Chapter 11

"You drew this?" Blair asked Serena in awe as she looked at a charcoal portrait of herself.
Serena nodded, "Yeah, I did." She was really proud of it since it had placed 2nd in the art show at boarding school.
"I didn't know you could draw," the brunette admitted, trying to remember if she'd ever seen Serena draw anything before.
"Neither did I until last year at school. I had to take an art class and I found that I really loved it. It helped keep me sane," Serena explained.
Blair continued to examine the picture, "Well its very flattering," she laughed. "I wish I actually looked this good."
The blonde sighed and took the picture out of Blair's hands and placed it on the bedside table. "Look at me," Serena whispered and the other girl obliged. "Blair, you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. You're just so amazing and I hate it when you downplay yourself like that," she reached up and placed a hand on Blair's cheek, making sure the brunette couldn't turn away. "I hope that one day I can make you see what I see."
Blair smiled softly, "Kiss me."
"Gladly," Serena said before capturing Blair's lips with her own and kissing her gently, trying to convey her adoration for the girl.
When she pulled away, she saw a few tears had fallen down Blair's cheeks and she carefully wiped them away. "Please, don't cry, baby," she whispered, pulling Blair in for a tight hug, and the brunette buried her face in Serena's neck. Breathing in her scent seemed to calm Blair's trembling form.
"God, I'm so glad you came back," Blair said, her voice scratchy from crying.
Serena placed a kiss on Blair's shoulder, "Me, too." She ran her hand up and down Blair's back soothingly. "When I was away, I dreamed about being with you like this every single night," Serena whispered. "And whenever I put a pencil to paper, I'd end up drawing you without even realizing. I couldn't draw anything else. I didn't want to, and I still don't want to." Blair tightened her grip and Serena felt fresh tears against her skin. But she couldn't stop. She needed Blair to know that she never stopped caring, not even for a second. "I can't tell you how many times I tried to write you," her voice began shaking as tears came to her eyes, too. "But nothing I ever wrote was good enough, so I never sent them. I thought it'd be better if you forgot about me," she bit her lip to stop it from trembling.
"I tried," Blair admitted. "I really tried to hate you, but I couldn't. I found myself worrying about you more than anything. I just missed you so much. I wanted to know if you were okay. Everything else was falling apart."
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when your dad left, B. I know I should've been there, but I thought coming back would make things worse for you," her voice broke as Serena tried to explain, though she knew there were no words that could take back the pain she'd caused.
Blair pulled back a little so she could look at Serena. They both had tears running down their cheeks and Serena closed her eyes causing more to escape. Slowly, Blair leaned in and kissed them away from the blonde's face then kissed her lips softly.
"You're here now," Blair whispered and Serena opened her eyes. "We can't change the past, S. Maybe its better that way," the brunette continued, brushing Serena's hair out of her face with her fingers. "I can see that something in you has changed. You seem so much more together and you're finally letting me in. The whole thing, the pain and the time apart, its made us both stronger and it made me realize that what I feel for you is real. Its not just some phase or teenage fling. Which is why I can say that I forgive you. Its because I love you and I know you had to do it for yourself."
Serena smiled, her eyes still shining with tears and eyeliner running slightly, and Blair couldn't help but lean in and kiss her again. She was so beautiful.
Their moment was soon interrupted by a loud buzzer. Serena jumped and looked around. "What the hell was that?" She wasn't very familiar with the penthouse; she'd only been back for a few days and had barely spent anytime there.
Blair laughed. "I think you have a visitor. Are you expecting anyone?"
"Um, not that I know of," Serena answered, getting up and buttoning her blouse. "I'll be right back."
She made her way towards the telecom and pressed the 'answer' button. "Hello?" Serena said, hoping she was using it right.
"Serena, its Nate. I know you're mad at me and I don't blame you but is Blair there? Eleanor said she'd be here."
Serena swallowed. "Um, can you just hold on for a minute?"
"Yea," Nate answered.
The blonde dashed back to her room and through the door, surprising Blair. "Who was it?"
"Its Nate. He asked if you were here," Serena explained, feeling a little bit of anxiety.
"Fuck," Blair cursed, walking over to her purse and pulling out her phone. "He's called 8 times since school got out. It might be important," she sighed and walked over to Serena. "Give me a half hour, then call. I'll pretend you're Eleanor, kay?"
Serena smiled, "Okay." She watched as the brunette straightened her clothes out and grabbed her purse, but grabbed Blair's hand before she could walk out the door, pulling her back.
"What?" Blair asked, standing in front of the blonde and noticing that the smile had disappeared from Serena's face. "S...?"
Serena looked at the floor and whispered, "I know he's technically still your boyfriend, but can you... not kiss him?" She felt stupid for asking, but the thought of Blair and Nate together kind of made Serena a little jealous.
The other girl smiled softly, "Don't worry about that. I have a highly contagious cold," she said with a laugh, but Serena still didn't look up. Blair reached up and tilted Serena's head so that their eyes met. "You've got to trust me, S."
The blonde looked into Blair's pleading eyes, then nodded, "I trust you."
Blair smiled and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's neck leaning in for a lingering kiss. She pulled away and looked at Serena. "Remember, half an hour, okay?"
"I'll set the alarm," Serena half-joked. It actually seemed like a good idea, knowing her and her bad memory.
Blair laughed, shaking her head and turned to leave.
"Hey," Serena said, making the brunette turn back towards her. "I love you, too, B," she whispered with a smile since she didn't get a chance to say it earlier.
Blair bit her lip, trying to conceal her idiotic grin. "Why do you have to make it so hard to leave?"
"The sooner you go, the sooner you'll get back, right?"
Blair rolled her eyes at Serena's corniness. "I'm going. Call me," she called over her shoulder as she walked down the hall and out the door.
Now all Serena could do was wait and pray to God that Nate would realize she hadn't told Blair, and that he wouldn't tell her either. It was going to be the longest 30 minutes of her life, she was sure of it.

When Blair finally made it outside, Nate awaited a slap to the face or a bitch out from the girl. But neither came.
Instead, Blair walked up to him with a slightly concerned look. "What's going on, Nate? Did something happen?" she asked, looking at him. He looked a little stressed, but other than that he seemed fine.
"No, I just wanted to talk to you." Nate said, wondering why Blair was at Serena's. Surely, if Blair knew, she'd want nothing to do with the blonde.
Blair tilted her head, unsure whether she should be flattered or creeped out. "You called 8 times within 2 hours just because you wanted to talk?"
"Look, I don't know what Serena told you, but--"
"Is this about that Gossip Girl post?" Blair asked, remembering how everyone at school had been expecting her to flip out. "Because I already talked to Serena. She told me it wasn't what Gossip Girl made it out to be, and I believe her."
Now Nate was certain that Serena had not told Blair. There was no way that she'd trust Serena or him, if she knew what had happened. He suddenly felt relief flood his body and smiled. "I'm glad you two made up."
Blair nodded unable to keep from smiling also as she thought about the blonde. "Yea, me too."
"Listen, Blair," Nate began, seizing his second chance at their relationship. "I know things have been off between us lately, but I've been thinking about it a lot, actually, and from now on I'm going to try to be better. I really am," he promised, reaching over and taking her hand.
She swallowed, staring at their linked hands in disbelief. Did he seriously have to have this epiphany now? They'd been dating for 4 years, and he was going to start trying now, when she was planning to break up with him? Why couldn't these things ever be easy?
Blair smiled slightly, "Well, that's good to hear," she lied.
The boy nodded, seemingly proud of himself and said, "So I was thinking we could go out Friday night?"
Blair winced, "I can't, sorry, I've already got plans that I can't break."
"Oh, that's okay. What about Saturday?"
She thought it over, not really wanting to say yes, but having no real excuse. Besides, she felt guilty for cheating on him with Serena. Despite the fact that she wasn't in love with Nate, she still loved him as one of her closest friends. Hurting him was not going to be easy for her.
"Saturday works," she answered finally.
"Great," Nate said. "Well, I'll let you get back to Serena. I'm sure you guys have a lot of catching up to do. Maybe we can all hangout sometime during the week? It'll be like old times."
"Sure," Blair agreed, plastering on a fake smile.
Nate made to lean in and kiss her goodbye on the lips, but she put a hand against his chest, keeping him at a distance. He gave her a confused look.
"Sorry," she said, "I have a cold. I don't want to get you sick."
"I don't care," he smiled, but Blair kept her hand firm on his chest.
She shook her head, "You'll be sick for our date."
Nate nodded, "True. Ok," he settled for kissing her forehead. "I hope you feel better."
Blair smiled, "Thanks. I'll talk to you later, alright?"
"Sounds good." He nodded, before backing away and giving the girl a little wave goodbye and a goofy smile. She waved back, laughing a little as she watched him get into cab, then headed back into the hotel.

Serena lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. It had only been 20 minutes, but it seemed like Blair had been gone for days. She clutched her phone in her hand, looking over at the clock every few seconds.
She was startled when her bedroom door opened and Blair came in, dropping her purse on a chair and immediately getting onto the bed, lying down next to Serena. She sighed heavily and the blonde propped herself on her elbow, looking down at the obviously upset girl.
"B? What's wrong?" she asked, half frightened for the answer.
Blair covered her face with her hands, not wanting Serena to see her cry, but she didn't have the will power to hold it in at the moment. Reality was becoming more overwhelming by the second and she wasn't used to being so vulnerable. But now she had something of value; something she needed to protect from the unexpected twists and turns of life that threatened to take it all away if she let her guard down. At least, that's how it felt.
She felt Serena's soft hands on her wrists as the blonde gently lifted her hands from her face. Blair bit her lip, trying to control her crying, but failing horribly.
Serena pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair, "Its gonna be okay, baby." The blonde held her for a while, whispering assurances every now and then, but not pushing Blair to talk about it. Right now, the most important thing was making sure the other girl felt safe.
Soon, Blair stopped crying and settled down, pulling away a little to look at Serena. "Sorry about that," she said.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," the blonde answered, reaching a hand up to brush the tears off of Blair's cheeks. "Are you okay?"
The brunette nodded, "Yea, I am now. Thanks."
"Anytime," Serena promised with a smile.