The Following Sunday, Early Evening - 6 Days to GaymerX
Kevin sat on the sofa with his laptop, his feet up on the coffee table. He was supposed to be working on the app, as per Patrick's commands, but instead he was taking Patrick's temporary absence as an excuse to look through his Netflix account, searching for British comedies that he wanted to introduce to Patrick. The man had a woeful lack of comedy education, and so far he'd resisted Kevin's attempts to enlighten him, but Kevin was determined and not about to give up. He was NOT going to spend the rest of his life with a man who didn't appreciate, or at the very least, KNOW the classics, so if he had to sit him down and tie him up to get him to watch Blackadder, he fucking well would.
Oh...wow. The thought of Patrick tied up was actually quite intriguing. He'd never really been in to that but Patrick was so 'handsy', it would probably drive him completely fucking insane to have his hands immobilized. Which could be very very interesting. He could imagine it in quite perfect detail. Patrick on his back, hands tied to the headboard, stretched wide enough that he couldn't move his head much either...oh...the possibilities of how he could torture that man, playing with him for hours, hearing him pant, gasp, beg...
'What are you doing?' Patrick interrupted Kevin's lovely daydream, walking in from the kitchen, suspicion clear in his voice. Shit. Caught red handed. Thank god he hadn't stuffed his hand down his pants as he'd been about to. And thank god the laptop was covering his boner. Patrick would NOT be amused by Kevin slacking off...again. Though...maybe if he shared where his mind had got to...No. Kevin was going to keep this one quiet for now. He was going to surprise Patrick with it one day...maybe on Kevin's birthday. He was pretty sure Patrick would be up for it if he used his most persuasive powers. Definitely worth a try.
'You're supposed to be working' Patrick complained, pushing Kevin's legs off the coffee table with his own as he put the tray of food down.
'I cook, you work...remember?'
Kevin threw his laptop off to the side as he went for one of the bowls of steaming mac'n cheese Patrick had brought in.
'So this is it? The famous recipe?' He was stupidly excited at the idea that Patrick had cooked for him. And chosen to cook his favorite comfort food, no less. It was so...domestic.
'It's not that big of a deal. I just thought we both needed a break from all the takeout...so, bon apetit' Patrick shrugged. So fucking sweet. How could he ever think of tying this adorable, lovely, sweet sweet man up?...Kevin didn't think he'd be able to wait until his birthday. Maybe Thanksgiving? That was only a couple of weeks away. He'd have to get some rope. Or just use ties? He'd definitely have to look up some knots on the internet.
Shit...now he had to put the hot bowl of mac'n cheese directly on his dick so Patrick wouldn't notice. Fuck that would be painful.
'I really hope that's as painful as it looks' Patrick said, staring directly at Kevin's crotch covered with the steaming bowl.
Busted. Well, at least he could move the bowl back off his lap and onto the table.
'It's not my fault. I promise.' Kevin tried to wheedle his way out.
'Of course not. It never is. Somehow it's my fault, even though I've been in the kitchen for half an hour while you were supposed to be fixing the code you wrote for the scoring algorithm, so the game could actually BE...a game' Patrick seemed resigned.
'Sorry. Its just...well...if it's any consolation, you were very hot...in my head' Kevin smiled at Patrick cheekily. Patrick rolled his eyes, laughing, but his heart wasn't in it. Kevin suddenly sensed something more was going on. He'd been so carried away with his own graphic thoughts that he hadn't picked up on the fact that...something was wrong, off.
'What's the matter?' Kevin asked him quietly.
'Nothing. Eat the food while it's hot.' Patrick was definitely avoiding something.
'It can wait a minute. Tell me.' Kevin persisted. Patrick wouldn't look him in the eyes, and Kevin started to get...worried. Flashes of distant Patrick, the man who could tune him out, the man who could turn his back on him with seeming ease, thoughts of that Patrick crowded Kevin's mind. Fuck no. He wouldn't let him get away with that. Not again.
'Patrick. What's happened, and don't tell me nothing cos I'm not going to let it go until you tell me.'
Patrick was silent, eating his mac'n cheese with single minded purpose, obviously looking for a way to either say something he knew Kevin wouldn't like, or more likely, looking for a way to avoid the subject entirely. For someone who loved talking and discussing and analyzing, Patrick was surprisingly cagey when it came to revealing things about himself that he found confusing. Kevin sighed quietly. It looked like this evening was shot to hell. He turned to his food and started eating, giving Patrick time.
'This is delicious, by the way.' Kevin told him. 'You can make this for me anytime. I love it.' And still he waited.
'I don't want to be 'the nag''. Patrick blurted out. Ok. Slightly out of left field, not what Kevin was expecting, and knowing Patrick, surely not really the problem, but...he would go with it.
'The nag? You mean about the game?' Kevin prompted.
'I tell you we have to work, you do something to distract us, I tell you off and then we have sex. When did I get to be the prudish nag? I don't want to be that...person. I don't like that role.' Patrick stated, somewhat belligerently. Kevin had to think for a moment. What the hell could this be about? Shit. He was feeling a little clueless and that was a dangerous way to be around Patrick.
'Ok. I thought most of it was just us joking around though. You know I care about the game too, and that whole teasing about sex...well...it was just in fun right? I thought...you enjoyed it...the whole teasing you about being irresistible thing...which is totally fucking true...but if it's bothering you then...I can stop joking about it.' Fuck...that was not put very elegantly at all. Patrick didn't seem any happier either.
'Nags are cliches. I don't want to be that. I'm 29 for fuck's sake. Why do I get the role of being the sensible one. And isn't it a little too soon for roles anyway?' Patrick was clearly more agitated than ever.
'Ok...no more roles, I promise. No more teasing about it.' Kevin tried again, though he wasn't sure what he was promising. Patrick didn't want Kevin finding him irresistible? Or he just didn't want Kevin joking about it? Or he wanted Kevin to take the game more seriously? Or...he suddenly felt things were moving too fast, and felt trapped by Kevin's constant presence? Shit...caring about what someone was feeling made life very complicated when that someone was...Patrick. Now Kevin was starting to bug out, and he couldn't let that happen because when he felt anxious he could get pretty aggressive, and that would NOT help this situation, even though he didn't know what this situation was even about! He took another bite of mac'n cheese, concentrating on the bowl of food in front of him...buying them both some time.
'Is it just the sex?' Patrick asked eventually. Quietly. Kevin felt...confused. So many ways to take that question. He needed some clarity.
'I'm not sure what you mean...' He said, hesitantly. He really didn't want to get this wrong. Within the time it had taken Patrick to cook the meal he had transformed from a happy, smiling, teasing lover to...this. Someone clearly on the edge of some crisis that Kevin didn't understand.
'I mean...is it just the sex. Between us. Is that why you left Jon?' Patrick was still staring down at his bowl, but his teeth were clenched and he was gripping his fork like it was some sort of lifeline.
Where the FUCK had this come from? Kevin knew he should stay calm but...fucking hell...this was a little too much!
'Is that a serious question, Patrick? Are you actually asking me if I left my boyfriend of two years because...I get a hard on for you? What. The. Fuck. If you...'
'Megan texted me.' Patrick interrupted, finally turning round to look at Kevin, breathing quickly, erratically.
Fuck. Kevin stared at Patrick, all his growing anger and frustration dissipating in an instant. So...it had started.
'What did she say?' Kevin asked quietly.
'Oh...nothing much. Just...she was shocked to find that her little brother could be such a naive, despicable shit, and that I should know that when you've had your fun you'll move on, and that she's ashamed of me...and...'
'Ok. Hold on.' Kevin interrupted, his heart sinking with every word. 'What part of anything she said do you believe? That you're naive? That I'm just having a bit of fun to pass the time? What's the thing that's bothering you?'
'Am I naive? I mean, we've been having sex all the time, it's all you seem to want to do. And I don't know if that's normal, but...' Patrick was in full-on freak out mode now. Fucking Megan. No...that wasn't fair. It was Jon who was obviously telling her his opinions and he couldn't blame her for believing his view point. She didn't know Kevin...But really...she DID know Patrick. And to text him that crap...she must have know how that would effect him. So, yeah. Fucking bitch. But no time to waste on her...Patrick was his only priority, and now he knew what the problem was...well...it would be his utmost pleasure to tell Patrick all the things he loved about him OTHER than the phenomenal sex. He had a long list, and he was fucking happy to go through it, one item at a time if that's what it would take.
'Listen.' Kevin cut Patrick off. 'I'll tell you exactly what this is, for me. I told you that night, on the stoop. And I really hope you know me better than to think that any of this was easy for me to do, and that even if you WERE naive, which you're NOT, not about this...but even if you were, that still wouldn't make this...what we have...it wouldn't make it wrong.'
'But the constant sex...'
'That's not fucking true, Patrick. It's just not true!' Kevin persisted. 'We've done so much more. And yes, the sex is fantastic and I can't get enough, but that's because it's you and me, not because it's some random dick I'm sucking. It's because I look at you and I'm so fucking happy that I get to be with you and there's no cloud hanging over us, or there wasn't until...well, I'm so glad that I'm here and I can fucking get to hold you and kiss you and not fucking look at the clock, and so yeah...I want to fuck you all the time. But I don't. I also talk to you. About fucking everything. I laugh with you. I go to work and I design video games with you. And we come home and I eat with you, and I chat with your friend Agustin...about YOU. And I watch TV with you and cuddle with you on the sofa, and I hold your hand. And I make plans with you. And not just about GaymerX but about things like who's going to do the fucking grocery shopping. And every day I look at you and I can't believe I waited so long to get to be with you...like this. And NONE of that stuff has anything to do with sex.'
Kevin was breathing heavily now too. Patrick's eyes were suspiciously shiny, and he was chewing his lip in his agitated fashion, but...he was staring at Kevin, and he seemed...mesmerized. That must be a good thing, Kevin thought. But he had more to say.
'I love having sex with you. I love it every way we do it, and I hope you do too. But I didn't leave Jon so I could have the best sex of my life. I left him because I didn't want to be without YOU. Without your stupid fucking sense of humor and the way we crack each other up. Or without your nerdiness and that need to beat me at video games, which also pisses me off because you usually do. Or without your ridiculous insecurities which stop you from realizing how lucky anybody that gets to be with you really is. Or without your huge appetite for living. How you're scared to do things, but you still fucking do them anyway, like sitting on a torpedo and asking a stranger out, and making a new build of Naval Destroyer to impress your twat of a boss who was rude as fuck to you, and making me choose between you and Jon. Or without your loyalty and the way you care about your people, the way you collect people and stick with them, and don't let them go and the way they stick to you, gravitate towards you because you're fucking sweet and...' Kevin ran out of steam. Patrick had to know though. He'd told Patrick he was in love with him, and he had tried to show him but...maybe a bigger gesture was needed.
'Look Patrick, if it's what you want, we don't have to have sex. I can move out for a while, go to that hotel I found, give you space to figure out in your head how you're feeling about this whole...'
Kevin couldn't finish his sentence because Patrick had lunged at him and he found himself pinned on the sofa, under Patrick who was kissing him like...well...like Patrick always kissed him. Engrossed, engrossing...passionately. Patrick's tongue was in his mouth and he felt like Patrick was trying to eat him up, and it felt...fantastic. He felt Patrick's hands fumbling at his belt, his zipper...
'Wait, wait...hold on.' He tried to escape Patrick's mouth, tried to stop his hands. 'We just said...'
'No.' Patrick growled into Kevin's mouth, evading his attempts to stop his busy hands. 'You just said a lot of stuff and now I want to fuck you.'
'But...the game' Kevin protested weakly. Patrick's hands had found his hard cock, and Kevin had only a few seconds of resistance left. God...he could feel his spine tingling as Patrick started stroking him. And knowing what Patrick was going to do to him...he grew even harder and Patrick moaned.
'Fuck the game' he whispered in Kevin's ear, sucking at his lobe, kissing his way across Kevin's face back to his mouth where he took Kevin's lip between his teeth and bit down. Kevin's eyes rolled back in his head.
'Your sister...' he tried one last time...God he wanted this so much but he didn't want Patrick regretting anything...Patrick pulled back and stared down at him.
'Please don't mention my sister while I have a boner, I am holding your dick in my hand and am about to fuck you in the ass.'
Kevin laughed and pulled down Patrick's head for more wet kisses. This time it was his tongue in Patrick's mouth.
'All right' he whispered when he could. 'But we need supplies. Let's go to the bedroom.'
Patrick jumped up and pulled Kevin behind him. Seconds later Kevin was lying facedown on the bed while Patrick was pulling off his pants. And seconds after that...fucking heaven. Patrick was sliding into him, slowly, considerately. The feeling of being filled like that, of Patrick angling himself so he could hit that magic gland, nailing it over and over... Kevin was going insane with lust. He could hear Patrick's grunts as he pushed in, matching his own moans as he was thrust into the bed, his cock rubbing against the mattress. No finesse, no subtlety...pure possession.
Kevin moaned as he felt Patrick pull out. What...? Then Patrick was turning him over and staring into his eyes as he pushed back inside.
'I want to look at you. I want to see you cum' Patrick panted, dropping his forehead onto Kevin's.
'Ok.' Kevin managed to whisper as he started to stroke himself, matching Patrick's steady, mind-blowing rhythm.
'Fuck...I love...this.' Patrick moaned, grabbing Kevin's mouth again, obviously close to finishing. Kevin squeezed his eyes shut, listening to Patrick's breathing, his gasps. Always enough to send him over the edge, especially as Patrick's face was pushed close to his and he could feel the smooth skin of his cheeks against his own stubble, the softness of his hair falling against his eyes.
'I'm coming. Fuck me...I'm coming.' He gasped into Patrick's ear, and Patrick went wild, rearing up on his arms, fucking him into the bed, looming over him, his sweat dripping off his neck onto Kevin, never losing eye contact with him, not even at the very end, as his eyes grew larger and unfocussed, and Patrick came and came and came...
Patrick fell onto Kevin's chest, his head landing on Kevin's shoulder, right in that sweet spot, where he felt Patrick's head belonged. Slowly, still trying to catch his breath, Kevin brought his arms up to hold Patrick close. This was heaven. Lying here with his love in his arms, knowing that he'd been able to find the right words to make Patrick believe him, make Patrick want to be with him, hopefully make him feel the same way that Kevin did. God...to hear him say that though...that would be...fucking glorious. Not that he had doubts...but, to hear the words would be very very...nice.
Recovery was slow, but eventually they both had calmed down and their breathing was slow, steady...synchronized.
'I'm sorry about the food' Kevin murmured, half asleep.
'I can heat it up. My mom showed me a trick' Patrick replied lazily.
'That would be nice. I'm fucking starving' and as he said the words, Kevin realized how true they were. 'Come on, let's get back. You heat up the food and I'll work on the code' Kevin pushed at Patrick's body. Patrick leaned up on one hand and stared down at Kevin.
'I'm sorry about the freakout. I knew something would happen eventually but...I obviously wasn't prepared enough for Megan.' Patrick said quietly.
'It's going to happen, Patrick. People are going to talk, and they won't be kind. Mostly about me, but...they'll say stuff about you too. If you're not ready...'
'I am. I am so ready. Please don't doubt me. I know I freaked out but...sometimes that's the way I get to really...know what I want. It's a pain in the ass, I know. And I'll try to be work on that. But..If Megan knows it means Jon is telling people, right?' Patrick looked at Kevin with what seemed like growing excitement. Kevin nodded hesitantly.
'So...we can take more of those baby steps. If he's not hiding it, then we can be more open too.' He continued.
'Patrick, we still need to be respectful. I don't know who he's going to tell. Gus is his best friend, but, that doesn't mean he's telling everyone. We can be a little more open, BUT, we need to go slowly. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. There's nothing I want more than to just...fucking shout out to the whole fucking world that Patrick Murray is my boyfriend and I get to fuck him whenever he lets me...but...we have to wait. A little longer. Please...just so Jon can...keep some dignity.' Kevin pleaded. He knew how difficult this situation was for Patrick, but while he was willing to do anything to make Patrick understand how he felt about him, he also really wanted to minimize the fallout all of them would face. For Patrick's sake. For Jon's sake.
Patrick looked at him thoughtfully, and Kevin held his breath. He didn't want to set off another crisis when the first one had only just been resolved. Patrick smiled.
'Ok. For now. A little longer. But then I want everyone to know that Kevin Fucking Matheson is my boyfriend and he finds me irresistible and likes everything about me. Ok?'
Kevin grinned.
'I do. I like everything about you. Even your nagging. So please don't stop. This new bossy Patrick is one of my favorites. Along with dorky Patrick. Awkward Patrick. Bumbling Patrick. Embarrassing Patrick...'
'Shut up.' Patrick laughed. 'And since you mentioned it, time to get back to work.' Patrick looked down at Kevin's chest, and his own, and grimaced. 'After we clean up.'
Half an hour later they were back on the sofa. Patrick in his boxer briefs and an old raggedy t-shirt, Kevin shirtless in his exercise shorts. They were stuffing their faces with the newly heated mac'n cheese. It was so fucking good. But Kevin would have to spend an extra half hour at the gym working off all the oozing fat he was shoveling in his body.
'Do you want to come to the gym with me tomorrow morning?' he asked Patrick casually. He loved exercising, working out, sweating out the stress, mindlessly honing his body while losing himself to the physical rhythm of repetitive motion...almost like sex but not nearly as good. It would be fun to have Patrick with him though. Watching him sweat, watching his muscles flexing.
'No fucking way' Patrick shut that down. 'There's no way I'm standing next to you in a gym. You've got the body of some Greek God and while I appreciate that in private, and while I can't wait to show you off to everybody, I do NOT need comparisons made between us by a bunch of homos salivating over you as you pump iron. No thank you. Anyway, I have my own routine.'
'You know you're gorgeous, right?' Kevin smiled. He still found it incredible that Patrick was so oblivious to the way he looked.
'Right. Me and my chunky thighs. Stunning' Patrick laughed.
'I love your thighs!' Kevin protested. And he really did. He was so...sturdy. He had the face of an angelic boy, perfect all-American bone structure, all on top of a totally huggable, totally fuckable, solid, smooth body. Covered in freckles. Hundreds of them. Probably thousands. Kevin had traced them with his hands, learning the patterns they drew all over his back, his shoulders...his chest. He'd also licked at them with his tongue and kissed them. Not every one of them because there were so fucking many, but overtime he was sure he would get to each one, several times over. They were like a beautiful map, a lovely join-the-dots book all of his own, that only he got to see. If Kevin didn't feel totally shagged out he would love to show Patrick exactly how much he loved his body. So he told him instead. And Patrick, predictably, blushed and fidgeted. Fucking adorable.
'I guess I'm not too bad. But freckles? Really? They are sooooo not sexy. You have some very strange fetishes.' Patrick shrugged.
'I wouldn't call them fetishes. I just happen to like your freckles.' Kevin protested.
'Do you have any flaws at all? On your body?' Patrick mused. Kevin laughed. He'd worked hard on his body. He liked to be healthy and yes, he liked to look good. He liked having muscles, broad shoulders, a flat stomach...but the fact that Patrick loved them...well, that was fucking awesome. The fact that Patrick liked to feel his muscles flexing when they were having sex, and he liked running his hands over his abdomen and over his ass...all pretty great.
'I hope you appreciate my stunning intellect and my razor sharp wit too. I'd hate to think you were shallow enough to only want me for my body.' Kevin joked.
'Well...actually it was your accent that I first noticed. Not your body. But then...I noticed that you looked good in that tight shirt, and you had a really cute smile, even though you weren't smiling at me. And actually, I didn't really think you were very funny at all until a lot later, because frankly you were a total ass when I met you.'
Kevin grimaced. He remembered those first days too, when he was so desperate to put Patrick in his place, to turn him off because he knew he was like some fucking ticking bomb, waiting to explode his life and smash it to pieces. He should have just given in to the inevitable that first night they'd met. Saved them both a lot of pain.
'Sorry. I was an ass wasn't I. But honestly, that night, it was SUCH a ridiculous scene. Us both straddling torpedoes, you grinning like a fool, your TERRIBLE English accent, so obviously trying to hook up with me...it was very hard to resist taking you down a peg or two.' The memory of that while bittersweet, was still a LITTLE funny, and worth a couple of laughs Kevin thought. Obviously Patrick agreed because he grinned sheepishly.
'You have no idea the courage it took for me to do that...to follow you into that room.' Patrick admitted. 'I'd just had a couple of disastrous dates where I'd behaved like even more of a total dick, and I was determined to just...go for it...and then I totally flamed out. That was one rough fucking week.' Patrick was shaking his head. He picked up his laptop and started tapping at it, returning to work like the conscientious little boy scout he was born to be. Kevin was not so ready though. It was sometimes easy to forget that Patrick wasn't that experienced at relationships. He felt a pang at the thought of a sad, bewildered Patrick, not understanding how to get what he wanted, not understanding why he was being rejected. He didn't want Patrick to ever feel like that again. He wanted him to feel secure, and wanted, and loved.
'Well...I'm glad you went for it. I certainly noticed you. I couldn't get you out of my head from that moment on. And even if the first impression wasn't entirely favorable...it was a STRONG impression.' Kevin assured him. Patrick looked over at him...seeming to hesitate for a moment, then looked back at his screen.
'Patrick.' Kevin called his attention back. 'What is it?' He asked gravely.
'That night...if you hadn't been with Jon, if...you'd been free. Do you think we would have ended up here? Like this? Together?'
Kevin thought back to the weeks of desperation as he tried to get Patrick out of his mind. To the weeks of self-recriminations and guilt as he'd tried to ignore his growing infatuation while he tried to build a life with Jon. To that first night when he'd seen this magical, beautiful boy and felt scared, and had been relieved when he'd turned out to be awkward and bumbling and dorky, but he'd still thought about him and dreamt about him and knew instinctively that he'd met someone that could change his life if he let him...
'Patrick...there isn't a scenario where we would meet and I would not want us to be right here, right now, like this. You are...everything...I wanted. Please try to remember that. Whatever you hear, whatever your sister says, or your friends...or anyone that knows me and may find you...please...remember that.'
Patrick smiled, his sweet, happy smile. The one that made Kevin feel like he'd done something right. He pulled Patrick close to him, hooking an arm over his shoulder and bringing him in to his side. He picked up his laptop with his free hand and started bringing up the code he needed to finish. Patrick leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
It was fucking awkward trying to type with one hand while the other was wrapped around Patrick, stroking his arm, but Kevin wasn't letting go. He was not fucking letting go.