"So Mom, can I go?" Jeannie repeated her question to Kim, frustrated at her mother's apparent lack of attention. Kim had been back from New York for several days and since returning, Jeannie noticed she had become terribly distracted and absent-minded. It concerned her but Kim brushed it off as simply nerves about the upcoming book tour and movie announcement. Shane, too, was conspicuously absent since Kim's return but Kim explained that he was just busy with ISA work which seemed plausible. Jeannie knew from past experience that ISA always came first with her father.
"I'm sorry, what did you say," Kim apologized, taking a last gulp of her morning coffee.
"Mom, you're not listening," Jeannie snapped slightly perturbed.
"Of course I am," Kim insisted when in fact, she hadn't heard a word Jeannie said.
"There's a big end-of-summer party tomorrow at the beach," Jeannie said trying to keep the impertinence out of her voice. "It's all day with a nighttime bonfire," she explained before adding cautiously, "so I probably won't get home until midnight. Can I have the car and go?"
Kim pursed her lips considering Jeannie's request. She usually was very strict about curfew. But then again, Jeannie hadn't done anything to lose her trust all summer. And now with summer almost over, it seemed prudent to bend a little. "All right but you must be home immediately after the bonfire. Okay?"
Jeannie jumped up from her chair practically knocking it over and rushed around the table to hug Kim. "Thank you, thank you. I better go call Chelsea and Stephanie."
Kim watched as Jeannie hurried up the stairs and smiled at her youthful exuberance. What a welcome change from her mood at the beginning of summer. When she first arrived, Jeannie had still been terribly bitter and angry about her and Phillip's divorce and was so upset about coming to Salem. It filled her with joy to see Jeannie finally happy and for a moment Kim forgot her own troubles. But they were just a stone's path away.
She and Shane had successfully avoided each other the last few days and Kim knew Shane well enough to know he'd continue to give her space. Space, that was what she needed. Yet yesterday morning when Kim had looked out her bedroom window, she saw Shane load a suitcase in his car and drive off. She remembered the panic that gripped her heart as she feared he had left for good. Kim was irritable and agitated the rest of the day finding relief only when she saw Shane's car parked again in front of the guest house.
Kim got up from the diningroom table and walked to the open window overlooking the garden. The scent of roses filled the air and Kim inhaled deeply in a futile attempt to calm herself down. Instead, the fragrant scent brought back a rush of memories of her first visit to Donovan Manor when Shane proudly showed her the garden there. A warm sensation washed over her as she remembered that visit. Each of them scared and wary, it was the first time they admitted their love to each other. And the first time they made love, a sweet yet sensuous coming together of body and soul. Kim shivered as she felt her body respond to the memory.
Why did everything always come back to Shane? Her last image of him, standing in the guest house, looking so sad and forlorn, flooded her mind. Kim desperately wanted not to care! Where was her determination to remain at arms length? Kim knew it had vanished the moment he took her in his arms. She thought back to the benefit and recalled how wonderful it felt dancing with him. Suddenly memories of harsh words and heartbreak were clouded by this new sensation of wanting and needing him.
Kim was so confused, more confused than ever about Shane. But there was one thing she knew for certain. She wouldn't find any answers to her troubles sitting here in this house. She had to get out and she knew just where she had to go.
"Jeannie, I'm running a few errands. I'll be back by dinner," she shouted up the stairs before grabbing her keys and heading out.
After circling the area a few times, Kim found a parking spot only a block away. This was especially lucky considering the pier was always busy during the late morning hours. She locked her car and hurried across the street and down the stairs to the dock. She knew this place well having spent so many days of her childhood playing on this dock. Most of her memories here were happy; playing tag with Roman and Kayla or pushing baby Bo in his stroller.
But the memory she wanted wasn't that long ago. It was Christmas, soon after Shane arrived in Salem. She was still living "the life", and was certain Shane knew her secret. Kim closed her eyes and vividly recalled the two of them standing at this exact spot on the pier. Then Shane turned and looked at her as no one else had ever done. For the first time Kim thought her life could be different, one filled with joy and promise instead of sadness and despair. After that, she was determined to escape "the life" and Shane, with his unbending support and clever magnetic video tape eraser, was the one who helped make it possible. She remembered the immense joy she felt, certain she had finally put that sordid part of her life behind her and was about to embark on a new, happier journey.
Looking further down the pier, Kim was struck by another memory. This one when she and Shane were married. Holding back tears, Kim shuddered as she recalled the heartbreaking loss of miscarrying their second baby. A horrible accident – no, a violent assault - that wouldn't have happened if Shane had been home. Standing together on this pier, Kim had lashed out at him, angry that he had put the ISA and others first, before her and their family's needs.
Kim continued her walk on the pier, letting memories flow like photographs slipping out of an album. A secret rendevous with Shane disguised as a tramp ... her posing as a hooker to catch the Riverfront Knifer ... a simple misstep followed by a rescuing hand giving the first hint that she was falling in love. "Falling in love," Kim whispered to herself. When she approached Brady's Pub, she hurried past preferring to be alone and strolled a bit longer on the pier before heading back to her car.
After several hours of driving aimlessly through town, Kim found herself parked in front of their first house, the one Shane bought before they were married. Here Kim had sought refuge when she was accused of murdering Emma, Shane's first wife. That dreadful woman had repeatedly tormented Kim, ultimately orchestrating the kidnapping of their son Andrew. And it was here that Shane brought Kim, after she was wrongly convicted of that crime, for one night before heading to prison. Kim closed her eyes remembering those wonderful hours of lovemaking when Shane promised again and again that he would find Emma's true murderer, bring Andrew home and they would be together forever.
Driving through town, Kim was flooded by one memory after another - Victor Kiriakis' mansion, the Alamain estate long abandoned and boarded up, the church where they married and renewed their vows. Kim realized so much of Salem was a part of her and Shane's past. And through it all, both the happiness and heartbreak, there was one inescapable fact, an abiding love, and Kim wondered how much longer she could deny it.
It was near dusk when Kim pulled up in front of the house. It was to this home she had returned, hoping for a sweet reconciliation with Shane. Instead she found Kayla in his arms. That was the final question that remained unanswered. Could she forgive what could never be forgotten?
"I'm home." Kim shouted to Jeannie as she walked through the door.
Appearing from the kitchen, Jeannie announced, "Just in time. I made spaghetti for dinner and it's ready." Kim followed Jeannie into the diningroom and was impressed to see the table set for two, complete with candles, a glass of wine for Kim and a platter of spaghetti in the middle.
Kim took a seat at the table and after taking the first bite, complimented the chef. "Mmm, this is good. I'll have to put you in charge of preparing dinner from now on."
Jeannie's eyes widened as she quickly declined the cooking opportunity. "Don't get any ideas. Spaghetti is about all I can make." They both laughed and then Jeannie said off-handedly, "Dad stopped by today."
"Oh," Kim replied trying to sound nonchalant. "When was that?"
"Soon after you left. He just wanted to see how everyone was doing. I invited him for dinner but he declined. Said he's been awfully busy with work."
Kim smiled, not surprised Shane would come up with the same excuse as hers for his sudden absence from their lives. "Well, I'm sure his work will let up soon."
"Remember, I have that party tomorrow and you said I could have the car," Jeannie reminded Kim concerned she may have already forgotten considering how distracted she had been lately. "I'll be leaving a little before lunch time."
"Yes, yes I remember," Kim said with resignation, suddenly concerned what she would do all day stranded without a car.
The following day was glorious. It was the kind of summer day one dreamed of all year. A bright sun and an almost cloudless blue sky colored the landscape. The leaves on the trees danced to the gentle breeze blowing. For anyone else it would be paradise, especially with summer coming to an end. But Kim didn't notice. Her world had taken on a gray cast.
Jeannie departed right before lunch as she had planned, taking the car and Kim's only means of escape with her. Now, several hours later, Kim was still lumbering about the empty house. She tried reading but couldn't concentrate and the TV offered little to watch. She thought about calling someone to come visit but decided against it. In her current state-of-mind, she was hardly the best company. So instead, Kim was left to pace the empty house ... pace and ponder her situation.
She paused to look out the livingroom window and saw the comforting sight she had grown accustomed to. There was Shane's car parked in front of the guest house and Kim once again felt a wave of relief knowing he was still in her midst. Gradually, she found the feelings of anguish she had been experiencing disappear and in their place was a new resolve. She discovered a fortitude within her that she didn't realize she had. Taking a deep breath, Kim headed out the door and down the stone path.
She stood for the longest time at his door, hesitating before finally knocking. Shane answered within seconds. From his stunned expression, Kim was certain she was the last person he expected to find at his doorstep.