Chapter XIV

The next night found Enjolras still working on the paper from the night before. Gabrielle glanced up from her book to see him writing furiously at the desk. The lines around his mouth deepened as he frowned. He paused every once in a while to rub his shoulder and look out the window; whenever he used his hand for too long, the wound in his shoulder began to ache, Gabrielle knew. He was obviously lost in thought about something, and oblivious to her and the world outside. He looked like his old self when he was like this, Gabrielle thought, and it was a wonderful sight to see. The fire was back in his eyes, his curls wild on his head, cravat loosened, and the top of his shirt undone. He was beautiful and intimidating all at once.

After a few more minutes of savage scribbling, Enjolras threw his pen down with a few choice words and Gabrielle jumped. He didn't even glance up at her, but continued staring at the wooden desk, a scowl on his face.

Gabrielle gently laid her book on the sofa after marking her page and stood. He still didn't look at her. She crossed the room and stood next to him, tentatively laying a hand on his shoulder. She could feel the knotted, tense muscles, and nervously, she moved behind him and began to slowly rub his shoulders. He tensed more for a moment at her touch and she almost stopped, but he then sighed and slowly began to relax. Unexpectedly, he reached up and squeezed her hand before dropping it back to his lap.

"What's wrong, Antoine?"

"This essay...examinations, the law," he spat sourly. "It all seems so pointless sometimes. So stupid and silly. Especially after seeing what you're doing, the tangible ways people can be helped. I'm just..." he trailed off, rolling his neck back and forth to ease the tension there.

"Frustrated?" Gabrielle supplied. Enjolras nodded.

"I thought things would be different now." His voice was bitter and it hurt Gabrielle's heart to hear him sound so defeated. She had a feeling beginning to work on the paper was both a good and bad thing; it made him miss and long for what used to be, even as it helped him begin to move on.

"I know," she said softly, and gently kissed the top of his head. His mood changed so rapidly, she reflected. Motivated and almost excited yesterday, and melancholy and moping about the past today.

She didn't know when it had happened, but Gabrielle knew she cared for this man, probably even loved him. She had grown more and more used to the idea over the last few days.

And according to Musichetta, when men were upset...well. She took a deep breath and prepared herself for the rejection he might very well send her way, considering he was Enjolras, after all. Gabrielle wanted to try, anyway; it was time to hopefully put more of Musichetta's knowledge into use.

Gabrielle stopped rubbing his shoulders and reached down for his hand instead. "Come with me," she said quietly, and he rose without protest, following her into the bedroom. Keeping her back to him, she began undoing the buttons on the back of her dress. She was quick, and soon they were all loose.

She slipped her arms out of the fabric and slowly turned to face Enjolras, holding her dress up in front of her.

"Gabrielle?" There was a quiet curiosity in his eyes.

Gabrielle took a step towards him as she let the dress fall to her feet. "We've kissed before, and it was...well, it was very nice," she murmured. "And I thought...you might want to..."

Enjolras' eyes widened a bit at the obvious insinuation and he looked away, a muscle in his jaw beginning to twitch. She quickly took his hands and moved them to her waist, over the tight boning of her corset. "I mean, do you...want to?"

"I do not want you to do anything you don't want to," he said softly. "Just because we are married, or because we've kissed, does not mean we have to...to be together. I thought you knew that?" He sounded as if he were talking to a child.

Gabrielle felt embarrassment begin to course through her body. He sounded as if he didn't want her. Maybe she had completely misread his advances, thought too much of the kisses they'd shared.

She was standing before him in only her underclothes and he clearly wasn't interested. She was mortified when she felt tears begin to sting her eyes and knew she was turning red.

Quickly, she stepped back and reached down for her dress, holding it up to cover herself again. She looked at the floor, anywhere but at him, and didn't say anything. For the first time, she regretted marrying Enjolras and a lump formed in her throat.

"Gabrielle," he said with concern. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I mean, that's not to say I don't want you..." it was him turning red now. "But I...do you want to?" he stammered.

Gabrielle looked up at him and glared, her embarrassment suddenly turning into anger. "You stupid man! We are married! This is what married people do! Are we never going to be together, for the rest of our lives? Maybe that is what you want, I don't know, but you kissed me the other night and I thought..." she stopped and shook her head. He looked taken aback at her outburst. "I thought it meant you felt something for me..."

Enjolras took a deep breath. He looked baffled, but slowly stepped forward and took Gabrielle's dress in his hands, letting it fall to the floor again.

"I do," he said simply. "I do care for you. I only don't want you to feel obligated or forced." Gently, he kissed her forehead, then both of her cheeks. His touch was tender and a little bit unsure.

"I don't. I want to be with you," Gabrielle said boldly.

Enjolras lowered his head and softly brushed his lips against hers. Gabrielle responded by tangling her hands in his shirt and pressing harder against his mouth. She felt his fingers awkwardly untying the stays behind her back and she reluctantly pulled away, turning around to give him better access. He fumbled a bit with the strings of her corset, and Gabrielle could sense his nervousness. She shivered when she felt his lips against her shoulders and back after he pulled her corset off and tossed it aside, and then gasped when his arms encircled her from behind and tentatively cupped her breasts.

Her corset gone, Enjolras quickly pulled her chemise over her head, as well, and soon she was completely naked in front of him. He lightly touched her shoulder, urging her to turn around, and unconsciously, she moved her arms to cover her breasts.

She raised her eyes to meet his. Instead of his usual cornflower blue, they were dark and piercing. He looked fierce, as if he wanted to devour her, and Gabrielle had a moment of fear that he would be rather rough, but his touch was still gentle. It made her tingle through her body to know she was causing this sort of reaction in him, he who was usually so stoic and composed, he who barely gave women a second thought to the more important matters going through his mind.

He took her arms and lowered them to her sides, looking her up and down. Neither said a word, but finally, Enjolras moved toward her and lowered his mouth to her neck, his hands tangling in her hair and causing the pins to come undone. It tumbled down her back as she leaned into his touch. His lips moved lower until they found her breast and Gabrielle let out a soft whimper as he gently swirled his tongue around the soft flesh. The sound she made seemed to make him more aggressive, and Gabrielle didn't mind when he picked her up and carried her to the bed. He laid her on the soft sheets and began to climb on top of her when Gabrielle stopped him with a hand on his chest. Without a word she began pulling his shirt out of his trousers and he took the hint and pulled it off, tossing it aside.

He quickly covered her body with his and Gabrielle found she didn't mind his weight. She liked feeling his skin against hers, soft and hard, smooth and rough. She bent her right leg so he would fit better against her and let her hands roam over his back. Soon, his hands were traveling everywhere – her breasts, her hips, and then even between her legs. He raised himself off of her and scooted down, keeping his eyes on her face.

Gabrielle's breath quickened as his fingers moved tentatively inside of her and her hands began to grip the sheets, a strange and new feeling pooling in her stomach and spreading through her body. Even if they didn't consciously know what to do, their bodies seemed to instinctively react, and Gabrielle spread her legs farther to give him better access.

She squeezed her eyes shut and gasped as Enjolras hooked one arm around her leg and lowered his mouth. She moaned as she felt his tongue pressing against her, and soon she was gasping his name, her back arched, as a wave of pleasure overtook her. She opened her eyes to find him gazing up at her, fascination and arousal evident in his gaze. He reached up and took her hand, holding it tightly. Gabrielle tangled her other hand in his hair and pulled. She wanted to kiss him, to feel him inside of her, and see his face as he experienced what she was.

He quickly acquiesced and rose, fumbling with his trousers. Gabrielle was past the point of embarrassment and reached out to help him pull them off. He laid back down on top of her and she raised her hips to meet his. She could feel him pressing against her thigh and wrapped her arms around his back, running her hands down his spine. He shivered in response and kissed along her jaw.

"Can I...? Is it alright?" he asked unsteadily.

"Yes, yes, Antoine. Please," she breathed into his ear, and that was all the urging he needed.

He pushed inside of her forcefully and Gabrielle cried out at the sudden pain. Musichetta had warned her, but she had forgotten what was still to come with the intense pleasure that he had just given her.

Enjolras froze. "I'm so sorry. You're hurt?" he looked horrified.

She nodded and bit her lip at the pain. "Yes. Musichetta said it would hurt the first time...but it's alright, Antoine, keep going. Please," she smiled uncertainly and stroked his cheek comfortingly.

He looked unsure, but began pushing in and out of her, trying to go slowly. Gabrielle winced with each new thrust, but kept her eyes on his face. A fine sheen of sweat had broken out on his brow and his eyes never left hers. He looked like he was concentrating, and Gabrielle began to forget the pain as she watched his eyes squeeze shut at these new sensations he was feeling.

"I...I can't..." he finally gasped and he began to thrust faster, grunting with the effort of trying to hold himself back. He finally let go and Gabrielle thought he was beautiful in that moment – no longer hard, stoic marble, but just an extraordinary man who had finally let himself surrender to a passion usually reserved only for his Patria.

He slowly pulled out of her, and Gabrielle kissed his damp curls as he lowered his head to chest. She realized he was shaking and asked uncertainly, "Are you alright, Antoine?"

He wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her off the bed a little bit, and kissed her breasts reverently. "I didn't...I mean to say, I didn't know it would be like that," he said quietly.

Gabrielle knew he had never been with a woman before, but she didn't know he would admit it to her. "It was okay?" She was worried she had done something wrong or not pleased him enough, though he sounded as if he'd enjoyed himself.

He raised his eyes to hers and smiled in wonderment. "Gabrielle, Aphrodite herself couldn't surpass your beauty in my eyes."

Gabrielle blushed fiercely and bit her lip. He had called her beautiful. "Antoine, I know you have the heart of a revolutionary, but I didn't know you had the heart of a poet, as well. You mean to flatter me."

"I do," he said seriously as he climbed off of her and pulled her into his chest. "Then perhaps you will have me again..." he murmured as he began kissing her neck.

Gabrielle smiled and said slowly, "Of course I will. I am your wife, Antoine, and I want to be with you. I want to know your heart."

Enjolras squeezed her hand and ceased kissing her. "It is hard for me, Gabrielle, to open up to you...to anyone. But I will try," he said sincerely.

Gabrielle sat up, pulling the sheet with her to cover her chest. She looked down at him and said tentatively, "Antoine...I need you to know I do not expect any declarations of love. I know that we are married because my brother asked you to care for me, that I am an obligation you took on because of guilt. I know, and I understand, that I will never come first for you. I just need you to know that I accept that and I don't mind. I do hope that we can be friends, though, and take care of each other? Help each other?" She bit her lip, uncertain.

He searched her face for a moment, then gently tugged her back down to his chest and smoothed her hair, running his fingers through her dark curls. "Thank you, Gabrielle. I will take care of you...and I'll even try," he said with a smile, "to let you take care of me every once in a while."

Gabrielle nodded and closed her eyes, feeling incredibly content. She listened to the steady rhythm of Enjolras' heartbeat and felt his breath slow as he fell asleep. She soon drifted off to join him.

When Gabrielle awoke the next morning, she was alone, but there was a note laying next to her on the pillow.

Gabrielle,

You looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. I was tempted to skip class today and stay in bed with you, but duty won out. I will see you this evening.

~E

Gabrielle smiled – even his mere contemplation of staying in bed with her and skipping class was unlike Enjolras. Last night must have been just as good as Gabrielle remembered.

She stretched and winced a bit at the pain she felt between her legs. Musichetta had failed to mention how long that would last. Eventually, Gabrielle rose and dressed hastily, calling on the landlady to draw her a bath. Once she had bathed and eaten breakfast, Gabrielle descended the two flights of stairs to Musichetta's apartment and knocked on the door.

"Gabrielle! I didn't expect you today, my love, come in." Musichetta kissed her cheek and ushered her in the door. "Enjolras is off to class, I suppose? Do you have to be at the church to help today?"

"No, we aren't serving a meal today. We had to limit it to only four days a week for now, because of money. I was hoping I could maybe help you?" Gabrielle asked hopefully.

"Help me!" Musichetta exclaimed. "But you must be truly and utterly bored to want to help me. Usually on days like this you're working on your 'book.'"

Gabrielle smiled and shrugged. "Yes, well. I'm a little distracted today. I thought it would be nice to keep moving."

"Well, unlucky for you, I've already finished for the day. It is almost two o'clock, you know...half the day is gone."

Gabrielle started. "Two o'clock?! I didn't realize it was so late. I've never slept in so long in my life."

Musichetta narrowed her eyes. "And why was today so different?" she asked curiously.

Gabrielle blushed. She had really come down here to hopefully get more advice from Musichetta, but now that she was here, she didn't know how to talk about last night. She opened and closed her mouth, unsure where to begin.

Suddenly, Musichetta's eyes widened and she clapped her hands. "Oh! You didn't! You and Enjolras! You finally did it, didn't you?! That was fast!"

"I...well...yes. We did." Gabrielle smiled slowly and then laughed along with Musichetta. "We really did."

Musichetta leaned forward and said conspiratorially, "And was he good? I always imagined he'd be a passionate lover, he's so passionate in everything else he does. And are you alright? Did it hurt too much for you, dear?"

Gabrielle bit her lip, feeling a bit embarrassed at Musichetta's forthrightness. "It was...well, it was interesting. I mean, it was good. It was very nice, in fact. But yes, it did hurt. I'm still a bit sore. When will that go away?"

Musichetta patted her hand. "Oh, it will take a few days. But now it will never hurt again, only feel better and better the more used to it you get. I can't believe Enjolras finally gave into a woman. I was beginning to think it would never happen. You must be special, Gabrielle." Musichetta winked at her.

Shaking her head vehemently, Gabrielle replied, "No, I am not. We are not...in love, 'Chetta. But we are married, and were we to avoid it forever?"

Musichetta looked at her skeptically. "You can't fool me, Gabrielle. You are most certainly in love with that man. I've known that from the moment you appeared on the doorstep after quitting your job, with him half dead in the next room. Don't tell me you haven't admitted it to yourself?"

Gabrielle sighed and rolled her eyes at Musichetta. "Really, Musichetta. Of course I have...I just...well, I'm not sure he feels the same. I know he cares for me, but I don't know if it is love."

"Only time will tell, but I don't think you have much to worry about. Now, what other fun things can I tell you?" Musichetta's eyes sparkled, and Gabrielle sat expectantly.

"Really, I want to hear it all. Tell me exactly what to do."

A few hours later, Gabrielle was back in Enjolras' apartment (she still thought of it as his and not theirs), trying to write in the bedroom, when the front door opened. She recognized Enjolras' footsteps and turned around after a minute to see him standing in the doorway watching her.

She smiled tentatively, suddenly nervous to see him. "Hello. How was class today?"

Enjolras walked in and sat on the edge of the bed near her chair. "The same as usual. Did you have a good day?"

Gabrielle nodded. "Yes. I was so tired I slept until nearly two o'clock and didn't even realize it until Musichetta told me the time..." she rambled, then blushed furiously when she realized what she had alluded to.

Enjolras blushed, too, and cleared his throat. "Yes, well. I brought home some dinner. I thought we could stay in tonight?" he asked.

"Of course. Let me just finish this and I'll be right out." Gabrielle reached out to grasp his hand for a moment and was surprised when he hurriedly stood and pulled away, retreating from the bedroom. What was that? That was the most awkward encounter they had ever shared.

Was this how it was going to be from now on? Had he changed his mind? Did he think last night was a mistake? Gabrielle closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. Stop it! She told herself. He's just nervous...he doesn't have any experience when it comes to women. He doesn't know how to treat you.

After composing herself, Gabrielle stood and smoothed her dress, then went into the front room. Enjolras had their simple dinner of bread and cheese laid out on the table, and Gabrielle smiled when she saw a basket of ripe apples sitting on the counter. "Oh, you brought apples! Thank you. They're my favorite," Gabrielle said. She was afraid her voice sounded too cheery, trying to make up for the awkwardness she felt.

"Are they? I didn't know." Enjolras sat down and avoided her eyes like he used to. It seemed nothing would ever be easy with him, Gabrielle thought.

She sat down across from him and began eating the fresh bread thoughtfully, trying to think of a topic that would put him at ease and get him talking. "Did you finish the paper you were working on last night?"

"Yes."

"And...it's good?"

"Yes."

Gabrielle frowned, already getting frustrated. "Did you have a bad day, Antoine?"

"No, why?" he asked, finally meeting her gaze.

"Because you haven't looked at me properly since you came home and you're answering questions with one word. Naturally, I wondered if something is bothering you..."

Enjolras sighed and leaned back in his chair, finally looking at her. "I apologize, Gabrielle. Nothing is wrong. In fact," he confessed, "I was looking forward to seeing you all day. And then, when I got here, I felt...strange."

She stared at him for a moment, then smiled. "I felt it, too. But there's no reason for us to feel strange, Antoine. Nothing has changed really. We're still friends. Like I said last night, I don't expect more. I just don't want to be alone," she said truthfully.

Enjolras reached across the table and took her hand, rubbing his thumb up along her wrist. "You won't be alone, Gabrielle. And I'm sorry, again. You're right, of course."

They ate the rest of their meal in companionable silence. Before long, Enjolras rose and bid her goodnight. She tried to read for a few minutes, but couldn't concentrate on her book. She still felt uneasy, even though Enjolras had seemed to relax after their brief talk. He was probably asleep already, so Gabrielle rose and went into the bedroom. It was so dark she could barely see, so she couldn't tell if her husband was awake or not.

She reached behind her to undo the buttons on her dress when she suddenly felt Enjolras' large hands covering hers. She jumped, startled, and he put his hands on her shoulders to steady her. "You scared me!" she whispered.

"I'm sorry. Why are you whispering, Gabrielle?"

She frowned. "I don't know, really...it feels like you should whisper in the dark, doesn't it?"

She thought it sweet that he wanted to help her undress – he had never done so before tonight, and Gabrielle felt a spark of hope at this new intimacy. It took him longer than it would have taken her to get her dress and corset off, but she let him do it, anyway. When she was undressed, he pulled the covers up on the bed and allowed her to climb in next to him. It was still too black to see his features properly, but she could now make out his outline in the dark.

They lay facing each other and didn't speak for several minutes. Finally, Gabrielle asked quietly, "Antoine?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you...well, do you regret last night?"

"What? No. Absolutely not," he said firmly. "Do you?"

"No, not at all. It was amazing," she whispered, feeling her cheeks burn.

Enjolras reached out and pulled her closer to him, pressing his lips to her neck. She shivered a bit, finding she liked being kissed there. His lips moved to just below her ear, kissing and sucking gently, and she sighed with pleasure, tilting her head back. "Do you like that?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yes," she answered, "But, Antoine, we can't tonight..."

He began running his hands down her hip, angling her body to better fit against his. "Why? Does it still hurt for you?" he asked with concern. She said that it did, and he immediately replied, "Then of course we don't have to, Gabrielle."

He kept kissing her anyway, though, and moved his lips down her neck to the tops of her breasts. He kissed them through the sheer fabric of her chemise and Gabrielle's body automatically responded, her back arching into his touch. He doubled his efforts, sliding a hand under her chemise to gently knead the sensitive skin of her other breast. She could feel him growing hard against her leg and found herself a bit fascinated.

Gabrielle groaned and said softly, "You're making this difficult, but...it's not just that it hurts, Antoine." She sat up and tugged him up, too. "I can't think with you touching me like that," she mumbled, removing his hands from her body.

"Well, what is it?" he asked.

"Do you want children?" she asked bluntly.

He didn't answer for a moment, but then said slowly and with understanding, "Not particularly, no..."

Gabrielle sighed. "I had a feeling you would say that. In that case, we have to be careful, and I don't have the things Musichetta told me to get."

"You discussed this with Musichetta?" He sounded horrified.

Gabrielle lightly hit his arm. "Of course, Antoine! Who else would I discuss it with? Cosette? They probably have no idea what they're doing, either." She blushed. She always said things without thinking.

She was surprised to hear a snort of laughter from Enjolras. "Probably not."

They were both quiet for a few moments, and then Gabrielle felt his hands in her hair. She was surprised at his fearlessness with her. Just twenty-four hours ago, they barely ever touched, and now he could barely keep his hands off of her, at least in the dark.

"Gabrielle, do you want children?" he asked suddenly, and a little fearfully.

She took a deep breath and shrugged. "I've never really thought it was even a possibility," she said truthfully. "I'm not really sure. I don't think so. I can't imagine being someone's mother."

"Oh," Enjolras said quietly. She could hear the relief in his voice. He laid back down and kept one hand on the small of her back until she joined him again. Gabrielle laid down with her back against him and he wrapped an arm around her waist. Once again, she felt a feeling of security and promise that she wasn't used to.

"Bonne nuit, Antoine."

I said I would update today! I woke up ridiculously early because I've been having so much trouble sleeping, so...what the heck, here it is.

GUYS, I'M UP TO 88 REVIEWS AS I POST THIS! I would LOVE to hit 100 with this chapter! Please, please, if you're reading, drop me a review, especially since I'm so nervous to post this! (And I know more of you are reading than reviewing!)

Thank you for your incredible enthusiasm for this little project that has taken over my life a little bit. It makes me so happy to read your reviews and reactions. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint!

~A