Night of Halloween, Saturday.
'What did that mean?' Jon asked as they walked away from Patrick's apartment.
Did he expect Kevin to provide a coherent answer? Hopefully a shrug would do because that was all Kevin could manage right now.
Was it possible, was it actually, really, possible, that Patrick had just...fuck. He didn't want to believe it if it wasn't true. He couldn't do this again. It had taken him two weeks to just be able to face the thought of life without Patrick, and now here he was, with his stupid heart flooding with hope again. They were moving back to Seattle for fuck's sake. What was he doing? How many fucking ways could he fuck his life up?
'Well, he obviously meant something by it. What the hell is wrong with him anyway?' Jon laughed. 'That was some show he put on. Fuck, he is a sloppy drunk.'
Kevin forced himself to keep quiet. There was no point in trying to defend Patrick, though it fucking pissed him off that Jon, that anyone, was laughing at him. But it wasn't his right. They weren't even friends any more.
Jon reached out and took Kevin's hand as they walked slowly. Could he feel how sweaty his palms were? Could he feel how his heart was racing, pounding? Could he tell that while Kevin walked beside him, his heart, his mind, his whole self was still back on that stoop, sitting next to Patrick. Wanting to comfort him, soothe him, reassure him that he'd never leave him, not if Patrick wanted him to stay...
Of course his being there in the first place, with Jon, was probably one of the reasons he'd had that horrendous meltdown in the first place. Well, that and fucking Richie with his boyfriend being all over each other. Patrick seemed pretty torn up about that too. But fuck, Kevin was glad, no, overjoyed, that Richie wasn't available for Patrick to latch onto. He wanted to be a better man, a man that could wish for Patrick's happiness with someone else, but he wasn't there yet. Not even close. He hated to see Patrick suffering, but seeing him with someone else? Fuck no. Hence, Seattle.
But, did Patrick really not want him to go, or was that just more drunk ramblings?
How could he know? He so wanted to know. And even if he didn't want Kevin to leave...did he just mean he'd miss him as a friend? He hadn't said anything about Jon. He hadn't asked him to leave Jon, or to come back to him.
Kevin was going fucking crazy with all this ambiguity.
Why hadn't Patrick said anything at MDG this morning, when he'd found Kevin alone, playing video games in his office. Kevin had been shocked at how obvious he'd been, at how much he'd let himself reveal to Patrick, opening himself up for more rejection and hurt, but then he'd only had two weeks of practice at keeping Patrick at a distance, so he couldn't expect to be perfect at it yet.
Patrick had walked in to his fucking monstrosity of a glass cube office, scaring the shit out of him. Kevin had reached the point finally where he was able to engage pretty normally in some small talk, a little teasing banter as he called out Patrick for stealing office candy. He'd dodged one bullet when he'd stupidly brought up their smart-phone game, admitted that he'd been working on it, like the twisted love-sick fucking fool he was. Patrick was kind enough to let him brush that under the carpet quickly. He wasn't quite so gracious with Patrick though, forcing him to stumble over his invitation to his Halloween party...
'You don't have to come. I totally get it.' Patrick had said, smiling almost genuinely at him. Kevin should have left it at that. After all, there was no fucking way he was going to spend an evening watching Patrick drink and dance and laugh with everyone but him.
But he was a perverse fucker and apparently liked hitting his own raw nerve because he didn't let it go. He pushed for a reaction.
'Do you not want me to come?' He'd asked, almost pathetically. Please Patrick...please say you want me to come...he begged like the stupid wanker he was.
Patrick had stumbled through that embarrassing non-invitation invitation until Kevin could barely stand it. So time for another little hit on the nerve.
'I appreciate the gesture Patrick, but seeing like it might be my only Halloween in San Francisco, I feel like Jon and I may opt to see the sights.'
'What does that mean?'
'We talked about going back to Seattle.' Kevin replied.
'What?' Ahhh...a sign of some feeling. Patrick looked shocked, and maybe even...bothered? Maybe not totally immune to him yet. For all the good that did him. Still, it was nice to see.
'It would be good for us I think. I mean Jon misses his family, and I feel like I made him leave a job he really liked' That's right you fucking coward. Make it about Jon. Well, wasn't it partly though? About giving his relationship with Jon a chance to survive?
'I guess I get that but..'
'But what?' What, Patrick...what else was there to say on the matter?
'But you basically just got here right?'
'It would be better for us. For me' and this was as close as he would get to admitting he was running away. Would Patrick pick up on that, would he push for more? Well, the answer was no. He had made his decision two weeks ago and nothing had changed, for either of them. Patrick had wished him well and walked out, and Kevin had been left again, staring after him, wondering what the hell he'd been thinking to bring up this conversation, in this manner, today.
And he was even less clear about what he'd been thinking when later that evening, as he and Jon were sitting in a bar, watching the Halloween festivities all around them, he'd asked Jon if he wanted to go to Patrick's party. He was out of fucking control. He wasn't even that drunk but he felt so...weak. They were so close to the apartment, a stupid choice on his part, but...if they were going to be leaving for Seattle anyway, what harm would it do to anyone but himself if he gave in to his pathetic need to just be in the same room as Patrick, just a few more times.
Well, the answer to that had become clear as soon as Patrick caught sight of him in his apartment. He had not been happy to see him in the slightest. Not even a tiny bit.
'Look I know we didn't RSVP but I thought you wouldn't mind if...' Kevin had started at first.
'Who's we?' Patrick interrupted, and Kevin felt the first pang of regret. Fuck. Patrick was wasted. He could smell the alcohol fumes wafting off him from this distance. This might have been a phenomenally bad idea. But it was too late. Jon had come bounding up behind him and draped himself over Kevin's shoulders. What the fuck had he done?
'Err. Patrick, you remember Jon' he'd said lamely. Patrick was speechless. With rage? With disbelief?
'Dude, amazing party. The city is nuts tonight.'
'It is nuts' Patrick agreed, a tight smile on his face as he faced Kevin and Jon.
'Totally nuts. We saw a guy on the streets, balls out' Jon grabbed Kevin's crotch in a perfectly normal proprietary manner, totally acceptable for a boyfriend, and Kevin's heart sank. Patrick's face...shit...his face.
'Balls out' Jon had grabbed tighter for emphasis. Kevin pretended to laugh.
'That is crazy' Patrick responded, so on edge he was practically vibrating.
As soon as Jon bounced off to get them drinks, Patrick had lit into him.
'Are you fucking kidding me right now. This cannot be happening' He said with obvious disbelief, getting closer into Kevin's space. Kevin knew he should apologize but, he was an arsehole. Finally, Patrick was showing some real emotion and it felt fucking GOOD for a second to have him hurting, to have him feel just a tiny bit of what Kevin had been feeling for two weeks. He felt evil but he felt fucking vindicated too.
'I thought you wanted to be grown up about this...' He shot back, reminding Patrick of his own words from a week ago, about being grown ups, about being fucking relieved, about how no one got hurt...
'Oh what is grown up about bringing your boyfriend to the house of the guy that you were were fucking cheating on him with' Patrick was furious, but still he kept his voice quiet. Shit. This could really spin out of control.
'Christ Patrick can you just...'
'Can I what Kevin? Can I what? Ok. This is MY party alright, this is my party and I'm gonna, I'm gonna just say what I want to say'
And at that moment Jon returned. And Patrick stopped. Thank fucking christ. This was not the time to have a whole confrontation scene play out. Kevin needed to get him and Jon the fuck out of there as soon as he could. They'd have to wait a little so Jon didn't get suspicious and start asking questions there were no good answers to, but he had to keep himself and Jon away from Patrick, for everybody's sake.
But that wasn't how the night had turned out. And if Kevin had wished even for an instant for Patrick to share his anguish and pain, he got his fucking wish granted that night, in spades.
Some switch had been flipped in Patrick, and in the most god-awful spectacular display, he had crashed and burned in front of all the collected guests, with the most riveting, excruciating speech Kevin, or probably any of them, had ever heard. Beyond thoroughly humiliating himself, he humiliated his friends, he humiliated Brady, he revealed his ambivalent feelings for Richie, and, leaving Kevin for last, was all set to take him down with him in flames. Kevin watched as if in slow motion. He knew what was coming, but he was helpless to stop it. Patrick's friends however, the same ones that Patrick had skewered so completely minutes before, had stepped in to stop the horror show. And it was over. He had been spared again.
As Kevin stood there, with Jon laughing, with so many people around him gossiping and laughing, Kevin felt the full horror of what he'd done. Is this really what he'd wanted, he asked himself? To force this reaction? To see this mix of confusion and despair on Patrick's face as he struggled to understand how his life had come to this? It seemed he was enough of a shit for that to be true. But, what had Patrick done to deserve this? All he'd ever done is give Kevin what he wanted, until he decided that he couldn't be part of this unholy mess anymore. Why should he continue to suffer for having ever wanted to be with Kevin. He deserved to be over it and happy. And he deserved a fucking apology. Now.
He found Patrick sitting on the steps of his stoop, Agustin, faithful Agustin, beside him, comforting him. He needed to apologize and then get himself the fuck out of there. He'd done enough damage to this man's life. The sooner he moved back to Seattle, the better off everyone would be.
'Well, that was quite a speech' Kevin announced his presence. Patrick looked up for a moment as Kevin walked down the steps. He looked like shit. Defeated. Kevin needed Agustin to go so he could do this properly.
'Sorry, do you mind if I...' He spoke to Agustin.
'Yeah actually, I do mind' He'd snapped back. A lioness with her cub.
'No Agustin. It's fine. Really.' Patrick had stopped him, quietly. He seemed to be dreading this though. As if he expected Kevin to bruise him somehow. Kevin waited until Agustin was completely gone before he began.
'I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry. I'm drunk, and we were at a bar around the corner...' he started, sitting down on the steps next to Patrick, as close as he could allow himself to be. This felt familiar, the two of them. He'd fucking missed this. But that wasn't the point. He had to apologize. For so many things, but firstly, for just being here, with Jon
'I don't want you go to Seattle. I don't want us being weird to be the reason I never see you again' Patrick interrupted. And turning his head in shock, Kevin found himself staring into Patrick's eyes, nodding automatically as if in understanding. Even though he didn't understand...Not at all. He couldn't hold Patrick's look though. He was fucking breaking apart. He'd just wanted to apologize and leave. He couldn't handle this. Patrick had no idea how close he was to the edge himself. What the fuck was he supposed to do with this statement? It wasn't a declaration. He wasn't asking Kevin to be with him...just not to go. Just to be around so he could be 'seen'?
'Patrick...' he tried to speak, shaking his head, not knowing what he wanted to say. Probably just to beg him to not do this. To not put him through this. Kevin couldn't be his friend.
'I'd miss you too much. If you go'. Patrick continued. So quietly. So solemnly. Kevin looked back into Patrick's eyes. He was having trouble breathing. He hadn't been this close to Patrick in two weeks. The last time had been in Esta Noche, when Kevin had tried to kiss him, to tempt him into staying. He hadn't been able to. Patrick had walked away. But now, with just a look, Patrick had him mesmerized. Did he have any idea how devastating this was to Kevin?
But as they continued to stare at each other, silently, Kevin felt the first foolish stirring of hope, and he knew he had to crush it. Nothing had changed. Patrick wasn't asking for anything other than friendship. Hadn't he wanted them to go back to being flirty friends, before Kevin had convinced him to expect more? But what if he was asking for that 'more'? What if it wasn't too late?
'There you two are.' Jon. Perfect fucking timing. Kevin felt his appearance like a blow to the chest. He jumped up and practically ran to the bottom of the steps, as Jon made his way down slowly.
'And I thought the party was inside'
Kevin laughed weakly.
'I just came to get that karaoke sign up sheet. Have you seen it?'
Kevin couldn't look at Patrick. This must be torture for him. He had to get Jon away. Fucking karaoke?
'I've got that' Patrick held out the crumpled paper to Jon, not looking at him.
'I will err..I will just unfold it. Cos you know I slay Celine Dion. I really do. Don't I babe'
'Oh my god, you do, yes'. Kevin answered mechanically. Shut the fuck up Jon, he thought to himself. Please just shut the fuck up.
'Fuck yeah I do' Jon joked.
'Fuck yeah' Kevin copied.
Silence. Kevin could feel Patrick staring at him. What did he want?
'Is everything alright?' Jon asked, looking between Kevin and Patrick.
'Mmmhmm. You?' Kevin still couldn't look at Patrick. What the fuck must be going through his mind. He had to find a way to get Jon out of his sight.
'Yeah.' Jon answered, bemused.
'Can we go?' There...that was fucking direct.
'Really?' Jon was confused.
'Yeah, fuck me..I'm tired and I'm...I'm erm..I'm drunk' Kevin finished, lamely. He had nothing left in him. He couldn't be subtle, he couldn't be smooth, he just had to get Jon away from Patrick before Patrick imploded.
'Ok' Jon agreed simply. 'Happy Halloween Patrick' he'd turned to give the crumpled sign up sheet back to Patrick.
'The happiest' Patrick had drawled.
'Good luck in Seattle' He'd called after them, as Kevin and Jon turned to leave. 'I hope everything turns out the way you want'
And Kevin had been unable to stop himself from looking at him one more time, sitting there on the stoop, alone.
But he'd walked away. With Jon. Because he didn't know why Patrick was asking him to stay. He didn't understand what Patrick wanted. And he didn't know what to do.
As he walked the streets holding Jon's hand, thinking about Patrick on the stoop, Kevin knew only one thing for sure. He was still in love with Patrick Murray.
The following Tuesday morning.
Kevin woke up well before his alarm went off. He lay in bed, next to Jon, staring at the ceiling. He'd had a dream, one that had woken him up sweating and anxious, where he and Patrick were just sitting on the roof of the office chatting, but it had been at night, and their were strings of lights everywhere and music was playing and then suddenly, as always happened in dreams, Patrick was naked and laughing and pulling him up to dance. And Kevin had hoped the dance would turn into sex so he had stood up and he was suddenly naked too and he had dragged Patrick into his arms and kissed him so hard and reached down to grab his cock...but he couldn't get to it because Patrick was always facing the wrong way, and as many times as he turned Patrick around, he was always the wrong way, and Patrick was laughing and laughing and Kevin couldn't get him to stop...
Kevin rubbed his hand across his eyes. Two full days and three nights since the Halloween party. And Patrick was coming back today, should be in the office tomorrow. He'd asked Owen to give Kevin a message about a funeral he had to go to. In Modesto. Kevin had looked it up on the map, for no good reason.
Two days he'd had to decipher Patrick's words on the stoop, and he was no closer to understanding what Patrick was asking from him. He had been tempted so many times to call him, text him...just reach out to him to ask him. What did he want?
He leaned over to pick up his phone. It was just before six in the morning. He couldn't call him now. He scrolled to his contact and stared at the name. Patrick Murray and a number. Nothing else, not even a photo to identify him when he called. That was a fucking travesty. A joke. The most important person in the whole world to him was just two words and ten numbers in his phone.
Kevin turned to look at Jon, lying asleep, peacefully. And it was so very very clear to Kevin what he was going to do.
He wasn't going to Seattle. He wasn't going to wait for Patrick to tell him what he wanted. It wasn't fair of him to force Patrick to make the choices for them, or to force Jon to unknowingly live this lie with him.
Tears filled Kevin's eyes as he stared at Jon. It was over. He was going to break this man's heart. And he didn't even know if Patrick wanted him or not. All he knew is that he wanted Patrick, and he had to be free to ask Patrick to take him back. If Patrick said no, it was still only right for Jon to be free as well, and not live with Patrick's leftovers.
It was so fucking simple. It was so fucking hard. And it had to happen today. No more waiting, no more lies. No more putting off what was so obviously the only way this could have ever ended, from the moment he kissed Patrick at the wedding.
Everything since then had been him avoiding the truth, avoiding the pain he was going to cause, avoiding the hard decisions. And he had paid for that. He might have lost Patrick for ever. And if he hadn't, if by some miracle Patrick took him back, he would for ever have this stain in his past, of the time he cheated on this good man, the time he forced this man to live a lie. He would always be 'that guy', the cheating, lying, bastard. And if Patrick took him back, his friends would probably never trust him, always hate him, and he'd probably have to work every day at reassuring Patrick, at calming him down when he freaked out.
And there'd be drama in his life, which he hated. And he would forever be vulnerable to Patrick, which he hated. And he'd face gossip and scorn, which he hated.
But if Patrick took him back, he'd have Patrick. Every day. He'd have his stories, and his laughter, and his teasing, and his shy looks, and his blushing face, and his beautiful body... and the whole magical hot mess that was Patrick Murray would be his. And he would love that.
The alarm went off and Jon woke up, slowly. Kevin's heart started racing.
There was no good way to do this. He'd been fooling himself when he had told Patrick it would take time to make Jon understand in a way that didn't wreck him. There was no way.
Jon swung his legs over the side of the bed and stretched. He turned to look over at Kevin, to say good morning. Something must have shown in Kevin's face though, because Jon just stared at him.
'We'd better get dressed' Kevin had said simply, as he got out of bed and started pulling clothes on.
'Aren't you going to shower?' Jon asked. His voice betraying his confusion.
Kevin just shook his head.
'No. Just get dressed and come inside' He said simply. He picked up his phone and wallet off the bedside table and stuffed them in his pockets as he walked out of the bedroom into the living room. He knew he was going to have to leave after this conversation. But he didn't know where he would go. Not to work. Not today. He'd find somewhere.
Jon followed slowly, pulling on his t-shirt.
'What's happened?' he asked.
'I'm not going to Seattle.' Kevin said, quietly. Jon remained silent for a moment.
'Ok. Can I ask why?' he said eventually.
Kevin looked at him. Stared at his sweet, lovely face. He took a deep breath.
'I'm sorry, Jon, but I'm in love with Patrick, and I want to be with him.'
Silence. Kevin's eyes filled with tears again, as he saw Jon's face begin to crumple.
'How long?' He finally asked.
'A few months. He left me...a couple of weeks ago. I wouldn't leave you so he left me, but...I can't be without him. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.'
Jon had struggled to keep the tears back, but they started rolling down his face anyway. He wiped at them with the back of his hand. Kevin's heart ached, but he held back. He couldn't comfort Jon. He was the one destroying him.
'If I said I forgave you for the affair, would you stay?' Jon asked quietly.
'I'm sorry.' Kevin shook his head. 'I love him.'
'And me?'
'I love you. And I always will, but...it's a different love, Jon. I don't think either of us ever felt this way. About each other.'
Jon had laughed bitterly.
'Maybe that's true for you, but not for me. I love you like I'm supposed to. With my heart. You're a fucking bastard Kevin. You're a coward, and a fucking liar, and you're fucking breaking my heart' Jon had started to fall apart. Kevin stood still.
'I know. That's all true. I'm sorry. I'll just leave now.' he whispered.
'Where are you going? Are you going to him? You can't just leave...It's six in the fucking morning! You can't just leave without talking to me about this.' Jon had grabbed Kevin's arm.
Kevin gently pried his hand off him.
'I'll call about stuff, but for now, I have to leave because I don't have anything more I can say. I love him, and I want to be with him. If he'll have me back you'd find out soon enough, so I couldn't pretend to you it was anything else, even if that would have been easier for both of us.'
'You could have waited' Jon scoffed. 'Then I wouldn't have known about the affair. You could have just left and then waited.'
'I'm sorry. You might not believe me, but I really am. I have tried so hard to find a way that you wouldn't get hurt, but I couldn't. Please try to remember that I really never ever wanted to hurt you. But, I fell in love, and...I can't lie about it anymore. Not to you, not to myself and...not to him.'
'Kevin...we've been happy for two years. Don't throw this away...please.' Jon pleaded
Kevin chewed his lip, to stop himself from crying. And he held himself back, though he wanted so fucking much to reach out and hug this man, who had been so important to him for so long. And the pain was as bad as Kevin had always feared. But not as bad as the pain of being without Patrick. So he had no right to comfort Jon, when he was still going to walk out and rip his heart out as he left. He couldn't give him more lies. This was brutal. But it was over. Kevin shook his head as he took a last look at Jon, then turned and walked out of their apartment. Jon's apartment.
Only a few minutes past six. On the most important day of his life. As he walked out of the building, tears streamed down his face. But he felt lighter than he had in months. And though his future was uncertain...he was hopeful that it might be...brilliant.
And the guilt, the legacy of what he had done...that would haunt him for a long time, and Jon's face as he broke his heart...that image would always be there as well. But...this was the first time in months that Kevin had actually done the right thing. Now all he had to do was wait.
So he did. He walked about the city for hours, and sat in a park. He had called in to the office and told them he was taking a few days off. He eventually remembered he had to eat something, so he sat in a diner and ate. Thinking. He thought a lot about Jon and about this morning, how he had been so cruel, but he knew Jon, and he knew that he would take any communication as a reason to hope, and he would use any opportunity to try to talk Kevin out of this, not realizing that this was not something that had anything to do with reason and logic. And that prolonging the inevitable was not going to help him in the long run. And Jon had called a few times, and left messages, which Kevin listened to out of a sense of duty and responsibility, but...the outcome wasn't going to change and he wasn't going to let Jon have any false hopes any more. He'd done enough damage with that shit.
But he also thought about Patrick, and those thoughts weren't particularly more cheerful because there was so much uncertainty. He kept checking the time. The funeral would be happening today, but what time? Did these things usually happen in the morning? He would imagine so. He should wait to call Patrick until lunch time then. He had to call Patrick and tell him. Or should he wait and tell him in person? As if he could. If there was even a small chance that Patrick would take him back, he wanted Patrick to know as soon as he could. But he couldn't text him. That would be ridiculous. This was the sort of news that you had to hear, and he wanted to hear Patrick's reaction too...not wait to get a fucking text back. God...time moved so fucking slowly.
At exactly one in the afternoon, Kevin finally let himself call. He felt sick with nerves, his hand literally shaking as he held the phone to his ear. Straight to voicemail. He wasn't leaving a fucking message. Patrick would see he had a missed call and call him back...if he wanted to. If he was ignoring his call, he would ignore a message. More fucking waiting.
Of course he called back three times. And Patrick never picked up.
At around five in the afternoon, he let himself email Owen. To ask casually if he'd heard from Patrick and if Patrick was still scheduled to come in the next day. Owen's reply was not helpful. He hadn't heard from Patrick. More waiting.
Shit. He was going to camp out at Patrick's house. He'd have to stay out of the way so Agustin wouldn't see him, unless Agustin was at the funeral too...this was so fucking ridiculous.
So he went to Patrick's house, and waited. First he waited in the bar where he and Patrick had started their lovely day together. If he sat by the window he could just see the edge of Patrick's stoop, so he would be able to catch Patrick when he came home. But as it got darker outside it was less easy to make out people's faces. Fuck it. He'd just wait near the steps and if Agustin busted him, he'd deal with it. He was going out of his mind with this fucking waiting. Where the fuck was Patrick?
It was close to midnight when he saw a car pull up and Patrick get out. What... had happened? He had an arm in a sling, and his face was banged up...what the ever loving fuck was going on? Kevin's heart was pounding so hard he was surprised the whole block wasn't staring at him. But Patrick hadn't seem him yet. He was raising his hand in salute to the car driving off. When would he see him? What would he do?
Oh...there. Patrick saw him. And he looked...confused. That wasn't bad though, right? He didn't look pissed or unhappy, just confused. And he continued walking towards him, which was also good...probably.
'What the fuck's happened? Kevin asked, worried.
'What are you doing here?' Patrick asked, his voice soft, wondering...not cold and indifferent...But his face, the bruises...his arm?
'Are you alright?' Kevin insisted.
'Yeah. Yeah. I just..I got into a car accident.' A car accident. Jesus...Of course he was alright. He was walking...if he was really hurt he wouldn't just be walking about. Calm the fuck down, Kevin told himself.
'I called you Patrick. You never picked up' he breathed heavily.
Patrick looked remorseful. He didn't mean to scold him. That wasn't what he meant. Shit. He didn't want to fuck this up.
'I know..I'm sorry...'Patrick had started to answer.
'I've left Jon' Kevin blurted out. He stared at Patrick. Patrick just looked...like he'd frozen in place.
'What?' he said, in the quietest voice, just staring right back at Kevin.
Kevin nodded his head. And all that waiting just came down to this. The simplest truth.
'I'm completely fucking in love with you' he said, tears forming in his eyes. 'And I want to know...do you want to give this a shot, just the two of us...together'
'Yes' Patrick had interrupted. Firmly. Had he heard him right? Was it going to be that simple?
'Yeah?' Kevin pushed...he had to be fucking sure...
Patrick stepped forward, nodding and kissed him. Oh jesus. Patrick was kissing him. And the sweet fucking relief. Kevin reached out to pull him closer...
'Ow...my arm...my arm...' Patrick had laughed, in pain.
'Shit, Sorry...sorry, sorry...sorry' He was so fucking sorry he'd hurt him. So many fucking times. And this lovely man, who he was so in love with had just said...yes. And he was looking at him with Patrick's eyes, the ones that showed every emotion in them, and it was so fucking beautiful. Kevin leaned forward and kissed him gently. He wouldn't hurt him. Not ever again. And then he kissed him properly, the way he always loved kissing him. The way he had told him, all those weeks ago that he wanted to kiss him. He kissed the fucking shit out of him, and Patrick kissed him back the very same way.