STORMY WEATHER

Chapter 4

After speaking to her mother, Jaina felt some measure of relief. She was still both hopeful and hurting, but she took comfort in the assurances that what she was going through was perfectly normal.

Why does it have to be like this? she asked herself irritably, as she paced about her room like an angry gundark.

Was she flattered that he'd come back? Most definitely. Did she question his motives? Absolutely. He'd dumped her when he left for the Naval Academy, putting his career above her needs-and maybe his own? Why was he saying differently now? What had changed?

"Why do you have to make this so kriffing difficult?" she snarled at Jag. She stopped herself from punching the wall; damage to barracks was looked upon poorly, as had been made evident when some of her fellow cadets decided an indoor water fight would be just the thing to alleviate the boredom of routine.

The breakup had been traumatic for Jaina, despite her outward appearance. She'd kept her head up and had applied herself diligently to her Jedi training and her military studies. She was aware that her family knew how much she was hurting, but she'd really only opened up to Leia and Han. Of course, two of her brothers and her aunt and uncle knew via the Force how horrible it had been for her, but she'd never discussed it with them.

She remembered her mother insisting that her father promise not to hurt—or rather not kill-Jag. That memory actually amused her, but she was glad that Mom had strong-armed Dad into reining in his fatherly impulses. Besides, if anyone was going to kill Jag, it was going to be her-and she'd been tempted more than once.

But Jaina also remembered how alive she'd felt with Jag. How kind he'd been to her, how he'd laughed at her warped sense of humor, how he gently coaxed her to show her tender, vulnerable side to him by making her feel loved and unique. She remembered the first time he took her hand in his, how large and warm it felt; the first time he ever so casually put his arm around her shoulder, the first hug they shared, and the first time they kissed...it made her tingle to think about it. And then, that first time...it was magical. She'd felt joined to him, body and soul. That feeling had never left her; it had only been filled in by heartache at not being able to be with him.

She loved him then, and, she realized, she loved him still. But the idea of trying again had her mind swirling about madly. The Force isn't going to help me with this one, she thought. For one thing, she'd need clarity of mind, and her mind was anything but clear.

Could they pick up where they left off? Start new? What if he decided to leave her again? She wasn't sure she could bear that. She was a strong young woman, but like her mother, her heart was a fragile thing. Acknowledging that was painful for her.

And he was graduating. The odds were that he would be stationed far from her. She'd never even contemplated what effects that would have on a relationship with him. There would be visits, of course, but it wouldn't be the same as being near him. And what if the relationship couldn't survive the separation? Another breakup would kill her inside.

Walking by the river, not much had been said, but when Jag had said, "I love you, Jaina," it had softened her heart far more than she cared to admit. There was anger, and pain, but there was a sense of life that had awakened in her, which was making it ridiculously complicated.

Pay attention to your heart...her mother's words came back to her, and kept coming back. Again, and again.

"I've gotta get out of this room," Jaina muttered, grabbing her passcard and satchel.

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Jaina left the base by the exit that was closest to town. It was one of the least-used exits by the cadets. The officers were a different story, but there were few on duty this weekend. She'd hoped not to be recognized, but as she neared the exit door, the desk officer called out to her.

"Cadet Solo, don't forget to sign out," the Tagruda male said to her politely.

"Sir. Sorry."

"Thank you."

Jaina knew this particular lieutenant; fortunately, he was on the quiet side, not much of a gossip. He was married to a fellow pilot based on a different planet and lived off base. She wondered how they made it work.

She headed for the Caridan District, which was essentially the downtown area outside of the base. It was a substantial walk, but Jaina liked physical activity; unlike meditating, it actually did help to clear her head. When the cadets were allowed off base after hours but had to remain planetside, they'd frequent some of the nightclubs that featured music and dancing, but Jaina had begun going to them less and less. She was determined to repeat her father's feat of graduating at the top of the class, and she admitted to herself that the scene had become boring. There were only so many drinking games one could play and only so many new bands worth listening to.

Whether she could name it or not, she was longing for a real connection. The kind of connection her mom and dad had. They'd had their share of shouting matches over the years, but it was clear that they loved each other in a way Jaina had only begun to understand. She'd watched Jacen and Tenel Ka, too-they were having their ups and downs, but they had a strong attachment and Jaina thought about how they looked at each other.

It was the same way Jag had looked at her when he found her grabbing a kaf, and even more so when they were at the river.

Was it a different look then before? He'd gazed at her with tenderness and desire when she was fifteen and he was seventeen. But the way he'd looked at her today was something...more. She didn't know what it was, but she had to admit that, at least watching him over the past two years, he'd grown up a little. She'd grown up a lot, but then again, as her mother had advised her, males were slow.

The Caridan District was humming with life; shops, cantinas, and restaurants were filled with patrons from hundreds of planets—beings drinking, playing cards, chatting, arguing, laughing, and kissing...

Jaina wanted to kiss Jag. Desperately. She longed for all of his senses to invade hers. The idea made her tingle all over-both from desire and from fear.

Maybe, she decided, Uncle Luke was right: the future was always in motion. There was no way to tell what it held; Jedis were not inclined to be prognosticators, but rather they tuned into what was at hand. She was trained to be a courageous fighter and, she reminded herself, she'd been brought up never to run from danger. To be cautious, yes, but she was expected to face it.

Nothing had ever scared her as much as Jag telling her he wanted to talk today.

Go forth and conquer, Mom had instructed her.

The biggest thing one had to overcome in military training was fear. Jaina thought, why should this be any different?

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Jaina had walked back to base much more quickly than she had when she went into town. She was grateful that the same lieutenant was still on duty; shift change would happen soon, and the next officer might not possess the same quality of discretion that the Tagrudan did. He did have to remind her to sign back in, but all he did was smile gently.

"Well, here goes nothing," Jaina said softly to herself, feeling her heart pounding as she walked towards the quarters of the senior cadets. She kept her steps deliberate and slow; more than

once she was tempted to turn back, but the fact was that...she loved him. And they deserved a chance. Her parents had always said that at least for them, love only came once in a lifetime.

She hesitated in front of Jag's quarters. What if he wasn't there? What if he'd changed his mind?

Well, I'm not going to know anything if I don't knock, she told herself, tentatively rapping her knuckles against the door. She felt naked and vulnerable standing there.

Then the door began to open, and Jag flashed her the warmest, sweetest smile she'd ever seen on him.

"I was wondering...are you hungry?" Jaina asked him.

His smile grew even wider. "As a matter of fact, I am. But before we go, and you don't have to say yes, would it be okay if I kissed you?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she said, smiling at him. They wrapped their arms around each other, and their lips met.

This was the best decision I ever made, Jaina thought happily. Whatever happens, happens. But right now, we're here. Together.