Choices Chapter Four

I hope this chapter will help with some of the angst that's been flying around. But remember 'It's not over until the fat lady sings!' my friends.

Kate took Issy's face into her hands and kissed her as gently and tenderly as she could.

"No, Issy, there isn't a chance. Let's remember the last time we were together, the night Caroline had been here. You were so beautiful, passionate and giving. It was very special. If we were to try now, well, there's too much agenda."

"But Katie, I..."

"Shush, come here and lie in my arms. Let me hold you and tell you how wonderful you are; how much you have healed me; even though you've only been in my life for a few months, I will never regret or forget you. You are amazing."

Issy lay alongside Kate and held her tightly.

"Please let me look after you until your exams are over. Then I'll come to London with you and help you find a place to live; I can picture where you are then."

"Katie, I'm not going to stay here for my exams. I've arranged to sit them in London. I have an old medical school friend Jimmy, and I will share a flat with him and if it works out, I'll stay on after I start work."

"Oh Issy, I'm worried that all this has blown up at the wrong time for you. I didn't want anything to interfere with the exams. Caroline and I even made a deal not to see each other so that we could both be where we needed to be for the time being."

"It's OK Katie, I feel confident about them and if I make the break now, it will be less of a distraction. I think being under the same roof would be far too painful, for both of us.

I've told them at the hospital that Wednesday morning will be my last shift. I'll take Thursday to get ready and my brother will come and take me to London on Friday."

Kate kissed her forehead and she felt Issy relax; a few moments later, she was asleep.

As she lay, stroking Issy's head, it began to sink in; the enormity of the choice she had just made; she felt a fluttering of fear. This woman was a gift from the heavens, smart, gentle, loving and would be totally committed to her. She had no baggage; she was almost perfect. What if it didn't work out for her and Caroline; what if the right choices hadn't been made?

Then she thought of her Caroline. Somehow, despite all the mess and mayhem they had been through, their love was so powerful it was hard to describe. It would work; it had to.

Caroline wandered into the kitchen still in her pyjamas and found Lawrence at the bench having his breakfast. "Morning love," she said as she ruffled his hair.

"Ma, there's a bloke out there hammering something into the garden near the gate."

"What bloke?'

"I don't know, but it looks like some kind of sign."

Suddenly it dawned on her. She had been to the real estate agent during the week and asked him to put the house on the market. He must be putting up the 'For Sale' sign. She panicked. She had not spoken to Lawrence about her plans; the time had never been right.

"Lawrence, we need to talk, there's something I need to tell you."

'What Ma?"

"The man outside is putting up a for sale sign. We are selling the house. Your father and I are divorced now and so it's time we went our separate ways."

"But you said you were going to buy Dad out and we would all stay here; why have you changed your mind? Does that mean we'll have to move out?"

"Yes, it does Lawrence. I'm sorry, but I need a new start. Your father will insist on still having a right to be here whenever he pleases and I don't want to live like that."

"But what about me, where will I go?"

"Well, I err we'll buy a new house, your father will buy somewhere and then you will be able to spend time with both of us. I would want you with me most of the time of course, but your dad will want you too."

"Where will Granny and Alan go?"

"They may buy a new house or live at the farm with Gillian. I'm not sure. Just be aware that Granny isn't happy and is on the warpath."

Lawrence almost threw his bowl into the sink and left the room, shouting back as he did, "She's not the only one!"

This was the last of the 'big announcements' but by far the one she had been dreading the most. Her mother would come round eventually, she didn't care what John thought, but her baby boy, that was different. He was still just a kid and what she was asking him to accept was far more than just a new house, even though he didn't know that yet.

'O God Kate, I really need to speak to you, I can't manage all this on my own; I'm terrified I will just push the 'too hard' button and relapse into my comfort zone'.

She poured herself a cup of tea and sat silently mulling over everything as she drank it. 'Would it really be so wrong to try to ring Kate; would she feel like I was pushing her too fast; would she even answer and if she didn't wouldn't she feel worse?'

Kate had persuaded Issy to go to bed after a while. She lay on the bed with her until she fell asleep again. They had made a deal to go out for dinner together that evening. Kate was going to treat her to a very special meal; it was their last chance before Issy left.

She wandered around the kitchen with her phone in her hand. She was almost desperate to tell Caroline of Issy's decision, but wanted to stay true to her word; she didn't want to risk Issy finding out and thinking that she couldn't wait to get rid of her; anyway that wasn't true.

Suddenly her phone alerted her to a message. 'I really want to talk to you. C x'

Kate thought for a few moments and then against everything her heart was crying out for, she replied, 'not until Friday' K x'

Caroline threw the phone on to the bench. 'God Kate; why do you always have to be so bloody 'holier than thou!'

Beverley came in to Caroline's office first thing Monday morning, "Caroline, Kate's just seen me to ask if you could let her have Thursday afternoon and Friday off for personal leave?"

"What, err sorry, why is she asking you to ask me?"

"I think she was in a hurry to get to class."

"Well, did she say what the personal leave was about; is she OK?"

"No she didn't. I didn't like to ask. What she I tell her?"

"Oh, just give her the leave form and tell her it's OK. If I see her I'll ask." She knew the last remark wasn't true. If Kate had not come to ask her personally, something must be happening.

Kate and Issy had enjoyed their meal out together. They had talked a lot about their respective futures. Issy had been very insistent that once she got settled in London, and felt she was over her love affair with Kate, she wanted them to still be friends. "It's how we started Katie, and we are good friends, good for each other."

Kate had agreed. She really did think that they would be good friends. But, it would always be Issy's choice; she would wait and see how it went for her. She felt she had no right to any expectations. Even though it had occurred to her that Caroline may not like that idea; she had dismissed it immediately; Caroline and she would have to trust each other and allow the other to live their life.

That night they kissed each other as they separated at their respective bedroom doors. Moments later she heard muffled sobs coming from Issy's room. As she lay alone, Kate could feel the tears sliding down the side of her cheeks. This moment had to be close to hell.

On Wednesday morning, Beverley stepped in to the office, "Caroline, there's a Dr Isabelle Chiller on the phone for you. She wasn't keen to tell me what it was about. Shall I put her through?" Caroline took several seconds to connect Issy to the name she had just been given. "Yes, I know who she is, put her through Beverley, thanks."

"Issy, this is Caroline, how are you?" "Oh not too bad, under the circumstances Caroline; I was wondering if you might have a few minutes spare at lunchtime today. I'd like to have a chat if you are up for it"

Caroline was rather taken aback but she gathered herself quickly, "Yes I could do that. I can be free by 12.30 if that's convenient."

"Yes that would be great. I promise not to take up too much of your time; you must be very busy in your position."

"That's OK. I'll look forward to seeing you."

Four hours later, there was a knock at her door and Beverley ushered Dr Isabelle Chiller in. Caroline stopped in her tracks. Last time she saw this woman she was in stained medical scrubs, her hair was pulled back and she looked tired and drawn.

The woman who stood there now was stunning. Tall and slim like her Kate; beautiful brown eyes that sparkled with life; thick long auburn hair. She wore long black pants and a beautiful pink shirt, the buttons of which were open enough to reveal the top of her breasts. Her perfume drifted across to Caroline and it was delicious. Her make-up was discrete but it highlighted her beautiful bone structure.

Caroline came round to the other side of the desk, shook hands with Issy and motioned for her to sit down. She was mesmerised. She had never pictured her as being so attractive.

"Caroline, thank you for seeing me. Katie, err Kate, sorry, would be upset if she thought I was here. I hope you won't mention this to her just yet."

"No of course not, if that's what you want."

"May I speak to you openly and frankly? You hardly know me and it is rather an ambush situation?"

"No, no of course, go ahead, I'll be OK."

"You know how we met; Kate asked me if I would like to move in to her spare room. I had shared with her that the flat I was in was like a frat house and I couldn't see myself being able to study there. She kindly offered. At first we barely saw each other, but little by little we found we liked spending time with each other. It was all above board, just friends. We talked a lot when we had time and she slowly trusted me and shared her pain and loss. I'd never been in that situation. The life of a young medic is a lot of hard work, study and sex."

Caroline found herself grinning as she warmed to this woman.

"I began to fall in love with Kate. She is so beautiful; so warm; so generous. It took her a long time to allow me to love her. However I know that I helped her to trust again and to heal her broken heart."

Caroline began to cry and asked for a moment to compose herself. "I suppose she told you what happened?"

"Yes she did. But you know Caroline amid all the tears and pain she always spoke of you with the greatest respect, even in the stories of your, if you don't mind me saying it, dysfunctional family. I think I would have killed you! Or at least one of them."

Caroline looked down to the carpet. She felt so ashamed. A grown woman allowing all that baggage to damage the woman she loved so much.

"I didn't protect her and for that I will always be ashamed. She is everything you say and more and I didn't take care of her." Caroline shared through her tears.

"Well Caroline, I came to tell you that I am leaving Harrogate. I had been offered a position at Great Ormond Street even before you came to visit Kate, but I hadn't told her yet. I was trying to work out whether I could expect her to move to London with me. I'm leaving on Friday. It's better for both of us if I leave now."

Before she could stop herself, Caroline whispered, "Does that mean...?"

"I can't answer that Caroline, only Kate knows whether you two have a future together. But I do want to ask you not to hurt her again. If she does want you two to get back together, please don't let her down. She loves me, I know that, but it is nothing to the love she has for you. I myself have never seen or experienced anything like it. It's a rare treasure. You must be very special yourself to have her by your side."

Caroline was completely bowled over by the sincere and selfless way Issy was talking to her. No wonder Kate loved her.

"I promise you that if she does decide to give me a chance I will never let her down again. I'll look after her and protect her from all the rubbish that goes on in my family. She will always come first. I love her so much Issy. I've waited for years to find the right person to be myself with."

"OK I hold you to that Caroline. I have to go now. They have organised a little farewell for me on the children's ward. Lots of sticky cakes and sweets no doubt." she laughed.

"Kate is quite fragile this week Caroline. I think she is feeling my pain nearly as much as me. Just give her space and time and I'm sure she'll come to you as soon as she's ready.

Bye and Good Luck. Maybe we'll meet again in different circumstances." Dr Isabelle Chiller left her office and Caroline had the distinct feeling she would always be a better person for having met her.