Kevin watched Patrick out on the balcony, standing alone, looking a little lost after his mother has returned to the ballroom.

He couldn't imagine what the two of them has been talking about so intensely, he wished he'd been closer so he could hear, but from Patrick's earnest expression and the fact that his mother had just left him standing there alone, it was a safe bet that it had not been a particularly pleasant experience for the poor guy.

Kevin had to fight his instinct to go out there and comfort him, and part of him wished Patrick wasn't so very alone, but at the same time, he couldn't fully contain the satisfaction he felt at the fact that Richie wasn't here. Something had happened and Richie hadn't come. Patrick had fucked something up, and it was serious enough that Richie had obviously bailed at the last minute. That it was last minute was made more painfully obvious by the fact that there was an empty seat next to Patrick at his table with a place card for 'Richard Donado'.

It had taken about five minutes within arriving at the wedding for him to realize that the bride, Megan Murray, was Patrick's older sister, and that everyone was waiting for him to arrive from the city, where he was apparently running an errand for his mum. He hadn't even been surprised. The universe seemed to be intent on throwing Patrick in his path at every possible opportunity, and he had felt a certain resigned weariness at the thought of spending a whole afternoon and evening watching Patrick fawning over the lovely Richie. It was probably exactly what he needed to finally smother the lingering fantasies and thoughts that still too frequently popped up.

Megan had been chatting to him, Jon and Gus, the sweet, self-effacing Gus that he had finally met recently after years of hearing about Jon's best buddy from Dartmouth, when she had casually mentioned how intrigued she was that her little brother Patrick was bringing a date to the wedding, but that she wished he would hurry up so they could get on with the picture taking.

Jesus, they'd only been dating 4 weeks and he was bringing him to his sister's wedding? What the fuck?

That particular piece of information had almost cracked Kevin's composure but fortunately he had schooled himself well these past two weeks since meeting Richie and had even been able to enquire about him in the most vague and general terms in conversations with Patrick. Still he didn't relish the thought of watching them together.

So seeing Patrick walking up the pathway alone with his mum had made Kevin's mood lighten considerably. Unless of course Richie was arriving separately...

The look on Patrick's face when he caught sight of Kevin was priceless. Suddenly feeling cheerier than he had for a long while, Kevin approached Patrick and was introduced to the very graceful, elegant Dana Murray. Typical upperclass debutante type with impeccable manners and abundant good breeding. It was obvious where Megan and Patrick had inherited their classic beauty from.

And, for the first time in what seemed like forever, Kevin found himself alone with Patrick, albeit for just a few minutes, and Kevin was...happy. Even with Jon standing just a few feet away, it was just the two of them again, and he managed to tease Patrick and make him laugh, and life improved even more when he found out Richie wasn't coming at all. Halle-fucking-luyah...he would be spared that little torture.

Patrick has been called away to take pictures and two weeks worth of the best intentions had evaporated the minute Kevin found himself standing inches away from Patrick, because the silly idiot didn't know how to fix a bow tie. So Kevin stood there, close enough to feel his breath on his face, close enough to see every tiny detail of Patrick's lovely eyes and sweet, smiling mouth and he had sensed the anxiety Patrick was feeling, the hum of nervous energy, and he had felt compelled to offer some little help, some comfort to him. He was stupidly gratified at how impressed and grateful Patrick had been, and it reminded him of that first week they had spent, where they lived in their little bubble and Patrick's sweetness and boyish charm has captivated him so thoroughly, and they had made each other laugh, and they had opened up to each other, and they had created a special bond...

Jon had joined Kevin on the lawn and he had managed quite easily to slip into boyfriend mode, but in the back of his head, despite Jon standing right there in front of him, was a persistent thought repeating over and over again...Patrick was here without Richie. And the depressing weight of the past two weeks had been lifted and suddenly this evening seemed...exciting. He would get to watch Patrick, looking luscious in his tuxedo, probably get to talk to him as Patrick seemed happy to see him, and any stolen moments he could get he was going for and he was going to store them away in his private Patrick memory bank.

At the cocktail hour when Patrick sought him out to chat, Kevin was elated. They fell naturally into their banter, Patrick revealing some childhood angst over a cunt named Cody something-or-other, and Kevin teasing him again about his use of English words...and even when Megan had dragged Jon over and initiated that awkward conversation about marriage, Kevin's mood has remained strangely high.

Jon was a rock, steadfast, secure, safe and Kevin valued and appreciated that. But Patrick made him feel alive and full of energy, and he was going to soak that up as much as he could for as long as he could. And he wasn't going to do anything about it, but he wasn't going to give the feelings up either. He had tried and he had been miserable. He was not going to lose Patrick as a friend. A flirty, friend who he had inappropriate feelings and thoughts about, but who made him feel happy and excited and full of anticipation for their next encounter.

As the evening wore on though, and as the drinks flowed more freely, some of the happiness began to dissipate. Patrick's dad was an insensitive arsehole. Humiliating Patrick with that story of being dragged around the mall by Megan...didn't the man realize how uncomfortable Patrick looked? And the implication that in Gus, Megan's father had finally found the son he was looking for...well that pissed Kevin off. Patrick had just seemed so...lonely throughout the reception, and the speeches and the interminable obligatory dancing. Always just hovering on the outskirts of the action, an observer rather than a participant at his own sister's wedding. Weren't any of these people his friends? How come Megan's posse of gaggling bridesmaids hadn't adopted him as their favorite little brother? And he didn't seem to know or fit in with any of Gus' friends either.

Jesus, he had a perfect looking family but he was as much of an outsider to them as Kevin was to his own...and Kevin hated that for him. Imagining him growing up like that made Kevin feel indignant and protective.

And then there was Jon. Drunk and getting drunker by the minute. It didn't happen often, as with the demands of the job he had, not many opportunities came where he could just let loose, but when he did...it was not pretty. He was a sloppy drunk. Kevin hated it when people said your true self was revealed when your inhibitions were dropped. That was bullshit. People's inhibitions were a necessary part of their personality and they were there for a reason, because otherwise, people would just be straight-up dick heads. Like Kevin's dad, who drank far too much, far too often.

Jon wasn't violent or abusive when he was drunk, he was just...unattractively over-amplified. His sarcasm turned mean, his prejudices became uglier and more obvious, and his affection turned aggressive. Kevin himself was more than a little buzzed, but he always knew when to stop. Probably from living with an alcoholic as a kid. He knew when he was getting close to the point of losing complete control, and he didn't let that happen. He was far too drunk to drive, but certainly not too drunk to realize what was going on around him, and he watched with plunging spirits as Jon became louder and more obnoxious. But then, the whole wedding party had degenerated into a gang of unattractive frat boys, laughing over stupid college pranks, reminiscing over a lost youth that few had ever been privileged enough to experience, with sailing trips, and skiing vacations that were remembered mostly for how drunk they had got and who had puked the most. Fucking rich twats.

Kevin leant back in his chair as Jon lunged towards him, laughing at some sexual innuendo one of the other Dartmouth gang made, and Jon almost fell out of his chair. Apparently that was enough to send them all into a new round of hysterics. Kevin smiled tightly and looked back out to the balcony.

Shit. Patrick was gone. Where was he? Kevin scanned the ballroom to try to find him. He didn't want Patrick lonely and sad. He was wasting his time here with this bunch of pricks, when he should be making sure Patrick was OK. It was very important to him that Patrick not be sad. Wait. Kevin shook his head slightly. Maybe he was a little drunker than he had thought. It wasn't his job to look after Patrick. He had a boyfriend for that. And Kevin had a boyfriend too, right?

What the fuck did having a boyfriend have to do with comforting a friend though? Wasn't that what friends were supposed to do? Wasn't Patrick his friend? Ahhh...there he was. Heading to the bathrooms. Kevin instinctively got up to follow and Jon reached out to grip his arm. His drunken hold was a little too tight, and Kevin tensed.

'Where are you going?' Jon slurred

'I need a piss.' Kevin stated flatly.

'Hurry back. The limos are going to be pulling up any minute.'

Kevin was confused.

'What fucking limos?'

'To take us back to the city. We're carrying the party on in some club...I don't know which one...someone's...I don't know...just be quick...or do you need some help back there' Jon leered suggestively.

Kevin shook Jon's hand off.

'I think I can manage on my own. I'll be right back' and as quick as he could, Kevin headed for the bathrooms. So, not much time left. He would just make sure Patrick was OK and say a quick goodbye. Because friends didn't leave without saying goodbye...

The bathroom...

Kevin walked in to see Patrick washing his face. Jesus, had he been crying? That just wasn't fucking right...

'Hey-eee' he said gently, or at least it was supposed to be gently. Everything seemed very loud all of a sudden. Including his heartbeat. And everything was very bright but strangely...slow. How drunk was he? But it didn't feel like the effects of alcohol...more like...just very...surreal.

'Are you OK?'...as if he needed to ask. Every one of Patrick's emotions showed so clearly on his beautiful face.

'Yeah...super.' Patrick answered. He sounded forlorn. His Patrick sounded very forlorn. What did friends do when friends were sad? He knew he should probably leave because this strange fog was making him confused. Was he here to comfort Patrick or to say goodbye, or to just prolong this agonizing contact?

'What's happened?' Kevin willed Patrick to open up to him. To ask Kevin for...something, anything. He wanted Patrick to make some move...He could feel himself holding himself back, physically crossing his arms so he could stop from leaning towards Patrick...All it would take would be one little sign, something...

'Oh nothing. It's just today...I used to like weddings.'

Well. That was his fucking sign. Patrick wasn't opening up, he wasn't looking to Kevin for anything at all. Not comfort, not...anything. This was the moment Kevin should just say goodbye and leave. Jon was waiting for him to head back to the city...Kevin's heart sped up and he was surprised Patrick didn't seem to be able to hear it. It was echoing like a fucking drum throughout the room. Or was that Patrick's heart beat? Did he feel this too? What the fuck did Patrick feel? He couldn't leave yet. Couldn't leave until he could...understand what was happening. But Jon was waiting...Jon...

'Jon's drunk'. Jesus. Why would he mention Jon now?

'Oh Great' Patrick was still clearly in his own world. Hardly paying Kevin any attention.

'Yeah no, I can't stand him when he's drunk.' shut the fuck up about Jon, he kept telling himself, but he didn't really seem to be in particular control of his words. It was taking all his effort to just stand there and make stupid conversation, when he just wanted Patrick to acknowledge that there was something happening here...that it wasn't just his own stupid pathetic imaginings that had him feeling so intensely.

'Are you a little drunk?' Ahhh...that little half smile...Patrick was beginning to notice him.

'Yeah, but see I'm a nice drunk' And the restraints broke. He couldn't hold himself back. Patrick was looking at him, seeing him, smiling, and he was suddenly present with him in the room. He was fucking irresistible. Kevin moved closer...just to be a little closer.

'Yeah that's good to know'...and just a little closer still. And he could now see Patrick's confused look, every detail of it, and it was all happening so fast but so incredibly slowly too, and every second was rushing by and taking far too long.

'What?' Patrick asked, but he wasn't moving away, even though Kevin was only inches away...Could he really not know what was happening?...it was just not possible that Patrick couldn't feel this yearning too.

'I was gonna kiss you'...what the fuck? Was he? Was he really going to do that? He wasn't really going to do that... It was just this stupid fog he was in. Jon was waiting outside. What the fuck was he thinking. Was he even thinking?

'What?' Patrick looked a little alarmed for the first time. He was such a good boy. It really hadn't occurred to him that Kevin was capable of...What was he capable of? Jon was waiting outside...

'I'm kidding' Of course he wasn't going to do that. He was just drunk. Jon was waiting outside and they were about to leave, to go back to their life in the city, and this was just a stupid bathroom, and Patrick was just a boy who was pretty and sweet...

'Good cos that...'

Kevin kissed Patrick.

And for a glorious, crazy second, as he brushed those beautiful lips with his tongue, he felt Patrick leaning in. He needed another taste. And there...just a little lick, just a tiny touch of their tongues, heaven, but he knew there was so much more he wanted, and Patrick wanted it too and he would give Patrick everything he wanted, he would kiss the living shit out of him...

Patrick held him off, not looking at him, his eyes wide, dazed, confused, but...resolute.

He couldn't have been wrong. He had felt it on Patrick's lips, even if it was just for a second...he hadn't been wrong about this feeling being mutual. But that didn't matter. What mattered is Patrick had made a decision. And Kevin was left with...nothing. Nothing to do but...leave. Leave ashamed and alone. Having just totally fucked everything up, because...what was he going to do now?

So much for saying goodbye.