Chapter XXVII

Over the next few days, Gabrielle watched Enjolras carefully. On the surface, he seemed to be just fine. He continued his plans for the orphanage and involved Gabrielle as usual, and even shared their "happy" news with the rest of his friends. She became worried, however, when she noticed he wasn't sleeping well. Dark circles soon appeared beneath his eyes and he seemed exhausted constantly. And he watched her like a hawk, rarely letting her out of his sight. She didn't know what he was so afraid of, but he was clearly nervous. Wherever she moved, he shadowed her, and Gabrielle got the impression that he would have been happier to carry her around rather than let her walk on her own. He watched everything she ate carefully, and wouldn't stop fussing if she only picked at her food. It was sweet, but he was clearly driving himself insane.

Marie also made plans, unbeknownst to Gabrielle and Enjolras, to move to Paris. Gabrielle thought it was a wonderful idea once she shared it with them, and Enjolras seemed relieved knowing his mother would be near, as well. Marie moved into her own apartment in less than a week, and Gabrielle was happy to have her husband and their home all to herself again.

One night, Enjolras was hard at work, going over paper work and finances for the orphanage as Gabrielle pretended to read. She gazed at him over the top of her book, watching his heavy eyes slip closed over and over again. He was practically falling asleep at his desk.

She rose and crossed the room, wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind. "Antoine, you're falling asleep on top of your work. Why don't you go to bed, darling?"

"Once I lay down, I can't seem to sleep," he said quietly. "And there's so much to do, anyway."

Gabrielle sighed and kissed his cheek. "It's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. Why are you having trouble sleeping?" She moved to perch lightly on the desk in front of him.

He frowned and looked at her like it was rather obvious. "Why do you think?"

"Are you really that unhappy?"

"No. It's not that I'm unhappy, Gabrielle. I'm worried."

Gabrielle took his hand and squeezed. "Well, let's take your mind off of it for a while. Will you take me to the orphanage tomorrow to see the work that's been done so far? I want to see where I'll be teaching."

Enjolras raised his eyebrows and gave her an incredulous look. "What do you mean, where you'll be teaching?"

"What do you mean?" she countered. "I was under the impression that was part of the plan..."

"Well, it was. But obviously, things have changed." He gestured to her stomach. "You can't possibly teach in your condition."

Gabrielle glared at him, her temper flaring. "Excuse me? I don't have a disease, Antoine, I'm having a baby. Just because Cosette closed herself up for months doesn't mean I intend to do the same thing!"

"But..."

"There are no 'buts!' There is absolutely no reason for you to treat me any different than before. I'm perfectly healthy and capable of doing anything you can, whether I am pregnant or not. I feel wonderful, actually."

Enjolras stood and crossed his arms, obviously trying his best to assert his authority. It may have worked on his friends, but it never worked very well on her. "Gabrielle, you're carrying our child. I don't want something to happen to you. I absolutely insist that you rest and relax until the baby is born. After, we can talk about you joining me again." He straightened up to his full height and held her gaze evenly.

Gabrielle's mouth fell open. "You hypocrite! What of all of that talk of equality between the sexes that we used to speak of? Now, because I'm pregnant, I'm suddenly reduced to being your little wife, who has to stay at home and raise our children?"

Enjolras looked confused. "What does that have to do with this? And I never said that! I'm just worried about you, Gabrielle! Joly says stress and anxiety could cause complications or even the baby to come early. I don't want that. You need to rest."

"I need to do no such thing." Gabrielle stuck her chin out and crossed her own arms in imitation of him. "I refuse to be treated like some sort of fragile, breakable object. Haven't you ever thought about the women who work for a living, Antoine? Do you think they suddenly stop their lives because they're going to have a baby?"

Enjolras dropped his arms and leaned against the chair towards her. "But you're not one of those women, Gabrielle, and you don't have to work that hard."

"You don't want me to do anything at all!" She glared at him for a moment longer, but the flicker of worry that crossed his stoic face soon made her soften. "Antoine," she began again, trying to keep the annoyance from her voice, "I don't want to argue about this. I know you mean well. But why are you so worried? Absolutely nothing has gone wrong so far. I don't even feel sick anymore! And obviously, the baby is growing just fine." Gabrielle smoothed her skirt over her stomach to prove her point; it was rather obvious now that she was with child – in only a week, a small, but noticeable bump had appeared.

Enjolras shrugged and sat back down, pretending to go back to work and absently flipping the pages of his ledger back and forth. "I just am," he said shortly. "There are so many things that could go wrong."

"I wish you would talk to me, tell me what exactly you're afraid of..."

"I can't, Gabrielle. Not right now." Enjolras briefly looked up and met her eyes, and Gabrielle was surprised to see just how wild he looked. She hadn't seen such a sad, trapped look on his face since he was recovering from the barricade, and it made her heart constrict painfully knowing she was the cause of it. After a moment, he added grudgingly, "I'll take you to the orphanage tomorrow if you wish."

Gabrielle smiled and reached out to gently caress his cheek. "Thank you. And please, please, Antoine, don't worry about me. I'm fine! I even have more energy than usual now that I don't feel so sick all the time. Food even tastes good again! Everything is alright. You don't need to worry so much."

He nodded tersely and turned his head to kiss her palm. "Alright."

"I'm going to bed. I hope you'll join me soon." Gabrielle squeezed his shoulder before leaving the library. She undressed and climbed into bed with a heavy heart, wishing there was something she could do to help Enjolras come to terms with her pregnancy. It seemed like it might be something he needed to face on his own, however.

It was strange, though, how his reaction was the complete opposite to what she thought it would be. She had expected him to pull away or ignore the situation entirely, denying the baby's existence until its entrance into the world. He was hyper aware of it instead, asking Joly ridiculous questions about pregnancy and childbirth and scaring himself half to death with everything that could possibly go wrong. It was almost like self-inflicted torture, since he took everything so seriously anyway. Joly's hypochondriasis didn't help things, either.

After a few minutes, Enjolras came to bed, easing himself down beside her with a sigh. Gabrielle turned to face him and said quietly, "You know, Antoine...if you're so worried about me that you make yourself crazy, that is only going to make me worry about you."

"It's a vicious cycle."

"It doesn't have to be." Gabrielle snuggled close to his chest, resting her head just below his chin. "Everything is going to be fine."

He didn't respond, and Gabrielle was soon relieved to hear his soft, even breathing. Hopefully he would be able to rest.

Enjolras knew he was asleep, because the lights of the Musain burned brightly, and he hadn't been back to the actual building since June in his waking hours. From his vantage point on the street, he could see into the window of the second story, where Prouvaire's silhouette shown dark against the candlelight. Laughter and a bit of drunken singing floated down to him in the street and he shook his head and grinned. Even though his usual reaction was to grimace and find a quiet corner to curl up in when his friends were like this, tonight it was a welcome sight to his troubled mind.

Enjolras entered the Musain's deserted first floor and made his way to the stairs in the back. When he reached the top, a great cheer went up and he winced. Embarrassed at the attention being lavished upon him, he awkwardly waved his hand and nodded at his friends, who were drunkenly draped all around the room.

"And who have we here? Our fearless leader, commander in arms, our stoic general, our chief...a man we were once convinced was carved from marble!" Courfeyrac stood on a rickety chair, a bottle of wine in his hand. He gestured wildly with the other.

"That marble has cracked, my friends! A beautiful woman..." Here he looked pointedly at Feuilly, "...has, in less than one year, managed to domesticate and tame this wild Apollo. Now he is a husband, a lover, and, dare I say it? Soon to be a father?" Courfeyrac raised his glass to Enjolras and said loudly, "Cheers, mate! I'd ask how she is in bed, but Feuilly might kill me."

"Or me," Enjolras glared. "You're talking about my wife, Courfeyrac, be a gentleman. And thank you for the congratulations?" Enjolras wasn't quite sure if Courfeyrac's words were sarcastic or serious. He had always had a hard time with that.

"You'd better watch out, Enjolras," Combeferre warned, "Or you and Gabrielle will be the subject of one of Jehan's love poems. I think he's out of ideas for Marius and Cosette."

Enjolras smiled wryly and shrugged. "Write what you will. Your teasing doesn't bother me."

Bossuet raised his eyebrows, leaning back precariously in his chair in his inebriated state. "It doesn't? Maybe he hasn't changed so much, after all, boys. No matter how hard we tried, we never could get under his skin."

"Oh, he's changed," a voice spoke up from the corner, and Enjolras turned to see Grantaire sneering at him. "Are you all forgetting his little performance in the courtroom? When he betrayed all of us? When he pronounced his allegiance to our king?" Grantaire's eyes bore holes through Enjolras and a burning shame filled him. "The Enjolras I know would have rather died than betray his ideals. What are those things you used to hold dear, Enjolras? Liberté, egalité, fraternité? You obviously have different priorities now."

Enjolras gaped and sputtered, "You were the one who suggested I lie!"

Grantaire laughed and rolled his eyes. "Since when do you listen to me? Since when do you care what I say? You despise me, you've never tried to hide that. Lying is something I would have done, not you. The Enjolras I know would have stood by his actions and pretty words, no matter the consequences, even death."

Enjolras felt wounded and more than a little ashamed. "I don't despise you, Grantaire. Perhaps you weren't always my favorite person, but I don't despise you. And you're probably right, that is what I would have done, but I was a different man then. I didn't have a family to go home to, someone else's happiness to think of..."

"Enough of this, it should be a happy night." Feuilly broke in and grabbed Enjolras' arm, leading him over to a table in the corner and away from Grantaire. "We understand there's quite a bit of news happening out there lately. We hear our dear Marius is a father now."

"Yes. He and Cosette have a son." Enjolras glanced around, feeling the unexpected need for a strong drink. Could you get drunk in a dream? God, he hoped so.

"That's really not surprising," Combeferre said as he joined them at the table. "He was raring to go, wasn't he? A regular Romeo."

"You, on the other hand..." Feuilly lifted his glass in a mock salute to Enjolras. "Not only did I never picture you as a father, but my sister? I thought she was much too independent to tie herself down to a man and children..."

"She says she was scared at first," Enjolras said quietly. "But she seems happy now."

"And you?"

"I'm..." Enjolras trailed off and stared at the table, frowning. How could he admit to Feuilly how he felt? How much he dreaded the birth of his child? How he dreaded having to share Gabrielle, which was ridiculously selfish, how scared he was that something would happen to her, how he would hate their child forever if something did, how he wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a father and caring for another person...he could go on.

"Baby Patria," Grantaire drawled. "Is that what you're going to call it, Enjolras? What a fitting name, for a child of the barricade...the barricade you seem to have forgotten, of course."

"I've forgotten nothing!" Enjolras snapped. "And if you open your mouth again, Grantaire, so help me..."

Grantaire laughed. "What can you do to me, Enjolras? I'm already dead."

"And obviously resting peacefully," Courfeyrac drawled sarcastically. "Pay him no mind, Enjolras. He's just cranky. But Baby Patria has a nice ring to it." Courfeyrac nudged him, obviously enjoying the teasing.

"Are you nervous?" Combeferre asked.

"To put it mildly," Enjolras admitted. "This isn't...well, this isn't what I wanted. It just seems like a complication right now."

"So you aren't happy at all?"

"No," Enjolras said quietly. "I don't know what I am, but I wouldn't call it happy."

"Why not? Babies are joyous things!" Grantaire grinned. "And I'm sure Baby Patria will be quite a prodigy. Leading rallies and giving speeches by the time he's three. Maybe he'll pick up the torch you've dropped, Enjolras."

Enjolras slowly turned and glared at Grantaire, gritting his teeth. "Why are you in such a mood tonight, Grantaire?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he mumbled.

"Well, in any case," Feuilly said lightly, "I'm quite happy for you. And Gabrielle. You know, I bet she's just as nervous as you, Enjolras. It's not as if she has an example to think of when it comes to being a mother."

"No, I suppose she doesn't," Enjolras agreed. "Do you really think she's nervous? She doesn't seem so."

"She's probably hiding it from you," Feuilly said. "I remember talking to her once, when she first started working for the de Sauveterre's, and I asked her if she would be content raising someone else's children rather than her own. She just laughed at me and said 'better theirs than mine.' She told me she would never have children because she couldn't bear the thought of leaving them alone like our parents did to us."

Enjolras was silent. He didn't know what to make of that. Had she ever said any such thing to him?

"Really? She wants this baby."

Feuilly smiled. "Well, I'm glad for that. She'll be a wonderful mother. But I'm sure that's still a fear for her...leaving her child alone. She cried for five days straight when our parents died. I don't think she remembers it, she's blocked that time out. But I remember."

"She's never talked about that at all," Enjolras said quietly, and suddenly realized that there was quite a lot about his wife's past that he didn't know. He'd never bothered to ask.

"Maybe you should talk about it. It's obvious you're scared to death to become a father," Combeferre offered. "Maybe if you see she's a bit scared, too, it will make you feel better. And then you can just be scared together. But, often, the sharing itself makes people stronger."

Enjolras locked eyes with Combeferre. God, how he missed his friend. He was always able to make Enjolras see sense, even when others couldn't. Gabrielle had somewhat taken over that role, but it was different.

"I miss you," Enjolras said quietly, and blushed. He never would have expressed that in anything other than a dream.

Combeferre clapped him on the shoulder and said kindly, "Why? I'm right here. We all are, whenever you need us."

"In my head?" Enjolras rolled his eyes. "That's not quite the same."

"Who says we're only in your head?" Grantaire broke in again, taking a long swig from his bottle. "Who says we aren't haunting you? Maybe you'll never be able to get rid of me."

"That wouldn't be so bad," Enjolras said kindly, and was satisfied to see a look of surprise flash across Grantaire's face.

"You should be going now, though, Enjolras," Feuilly said. "It's not good for you to spend too much time here. And I suppose I should tell you to give my sister my best, but...it is just a dream, after all."

Enjolras rose and shrugged. "All the same...good night, boys." Enjolras walked to the stairs, and with one last longing glance over his shoulder, descended the steps and continued out once more into the night.

The next day, Enjolras took Gabrielle to the orphanage as promised. It was only a ten minute walk from their home, and Enjolras was glad it was so close. That would be convenient for both of them eventually. They walked slowly through the rooms of the somewhat dilapidated old mansion, and Enjolras was happy to see the progress that had already been made to clean the place up. At least all of the cobwebs and dust were gone.

"It's still rather dark and gloomy, though, isn't it?" Gabrielle wrinkled her nose, looking around the large room Enjolras pictured as one of the dormitories. "You don't expect children to sleep here as it is, do you?"

"No, of course not. But just think, once the floor and walls have been scrubbed clean, some fresh paint applied...then it won't be so bad."

"How many beds do you think will fit in here? Fifteen?" Gabrielle walked around the room, trying to picture the space in her head as it would be.

"At the most. Do you think we'll have that many children so fast?"

"I really don't know. But, Antoine, I was thinking..." Gabrielle turned and looked at him seriously. "You know, I really think we should expect more babies than anything. The children that are already on the street...well, I just don't see them coming here, or staying here. They barely have anything to do with their parents and there's no one around to force them. But if I were a young girl with a little baby that I couldn't care for...? Well, there's something cruel about abandoning a baby on the street. A child at least has a chance to take care of itself, to find food and shelter. But if there was a place like this open to me as a desperate and starving mother, of course I would drop my baby on the doorstep and run away."

Enjolras crossed to a window and peered into the garden below, thinking. Eventually, he said quietly, "You're probably right. I guess we won't know until we open the doors. But I don't quite know what to prepare for."

Gabrielle walked to his side and took his hand. "We'll do the best we can. You've already done amazing things. I can see what you see here."

"I've gotten several more investors this week, old friends of my fathers. It does help to know people. And, of course, Durand's group of friends is very interested, as well."

"See what you can do when you put your mind to something?" Gabrielle smiled widely at him and squeezed his hand. "Oh! I forgot to tell you. Musichetta wants to work here. She told me so the other day. She wants to help take care of the children during the day."

Enjolras cocked his head and said curiously, "Musichetta? With children? That...doesn't seem like her."

Gabrielle smiled knowingly and said softly, "She has her reasons. She'll be good at it."

"I don't doubt that. If she really wants to, then of course."

"Good, I'll tell her. Really, Antoine, you have no idea how remarkable she really is. Hopefully she'll tell you herself someday."

Enjolras smiled and wrapped an arm around Gabrielle's shoulders. "I'll take your word for it."

They were quiet for a minute and Gabrielle felt content just to be in his arms.

"Gabrielle?" Enjolras asked, a bit of hesitation in his voice.

"Hm?"

"Do you remember your parents?"

She pulled away to look up at him, her brow furrowed. "Some. I remember little things..."

"What do you remember?" Enjolras asked, a serious and pensive look on his face.

Gabrielle cocked her head, wondering what was causing this line of questioning. He had never asked about her childhood before, except for wondering about small things, like what her favorite book had been. "Well...I remember the way my father would carry me if we were walking somewhere, how it felt to be so high up in his arms. I remember my mother's smell. I remember playing games at night, when they were both home from work. Things like that."

"Do you remember when they died?"

"Why are you asking?" Gabrielle found herself not wanting to answer him. She couldn't even remember the last time she had spoken about her parents, and she had never told anyone about the day they died or the aftermath. Only her brother knew about that time in her life, and she preferred to keep it that way. It wasn't pleasant to think about.

"I just...well, you've never told me before. I suppose knowing we're going to have a baby has made me think about my own childhood, and wonder about yours." Enjolras turned and sat on the windowsill, bringing him eye level with Gabrielle. "But if it's painful for you, you don't have to tell me," he reassured her.

Gabrielle bit her lip contemplatively, and said softly, "I've never really talked about it before. It's not that I don't want you to know, I just...I don't really know what to say."

"How did they die?"

"I don't know what they had, but they were sick. I was, too. I just remember burning up with fever for days, I was delirious. I think they thought I was going to die. They sent Alexandre to live with a neighbor so he would be away and hopefully stay well, but they both stayed with me. I had just begun to get better when they got sick."

Gabrielle shuddered, remembering with startling clarity the day they died. "I was still too sick to move, really...I remember laying in bed, crying for water, seeing them across the room in their bed. I called for them, but they never moved. I didn't really know then, that they were dead. I didn't understand. I was only five." She raised her eyes and met Enjolras' gaze. "A neighbor heard me crying that night, and came to check. Alexandre said I cried for five days, and almost drove him mad. But he took care of me after that. I don't remember that time, though, I suppose I've just blocked it out..."

Enjolras leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I'm sorry, Gabrielle. It must be difficult to think about."

"Yes." Gabrielle leaned against Enjolras and said softly, "But at the same time, it's not, because I know it's over. I have a completely different life now with you."

"Are you scared?" Enjolras wondered. "Of becoming a mother?"

Gabrielle looked at him and smiled, knowing this line of questioning was more about trying to make sense of his own fears than hers. "Of course. I'm terrified. Even Cosette was scared, and I'm sure Marius was, too. It's life changing...even when you know it's for the better, change is difficult."

Enjolras took a deep breath and said quietly, "How do you know it's for the better?"

Gabrielle couldn't help the hurt she felt at his question, but she tried to respect his feelings and remember that, so far, he had never done anything to intentionally hurt her. And he was trying to talk to her, which was difficult for him on a good day. Still, knowing that he didn't want their child was painful.

"I...I don't, I suppose. It's perspective, really. I'm looking at it as a good thing, I'm choosing to be happy. But I can't make you feel the same way."

He looked at her sadly and whispered, "I'm sorry. I know this hurts you. I'm trying, Gabrielle, but...I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to be a father. I don't know what to do with children, how to treat them."

Gabrielle raised her eyebrows and said slowly, "You do realize you're starting an orphanage? One that's going to be filled? With children? Little ones? And teaching them?"

"Yes, but they're not mine..."

Gabrielle held up her hand, feeling her temper flare unexpectedly. "Then you need to start changing the way you think, Antoine. No, technically, these children aren't yours. But they will look to you, and to the other adults here, for guidance and advice. You'll have to discipline them like you will your own. You'll have to comfort them when they need it, and play with them, and show them love. So, really, you're fighting something you're going to have to do soon, anyway, in order to make this place succeed."

Gabrielle took a deep breath and glared at the wall, feeling more than a little annoyed at how absolutely clueless her husband could sometimes be, and how wrapped up in himself. This was exactly why his revolution had failed, because he couldn't see the people behind his words. He saw the dream, not the reality.

Enjolras was silent, staring at her with a slightly stunned look on his face. Gabrielle realized she wasn't finished and grabbed his hand, placing it firmly on her swollen stomach. "This baby," she said passionately, "is going to love you, Antoine. He or she is going to worship you, because that's how children feel about their fathers. She'll want your attention and your time and your love. If you can't give it, you will break your child's heart. And mine. Just so you know."

Enjolras continued to stare at her, his hand still resting on her stomach. Gabrielle sighed, feeling relief wash over at her now that she had spoken her mind. She felt no need to apologize, either, as she usually did when she was harsh with Enjolras. He was a man, and he could take it. And sooner or later, he needed to come to terms with the things he couldn't control.

"You can take me home now," Gabrielle said quietly, and took his hand to try and let him know she wasn't really angry. He nodded and rose, still looking a bit shell-shocked, and they silently left the building, each lost in their own thoughts.

This chapter is full of angst - poor Enjolras!

Hope you enjoyed the Les Amis reappearance (again)! They'll be back, especially Grantaire, before the story is over. He's kinda got a beef to pick with Enjolras, obviously. And y'all got to hear a little bit more about Gabrielle, which I debated on whether or not to throw in, but decided was good to help explain something she's going to say to Enjolras a little later. :) Gosh, life was hard back then, huh? Makes for easy drama.

By the way, have I mentioned how much I truly enjoy talking with you guys? I love your reviews and the PMs and conversations we have going. My readers have never been so interesting before! I love it! Please drop me a review if you haven't, I want to taaaaaaaaalk. Ask me questions, give me suggestions (keep the baby names coming, you never know, I might change my mind), and just be generally awesome as you have been. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

~Aimee