Chapter Three

Kate lay in bed. Sleep was impossible. Issy had just sent a text to say that she would not be home before two or three and for Kate to go to bed and not wait up. This was a reprieve for her. Issy would sleep in her own room tonight and Kate would be spared the nightmare of having to say no to any possibility of love making.

She had spent most of the afternoon going over the conversation with Caroline. Being with her, even in a public place and for such a short time, had confirmed for her that she could no longer continue to give Issy hope for the future. Even if things didn't work out with Caroline, Issy was worth more than second best and that is what she would always be.

Her thoughts turned to the days and nights of love here with her Caroline. The passion; the way they would lose themselves in each other; the feel of her body; the tastes; the delicious smell of her favourite perfume. He body stirred at the mere thought of it all and she felt such a deep longing.

Caroline sat on her lounge feeling like she had been punched in the stomach by a professional boxer. During the evening she had summoned up the courage to talk with her mother and Alan.

"Mum, I need to talk to you about the house."

"Oh have you managed to scrape together the money to buy John out at last?"

"No mum, I've changed my mind. I don't want to buy John out, I want to sell up and move to a new house somewhere."

"Sell up and move! What about Alan and me? What about the boys? Where is all this coming from Caroline?"

"I need a new start mum now that my divorce has come through. John still regards this as his home and he refuses to move out completely. I don't want to be confronted with him all the time. William will probably never come back permanently and Lawrence will go away in a couple of years. Lots of kids have to deal with their parents moving house."

"Well, what about me?"

"If you were still on your own mum, I would have to consider things differently. You have Alan now and in fact you have already talked about buying a bungalow. If I sell up I can give you the money back that you put in to here. That should help with a new house."

At this point Alan joined in, "It's alright Celia, the lass needs to start afresh. We can look for somewhere and we always have a home at the farm if we want. We could even build an extension there."

"Caroline! I know you. I am your mother after all. What is going on?"

Caroline sighed and looked at the floor. This was one of the challenges she knew was going to be horrendous. Celia was supportive when she told her that Kate had left her, but she had made many comments since then to the effect that Caroline would be 'better off' and her life could get 'back to normal'. She had been too emotionally crushed to argue.

"Mum, I've asked, no pleaded with Kate to give me another chance. I'm so unhappy without her. I know she feels the same way, but there are many changes that we both need to make if it is going to work."

"Oh Caroline, don't be such a fool. Why open all that up again. You seem to be getting on with things."

"Getting on isn't the same as living mum. I want to be with her. I need her. I'm in love with her. I can't say it any clearer than that. I treated her quite badly a lot of the time. I didn't stand up for her, for us. Some of the things this family has put her through are just plain wrong. She didn't deserve it."

"What things! I don't know what you're talking about."

"Celia, please, don't do this. Caroline has told us how she feels and we have to respect that. I've seen and heard some of the things she's talking about and you know how much it upset me, let alone poor Kate." Alan levelled at his wife.

"Well, if you want to choose her above your family, that's up to you. We'll start packing and move to the farm where we know we're wanted." With that Celia marched out of the room. Poor Alan squeezed Caroline's hand and followed her.

Sitting alone, she wondered how much more despondent she could be. The only person who could make her feel better was her Kate and she wished with all her heart she could at least ring her. She looked at the time, half past ten. Far too late to ring and anyway she may be...; O God that was impossible to even contemplate. She just wanted those familiar arms around her. Kate always soothed away her troubles and upsets and put as positive a spin on things as possible.

Eventually she took herself to bed and waited for sleep to come. She stretched her arm across the bed and stroked the place where Kate would be. She could feel her, smell her and her body moved as if to blend with hers; how long she wondered; how long before she is here where she should be.

The sun streamed into Kate's bedroom through the partially open curtains. She looked at her watch; eight o clock. She pulled herself out of bed and put on a dressing gown, making her way down to the kitchen. As she passed the sitting room she noticed Issy asleep on the lounge. Moments later as she put the kettle on she heard. "Katie, is that you?"

"Yep, I'm just making some coffee, would you like some?"

"Please, then can you come here for a while?"

Coming back into the sitting room, Kate noticed the tear stained face; her worst fears were about to hit her. It was all going to come to a head. Issy beckoned for her to come and sit beside her.

"Haven't you been to bed at all?" Kate enquired.

"Nope, I think I've dozed a bit but I wanted to be here when you got up. We need to talk Katie. I can't wait any longer. But I'm asking that you let me speak first as I think you will find it easier."

Kate settled beside her, giving her a tender good morning kiss. It seemed the least she could do in view of what she suspected was to come.

"I'm not stupid right? So I know a woman in love when I see one and I see one here beside me. Unfortunately for me, I am not the recipient of that love. Oh I know you love me in a caring and gentle kind of way but it isn't the passion you have for Caroline."

Kate let her gaze drop from Issy's face. There was no point in trying to pretend it wasn't true.

"Issy, I..."

"No Katie don't interrupt. You are an amazing woman; so very beautiful and even if we had just remained friends, as we started out, I would count myself lucky. But, I have been blessed by having a short but none the less wonderful chance to be close to you. I have fallen a little bit in love with you. I even allowed myself to think you could be the one.

But there are two obstacles to that. One is Caroline. She is the one. We both know that. She leaves a lot to be desired in some ways, going by what you have shared, but she obviously adores you.

The second, and I have to say, more important obstacle is that I have been offered a junior consultancy at Great Ormond Street Hospital. Like just the best children's hospital in Europe! I can't pass that up Katie, not even for you."

"Issy, that's fantastic! O God I am so proud of you." Kate grabbed her and held her in a tight hug. Issy kissed her but then let go. "How long ago did they tell you this?"

"Last week, the day I came home and Caroline was here. I didn't tell you then as the moment would have been lost I fear. I have been waiting to see how things would go with the two of you. I knew I couldn't ask you to re-locate to London with me if you were still unsure of Caroline. Then there's the baby. That's another story. One we've never discussed."

Issy filled up with tears as she looked at Kate. She knew Kate was excited for her but she also saw the relief that flooded over her face. She would not tell her Katie just what this was costing her. When she heard the news her first thought had been that they could go to London together, a new start for her broken-hearted lover; a new baby together; a new life, but once she saw Caroline at the house she knew it would be over. She loved Kate too much to put her through even more hell and so she decided not to share her plans.

"Issy, now it's my turn. You know that you saved me. I was such a mess when we met. Life was utterly miserable and I didn't know how I would get through it all. You came along and from the moment you moved in I started to heal. I really do love you; but as you rightly said it is a gentle and caring love. I don't regret one moment of it, including our love making. It was right for both of us, for different reasons.

You too are beautiful Issy and you deserve to be loved by someone who wants only you. I can't be that person, you know that and I respect and love you too much to pretend.

I have no idea if Caroline and I will really get back together; there's a lot to work out.

This chance at the hospital is wonderful. I can't tell you how happy and proud I feel."

Issy sobbed into her shoulder. "Katie, I love you and the thought of leaving you is killing me; but I really think this is the best outcome. At least I can focus on my new career."

They sat quietly together letting it all sink in. True, Kate did feel some relief and yet the prospect of the hurt Issy may go through was very painful. The last thing she would ever want is to hurt this wonderful woman. Damn Caroline. If she hadn't been such a coward none of this would have happened; just another Elliott disaster.

'Come on Katherine McKenzie, that's not fair. You dumped her. She didn't force you to get close to Issy.' She was ashamed of the angry thoughts against her. She knew that Caroline had suffered immensely since she had walked out on her. God there was so much to sort out.

Kate was jolted out of her reverie.

"Is there the slightest chance we could make love Katie, one last time?"