Chapter XIX
Gabrielle knocked on the door of Monsieur Gillenormand's magnificent estate, still a bit in awe of her surroundings, even though she had visited the house many times since that first dinner with Enjolras. Today, she had unexpectedly found her way there, and was holding a small package delicately in her hands.
A servant opened the door, announced Gabrielle's presence to Cosette, and directed her to the sitting room. Cosette was resting on the sofa, but rose when Gabrielle entered and embraced her friend.
"Gabrielle! I didn't expect you today, what brings you here?"
Gabrielle was surprised to feel Cosette's swollen stomach pressing against hers as they embraced. When she had seen her only three weeks ago, Cosette's pregnancy hadn't seemed to be showing at all. Now, it couldn't be hidden.
"Well, I was out for a walk, just to get out of the house for a while, and I saw this. I couldn't resist getting it for you." Gabrielle handed her the package and Cosette sat on the sofa to open it.
"Gabrielle, that's so sweet. You shouldn't have!" Cosette unwrapped the package and pulled out a tiny white baby bonnet, laughing as she touched the soft material. "I can't believe how tiny it is! Can you even imagine? Thank you, it's incredibly thoughtful of you."
"You're welcome. How are you feeling?" Gabrielle sat in a chair by the window, her eyes drifting to Cosette's stomach. She was feeling a bit curious about when exactly this baby was due, but didn't want to be rude and ask too many questions.
"Oh, I'm fine, really! During the first few months, I was sick all the time, it was horrible. But now that I'm farther along, it's really not so bad. Except, well..." Cosette gestured to her stomach and smiled sheepishly. "I'm enormous, aren't I?"
"No..." Gabrielle lied. "But, has it really only been three weeks since I saw you?"
"Yes! I swear, one morning I woke up and I couldn't see my feet. It feels quite strange." Cosette smoothed her dress over her stomach so Gabrielle could see better. "I can even feel the baby move now, and Marius felt it for the first time last night. He was so amazed! It was most endearing thing."
Quite unexpectedly, Gabrielle was overcome with a strange feeling of jealousy. How intimate, to be carrying the child of the man you love and to have that man be so excited to have created a life with you. It must be an incredible feeling. She had never even contemplated it before.
"I think it's sweet, how excited Marius is. Apparently, even more so than usual, you and the baby are all he's talking about." Gabrielle smirked, thinking of Enjolras' annoyance. He wasn't one to tolerate the romantic musings of others, even though she thought he had come to be rather romantic himself when they were alone together. She was sure he would never let anyone else see it, though.
"And how is your husband? Wasn't it your birthday last week? Did you do anything special?"
Gabrielle blushed furiously as she thought of what going to the opera had turned into and Cosette's eyebrows immediately shot up. "Oh, that kind of special," she remarked.
Gabrielle smiled innocently, then quickly turned sober. "He finally said it - that he loves me," Gabrielle admitted, still feeling giddy just thinking about it.
Cosette leaned back against the sofa and gave her a knowing look. "Did he? Somehow, that doesn't surprise me at all, Gabrielle. I honestly thought it had been said months ago, the way you two have been acting."
"No! I mean, I wondered. I thought sometimes that maybe he did feel that way...but now I know for certain. And it feels wonderful."
Cosette's eyes suddenly filled with tears and Gabrielle leaned forward in concern. Cosette held up a hand and laughed through a watery smile. "I'm sorry! I'm not upset, I promise. I'm...happy? I cry over everything now, more so than usual. I'm just so glad that things have turned out so well. After last June, I wondered if anything would ever be completely right with the world again, and now both Marius and Enjolras are healthy and happy, and I met you, and I've never really had a real friend before, Gabrielle, and...everything feels so wonderful. And I'm so happy for you."
Gabrielle rose and moved to the sofa next to Cosette, giving her a warm hug. "You are the sweetest person, Cosette. Sometimes I wish I could be more like you, seeing the good in everything."
"Thank you. Oh!" Cosette suddenly grabbed Gabrielle's hand and placed it on her stomach. "Can you feel that? The baby is moving all around, it feels like he's doing flips!"
Gabrielle was startled to feel the slightest movement under her fingertips. She stared, her mouth falling open. "Cosette!"
Cosette laughed, her eyes sparkling. "Doesn't it feel strange? Imagine how it feels for me; but, it is absolutely amazing, too. I never knew I could love someone so much that I haven't even met."
"That's..." Gabrielle was at a loss for words, an unusual event for her. Her mind drifted in ten different directions at once, and she found herself strangely touched. She tried to picture her own mother's face. Had she loved Gabrielle like that, so completely and unconditionally, even before Gabrielle was born? She had so few memories of her parents.
And, even though she tried to stop herself from thinking it, Gabrielle also began to wonder what it would feel like to carry a child inside of her. And not just any child, but Enjolras' child. To make another life with him suddenly seemed the most amazing thing they could ever do together. It was a fleeting thought, however, because she had to admit that more than anything, it terrified her. She didn't know the first thing about babies. Children who could mostly take care of themselves, yes, but babies? She had never even held one before.
"How will you know what to do?" she asked softly.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know the first thing about taking care of a baby...do you?"
"Well, no, not really. But everyone has been telling me that it comes naturally. And we're searching for a nurse to help, too. I am a little nervous, I'll admit, but I really think it will be fine. I'm certainly not the first woman in the world to have a baby, am I?" Cosette said rationally.
"No, I suppose not. That is a comforting thought. And, when exactly, Cosette, do you think the baby will be here?"
"April," Cosette said nonchalantly, and Gabrielle quickly did the math in her head. The numbers certainly didn't add up to Cosette and Marius' wedding day...
Their conversation was interrupted by voices in the hall, which saved Gabrielle from having to respond. She was surprised to hear her husband's soft tones melding with Marius' loud exuberance as they neared the door. They sounded excited, though Gabrielle couldn't make out their exact words.
The men entered the sitting room, and Enjolras stopped short at the sight of her. She took notice of the way his face lit up and his posture changed and smiled at him before turning her attention to Marius.
"Just who we wanted to see! You couldn't have picked a better time to visit, Gabrielle. You've saved us from running to your house next!" Marius leaned down and kissed her cheek in greeting before moving on to his wife.
Gabrielle stood and crossed to Enjolras' side. "Hello," she said softly. "What brings you both here at this time of day? I thought you were at work?"
"I was, but Marius stopped by with this. Take a look." Enjolras handed her a newspaper.
Gabrielle's face lit up in recognition after a moment and she looked from Enjolras to Marius excitedly. "You've published it!"
"Indeed we did. It took longer than we thought it would, but it's being distributed as we speak. Open up to the second page, Gabrielle," Marius instructed her.
She flipped the newspaper open and read for a minute before she realized she was reading her own words. Her mouth fell open. "You used my article?"
"Yes. You had to know we would; it's incredible," Enjolras said, and Marius nodded enthusiastically.
"We didn't print your name, of course, but used a pseudonym, as we did for all of us, so don't worry about that. Do you think you would want to write more for us?"
"Of course! I honestly didn't think you would use this in your first issue. Thank you."
Gabrielle had never seen her own words in print before, and she read silently for a few minutes, thinking that they felt completely new in this proper and professional format. How her brother would have loved to see this!
After they had all combed through the paper and discussed plans for the next issue, Cosette held up the little bonnet Gabrielle had brought. "Marius, look at what Gabrielle gave us today. Isn't it the sweetest thing you've ever seen?"
Marius reached out and took the delicate garment. "It fits perfectly in my hand. Will the baby really be that small?"
"Yes, darling. Generally speaking, babies are fairly tiny at first," Cosette said patiently.
Gabrielle stifled a laugh and took Enjolras' hand, weaving her fingers through his.
"Marius, I have to get back to work," Enjolras reminded him impatiently. "Do you need anything else from me?"
Marius looked up and shook his head. "No, go on. I should probably be going, too, actually." Marius sat next to Cosette to talk for a minute and Gabrielle followed Enjolras into the hall.
Once they were alone, Enjolras turned to her and began in a whisper, "When exactly is..."
"...the baby supposed to be here?!" Gabrielle finished for him, laughing that they had both had the same thought. "I wondered the same thing! Cosette said in April, which means...well. They were married in September. Those dates don't exactly add up, do they?"
Enjolras raised his eyebrows. "That's not really surprising, actually."
Gabrielle laughed and stepped closer, leaning up to lightly kiss his cheek. "Do you really have to go back to work right now? Couldn't we spend some time together?"
"I have to go. I wish I didn't, but..." He shrugged apologetically.
"Well, I'll be waiting for you at home this evening. I'm so proud of you, with the paper. It really is wonderful." Gabrielle reached up and straightened his collar, and Enjolras caught her hand, brushing his lips across her knuckles.
"You should be proud of yourself, Gabrielle, not me. And I love you," he said quietly, but abruptly dropped her hand and took a step back before she could say anything in return.
Gabrielle glanced over her shoulder to see Marius standing in the doorway, watching them amusedly.
"Ready to go, Enjolras?" He was already trying to hold back his laughter, probably only for Gabrielle's sake.
"Yes. I'll see you tonight, Gabrielle." Enjolras followed Marius out the door with an apologetic look back at her. Marius was grinning like the cat that caught the canary, and Gabrielle had no doubt that he was about to tease Enjolras mercilessly for what he'd just overheard. She almost felt sympathy for her poor husband, who was so very awkward when it came to matters of the heart. Almost.
Instead of going back to the office, Enjolras found himself standing across the street from a dilapidated apartment building. After a little bit of investigation, he had found the address of one (former) Captain René Martin of the French National Guard. He had put it off long enough, but knew he had to talk to the man – the same man that had ordered a firing squad upon him and killed his friends. Just the thought of looking into his eyes again made Enjolras feel physically ill.
But Captain Martin had been there the night Enjolras' client committed murder, standing guard outside the little shack while the other solider brutally raped a helpless woman. He had to have known everything that was going on inside, and though he didn't participate in the act, he idly stood by and let it happen, and Enjolras thought that was just as bad. Apparently Captain Martin had recently been honorably discharged from the National Guard, but Enjolras didn't yet know why.
Enjolras' conscience ate at him as he closed his eyes and saw Gabrielle's face. She had looked so peaceful when he left the house that morning, her dark hair fanned out on the pillow around her, a tiny smile on her lips as she slept. And when he walked into the room and saw her sitting on the sofa with Cosette that afternoon, his stomach had literally done a flip. Seeing her unexpectedly had made his whole day better.
Enjolras loved her. He had not only told her he loved her, but accepted it whole heartedly himself; thrown himself into it, in fact, as he usually did with the things he felt passionately about. Hell, it seemed that nothing made him happier now than making her happy. Whenever he managed to put a smile on Gabrielle's face, he felt like he had won a battle. And, if Enjolras was honest, he had never been happier, either, in a strange and twisted way.
He was content and excited when he was with his friends last year, planning their revolution, dreaming about the changes that they all thought were coming and feeling the fire that a shared and common cause brought. But he had never felt the closeness to another person that he felt with Gabrielle, had never known someone quite so intimately.
If Captain Martin should recognize him, there would almost certainly be hell to pay. At best, he would be thrown in prison, and at worst, executed for leading the June Rebellion. Either way, Gabrielle's heart would be in pieces, Enjolras would be miserable knowing he had hurt her, and he would be completely breaking the promise he had made to Feuilly. Getting himself in trouble would only cause her more anguish than she had already been through, and, more than that – if he were to die, she would be left with no one. How could he even contemplate going to Captain Martin if there was the slightest possibility of Gabrielle being hurt in the process?
But Captain Martin could also be the key to proving his client's innocence. If he testified about what the murdered soldier had been doing to that woman, and said that everything had happened in self defense, then an innocent man's life would be saved. There had already been so many lives lost because of Enjolras' own selfishness. He couldn't allow another one to be thrown away, too.
Enjolras straightened as the door to the building opened and Captain Martin stepped out. He turned left and began walking down the narrow street. Enjolras followed him, staying quite a way behind, but always keeping the back of his head in sight. Eventually, Martin ducked into a small café.
After a moment, Enjolras peered through the window and saw him sitting at a table in the corner. He took stock of the sparse crowd and saw no one else he knew, so Enjolras took a deep breath, entered, and walked determinedly across the floor. He slipped into the chair across from Martin without a word.
Captain Martin looked up and narrowed his eyes, and Enjolras saw an immediate spark of recognition in the dark, troubled depths. "Do I know you, Monsieur?"
"No. But I know of you, and I need to speak with you about a man named Phillip Roux. Do you know who he is?"
Captain Martin shifted uncomfortably and Enjolras sensed a forthcoming lie. "No. And I'm certain we've met somewhere, Monsieur, you look very familiar to me. What is your name?"
"It doesn't matter," Enjolras pressed, determined not to give up or let the man see that his inquiries were making him nervous. "I am a lawyer; I work for a man named Durand. Phillip Roux is currently in prison for murder and we are representing him. I believe you were present the day this alleged murder took place, Captain, and I think you could save Monsieur Roux's life with your testimony. Are you willing to speak with me about what happened that day?"
Captain Martin looked at him steadily and Enjolras fought the urge to look away as understanding slowly began to dawn in Martin's eyes. "I do know you..." he said slowly, his face rapidly losing its color as he realized exactly who Enjolras was. "It can't be you," Martin whispered.
Enjolras did his best to look puzzled. "Monsieur, I'm not sure who you think I am, but..."
"I killed you. We shot you. You can't be alive," Captain Martin insisted. He glanced around the café in a panic, and Enjolras thought Martin looked like an animal caught in a trap, which was exactly what Enjolras felt like.
"Captain Martin, would it make you more comfortable to talk to someone else instead of me? Since you seem to think I am someone I'm not." Enjolras was sweating.
Martin stared at Enjolras like he was seeing a ghost and said nothing else.
After a few moments of tense, awkward silence, Enjolras cleared his throat and stood. "I will send someone else to speak with you tomorrow, Monsieur. I do hope you will consider helping my client – I think we both know he is an innocent man. I'm sorry my presence has upset you." Enjolras gave him a curt nod, turned, and walked confidently out of the café.
When he got outside, he realized his hands were shaking.
Gabrielle threw her pen down in frustration. She had sat down at her desk an hour ago after arriving home from her visit with Cosette, and for the first time in weeks, had tried to write; however, words were not forthcoming. She had a sneaking suspicion that her own happiness was the reason why. She had always written to escape from the real world, to go to a place where she could be anything she wanted to be and do anything she wanted to do through her characters. Now, though, she was content. She was doing work that was meaningful, had friends to talk to, and had found a home and family in Enjolras. A man – a beautiful, wonderful, passionate, intelligent man – loved her madly. She didn't think there could be anything better in the world.
No wonder she didn't feel the need to write. She still wanted to, because she missed the feeling of creativity and magic when she knew she had written something wonderful, but she supposed she would have to find a different motivation before she could compose anything worthwhile again. Gabrielle stood and glanced out the window, seeing Enjolras coming up the walk. It was much earlier than he usually came home, and Gabrielle wondered if he had snuck away just because she had asked him to earlier.
She went into the hallway to greet him as he came through the door. He dropped his things on the floor and shrugged out of his coat.
"You're home early! Not that I'm not happy to see you." Gabrielle smiled and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, noticing that he looked pre-occupied and troubled, completely unlike he had earlier that afternoon. "Are you alright?"
Gabrielle followed Enjolras into the library, where she had a warm fire blazing, and sat on the couch next to him. He didn't answer her question.
"Did something happen?" she asked, turning towards him on the sofa and pulling her legs under her. "You look so anxious..."
Enjolras stared at the fire for a minute before turning and meeting her eyes. "I've always told you I think of you as my equal. I don't feel the need to spare your feelings or hide things from you just to try and keep you happy," he said abruptly.
Gabrielle was puzzled and alarmed. That was the last thing she had expected to hear. "Alright...and what do you have to say that will make me unhappy?"
"I don't want to make you unhappy, Gabrielle. I just..." he sighed and took her hand, twirling her wedding ring around her finger. "I don't want to keep secrets from you."
"What are you talking about, Antoine? Are you in trouble?"
"No...I don't know, honestly. It will probably come to nothing."
"You're scaring me. What happened?" Gabrielle's grip tightened on Enjolras' hand.
"I'm sorry." He pulled Gabrielle close and kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'll start at the beginning."
Enjolras relayed the details of his case again, most of which Gabrielle already knew.
"What I haven't told you is that..." he hesitated, but she urged him to keep speaking with a look. "I found out there was another soldier there that day, a man who stood outside the front door to keep watch while his friend was inside violating my client's wife. I finally identified him a few weeks ago, but when I went to speak to him, I...I recognized him."
Enjolras' jaw tightened and Gabrielle got a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Who is he?"
"His name is Captain René Martin. He was there in June, at the barricade. He's the one who gave the order to fire on us. And he's the one that shot me, Gabrielle."
Gabrielle felt numb as she absorbed his words. Her mind was strangely blank for a minute before she began rapidly thinking through the different things this could mean. She didn't see any way this could end well.
"Has he seen you?"
"Yes." Enjolras looked apologetic, and Gabrielle realized her voice had come out shaky and terrified. "I spoke to him today. He recognized me, but I denied it. I acted like I had no idea what he was talking about. There's a good chance I was able to fool him."
Gabrielle stared at Enjolras, anger beginning to wash over her. He couldn't really be so naïve, not after everything that had happened to him in the last year, not after all of the people he had lost and all of the dreams that had died on the barricade. He couldn't really think that because he wanted it to, this little problem, mostly of his own creation, would simply go away?
"They could kill you," Gabrielle whispered insistently. "If the army or the national guard finds out you are alive, they will kill you, Antoine. Surely you know that? You weren't just there, at the barricade – you led the uprising! This Captain Martin knows that. He shot you! And Grantaire! How could you even think of talking to him?"
Gabrielle felt like she was floating outside of her body, watching the beginning of a nightmare. She was inexplicably terrified, and knew she sounded hysterical.
Enjolras ran his hands up her arms, gripping them tightly. "We don't know that, Gabrielle. He might not say or do anything at all. I looked into his eyes just before he gave those orders to fire on us – he regretted what he had to do that day. I saw it then and I saw it again today when he looked at me. He may even be empathetic enough to help my client and stay quiet about me. Phillip Roux is innocent, Gabrielle, and what kind of man would I be if I simply handed this case off to someone who doesn't care as much? After all of the work I've done?"
Gabrielle glared at him and jerked away from his touch. She knew her next words would be a low blow, but to try and keep him safe, she would do anything. "You promised my brother," she hissed. "You promised him you would take care of me. Is getting yourself killed doing that? Do you truly love me at all?"
As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. Enjolras' face immediately fell, overcome by a look of horrible guilt and anguish. His eyes were suddenly haunted. "Gabrielle..." He didn't know what to say and took a shaky breath, his hands loosening on her arms. He looked utterly broken by her words.
Gabrielle covered her mouth as tears stung her eyes. She was appalled at her selfish manipulation.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, Antoine, I'm sorry! I just can't stand to think of what might happen. I can't bear to lose you. Please, please, do whatever you can to stop this. I will be selfish, and I will choose your life over another man's. Please, I don't care what you have to do!"
She burst into tears and Enjolras immediately pulled her back to him, cradling her against his chest. Gabrielle clung to his neck, feeling foolish after her outburst, but too scared to truly care.
"I'm sorry," she repeated.
Enjolras took his handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped her cheeks. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It's my fault, Gabrielle, and you're right about everything. Please stop crying, love. I can't stand seeing you upset."
Gabrielle managed to curb her tears after a moment, pulling away just enough to look at him. "What are you going to do? I promise, whatever you decide, I'll stand by you and I won't be angry. But he recognized you, Antoine – how can we possibly keep him quiet?"
"I'm going to tell Durand everything tomorrow. He'll take the case away from me, and I'll be no worse for wear. I don't think Martin was really sure it was me. He won't tell anyone, I'm sure of it."
"We could leave, just to be cautious," Gabrielle said uncertainly. "We could leave Paris and go stay with your mother, at least for a time. You would be safe there."
"No. I refuse to be chased away from my home," Enjolras said firmly. "That isn't fair to you, either."
Gabrielle fought the urge to hit him, feeling frustrated. "Don't you understand? I have no home if you aren't here. I am home when I'm with you, wherever you are. Please, Antoine. Tell Durand everything tomorrow, then come straight home and we can leave on the afternoon coach. We can stay for a month, or even two, and by then, everything will be over. And even if Captain Martin tells, there will be no one here for them to find! They will give up with absolutely no evidence but his word. Please? I'm begging you," Gabrielle pleaded. She knew she would never rest with Enjolras out of her sight now, unless they were far away from Paris and the things that could hurt him.
Enjolras stared at her, trying to gauge how serious she really was, and finally sighed. "If we leave, just for a month, will you forgive me for doing this to you?"
"I will forgive you only if nothing happens to you. I don't care a bit about having to leave, Antoine. I only care that you're with me, now, and for a long, long time to come. We can leave right now for all I care; none of this – our house, our things, other people – matters, as long as you're safe."
"Alright. I will go to Durand tomorrow, and we can leave by noon. I'm sure my mother won't mind us showing up on her doorstep." Enjolras managed a smile.
Gabrielle breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she was over-reacting, but she didn't care. She would do whatever it took to keep Enjolras by her side.
Um, so. Aaron Tveit at 54 Below. Is anyone planning on going? I'm trying my best to go to the May 18th show. If anyone else is going to be there, please let me know! I'll be all by my lonesome and would love to meet up with some awesome people! Hopefully flights work out and tickets will be obtained by this Wednesday!
Also, thanks again for the incredible reviews. I appreciate it so much, especially since I was so nervous to post the last chapter. I apologize for the lack of smut in this one! lol
Please drop me a review and let me know what you think! THANKS!