'The Weight of Words' - XLVI
'Well I've been afraid of changing,
Because I built my life around you,
But time makes you bolder, even children get older,
And I'm getting older too…'
Landslide by Fleetwood Mac
One month later…
In recent weeks, The Sunnydale Tribune had taken to reporting every single coronary related death on the front page of the newspaper. Six more young victims had joined the dead, and the frequency of which the heart attacks were occurring seemed to have increased since Xander had found the article. It almost seemed to Buffy that whatever creature was responsible for the bizarre killings was attempting to draw the Slayer out. Indeed, two of the bodies had been discovered in areas of town that Buffy frequented on her patrols, namely the cemeteries.
Always eager to oblige the whims of creatures of the night, Buffy had stepped up her patrolling. She had temporarily abandoned the search for a job in order to focus on tracking the creature and, where that was impossible, throwing herself into the relevant research. Coupled with the fact that Dawn had withdrawn from school for the remaining five weeks of her pregnancy, Buffy was nearing exhaustion.
Dawn's stomach had ballooned to mammoth proportions now, and the majority of her days were spent in misery reclining on the couch. It seemed to Buffy that every part of her sister was swollen in some way, from fingers to feet and then ankles right back up to cheeks. Dawn griped about her vast increase in size relentlessly and had taken to referring to her pregnancy as 'torture'.
Since Spike was aiding with regular patrols as well as working the night shift at Willy's, Buffy had been reduced to playing nursemaid to Dawn, who seemed to require fluids, food and/or attention on an almost half hourly basis. In short, Buffy should have been flagging. However, her spirits had been so much bolstered by the recent wedding that she could not find it within herself to complain about anything. Buffy assumed her responsibilities with a genuine smile fixed in place and an optimistic air that somehow never failed to get on Dawn's very last nerve.
Angel had taken a two week holiday from work in order for the newlyweds to enjoy some quality time together. However, they had managed one dinner date and a trip to the cinema before falling victim once again to their seemingly endless list of responsibilities. Neither of the couple had seemed to mind much though, realising that the current state of red alert was a temporary one, whilst they had the rest of their lives to spend together.
In fact, Buffy had never been so blissfully content as she had in the weeks following her marriage. Angel seemed to be mirroring her buoyant mood, leaving for the job he loathed every evening whistling in a tuneless but gleeful fashion. When he returned in the early hours of the morning, he slid into bed next to Buffy's slumbering form and drifted into the most refreshing sleep he had enjoyed since the first time he had been human.
The entire gang appeared to have embraced the union; surprisingly enough, even Xander had uttered a few words of congratulations and supplied a wedding gift that it was evident he had picked out with some degree of thought. Despite the demonic bargain still hanging over her head, and the strange rash of killings plaguing Sunnydale, Buffy thought that she had never experienced such happiness as this in her entire life. She knew, therefore, that it would all come to an abrupt end at some point in the near future.
Rather unexpectedly, it was Giles who first succeeded in bringing Buffy's happiness crashing down around her. She had ventured to his apartment on a rare lazy Saturday afternoon with the intention of inviting him over for dinner, when she had discovered her former Watcher flinging his belongings haphazardly into a suspiciously large suitcase.
"Giles, what's going on?" Buffy demanded, her arms crossed as she surveyed the apparent explosion of tweed and wool that had occurred in Giles' lounge. "Are you going somewhere?"
"You could say that," was Giles' cryptic and terse reply as he continued placing piles of sweaters into the bag. Buffy frowned as she watched him work, wondering where he could possibly be going that would require so many winter items. Her unspoken query was answered almost in the next second.
"I have been speaking with the coven in England…" Giles began, shooting Buffy a somewhat wary glance before he continued. "They think they may be able to offer some information on Dawn's pregnancy, and the prophecy."
Buffy faltered, her mouth falling open into a tiny 'o' of surprise. A sudden jaunt to England had been the last thing she had expected from Giles given both the proximity to the birth of Dawn's baby, and also the recent events in Sunnydale. Indeed, Giles had busied himself over the last few weeks with the task of researching any demon or mythical creature that could be responsible for an apparent heart attack. Thus far he had uncovered nothing, but the former Watcher had continued to work with an admirable resilience.
"But what about the murders?" Buffy finally spoke, and when she did her tone came out a little more demanding and whiny than she had hoped for. Giles glanced sharply at the Slayer and merely shook his head. In the next instant, he had removed his glasses and busied himself with the task of cleaning them on his sleeve.
"You are more than capable of continuing my research, Buffy," Giles chided in a definitely reproachful manner. "For the moment, it appears that there is no foreseeable pattern emerging as regards the victims and little evidence to go on. I am sure that when the time is right that this creature, whatever it may be, will make it's presence known to you."
Buffy stared back at the man, her mouth agape as he returned his attentions to stuffing volumes and socks simultaneously into his luggage. Buffy could scarcely believe what she was hearing. It appeared to her that Giles was abandoning her on the cusp of her hour of need.
"But what about Dawn and the baby?" Buffy pressed, crossing the room and laying a restraining hand on Giles' arm. Giles raised his eyes to Buffy but failed to hold her gaze for long.
"Dawn doesn't need me around," reasoned Giles, his tone gentle but firm, "she needs Spike and her sister."
"No, you're wrong," Buffy retorted, refusing to remove her other hand from atop Giles' suitcase. "Dawn will want you around. You're the closest thing to a father either of us have had in a long time."
"And this is why I have to go, Buffy," Giles snapped, glancing sharply at the Slayer, who appeared somewhat taken aback. His voice earnest, Giles continued, "If the coven have new information about this prophecy then I must seek it out, Buffy. We cannot go into this situation unprepared. All of our lives could be at risk."
Buffy sighed, rolling her eyes in annoyance as Giles continued to form neat piles of clothing on the coffee table. She removed her hand from the lid of the case and instead planted it firmly on her hip.
"We've already been through this, Giles," Buffy said, her voice rising as her impatience shone through, "Dawn's baby is human. The prophecy is bull."
"Perhaps I once would have been inclined to agree," Giles answered. Buffy halted suddenly; there was something about the way in which Giles now held himself, pensive and uncertain, that inexplicably alarmed her. Buffy grew quiet, waiting for Giles to voice his obvious fears on the matter.
"What are you talking about, Giles?" she demanded after she had finally grown impatient of waiting for his explanation. Giles sighed heavily and turned to Buffy wearing an expression of such utter sorrow that the Slayer's heart almost stilled in her chest.
"That was before I knew, Buffy," replied Giles.
Buffy stood in silence, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of Giles' suddenly heavy gaze. Everything in his eyes was accusing and Buffy knew without a doubt that his next words would be ones she would not relish hearing.
"I know what you did, Buffy," said Giles, finally replacing his glasses onto the bridge of his nose and affixing the Slayer with a sad stare. "I know about the contract."
Buffy's throat felt unbearably tight and she was forced to choke down the lump that had arisen there. Her fingers fluttered to her neck where they settled whilst her wide eyes never once wavered from Giles' face.
"How?" she managed to hiss, her voice sounding strange and distant even to her. Giles shifted his weight from one foot to the other and began to fling objects into his suitcase with renewed gusto.
"The coven see and know far more than we give them credit for," was Giles' only response. Buffy released the breath she had been holding slowly and, instead of resuming the argument, began to aid Giles in placing clothes into his suitcase. She was hardly surprised at his reaction to the news; after all, who would be pleased to learn that their life potentially hung in the balance because of a deal they had played no part in?
"I guess you're very disappointed in me," Buffy murmured, ignoring the tears that prickled at the corners of her eyes. She had recognised long ago that she had absolutely no right to cry over the bargain she had entered into so willingly.
"I know why you did what you did." Giles paused just long enough to affix the Slayer with a saddened smile. "I only wish that you had not been so naive as to think that you could best the Devil himself."
"I would have let him go," said Buffy quietly, toying with the collar of a shirt she held in her hands. Try as she may, she was unable to bring herself to meet Giles' gaze any longer.
Giles inhaled deeply and, after several seconds had elapsed, Buffy found herself being led to the armchair and lowered gently against the cushions. It was then that she realised that she had given into her tears. Buffy's vision blurred as fat droplets trickled down her cheeks and splashed onto the front of her tank top.
"I'm so sorry Giles…" she hissed, struggling to catch her breath against the sobs that threatened to master her. "I couldn't think of a way to tell you. I thought that maybe I could stop it… maybe there would be some kind of way… but I've looked and…"
Giles laid his hand over Buffy's as she trailed off, sniffling and swiping at her wet cheeks with the back of her free hand. When Buffy finally forced herself to glance at Giles' face, she saw concern, fear, sorrow and the desire to comfort pass across his features in rapid succession.
Swallowing hard, Giles appeared to be summoning the courage to speak. When eventually it came, the former Watcher's tone was patient and kind.
"I have no doubt that whatever you did, you did for what you believed to be the right reasons. I can't imagine being faced with such a decision but as the Slayer, this is your duty. You make the choices that serve the greater good and sometimes… personal sacrifices are required."
Buffy stared down at her trembling hands, which rested in her lap now, covered by Giles' own. She briefly wondered why she had not thought to share her burden with the man before, but realised that it was her own shame that had prevented her. Since learning of the bargain, Angel had been scouring his remaining underworld sources for more information and some potential way out of the contract. So far, his efforts had uncovered little other than the unanimous agreement that those who tangled with Lucifer did not emerge victorious. It seemed apparent now to Buffy that Lucifer would make good on his end of the deal, and she could do little more than wait with baited breath for him to make his move. She would defend any one of her friends to the last, even if she was forced to forfeit her own life in the bargain, and this was the only fact that had thus far allowed Buffy to sleep at night.
"The coven believe they may be able to help," Giles continued, casting a glance at the clock that hung on the wall of his lounge and frowning. "My flight leaves in six hours. Willow will be accompanying me."
"Willow?" Buffy inquired, cocking her head in bemusement. She wondered if she would be able to cope with the new big bad that had set it's sights on Sunnydale and also Dawn's less than upbeat mood without her best friend to figuratively cheer her on.
Giles nodded before speaking once more, "She believes that she may be able to utilise the collective resources of the coven to further investigate the prophecy. Also, she grew very attached to a number of coven members. I think it would do her good to return and allow them to see how far she has come since their last meeting."
"Does she… know?" Buffy said uncertainly, a blush rising on her cheeks as she considered how Willow would feel about the bargain Buffy had made that promised to affect them all. With a faint look of surprise, Giles shook his head.
"Certainly not," he replied, "and neither am I planning to tell her."
"How long will you be gone?" asked Buffy as she dabbed at her damp cheeks with the handkerchief that Giles offered to her. She folded the cloth in her lap and began to twist it absently around her fingers as she awaited Giles' response. The prospect of Giles leaving when so many unanswered questions hung above their heads made Buffy inexplicably nervous, and she was having great difficulty in controlling the tremors that promised to wrack her body.
"I am hopeful we will be back in two weeks," said Giles, offering Buffy a smile that only served to further cultivate her guilt. "I'll call you when we arrive, and once again when we know more."
Flashing Giles a watery smile, Buffy climbed to her feet and returned to the task of filling his suitcase with the required items. Seizing her hand in his own, Giles peered into Buffy's eyes, finding pain there now in place of the joy that had only recently been reflected in their depths.
"I will help you in any way I can, Buffy," Giles murmured softly, gasping ever so slightly as Buffy threw herself into his arms and seized him in an embrace. Resting his chin on the crown of Buffy's head, Giles obliged by encompassing the Slayer in his arms.
The packing was complete half an hour later, Giles having been forced to sit on the top of the case to allow Buffy to yank the stubborn zipper closed.
It was another three hours before both Giles and Willow were bound for the airport. Buffy had waved them off with a false smile affixed firmly in place, before returning to the Summers' home to resume the many responsibilities that suddenly seemed so much more inconvenient.