Usual disclaimer applies.

May, 2012

~78~

Swirling emotions conflict. My head hurts with the barrage of thoughts, the different voices in my head telling me opposing things.

I don't know how I ought to be feeling.

But hurt definitely shouldn't be the most prominent emotion.

And that's exactly what is weighing me down, flowing through my veins, making my stomach ache and my eyes prickle.

Hurt.

Edward owes me nothing. We are not a couple. We're not even friends. We have a shared past; that's it. Yet the fact that he couldn't stand up for me, even the smallest amount, it's like a punch to the gut.

And I don't know why.

I mean, this entire year he hasn't said a word in my defense. I have learned to support myself, to have a thick skin. I've learned that relying on anyone only ever leads to being let down.

So I can't understand why it hurts so much now.

Had I been letting my guard now? Been forgetting the Edward from this past year because of the brief glimpses he has shown of kindness? Because he started talking to me again?

Pathetic.

And I had been itching to help him. To comfort him when he sounded so upset.

What is wrong with me?

I open my eyes, self-disgust and shame tearing down the hurt I was feeling before. I jump a little when I see the time, and dread going back into the school. I feel weak, not ready to face the mass of teenagers just burning to take out whatever angst they have on me.

Only two more weeks.

Like I told Edward, I have to push through.

~SW~

I head straight to English, keeping my eyes forward, ignoring the words, both whispered and spoken loudly enough for anyone to hear. I ignore the stares, the glares, and the people who turn away, embarrassed to have me in their presence, apparently.

I sit down in my desk, taking a deep breath and feeling relief at making it here in one piece. But I can see my English teacher giving me a sidelong glance, and I slump a little in my seat.

I only remember at this moment that her husband works for Carlisle.

After a few minutes of watching students file in, surprise on their faces at seeing me there, I feel a presence beside me and sigh as Ben sits down.

"How you holding up, B?" He whispers it, but I still appreciate him there, with me.

I put on my brave face, like I always do, and give Ben my best, sparkling smile.

I don't think he buys it for a minute.

~SW~

We exit the class, Ben walking quietly beside me.

"I'll see you this afternoon, Ben. I think I'll go home for lunch. Because, well, you know." I speak quietly, still leery of drawing attention to myself. And it makes me even madder. Where is the Bella from this morning? When I came to school, already knowing this was going to happen. Where is the Bella who could care less what these people thought?

But having my English teacher practically ignore me for the periods' entirety has set me on edge.

I push open the big red door, heading outside, after saying a quick goodbye to Ben. The mid-day sun is bright, shining through the clouds for the first times in days. I smile a little at its appearance.

But my smile fades when I see the form of someone, sitting on the hood of my truck. His face is turned from my direction, so I can't be sure…

But a few hurried steps forward and I know. It's Jasper.

And because of the truce I know I have with him, I instantly calm.

He jumps off the hood when he sees me, grinning from ear to ear. I have no idea what he could be so damn happy about. Part of me, the part that was bullied by him throughout the year, jumps to conclusions. But I push that thought down. Jasper likes me, I'm sure of it.

He yells when we are still ten feet away.

"You're lucky I was out here, Bella. Had to protect the beast against some cowards, too afraid to face you head-on."

I have only a general idea about what he is suggesting. He must be referring to my truck. But I don't want the details. I'm just relieved. The last thing I want is to pay for a smashed headlight, or a new paint job.

He walks right up to me, so that we are face to face. I hope mine shows enough gratitude, because any words I could have said are lodged in my throat. He is still smiling, but I can tell now that it is just for show.

He puts a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around so that his arm is slung over me. I'm too shocked to brush him aside, to push his arm off. And I can see the glint to his eyes, the hard set of his jaw.

He is protecting me, again. Staring down anyone who dares to look our way.

But all I feel is hollow inside.

An hour ago, I had been hurt because this small gesture seemed too big, too difficult, for Edward to make. Instead, the most he thought to do was to phone me, to warn me. What a load of crap. And now Jasper…

No. No, no, no.

It's just wrong. I don't want this pity, or guilt, to be the reason Jasper is here. I don't want Jasper at all. I thought after our run, that morning a few months ago, we could leave our past to the past.

I take a quick step to the side and his arm falls away. I don't think he notices, still glaring at everyone he can.

But when I slam my truck door shut, my only option if I want it to actually close, I see Jasper jump. He hurries over to the driver side, and I crank my window down.

He looks sheepish. Embarrassed.

But I am in fight-mode.

"Why were you by my truck Jasper? Were you waiting for me?"

He replies without hassle. "Yeah."

"And why is that?"

And he is fervent. "Because I have to know. What Esme did. To be personally arrested by the chief, yeah, I figure it has something to do with you. And Edward left as soon as the news got out."

He left?

I brush off the thought. "Can you leave it alone, Jasper? I don't…I can't…"

He leans even closer, and I know the emotions swirling through his eyes, darkening his features, is not because of me and my problems.

"Whatever the fuck it is," he whispers the words, "does it have to do with Alice, and why she left?"

My shocked eyes, my small gasp at Jasper's correct and quick-thinking reasoning, tells him all that he needs to know.