Kevin stood behind the glass doors, watching Patrick out on the balcony. He couldn't see his face but he could picture the dreamy content look quite clearly. His boy was very very happy tonight. Kevin would join him in a minute, but he wanted a moment of peace and quiet to just enjoy the sight of his boyfriend, leaning against a wall in his tight short boxer-briefs and t-shirt...And hopefully very soon he was going to get to run his hands all over that lovely body and enjoy it at great length...but for now, the visuals alone were pretty excellent. How did he get to be so fucking lucky?
It sometimes almost felt too good to be true. So many things could have gone wrong these past couple of weeks, so many times Patrick had been pushed to what might have seemed a breaking point, but they just got stronger and stronger together.
They had survived living together, spending pretty much every waking moment together for two whole weeks. Patrick might not know how rare that could be, but Kevin knew that finding someone you were so effortlessly compatible with on a day to day basis AND still couldn't get enough of in bed was something pretty special. And even with the weight of Megan's criticisms, and the constant specter of Jon hanging over them...Patrick had still come through pretty rock solid.
Work was a challenge that remained to be faced, but Patrick had been the one keen to push through that last remaining barrier, and Kevin was confident that they could weather any fallout from that pretty easily. He was the boss after all, he grinned to himself. No one would be stupid enough to criticize Patrick to his face knowing that Kevin could make their lives difficult. Not that he would. Of course.
Just look at that gorgeous man out there, though, Kevin sighed. He'd climb fucking mountains for Patrick Murray. He was so proud of him for so many things. His intelligence, his humor, his kindness, his tenderness...Today though, he was especially impressed with the way he handled himself at GaymerX.
The conference could have been a disaster because god knew, the app was NOT ready for primetime, and Kevin genuinely worried how Patrick would handle rejection and failure. Kevin had been to many of these types of conferences before, but always behind the scenes, always as the one being schmoozed, making deals, watching from afar. He had never actually had to sell his own product. They had whole fricking marketing departments for that crap. Not his schtick at all. But Patrick had been so excited, so keen to put himself out there, that Kevin had agreed to do this for his sake, to support him. So while Patrick was out and about on the floor, trying to drum up interest, trying to sell their app, Kevin was at their booth, doing his best to explain the game to anyone willing to listen. He suspected his British accent helped garner some interest. And frankly there were more than a few people stopping by just to check him out and flirt, which he was absolutely fine with if they would also download the app so Patrick could see his precious numbers go up. A few of the more aggressive men left their cards with Kevin, their cell phone numbers clearly written on the back, and he could have sworn he saw a couple of people checking their grindr apps to see if they could identify him on it. Given the number of homos concentrated this day in this place the app must have been lit up like a fucking christmas tree. Kevin hadn't logged on in weeks though, so they were shit out of luck finding him on it.
His Patrick though...he just kept plugging on, chatting with anyone who would stop long enough to get a quick demo, chasing down people even as they walked away, gamely carrying on as people dismissed him and moved to the bigger, brighter, flashier displays. And despite software glitches, despite less than enthusiastic responses from some of the other exhibitors, he just refused to let anything dampen his enthusiasm for their little game. He was so fucking sweet.
As for their late night surprise dinner double date...well, Kevin was pretty impressed with how Patrick handled that too. As a matter of fact, from Kevin's perspective, that couldn't have gone any better. Dinner with virtual strangers was not how Kevin had imagined spending their post-prom evening, but it had become unavoidable once he had impulsively suggested it.
Seeing Richie and Brady walking up to his booth during GaymerX was something of an unwelcome surprise. Kevin's feeling towards Richie were ambivalent at best. No one got to the age of thirty without having exes, and god knows he was in no position to judge anyone given his own very recent past, but...he just couldn't get past the feeling that Richie was...a problem. Why Patrick felt the need to remain friends with him Kevin simply couldn't get his head around. They had obviously had an intense relationship, that had burned quite strongly for a short while, so how did they go from that to platonic friends in just a few weeks. Kevin knew that he could never do that with Patrick. Never just hang out with him and not want to fuck him and claim him, now that he'd had him, now that he'd experienced being with him so intimately. So, either Richie was a stronger man than him, or Richie was just biding his time. Neither of which made Kevin comfortable.
Also, to be honest with himself, and this was probably something he should never say to Patrick, he thought Richie was a little bit of a sanctimonious prick. It was all very well to have morals and rules to live your life by...but what about a bit of realism? Life didn't always go the way you imagined or planned, and surely you had to have some flexibility in how you responded to situations. He had fallen in love with Patrick while he was in a relationship with another man. And Jon would have been as equally gutted if Kevin had left him weeks earlier as soon as he started obsessing over Patrick, before the affair began. Hurting Jon wasn't the result of the affair. It was the result of realizing that wanting to be with Patrick wasn't something he would ever get over. The humiliation of being cheated on was a factor too, but Jon's real pain was in losing the man he wanted to be with. What would Richie have done? Stayed with a man he didn't want to be with out of duty? Loyalty? Well Kevin had fucking tried that and it hadn't worked.
Obviously Richie would have no respect for a man like Kevin, because according to Patrick's glowing description, Richie was a man who knew himself well and knew what he wanted. A man of integrity. He knew what was important to him and what he could or would compromise on, though that last list seemed pretty fucking small to Kevin. Still, upstanding model gay or not, he was a dick because he'd had Patrick and he'd let Patrick go. And Kevin had too, but then he'd come to his senses and decided to beg and grovel to get him back. Richie didn't seem like the begging type. His fucking loss.
But it became increasingly clear as Brady started talking to Kevin about the conference and about the game, and as no reference to or mention of Patrick was made, that Richie had no idea that he and Patrick were back together again. How was that possible? Could it actually be that Patrick hadn't told him? Well...that was interesting. Kevin began expanding on his description of the game, chatting up Brady, doing anything to keep them at the booth. He so fucking hoped he could keep them there long enough so that Patrick would get the fuck back from his floor tour, and Richie could see unequivocally that Patrick was now one hundred percent off the market. His small talk was running dry when finally...back came his wandering little lamb, the expression on his cute little face priceless. Ha. So much for not seeing anyone they knew at GaymerX.
Kevin was perversely enjoying this awkward little meet and greet. It was too fucking precious watching Patrick squirm. Until of course Richie voiced the question that Patrick had obviously not addressed.
'So are you guys,..' Richie started.
'Working together. Yeah. We actually, we created this app together and...this conference only happens once a year so we thought it was really important to commit and get it here and get it out.' Patrick interrupted, speaking a mile a minute. At least he'd had the decency to walk up next to Kevin and stand by his side in solidarity, as he stabbed him in the back. He'd even had the nerve to look at Kevin and smile.
Really? So, Patrick hadn't found a way to tell Richie yet that they were now together. Ok, that was in the realm of the possible. But now? He had been asked a direct question, and he was still trying to avoid the truth? Oh no fucking way, Patrick Murray. He wanted them out in the open, right? So...no more hiding, not anymore, and certainly not from Richie.
'Are you guys sticking around tonight, for the prom afterparty?' Kevin asked, as casually as he could. Let Patrick sweat it out a bit. Kevin could feel his nervous energy. Good.
'Oh god, yeah' Brady replied.
'Well do you want to grab a bite to eat, after? It could be like...a double date?' Kevin swung his arm around Patrick's stiff shoulders, ignoring his increasingly shocked stare. Suck on that Patrick Murray.
'So you guys are dating now?' Richie needed more confirmation it would seem. Fucking genius that he was.
'Us? Yeah..oh you thought he dumped me!' Kevin pretended confusion. NOW he was enjoying himself thoroughly.
'Well, that's not exactly what I said' Patrick protested feebly. He couldn't be any more uncomfortable, but Kevin was going to try his hardest to prolong the agony just a little longer. Kevin hugged him tighter.
'Well that's exactly what happened. You dumped me.' Kevin smiled sweetly at Patrick. 'But then you took me back, which was...AWESOME...for me,' and now Kevin turned back to Richie, smiling the whole damn time, 'because I realized I couldn't be without him' As a declaration it couldn't be any clearer. Kevin was fucking staking his claim and Patrick could glare at him all he wanted.
'That's cool. So you guys are like a thing now'. Richie asked. What was it with fucking Americans and being a 'thing'. The very same thing Owen had asked the previous day. Yesterday it had been up to Kevin to answer. What would dear Patrick say today? Kevin looked at him expectantly.
'Yes...we are...we're a...thing. Yes...we are' Patrick stumbled, with a little helpful prompting from Kevin.
Brady was probably the only one of the four of them that didn't feel the waves of tension radiating off Patrick. He was also the one that inadvertently deflated all of Kevin's righteous indignation, because after going on about the cuteness of their story, the article he had to write, the interview he wanted to do with them, Brady had finally turned to Patrick and said,
'I guess that makes you 'Home Wrecker Gay'.'
Patrick smiled tensely. Kevin was...fucking...furious. Not that you'd ever be able to tell from his expression. He was a master at hiding his feelings after all.
'That is...oh my god Home wrecker gay. That's a really good suggestion. We need a suggestion box here, Patrick.' Kevin smiled and smiled at Patrick, at Brady. The fucking little ginger toss-pot.
As Brady and Richie finally walked away, Richie turned back to them for a moment.
'Good for you' He had said to Kevin.
'Thanks Richie' Kevin smiled and smiled even more. Fuck you too, he had thought to himself. And then, they were gone. And Patrick was suddenly very busy tidying up the booth.
Thanks to Brady's comment though, most of Kevin's anger was now directed at the departing pair. He knew what people thought of him and his behavior, but to call Patrick a home wrecker...judgmental pricks. Still, some statement had to be made.
'Wow' was really all he could think to say. But it was a good word to summarize everything he had initially felt. The shock, the disappointment, the betrayal. Why the fuck would Patrick keep their relationship secret from Richie after he'd wanted everyone else, including all his closest friends, to know so very badly? He'd been pressing and pressing to bring it out in the open for days, despite Kevin's concerns about their reputations and all the gossip they would have to face, and despite his concerns for Jon's dignity.
'Ok' Patrick acknowledged. Clearly embarrassed, clearly preparing himself for some sort of scolding.
He needn't worry though. Kevin had lost his appetite for confrontation. Patrick was probably feeling bad enough already, and he didn't need more guilt heaped on, especially after Brady's helpful reminder of Jon's existence. Kevin had resisted going public himself to avoid this very reaction so, even if he didn't like it, he understood Patrick's knee jerk desire to keep their relationship a secret. But Patrick needed to show Kevin he finally understood too.
'You're a hypocrite Patrick Murray' Kevin said quietly.
'Oh come on. What was I supposed to do? Text him out of the blue and be like 'btdubs. dating kevin. he broke up with jon. smiley winkey emoticon'...'
'After all the shit you've been giving me.' Kevin persisted. Though he was no longer mad...it was good for Patrick to realize what going public really meant. Good for him to see how it was easy to press for something when the consequences seemed remote, but a lot harder when they stared you in the fucking face, in the form of judgement from someone you obviously respected and admired.
'The hypocrisy doesn't undermine my point that I'm trying to make...'
'Well...it does a little.' Kevin wouldn't let him get away with that.
'Maybe a little bit but I still think...'
'You're very cute...when you're wrong.' Kevin stated simply. His point was made and Kevin really didn't want the day spoiled. And what it said about Patrick's feelings for Richie, that he found it difficult to tell him about Kevin, well...that was a conversation for another time. Not today.
'Ok' Patrick responded, chastened. Kevin stared at him. He didn't enjoy Patrick's guilt. And now after the initial hurt was over, he no longer wanted Patrick dwelling on it either. He wanted cheerful Patrick back. And there were two proven ways to achieve that. Sex and humor. And since sex was not currently an option...what was it that that horrible little man had said that had so cracked Kevin up when Patrick had reported it back to him, all indignant and riled up? That they were siblings who should just jerk off in the mirror if they found themselves so cute? Kevin smiled.
He reached up and grabbed Patrick's ears bending them forward until they stuck out almost as far as his own.
'Look at us. We could be brothers!' He teased. Patrick laughed, relieved. Another crisis avoided.
They were a good team.
And dinner, well, that was satisfying in its own way too. Kevin got an inkling of what was to come when Brady warned Patrick he'd get fat if he ate pancakes. So Fatrick was famous was he? Kevin smiled at that. Naughty naughty Richie, telling tales.
'He's got a point' Kevin teased Patrick, cos it was his fucking right to. Because that's what boyfriends could do.
'Really?' Patrick had leaned in to him, and Kevin had been seconds away from showing Patrick exactly how he felt about his own fat fat frog. But Brady had killed any romantic feelings Kevin may have been having when he asked Kevin to help him throw up. If Brady hadn't been so drunk he might almost think that he asked Kevin to take him to the bathroom so that Patrick and Richie could have some time alone. But that didn't make any sense. Why would Brady want to give Patrick and Richie a chance to reconnect? The truth was far more likely exactly as Brady had put it. Brady was drunk, needed help, but felt his boyfriend was a judgmental arsehole so would rather have a virtual stranger help him to the toilets to puke his guts out. At least Brady was a harmless drunk. Actually he was generally a nice guy all round, and Kevin could almost forgive him for that cheap home wrecker shot. Almost.
When they returned to the table though, that's when the real fun began. Finally, Richie was being dragged off his pedestal by Brady's drunken ramblings. It would seem the two of them had been discussing him and Patrick and had come to some conclusions which Brady now thought it was only right to take back.
So apparently, Patrick was no longer a thirteen year old girl who was afraid of her own vagina. That one made Kevin smile. Patrick was obviously shocked that Richie had shared such intimate details with Brady, but Kevin was fucking delighted. Not so saintly now mother-fucker. But more than that, he was absurdly pleased that it was he, Kevin, that had really uncovered Patrick's sensuality. He wanted to shout right in Richie's face that, hell no, Patrick wasn't afraid of ANY of his body parts OR of Kevin's anymore. That it had taken the right man to show Patrick just how glorious every bit of sex could be, and he had taken to it all like a duck to fucking water.
But Patrick didn't need anyone defending him. He was doing just fine on his own.
'He doesn't know what he's talking about' a clearly embarrassed Richie tried to explain.
And his boy, his beautiful smart boy had come right back at him.
'Really? Are you sure?' He'd pushed Richie, calm, amused. 'Because he seems to have really specific points of reference'.
Fucking brilliant. Kevin just had to sit back and enjoy. Patrick was pure class. He didn't think he could be any prouder.
So dinner hadn't been too bad after all. Certainly not nearly bad enough to bring them off the high of the prom. And what a fucking high that had been.
Not only had Patrick managed to surprise Kevin by booking this gorgeous hotel room for them, the very one he stood in now, but he had also taken the time and effort to sneak in their suits so they could look extra sharp at prom, and he had bought the most adorable little flower thing Kevin had ever seen. Not that he was given to wearing flowers in his suits, but for Patrick, he would wear them anywhere Patrick wanted. Everyone knew about American proms, about how much they meant to high schoolers. Entire movies had been made about them for god's sake. So, Patrick wanted to relive his tonight, and Kevin was the lucky fucker who got to make all his dreams come true. He was all for that. Kevin would make this a fucking excellent night to remember, replacing any and all memories of the shitty night it probably had been back in high school.
The prom itself had been...wild. Gamers were nerds and costume freaks whether straight or gay. And getting to dance with Patrick, letting loose on the dance floor together, that had been on the top of his to-do list, and it was fun. Of course he couldn't keep his hands off him for long which made some of the more energetic dancing challenging, but whatever music was playing, Kevin was looking to cop a feel. Wasn't that supposed to part of the whole fun of prom? That long slow build up to the night of sex that lay ahead? So wasn't all that kissing and feeling each other up almost mandatory?
They'd pulled themselves away from the dance floor long enough to have some cute pictures taken. Silly poses, silly faces...all adorable silly fun. Fuck, they'd needed a night like this. Just care free, no drama, a little bit of drinking, a lot of wild dancing, loud thumping music, a room full of gay nerds celebrating their love of video games and of each other. Fantastic.
Just as Kevin was at the bar getting them fresh drinks, the mood of the room changed. It was that time of night, when things were about to slow down and get serious. He smiled, waiting for the inevitable. He felt a warm body press up close to him and a soft low voice in his ear.
'Hey handsome.'
'Hey' he turned round, abandoning the drinks. Patrick's half smile was the sexiest thing he'd seen all fucking night. Until Patrick licked his lips and bit his bottom lip. Now THAT was the sexiest thing. Kevin's body sprung in agreement. Shit. Dancing was going to be fucking torture. He couldn't wait. But apparently he had to be asked first, and his boyfriend was taking his own sweet time.
'Would you dance with me?' Patrick finally asked, lowering his head and looking up at him from under his lovely long lashes.
'It would be my pleasure.' Kevin answered simply, and took Patrick's hand as they walked to the dance floor.
They slipped so easily into each other's arms, and it felt like home, being held by Patrick, holding him, their foreheads touching, their bodies moving together effortlessly. The song playing seemed to be echoing Kevin's most fervent wish. 'Say you love me' the woman sang, and Kevin squeezed his eyes closed as he imagined what that might actually be like, to hear those words. But right now, with Patrick pulling him closer, with Patrick leaning his head on his shoulder, with Patrick drawing his loving little circles on his back, with his own face deep in Patrick's neck, breathing him in, feeling his soft hair, his soft skin...he didn't need any words.
Patrick pulled back a few moments later and stared straight in Kevin's eyes. He could wait for the words if Patrick would just look at him like this. And he knew everything he was feeling was showing on his face too, because Patrick smiled, and his gorgeous face lit up in a lovely glowing blush. Kevin leaned in to kiss him. Just a gentle kiss. Just a kiss to say what he felt in that moment. All the soft tender feelings. The other feelings, the passionate hungry ones he would show him later...after dinner...when they were alone.
Which brought Kevin to this moment, standing, watching Patrick with hunger and anticipation.
They survived GaymerX, they survived dinner with the ex-boyfriend...no freakouts, no scenes...they were fucking solid. And now all Kevin wanted to do was enjoy a few minutes of the very expensive view with his very hot, very sexy boyfriend, before taking said boyfriend to bed and fucking him till they were both senseless and dead to the world.
He walked out onto the balcony and draped himself over Patrick, resting his chin on Patrick's shoulder. Patrick turned to smile at him, before turning back to the view. It really was a beautiful city, and being up high, looking down at the sparkling lights, it reminded Kevin again of how lucky he was, how he had finally made the right decisions in his life. The thought that he might have missed this, that he might never have lived these past couple of weeks, that he had been so close to not having Patrick in his life...it seemed absurd.
'Hey.' Patrick nudged him with his shoulder. 'Why so sad?'
Kevin smiled. And shivered. Fuck...it was cold.
'Not sad. Pretty fucking happy actually.'
'It was a good day, right? And prom. That was really great. Did I thank you for being my gay gamer prom date?' Patrick teased.
Kevin kissed Patrick's shoulder then lay his head back down on it. He was silent for a few moments letting the view of San Francisco calm him, the warmth of Patrick's body soothe him.
'God I'm happy I didn't go back to Seattle. There's nothing but rain, and granola' he said. Patrick laughed.
'I remember the first time I came to the bay I was at Berkley, and Agustin and I went up to Indian Rock, and looked down and I thought...yes. I just want to stay here for as long as I can hang on.' Patrick spoke softly, looking out at his beloved city.
Kevin wanted to enjoy it with him. This was such a sweet romantic moment. A moment of endless possibilities...but he was fucking freezing. Could he hold out just a little longer? Let Patrick reminisce a little more?
'Mmmm...yep. It's no good. I'm too cold. I've got to back inside. Come on. Let's go, let's go!' He urged Patrick as they both ran inside. The fun would have to continue inside now.
Patrick was sitting up in bed when Kevin finished up in the bathroom. He'd been checking out the new Glorified app that Patrick had shown him. What the fuck would they think of next. How many different apps did gay people need to find ways to hook up. Still...it was pretty well written and the design was slick and cool. He had to give them that. But what blew him away was the sheer volume of content.
'I cannot believe how many glory holes there are in this area.' He told Patrick, walking into the bedroom.
'I know.' Patrick laughed. He'd been randomly picking out areas of San Francisco and shouting out the numbers to Kevin in amazement.
'Oh my god!' Patrick exclaimed. 'We just got our first review!'. Like a kid at Christmas. So ridiculously excited. Wasn't this the man who was one of the lead developers on a multi-million dollar first person shooter game that had sold fifteen million units in four weeks?
Still...honestly...it was exciting. They were such nerds.
'Well, what does it say?' Kevin urged him, as he climbed in bed.
'It says 'Another attempt to divide and label the gay community. Bullshit. One Star'' Patrick's face fell as he read through the review. Fuck.
'Bullshit' Kevin took the phone out of Patrick's hands, wanting to read it himself. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He didn't give a shit, but...
'Well, I guess we've got to expect things like that, right?' Shit. Patrick was upset. Wringing his fucking hands. No way was this how this night was going to end. He'd laughed at the concept originally, he'd complained about all the coding they had to do every night, and he'd resisted the idea of showing the app at GaymerX. But he'd be damned if he was going to let anyone else ruin Patrick's day by shitting all over the little game Patrick had worked so hard on. Dividing and labeling the gay community...probably some politically correct hippy vegan pencil dick gender neutral fag with no sense of humor and no understanding of irony. Obviously American.
'You know what, fuck that bitchy queen. We're not going to please everyone and I'm proud of what we've achieved.' He stated, chucking the phone onto the bedside table.
'Oh my god, I love you' Patrick blurted out, staring at Kevin in delight. Kevin froze, wondering if Patrick realized what he'd said. Oh yes. He realized, if the growing look of terror on his face was anything to go by. Not quite the way Kevin had hoped to hear those words for the first time. 'I, I mean...I...' Patrick stammered, his eyes wide as he stared at Kevin.
'You freaking out a bit right now?' Kevin gently asked him. He didn't want Patrick panicking. If he wasn't ready, it didn't matter. Kevin needed to reassure him that it didn't matter. He could take it back if he wanted. Kevin could wait until he really meant to say it.
'A little bit. I've never said that before.' Patrick admitted. Kevin was surprised, as much as by the admission of being freaked out as by the relatively calm way he made it. Frankly he thought Patrick would be trying to back peddle as fast as he could by now. But instead he seemed to be getting even calmer. Fuck...
'What, not even to your mum?' Kevin pressed. If he needed an out, if he needed a way to turn this into a joke, Kevin wanted to help him. But, if Patrick WAS freaking out, it was the quietest, least freaked-out freak out Kevin had ever seen. Fuck...Kevin couldn't tear his eyes away from Patrick's face. It really looked like he was not freaking out at all. Not even a little bit.
'We don't say that in my family.' Patrick replied seriously, and with every passing second, with every second that Patrick didn't take back the words, Kevin felt his heart swelling.
'But...I do. I love you' Patrick said simply, almost wonderingly, as if he had just discovered the fact, as if he had just realized what loving someone felt like.
And finally, the words were beautiful to Kevin. Patrick was beautiful to him, sitting there, looking slightly puzzled, but also, very very calm and happy.
'I love you too.' Kevin whispered, barely able to get the words out, he was so fucking choked with emotion. It had been worth the wait.
He brought Patrick's head down to his and kissed him. The sweetest kiss. Full of everything he had felt for this man. All the yearning of those early weeks, the ecstasy of their brief times together, the gaping emptiness when he'd thought he'd lost him forever, the almost unbearable relief when Patrick let him back in his life, and the sweet sweet simple joy of the past two weeks.
And then the sweet kiss turned into the type of kiss that Kevin had been imagining all day. As Kevin pulled them both under the covers, into their own private world, their kiss went from sweet to desperate in a flash, and Kevin couldn't get close enough, couldn't lick enough of Patrick's skin, couldn't mark enough of his flesh with his mouth, couldn't rub against enough of his body. He wanted to feel every inch of Patrick pressed against him. He wanted to fucking devour him, have Patrick imprint his fingers on him so he'd always have a part of Patrick with him. He could feel every kiss, every bite all the way down to his toes. Patrick was his fucking Molly, his drug of choice. And when Patrick whispered in his ear that he wanted Kevin to fuck him, to come inside of him so deep that he could feel Kevin's heartbeat, Kevin was so fucking ready. And when Patrick panted in his ear and clutched him tight, and when Patrick came, arching his body up to press himself against Kevin, every glorious inch of him, and when he mouthed the words 'I love you' against Kevin's cheek as Kevin came...Kevin's every thought was of how much he fucking loved this man.
And then the kiss turned sweet again, and it went on and on, neither of them wanting to stop. And even as they kissed, Kevin smiled.
Patrick loved him. Fuck yeah.