A/N: English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes.
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I hate it. I hate that I'm so afraid of meeting new people. Isn't that a good thing, making connections? Then why am I pushing them away? Am I afraid of hurting?
I'm a coward. I hate myself for that. I hate myself because I can't overcome my fears. I start thinking that I'm different. I get scared, confused and my mind gets consumed with self loathing thoughts.
I feel so alone. Nobody understands me and nobody ever will. They don't know me. They don't know the real me. And I'm scared to show what is really in my mind and heart. I feel so helpless and at the same time miserable. I start crying for god knows what reason. Is it sadness? I don't know anymore. My body begins trembling and my breaths are short. I feel my heart constrict in pain and the worst part is: I find myself smiling. It shocks me, but I just ignore it and enjoy the feeling of emotional pain rocking my body.
I can't explain it. I hate that feeling. I hate the pain, but to some extent I do like it. Then I start to hate myself even more because I know that it's just pathetic feeling that way. There are people all around the world who are suffering more than I do.
The feeling of being left out makes me think that I'm not important. What is my life worth? I'm not special. I'm no fun to hang around with. I'm not beautiful. I'm boring. I'm not a talkative person. I'm shy. And I hate it. I'm not as confident as I should be at my age. I feel out of place. I have no place in my family. I have no place in this society. I have no place in this world. Where do I belong?
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Please review when you have any thoughts you want to share. (*.*)