14. Triumph and solitude

"What do you mean, you've no idea what happened? I send you out to escort and protect the Queen and Court Sorcerer, you dare come back alone and now you do not even know what happened to them?"

"Yes, My Lord" Gwaine answered softly, never avoiding the King's rabid gaze. "That's what I'm saying. I failed. You, your sister and the only friend I've ever had. I failed."

Arthur swallowed. He had the hand on Excalibur's hilt, and he himself would not have known if it was to calm his trembling fingers or to draw the blade and cut the man before him to pieces.

This couldn't be true. Not after all he'd been through. Not after all they'd done and suffered to make this unlikeliest of all alliances possible, to bring peace back to Camelot instead of a slow, gruesome mauling of brother and sister. Morgana couldn't be just gone, not now.

And Merlin….. Merlin had become….. there wasn't really a word for what the stumbling, good-natured, idiotic yet all-powerful magician had become, for the important role he played in Arthur's life. Only one thing was certain: Arthur would not, could not live on like this; without his sister, without Merlin he just couldn't go on.

And here was this man, this nitwit, this pathetic excuse for a knight kneeling in front of him, staring at him actually, and telling him, him, the King of Camelot, that he most probably would have to do exactly that. Live on, go on, fight on - alone.

Naturally, there were other possibilities. A ransom note and some demands from the Isle of the Blessed, most likely. Do as I say or they'll stay with me, kind regards, Morgause.

Yet somehow, deep inside him, Arthur knew that it wouldn't be so easy. They just wouldn't come back. He was alone. He would always be alone from now on.

And it was Gwaine's fault!

Fearing the worst from his sovereign's face, Sir Leon furtively dared to intervene "Sire…I'm convinced Sir Gwaine did everything in his power to…."

With a sharp, unnerving sound Excalibur came out of its sheath and described a dazzling circle in front of Leon's startled face before the point came to rest on the table, an inch away from Leon's body. The other Council Members present, Geoffrey, Gaius, some nobles and knights, gasped in unison, but then fell dead silent.

They had often seen Arthur angry, they'd often gossiped of how he had inherited a lot of his father's temper but they'd never seen him like this. White with rage and yet hard, cold and calm like an unfeeling rock. "If – and I say if, Leon – I want to hear your opinion on anything, I will let you know. Until then you'll guard your tongue if you want to keep it!"

Algernon shook his head, but he said nothing. He had felt the outburst of magic in Ealdor, and the horrible feeling of …. nothingness afterwards. A hole in the fabric of magic, of life and nature itself. To him, there was no doubt. Emrys was gone. And Morgana….. Destroyer or no, Algernon knew how strongly the hapless woman had felt that the Druid children weren't prey for anyone who decided to hunt them down and use them to his ends. Now the Queen was gone too, and all that stood between the Druids and their enemies, Magicians or Christians, was one young King with his back to every wall in Albion.

Truth be told, Algernon wanted – no, needed – a scapegoat for this disaster as direly as Arthur did. To hell with this idiot Gwaine!

Leon was shocked, hurt, appalled, all at the same time, but he didn't back away, not from the sword, not from the man. "Your Majesty is acting in haste. Wrath and hurt are bad councillors and I'd be neglectful of my duties if I did not object!" The King and his knight stood eye-to-eye; neither able to stare the other one down. Abruptly Arthur turned back to Gwaine. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Nothing, Sire. Nothing but that I'm a disgrace to the knights of Camelot, to my father and myself. I've no right to wear your crest, I'm not worthy of your trust. I'll accept whatever punishment you see fit."

Arthur lifted his chin. His jaws were set. "There can be only one punishment for negligence of duty in a knight. Once honour is lost, all is lost. A knight cannot stay alive after that!"

But through the horrified gasps and murmurs all around, someone else spoke up. "His Majesty will let you know what punishment you are to receive in due time, Sir Gwaine. For now you're dismissed by this Council until further notice!" Gaius' raised voice was imperative enough to startle the gawking soldiers from their stupor: "Guards, take Sir Gwaine to the dungeons!"

When the soldiers obeyed, Arthur turned to the old healer and instantaneously all the others present had some pressing business elsewhere. Bowing and scraping they excused themselves and gave the two men the room. A terrified Geoffrey dragged a reluctant Leon away before even more calamity could be caused. In less than a minute everyone had left. Almost everyone.

"How dare you" Arthur accused the physician with white lips. "How dare you stab me in the back like that. Publicly! You, of all people!"

Gaius answer was short and crisp. "It wasn't me who was making a fool of you, Sire. I had to step in before your unjust wrath did you harm."

"You'd never done that in my father's time!"

"No. Unfortunately my love and friendship for Uther were never strong enough. Every time I agreed with him when I shouldn't have, I abandoned him. I vowed not to make the same mistake with you, Arthur."

Suddenly the King's cold, withdrawn face became a grimace of hurt. "He just left them there, to these creatures! How could he? He had no right! I relied on Gwaine." Briefly Arthur was panting, small, fast breaths that sounded a bit like sobs. Until his upbringing took hold of him; he straightened his back and restrained himself, found back his former forbidding calm. "For such negligence a knight deserves no less than death."

"Did I abandon them, too? Is that what I did?" a small female voice asked from somewhere in the back of the hall. "I was there with Gwaine when the storm vanished. The sorcerers were gone without a trace, the stream flowing peacefully in its bed, all fields and pastures in full bloom, as if nothing bad had happened. And yet they were both gone without a trace." Hunith's voice became louder now. "I searched and searched and searched and found nothing, just like Gwaine. So I too abandoned Morgana. My grandchild. And my son?"

Her words rattled Arthur. He was ashamed that he should have presumed to be more pained by the loss than Merlin's mother. Yet as a King, as a Pendragon and as a nobleman, he didn't have it in him to just apologize and take his blunder in a stride. Let alone tell his people that the rash sentence against an innocent man had been a stupidity.

So he just stood there, hapless, speechless, thinking that he was left with egg all over his face and yet too obstinate to just back down. Caught in the trap of his tantrum and incapable of admitting a mistake.

"Oh, I know that look" Gaius thought. "The cat ate the cream but it turned out bad and now someone else is to pay for the broken pot."

But this time Arthur would not get away with it. With Morgana and Merlin missing, Gwen gone and all hope of peace and quiet for the realm in shambles, the healer suddenly remembered the night in which Uther's son had tried to take his own life.

As long as Gaius lived, Arthur would not manoeuvre himself into so tight a spot again that he saw no honourable way out other than to harm himself. And as sure as hell the King would be the first to suffer from remorse about Gwaine's fate. It would make what had happened in Ealdor even more terrible. And the mere thought of Merlin coming back, asking for Gwaine, smilingly and innocent – it would drive Arthur mad.

Well, if a surgeon's knife had to cut, it was best done swiftly. "May the Great Mother save us from another Pendragon King who rules with his prickly pride and lacks the courage to face the consequences. You've got brains, Arthur and the guts to use them. We're facing a full scale war against the combined forces of Alined and the Isle. We need Gwaine and well you know it!" That said, the Court Physician bowed briskly and took his leave, urging Hunith to leave with him with a few last, loud words in Arthur's direction. "We better give His Majesty a chance to finish his deliberations. Possibly before the enemy knocks down our doors!"

Once he'd finally convinced a crestfallen Hunith to take a little nap (not without the help of a sleeping draught, masked as a mild potion against headache) Gaius began to wait in his infirmary.

It was the kind of waiting he wasn't cut out for. "There's nothing for it, my love" Alice said when she could no longer watch him fretting. "You couldn't go to him, not now. He has to come to you, driven by his own better senses or not to come at all."

It was a long wait. More than once the healer chastised himself bitterly for his harsh words. He had overdone it, surely he had overdone it this time….. Alice did her very best to calm him, but soon enough the circle of thoughts started anew. "Arthur has always punished himself much harder for his mistakes than any penalty Uther inflicted on him. The boy can torture himself for weeks, for months even…"

"He's not a boy anymore, sweetheart. He's a grown up man." Alice hesitated but in the end she spoke her mind anyway. "You and Merlin, you have a tendency to treat our King like a child. A child that merely plays with daddy's royal coat."

Gaius wasn't convinced. "He's lost his father, Alice, he's lost friends, his wife…." If, heaven forbid, Morgana and Merlin would not come back, a thought that pained him more than Gaius allowed himself to admit, how much more could Arthur take? Gwaine's death might well be for him what Igraine's death had been for Uther. The first step on a road that led inevitably downhill.

After a while of fruitless talking, Alice went to see Gwaine's wife and she didn't come back for the night. It had always been her maxim that she would help where she could do some good but not waste her time where she could not.

Leon came to see Gaius, then Geoffrey. Elyan and Percival followed but Gaius sent them all packing.

Finally, against midnight, the physician had long since taken to his bed, his heart heavy and sore from his worrying, someone knocked at his door. "Enter" Gaius said hoarsely, pressing his thumbs.

"It's cold in here" Arthur complained awkwardly when he came in. "Did you sell your firewood for some herbs or what?" He looked around with a nervous frown "Where's your wife?"

"At Gwaine's. His young wife is pregnant. Didn't you know that?"

Arthur winced as if he'd been slapped. "Do you think she's upset?" he asked, the teensiest bit sheepish. He walked from one shelf to the other whilst speaking. Touching this phial or that, he constantly avoided looking at his old friend.

"Oh no, why should she be?" snorted Gaius derisively. "Because her husband is to be executed for no fault of his own? She's probably looking forward to the joys of widowhood."

"Oh, stop it old man."

"As Your Majesty wishes. It's hard for me, though. I still remember Hunith's first months after Balinor had allegedly been killed by your father's men. Not that Uther thought much about her. Or about anyone else, for that matter. No doubt a royal prerogative."

"For the Gods' sake, Gaius. I've already given order for Gwaine to be released come morning. Now are you content?"

The healer had to grab the table for support as the arthritis in his knees underwent an astonishing change. Where once the bones had grinded on each other for lack of cartilage they were now completely missing, leaving only jelly to fill the skin. What relief could do for an old man's legs. If only one could prescribe it as a cure.

"Content, Sire? Why would you care if I'm content? If you did care, though, I'd ask you to add to my contentment by apologizing to Sir Gwaine."

Arthur's face was dark when he growled back at the healer. "No use trying your luck, you know."

"I'm serious, Arthur. He's blaming himself for what happened. It could destroy him."

"We all have some regrets to live with, some experiences we'd rather not made. I remember an old man, Gaius by name, who told me it's all part of growing up. Perhaps it's time that Sir Gwaine grows up." Arthur grinned mirthlessly "Possibly before the enemy knocks down our doors."

"You know, Sire, even physicians can become too old and feeble for changing diapers, holding hands and singing a soothing lullaby to an overgrown baby boy."

"I know, Gaius. Therefore you delegated the task to Merlin. However, in his absence there's no one to hold Sir Gwaine's hand but you. I simply refuse. And that is a royal prerogative!"

"Arthur, it would mean so much more to Gwaine if it came from you…."

"Put it in your pipe and smoke it, old man: His head still on his shoulders, his rank and titles still intact – that is the only apology Gwaine will ever get from me. And now to business…Damn it, why doesn't your wife come back for the night?"

Gaius found it wiser to drop the 'Gwaine issue' for the time being. "What has Alice to do with anything?"

"I'm not comfortable with risking our army in an open field battle, not while the Isle's magicians march with Alined and the best of our own magicians are on an outing. But apprehending the Isle's forces is still our best chance. I will leave with the main force in the morning, to unite with Marke's troops."

"But Camelot…."

"I hope Camelot won't be molested. But if it is, you all hide behind the walls and don't you stir, understood? Merlin's and Morgana's absence leaves Camelot with you, oh great magical warrior, your equally warring wife, some wide-eyed youngsters from your healers' seminar and the as always extremely blood-thirsty Druids. Do the maths, Gaius. At least running against the citadel might slow down Morgause's sorcerers. It will give you all a better chance. Leon, the Knights of the Round Table and our own guard regiment will stay behind to hold Camelot 'til my return if needs be."

"I perfectly agree, Sire. But shouldn't the Knights of the Round Table be with you?" Gaius didn't want to admit that the mere thought of Arthur marching off without at least some of his faithful bunch made him sick. Merlin would kill him if he knew that Gaius had allowed such a thing to happen.

"I'm glad you agree" Arthur replied drily, but he ignored the bit about his knights completely. "You could oblige me even further by telling your wife that I'll leave my children in her care."

Gaius was taken even more aback. "But surely Leon and the knights would lay down their lives for Margaly and Galahad…"

"Yes, like Gwaine did for Merlin and my sister. Besides, every man jack will be fighting." Arthur laid a hand on Gaius' shoulder. If Camelot falls, no one will be safe in town or castle. But I do hope that Morgause will spare your new healers' temple and the hospital inside. You will be in the citadel's vaults tending to the wounded while Alice will be in the temple, together with a whole bunch of kids. Do you follow my drift?"

"Perfectly, Sire. Nobody will find out your children among the others."

"Well, that's settled then. At the first possible moment, Alice will bring the kids to the Branguards, do you understand? To nobody else. They've the best chances to make their peace with the Isle, and they are Margaly's official guardians." Arthur huffed under his breath as he continued "Angus wouldn't give up the legal heir to the throne to anyone. He'd come back from the grave to defend the Branguard entitlements."

"But I'd taken it for granted that the Baron of Ravenclaw and Lord Saltyre would stay in Camelot with their soldiers …."

"Gaius, you're more than seventy years of age. And after all this time, you still take loyalty for granted in a man? Besides,.." Arthur waved his hand dismissively "they had no choice. I ordered them both to defend the Ravenclaw and Saltyre estates. Camelot can't survive when our strongest fiefdoms get lost."

"What about your Christian lords?"

"As it was them who brought this disaster about, they better see to it that it is righted. Their troops will be with me, in open battle."

"Can you rely on them?" Gaius had wanted to bring up the issue of the Knights of the Round Table again, but his method was ill chosen. He regretted the question when he saw Arthur's face. "If they betray me they better pray that I get killed before I can take revenge!"

Suddenly Gaius was very cold. "Do you still recognize the golden boy in the wretched man?" How right Morgana had been. And how wrongly Uther had judged his son. Arthur had had such a kind, forgiving heart once, Uther thought it would make him weak. Barely a year on the throne and the boy's heart was made of stone. "I wished you'd stay with us Sire….."

The healer was brazenly cut short when the door banged open to reveal a panting Sir Leon "There you are, Arthur. I've been looking for you everywhere. Our outlying villages have been overrun, our men and people are dead or captured. Alined's army…. it's not at Marke's, it's here. Camelot is attacked by all they've got!"

The blow took all air from Gaius lungs, and he wasn't the only one. Arthur was as white as chalk. "How the hell was that possible? We had scouts and outlooks everywhere!"

Leon shrugged helplessly. "They've appeared out of the blue, all over the place, causing havoc, killing people hand over fist. They've begun attacking the Druid villages, too. Arthur, it's a horrible slaughterhouse out there, merely hours away."

"It must've been magic" Gaius muttered. "They couldn't have avoided all those eyes looking for them."

As always, Arthur was the first to compose himself. Camelot was in acute danger and his instincts took over. Shouting orders right and left he dashed through the halls, trusting Gaius to know what to do.

Barely ten minutes and the chaos that had followed the sudden shock came back to structure and order whilst the fortifications were manned. Finally, much later than Leon would ever had dared on his own, the gates were closed and barred. The citadel had taken in town's people, refugees and provisions until the very last moment, as the enemy's vanguard already roamed the lower town.

Somewhere in the turmoil a woman passed Arthur by, a vaguely familiar face, her fingers intertwined with that of a life-long servant of the royal household. Absurdly a thought flashed through the King's mind. "How could he get married without me even noticing it?"

"You'll send these bastards to hell, Your Majesty" the woman said feverishly "I know you will. They'll rue the day they came here."

"C'me away, Minnie" her husband said while he dragged her forward, to the vaults. To what they all hoped, all those running and leaving behind all they had, would be safety.

It was idiotic, but in that brief, precious moment Arthur felt suddenly invincible. "They will, Minnie" he shouted at the top of his voice. "I swear it!"

She shouted something back but he couldn't understand it, as in this very minute a cavalcade of heavily armed men galloped towards him at full speed. When the leader's horse was sharply reined in just before Arthur's feet, the man opened his visor and a baffled King found himself staring at Sir Lancelot du Lac.