Managing an affair was a complicated process. Kevin hadn't realized how much planning and negotiating would be needed, especially as new parameters were constantly being introduced. First off, there was Patrick's insistence that they couldn't get away with long lunch breaks, because Owen was not going to be easily fobbed off with excuses for his absence. Then, there was the fact that the project deadlines were looming and so everybody was pretty much working long hours and hanging around the office until the late evenings. Jon's schedule was also unpredictable and he would often not know from day to day if he would be working into the evening or not. All of which made Kevin's head spin as he tried to find time for him and Patrick to get to spend together.

Fortunately the world of video game designers was populated by die-hard nerds who stayed up till the early hours of the morning gaming with each other, so they had found that almost without fail they could have the office pretty much to themselves till at least 9 in the morning. Morning sex had become a somewhat regular occurrence for the two of them, and though it was excellent fun, and probably the greatest way to start the day...Kevin, and he hoped Patrick too, yearned for more.

Yearning. That was a pretty accurate way to describe Kevin's predominant feeling these days. And this wasn't exactly part of the plan. He was supposed to be working this crush out of his system, and yet the more time he spent with Patrick, the more all-consuming his desire to be with him seemed to grow. The crush had definitely become an infatuation. But it had to stop at that.

So Kevin had tried a new game of sorts. He decided to catalog each and every one of Patrick's flaws and repeat them to himself, almost like a mantra, forcing himself to imagine what it would be like if he had to put up with them in the long term.

Patrick was a drama queen, almost pathologically unable to contain himself when he was anxious or nervous, or when he was excited or happy. Kevin couldn't stand drama. There was nothing soothing about living with drama in your life. Running from crisis to crisis, constantly having to put out fires, constantly having to try to diffuse situations. That would be a fucking nightmare to live with for someone like Kevin, who valued control above practically all else.

Patrick was still a prude in some ways. Kevin had definitely pushed him and introduced him to new things, but there were some things he just wouldn't do. He wouldn't swallow when he was giving head, and despite having such a talented mouth, he was still squeamish and uncomfortable with more of the intimate oral activities, which Kevin knew he would eventually find annoying. It was just bloody childish.

He also needed affirmation, and not just from Kevin. It seemed he was very concerned about what his friends thought. He was always looking for approval from somebody or other, and that lack of confidence was ridiculous. Kevin couldn't imagine having to constantly bolster up somebody's ego. Fucking tiring and not what he was into at all.

All in all, Patrick was a bit of hot mess. Kevin knew that it would be madness to give up the compatibility and dependable predictability he currently shared with Jon just because... the sex was off the charts hot.

Or because he was temporarily finding the drama invigorating.

Or because he was currently enjoying the challenge of overcoming Patrick's sexual inhibitions one at a time.

Or because being needed by Patrick made him feel...wanted in a way he'd never experienced before.

Of course Jon was needy too, but in a different way. Whereas Kevin could tell Jon sometimes resented the fact that he wasn't more open and communicative with Jon, or that he didn't seem to feel the need to share more of his inner life, Patrick didn't seem to find Kevin's closed off attitude a problem. More of a challenge, if anything. And through his own relentless over-sharing and constant analyzing he somehow managed to ferret information out of Kevin about his feelings, his opinions, his thoughts without Kevin even realizing it until the conversation was over.

The one area Patrick never touched though, was his relationship with Jon. Except for once...near the beginning, before their proper affair had begun. That first time in the stock room, as they lay next to each after sex, satiated, Patrick had asked casually how Jon was settling in, if he was enjoying his new job, the city...

Kevin had hesitated for a fraction of a second before he gave Patrick as honest an answer as he could.

'Well...' he had started, hesitantly.

'I'm sorry...you don't have to talk about him. That was stupid of me' Patrick had rushed in.

'No, it's not that I don't want to talk about him,' which was a lie because talking about Jon while lying next to Patrick, with Patrick's cum still drying on his chest, was not exactly something he was thrilled about doing. But...it was only natural that Patrick might have questions.

'It's just that, well, it's still early days but he's not loving it. He's having a bit of a hard time adjusting and it makes things a little...tense.'

'It must have been hard for him to leave everything behind' Patrick mused quietly.

'Well yeah, it can be hard. Though, it didn't take me that long to adjust when I moved from England, and San Fransisco is hardly some isolated outpost in the fucking Midwest' Kevin had replied, not doing a good job at hiding his frustration and bitterness. Patrick had of course picked up on that.

'So, things are...difficult between you?' He had ventured cautiously.

'We are having...some problems, yes. Listen, I don't want you to think that...'

'Don't worry.' Patrick had hastily interrupted. 'I told you I don't expect anything. I didn't mean to pry.'...and he had gone on to change the subject, and then never raise it again.

Kevin took the easily offered reprieve and counted himself lucky, because Patrick had misunderstood him and it worked in Kevin's favor. Patrick obviously thought Kevin was going to warn him against having expectations, but Kevin had meant to say that he didn't want Patrick to assume he was doing all of this lightly. That this was just a way for Kevin to get his jollies. But that would have opened up a whole can of worms that Kevin wasn't ready to face then. And truthfully, weeks later, he still wasn't.

If he was really happy with Jon, would he have felt such an all consuming desperation to begin and now continue an affair with Patrick? And if he wasn't happy with Jon, why were they still together?

Or was Patrick just...special.

But he'd never believed in that stuff. That one true love crap. What were the fucking chances of meeting the one person you were supposed to be with. Simple knowledge of probability would tell you it was a ridiculous notion. Love was always circumstantial. You just at some point made a choice to...choose. To settle. To stop looking. It couldn't be that Patrick was 'the one' because to be so dependent on another man, to that extent, that was simply...horrifying.

He'd almost prefer the thought that he was a serial cheater, that he would always crave variety... Could it be that cheating ran in his blood?

His mother HAD left his father when he was 14 after having met a bloke that she wanted to be with. But his dad had been an emotionally abusive alcoholic who constantly made his mother feel like shit, and though her second relationship hadn't lasted all that long, she'd had valid reasons for leaving his dad. It seemed though she repeated her pattern and ended up with men that took advantage of her. She was soft, pliable, let herself be put down and belittled. Able to leave her own child behind at the simple command of a man. He wasn't anything like her. He vowed he never would be.

As for his dad, well, he'd mellowed a bit with age and loneliness had made him a little more philosophical, but strangely enough, after his mum had left he'd never really looked for anyone else. He must have loved her in his own twisted way and he pretty much pined for her from the day she left. He wouldn't be like his dad either. Vulnerable to another person. Letting his life be derailed by love.

So no, he hadn't learnt cheating from his parents. From them he'd learnt the lessons that it was important to be in control, and to be vigilant against letting anyone become too vital. Not a parent, not a lover.

And that's why thinking too much about stuff like this just wasn't productive. There were just never any bloody answers.

No one was ever happy all the time. Rough patches were to be expected and the true strength of a relationship was how you handled them. And Jon would be very good, probably better than anyone, at working through this. Kevin knew that if he were to confess to Jon about this affair, Jon would stay with him and work through it. Because that's what committed couples did. And Jon was excellent at commitment.

So the question wasn't if Kevin and Jon were happy, but more how much was Kevin willing to work at making them happy. What was he willing to give up. His job? Patrick? All other men for ever?

Well, he was a fucking coward and he knew it, because he wasn't even going to try and answer this question until he had to. Jon was clueless, Patrick wasn't pushing him...so he could neatly avoid having to make any decisions, any choices.

Which was just great because it looked like it was going to take a little longer to work through the infatuation than he had first anticipated. And obviously cataloguing Patrick's faults wasn't helping, as it just seemed to highlight how captivated he was by the stupid git. The only course of action that was palatable to him was to keep seeing Patrick as much as he possibly could, so he had better step us his planning skills, because office sex wasn't cutting it.

Morning sex in the office was good, great even, but it wasn't bedroom sex. Having had a taste of that, he wanted more. He wanted space to move around in, to have Patrick in different positions in. He wanted to have him kneeling on the floor, with his face pushed into the mattress. He wanted to sit in a plush comfortable armchair and have Patrick blow him. Slowly. He wanted to lie in a bed and 69 with him, maybe push Patrick to be a bit bolder with that talented tongue of his. He wanted to fuck Patrick from behind with his face plastered against the shower door and hot water running down their bodies. He wanted to fuck Patrick while forcing him to look at them in a mirror, forcing him to keep his beautiful eyes open and focused on them...he bet Patrick couldn't do that for long. He wanted to lick him from head to toe, and mark up his body with a string of love bites that would take days to disappear. And he wanted to make love to Patrick slowly, sweetly, kissing his gorgeous mouth, gripping his soft hair, face to face, listening to his heartbeat, feeling his breath, staring into his eyes...on a soft bed, with no clock ticking, no outside pressure...just the two of them in their own cocoon.

And then he wanted some other things too. A simple dinner at a restaurant. Some good food, a bottle of good wine, then drunk horny sex. Or a date at a movie theater, sitting in the back row, making out, feeling him up, getting him hot and bothered and then dragging him back to a room where he could keep him on the edge of coming for hours...

That last one had almost happened. Jon was supposed to go to some fancy dinner thingy and Kevin, calculating that he'd be free and clear by eight, had arranged to meet Patrick at the movies. He didn't care what was playing, he didn't intend to watch the screen. But Jon decided at the last minute that he was too tired to go and wanted to just spend a nice night in, just the two of them. Kevin was a little shocked at how angry he felt. He hated having to text Patrick and tell him he wasn't showing up. It made everything a little sordid, a little seedy. Worse than that, Jon had decided that their evening together should include sex and though it wasn't the first time that he'd had sex with Jon since the affair began, it was the first time he had had angry resentful sex, and it scared him. That he could do that to someone he loved. He hadn't hurt Jon, but he'd used him very coldly. Almost impersonally. Jon had looked at him after it was over, a little confused, but had chosen not to say anything. Fuck.

Patrick had been understanding at being stood up. Undemanding. The next day Kevin broke the long lunch break rule and took Patrick to a hotel again. Not the Morwood because Patrick was paranoid about bed bugs all of a sudden and insisted on checking the bed bug register before he would agree to any location. Which was fine with Kevin. He didn't give a shit which hotel it was as long as it had a chair, a bed and a shower. He was going to work through some of his bucket list. This time they took a cab, and Kevin spent the ride whispering the list of things he wanted to do to and with Patrick in Patrick's ear, watching that inevitable blush spread across his gorgeous face as he swallowed restlessly.

In the end they decided they would each got to choose one thing they wanted to do, and Patrick was immediately taken with the shower idea, so Kevin suggested they start with a quick 69 on the bed, set as a challenge to see who could bring the other one off first. Kevin had cheated because he didn't have Patrick's sense of fair play and knew if he tagged Patrick's p-spot he could make him come in no time. So he did.

'That's not fair' Patrick had complained, lying on the bed, breathless and sticky. He didn't like losing.

'We didn't set any rules' Kevin reminded him. 'And you still have work to do' he pointed to his own cock, still hard and waiting for Patrick's mouth.

'A blow job is a blow job. It doesn't involve wondering fingers!'

'You are a sore loser Patrick Murray' Kevin had teased him.

'It doesn't really feel like losing when I've just had a fucking fantastic orgasm' Patrick laughed. 'I know I'm supposed to return the favor, but I feel like you should forfeit since you broke the blow job rules.'

'If you think I'm going to lie here and not make you finish what you started...'

'Oh don't worry...I'm going to finish you off. I had a few tricks prepared myself' Patrick leaned over and began licking Kevin gently, softly, maddeningly...

'Come on...do it.' Kevin urged him, trying to get himself into Patrick's mouth.

'I will. I absolutely will.' Patrick promised, smattering tiny kisses all over Kevin before licking his way up and down, over and over.

'Please...' Kevin panted. Patrick grinned.

'Don't you want to know my trick?' He asked, in a low, sensual growl.

'Just fucking...'

'I'm going to suck you dry, and swallow every drop. I'm not going to let you go till you're totally wrung out. Would you like that?' and before Kevin could answer, Patrick had swallowed him deep and began giving him the best head of his life. And with the idea that he was going to cum in Patrick's mouth, that he was going to be able to finish like that...Kevin lasted barely a minute more before his orgasm ripped through him.

Patrick and his clever mouth.

To show his gratitude, Kevin made shower sex all about Patrick. No teasing, no holding him on the brink, just lovely hard, deep fucking with Patrick's face smashed against the shower wall and Kevin's hands bringing him off. It had taken them a long time to recover from that, and their skin had turned wrinkled and pruny, but neither of them cared...

They'd only managed one more hotel date though, this time in the early evening, but it had been hurried because Kevin had to meet Jon and some of his colleagues for dinner. Though quick, the sex had as usual been quite excellent. Kevin couldn't see himself getting tired of this any time soon. But after the sex, with the knowledge that Kevin was going directly to Jon, there was a slight pall in the air between them.

'Look, I'm sorry I have to run' Kevin had apologized for the tenth time as he was dressing. 'You can stay as long as you want...' Which was a totally stupid thing to say.

'It's ok. I understand' Patrick had been slower to get out of the bed, but he was picking up his fallen clothes off the floor and putting himself together.

'I wish I could stay' Kevin couldn't help adding.

'Me too. That would be nice. But...I'm fine really. I get it.' Patrick insisted. Kevin stopped buttoning his shirt and walked up to Patrick, putting his hands on Patrick's arms. They stared at each other in silence for a few moments, before Patrick gave a weak smile.

'I promise, I'll find the time for us to have a proper day' Kevin said quietly.

'Really?'

'Jon might be traveling next weekend for a conference. He'll probably be returning early on Sunday, but we could have all Saturday through Sunday morning if you want.'

'Of course I want' Patrick replied, raising his eyebrows. 'That would be...fantastic.'

'I won't know for a few days though. Sorry...I know that's a pain...'

'Stop apologizing' Patrick had interrupted him, and then, leaning forward, he'd kissed him sweetly, with just a little bit of a lick before he stepped back. Kevin licked his lips as if tasting Patrick's kiss. Patrick grinned.

'I like kissing you.'

Kevin rolled his eyes.

'Really' he drawled.

'Oh, so you could tell?'

'Patrick, I have never before been kissed as much in my life as I have been these past few weeks with you. You are fixated on kissing. And licking...and biting.'

'Is that a bad thing?' Patrick asked, half teasing, half serious.

'I think you can tell I quite like it' Kevin grinned at him.

'Quite? Is that the English way of saying you fucking love it?'

'Yes. I fucking love it. Kiss me again before I have to go. And make it a good one to last me till tomorrow.'

'I love it when you get all bossy on me' Patrick growled.

'I am the fucking boss' Kevin laughed.

'Not in here you're not. In here you're my own personal sex slave, to do whatever I want with.'

'Well, is kissing me one of the things you want to do with me?'

'Absolutely. Always'

'Do it then. Please.' Kevin smiled. Patrick smiled back, and then leaned forward to give Kevin a kiss. Gentle at first, just lips on lips, then the barest grazing of his tongue, a small nip of his teeth, and finally, opening Kevin's mouth with his own, he gave Kevin the kiss he wanted. Wet, passionate, hands clutching Kevin's head close, breaking for a second to draw a breath before plunging right back in...

As the kiss slowed down, turning again to small pecks and tiny nibbles, Kevin smiled contentedly.

'Thank you' he whispered, dropping his forehead against Patrick's.

'My total fucking pleasure' Patrick replied.

It had been so hard to leave him in that hotel room and make his way to dinner with Jon. And it was a bad idea to go from one to the other like that. The feeling of disconnect, the resentment he couldn't fully suppress...and the guilt as he stared at Jon's happy, guileless face, and the discomfort as Jon kissed him on lips that had just kissed Patrick...Bad bad fucking idea.

God, he hoped Jon was going on that business trip. He wanted a whole day, just one. That's all he wanted. Well...that and more of Patrick's kisses. He was coming to realize that he might never get enough of those.