere like Sunnydale. Something that's radiating a force that huge will be literally glowing… or at least, I think so."
Buffy nodded, more than satisfied to take Willow's largely speculated assumption on faith.
"So… now?" Willow inquired, dreading the response she knew she would receive. Buffy nodded, her jaw set in grim determination. She raised one finger steadily toward the ceiling and held it there, allowing her eyes to follow its ascent.
"We go back up."