I just passed the magic line of more than 100 author favs. I don't know if that's a lot or not but it's f-ing huge to me. So thank you.

As a treat I'm publishing this now. It was supposed to be published after next chapter of 'Crooked Rain' but the important part was that it needed to be published before the chapter after that so... here it is.

I'm currently visiting my brother and we're working on our sibling project (a hint would be that he's a comic book artist) so I'm not sure if I'll be able to get the next chapter or CR up before the weekend. I'm very sorry but it's not all finished and it's a very important chapter so I want it to be perfect. Hope this will satisfy your 'Grace'-need for now.

A very important A/N at the end, please do read it!

Prequel: Teach Me a Lesson

She had warned him. Happy knew she had, that night when he asked her if she wanted another kid, she warned him that it would changed things. But fucking hell! He hadn't realized how much it would.

He loved that kid to death. Lemmy was perfect, in some ways. But jesus fucking christ he didn't sleep at all the first six months. At least that's how it felt. No sleep and no fucking.

Then he bought a house. Or they bought a house. Grace and Ava loved it and he loved his girls. Both of them. He really did.

It was a big house with a garden. It was very nice. And his girls loved it.

Ava was all caught up in the baby and he understood that. She didn't sleep much and all. But really. Wasn't they supposed to have sex more often than this?

He was sitting in the bar at the club and he had to fucking admit it. He was not comfortable with all this shit. He had a house, with a garden, a wife, two kids, they even had a fucking volvo. This wasn't him. This was not what he was like. He didn't do shit like this. He was a biker, he drank, he nailed sweetbutts, got blow jobs from skanks if he felt like it. He didn't fucking mow lawns. Something he still hadn't done and never would. Not in a million years.

He threw down another scotch. For a second he considered to stay at the clubhouse but changed his mind. With a sigh he got up, turned around to see Tig get a blowjob from a crow eater. Blow job, he could really do with a blow job.

The bike was outside and he got on it and drove home. The house was dark so he assumed that Ava had gone to bed. She was going to get the place ready for Lemmy's first birthday party and when he went into the kitchen he could see that she had. It looked nice. Ballons with bikes and streamers from the ceiling. Even letters that spelled 'Happy Birthday Leon'.

He looked inside Grace's room and she was sleeping. She had twisted herself into the cover and it didn't look comfortable. After carefully unwrapping her he gave her a kiss. Just as he was about to walk outside he heard her voice.

"Happy?"

"Yeah, Sugar. I was just checking you, go back to sleep."

"Hug."

He sat down on her bed and took her in his arms and gave her a tight hug. "I love you, Sugar."

"I love you too, Happy. I missed you today."

"I'm sorry. Had some business." He gave her a kiss. "Go back to sleep, Sweetie."

He really loved his family.

Ava was sleeping and he laid down behind her, drew her closer. He wanted her to turn around and hold him like she used to do but she didn't. He stroke her back, he knew every single scar on it as well as he knew his own tattoos.

He considered trying to wake her up to see if he could get some but changed his mind. She'd be to tired and he'd be pissed that she didn't want to so he sighed and closed his eyes instead.

-o0o-

Five months later he was on a run. Before he left they had a huge fight that started with sex and ended with money. That was a fairly regular argument these days. It wasn't that they didn't have enough money. They did all right but somehow it always ended up in the fucking arguments anyway.

They were in Tacoma and he exhaled in relief when he walked though the doors to the clubhouse. This was his place, where he used to be, before houses, gardens and kids. Lorca gave him a hug and so did the rest of the familiar faces. Fucking hell he missed this.

He got piss drunk that night, trying to get it all out of his head. When anyone asked about Ava or the kids he avoided the questions and no one found if strange. He had never been much for discussing his private shit and they knew it.

When he was in the couch later that night a sweetbutt gave him a lap dance. It was nothing. Just a lap dance, he might've squeezed her tits a bit but no more than that. At least not as far as he could remember. It was nothing.

Ava was still up when he came home the next day and she hugged him tight.

"Missed you."

"You did?" He said with a smile.

"I always miss you." She kissed him and that night he actually did get some.

When she fell asleep on his shoulder and he was stroking her back he though about that lap dance again. It was just a dance. It was nothing.

-o0o-

Since he had sort of agreed with himself that lap dances were nothing he got a few more.

One particular night the girl giving him the lap dance was really hot and he was horny as hell. She had nothing but a thong on and he did more than squeezed those tits. They were fake but still kind of nice. The good kind of fake. So he asked for a blow job.

It was just a blow job, no kissing, no cuddling. Just a quick blow job in the bathroom. A way to get some relief. It was nothing.

-o0o-

Pretty soon the 'nothing' included taking some sweetbutt from behind. Still no kissing, no cuddling, no sweet words and always with a condom. All they did was pull down their panties, if they were wearing any, and he took them quick from behind. That was all.

I was significantly harder to defend that one to himself as nothing once he was sober. But hey, he was a guy, he needed sex, he was used to getting sex whenever he needed it and Ava was holding back in that area. He wasn't getting nearly enough.

-o0o-

Ava was in the laundry room in the house. She loved the house. It was big, not huge, but big, with open areas and more than enough rooms. The kitchen was completely new when they moved in and it was amazing. She even had a library! It had two big armchairs with a side table between them. She had no illusions what so ever that Happy would ever occupy the other one but Grace quite often did.

It was the nicest house she had ever lived in and she almost cried when Happy had taken her to see it.

"Like it, babe?" He'd said with his arm around her.

"It's nice. Is it for sale?" She asked and when she turned towards him he had the biggest smile.

"Not anymore."

They moved two months before Lemmy's first birthday. She had no idea what happened after that. Happy had grown distant. Not all the time, sometimes he was just as usual and they could lie in bed and talk half the night, about everything, just like they used to. And he was still Grace's number one, he took her out for rides at least once a week. They called it weekly sessions and they both got back from those with huge smiles.

After the first awkward weeks with Leon he'd gotten into that too even if the diaper changing duties was something he avoided. He did it but he avoided it if he could. She'd caught him in the couch with the sleeping Leon on his chest more that once, discussing bikes or guns or whatever was on his mind.

They still argued but nowadays it almost always started with arguments about sex. Or rather the lack of it. She knew she wasn't as horny anymore. The first months when she could start having sex after Leon's birth she could hardly get wet. According to Tara that was normal while breastfeeding but it was still... embarrassing and hard to explain to Happy. That it wasn't that she didn't want him, her hormones were just shot to shit. Not even mentioning how tired she was all the time. And frankly, having sex while leaking breast milk... it wasn't big turn on for her.

Somehow the very infrequent fucks became... standard. He hated it of course and they argued. It had gotten better lately but that didn't really calm her down. She didn't know why, she just... choked. And lately she even avoided cuddling since he only got pissed that she didn't want sex when she hugged him. It was getting better, just not fast enough for him.

She sighed again and picked up another pair of his jeans, checked the pockets - since she'd already washed two of his pre pay and hundreds of lighters - before throwing them into the washing machine. When she slammed it shut Happy appeared in the door.

"Can you take these?" He pointed down on his legs.

"Yeah, there's room left. Take 'em off."

"Can't wait to get me out of my pants," he said with a smile and she got a kiss as he handed them to her before walking out again.

She shoved her hand into the pocked, threw the junk on top of the washing machine and the jeans in it. Once the machine was on she picked up the already clean and dried clothes, stopped at the door to turn off the light when she remember the papers she pulled out of Happy's pocked and turned around to take it from the bench.

Her eyes fell on them and she froze up. Her hands started to shake and she dropped the clothes on the floor before carefully stepping towards the washing machine.

She had a buzzing sound in her head, almost like a beehive, she could hardly breath and her heart felt like it was beating too hard and too slow. Everything was in slow motion. She swallowed a couple of times to not throw up before she reached for the excruciatingly familiar thing on the bench. It was condoms and one of the foil wraps was empty. She managed to come up quite a few likely scenarios why he would have that in his pocked that didn't include him having sex with someone else but at the same time she knew...

When her parents died she felt an ache in her hear that she still could recall. But she realized that this was what it felt like when the heart broke. It wasn't the same, not by a long shot. They both hurt but in different ways.

She clenched her fist into the t-shirt and pressed her hand agains her chest. It was a physical pain and the buzzing sound was still in her head. The only thing she could see was those condoms, the rest of her vision was blacked out. Those insulting things in her hand was the only thing she could see.

Someone said something behind her and she turned around and saw Happy in the door again. He was holding the laundry in his hands and looked confused. She didn't know what to say. All she could do was hold out her hand to him and pray that he'd laugh about it and give her some perfectly reasonable explanation.

His looked at her and then down in her hand. His eyes widened and he looked up at her. The facial expression said everything she needed to know.

He took a deep breath. "Shit!"

Yeah. Shit.

-o0o-

Happy was... terrified. He had fucked up and he knew it. The look on her when she turned around and held out her hand had confused him. He hadn't seen it before and when he turned his eyes down to see what she was holding in her hand he... he almost threw up. His initial reaction however was to get pissed. It was probably some sort of defense mechanism.

"Why the fuck are you searching my pockets?" He regretted it the second it came out of his mouth.

She stared at him. "I emptied your pockets before throwing them into the machine. Like you asked me to, since you're apparently incapable of doing it yourself."

The hand was still in front of her with those fucking condoms in it. How the fuck could he have been so stupid? Even if they'd been new ones it would be hard to explain but with one of them open and obviously used, he was screwed.

They both stood quiet. He had no idea what to say and finally she threw them at him, pushed him to the side and walked past him out of the laundry room. That's when he realized how much shit he was in.

"Fuck! Ava!" He tried to grab her arm to stop her from leaving.

"No!" She yanked out of his grip, turned around and pointed at him. "Do not touch me!" She kept walking.

"Ava, you can't just walk away."

"Watch me!" She said over her shoulder and walked right out of the house.

He tried to make up his mind. Starting a fight on the lawn would almost ensure that the stupid, goody two shoe neighbor, would take the opportunity to call the cops. When a guy looking like him was yelling at his wife to get her fucking ass indide the house someone always called the cops. He opened the door and watched her get into the car and drive away.

Halfway to the bike he realized that he couldn't go after her, the kids were in the house and when he turned around Grace was in the door, holding Lemmy's hand. She looked at him.

"Where was she going?"

"I... I don't know, Sugar." He noticed one of the neighbors watering his silly fucking bush, pretending he wasn't trying to hear what they were saying. He walked up to Grace, picked up Lemmy and took her hand. "Come on, lets get inside and I'll get you something to eat."

"We just had dinner," Grace protested. "Are you fighting?"

"Yes." That was somewhat of an understatement. He was pretty fucking sure his wife took off to find a new place to live. "How about ice cream?"

"We don't have any ice cream. We ate it yesterday," Grace walked ahead of him into the kitchen before turning around. "What are you fighting about?"

"Grace..." He took a deep breath. "Work with me here, honey."

She eyed him for a few agonizing seconds before nodding. "We have cookie dough. We down have to bake it first. Tastes better that way."

"Thank you. That sounds great."

Once the kids were in bed he started to walk back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. He was getting worried, really worried. He tried to call her and at first he hung up when he got to the voice mail and finally begging her - He begged her! - to just send a text so he knew she was ok. The mood she was in it was quite possible that she'd crashed that fucking Volvo.

At two a clock she was finally back. She stepped inside and walked right by him. Didn't even look at him. He followed her into the bedroom but she slammed door to the bathroom shut, almost hitting his face, and locked it.

Now, Ava was quite capable of getting really pissed and had been more than once before. This wasn't just pissed. She was fucking furious. He waited outside the door and when she opened it again he wasn't sure what to say so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"It was just sweetbutts, it doesn't even mean anything."

She halted, stood still for a second before turning around. The look in her eyes made his heart down to his feet.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better. That you threw me away for something that didn't even mean anything."

"I didn't..." he shut his mouth. Jesus fucking christ! She really was leaving him. "What do you mean. Would it be better if I fell in love with someone else." That wasn't what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her that she couldn't leave him.

"I don't know, Happy." She was silent for a while and she wasn't looking at him. It was like she couldn't. "At the moment it's not who you did it with or even why you did it that bothers me. It's that you did it. No matter the reason it still hurts the same."

He had a reason, it was just so fucking childish sounding even to him that he couldn't say it out loud. He'd felt overlooked by her and he wanted one of those chicks who looked like they'd do anything to suck his dick. And he wanted to get laid. In some stupid fucking way he wanted to get back at her. He wasn't even sure for what.

There were tears in her eyes, her beautiful golden eyes and he so badly wanted to wipe them away. If for no other reason than to touch her.

"I... I don't know what to say, Ava," he finally admitted. Honesty was the best policy with her most of the time.

She shook her head and then looked at him. "How long?"

"What?" He knew exactly what she meant, he was trying to buy time and she knew that. When she turned around he changed his mind. He needed her to stay. "Wait! A couple of months." She nailed him down with his eyes. "... of sex."

"Before that?"

He wanted to swallow his own tongue, he knew that every fucking word he was saying was breaking her a little more but it was this or she would walk out again. "Blow jobs, just... blow jobs for a couple of months."

She was holding her hand over her heart, like she was trying to massage it while sobbing and he... hated himself. He was afraid to ask and he still had to.

"Are you leaving me?" The look in her eyes of complete disgust and despair made him want to trash shit. It was obvious that she wanted to leave him but she wasn't sure she could. He could literary feel his heart stop for a second and he took a deep breath. He didn't have a damn clue how to deal with this, how he could stop her. What to do or say to change her mind. "Ava..." he manage to whisper and the sobs got louder and this time he wanted to shoot himself.

He loved her, he had never loved anyone the way he loved her, she was his beautiful, soft and loving woman and he had turned her into this... mess.

"Ava, please..."

"Don't... say anything else." She could barely get the words out of her mouth and hid her face in her hands.

He hesitated for a second before moving up to her and put his arms around her. That made her cry even worse and he hugged her tighter, stroke her hair and put his mouth to her ear.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

He hadn't thought she could cry any harder but when she sank to her knees he followed her and kept holding her.

A part of him hoped that she left him, if for no other reason than that he had tuned a strong woman into this... pile on the floor. He really wanted to shoot himself.

-o0o-

Ava was sitting in the kitchen when Grace came.

"What's wrong, mom?"

"Nothing. It's ok, honey."

"Your'e lying."

Ava shook her head with a smile. "Sometimes you need to let things slide, baby." She stroke her hair. "Sometimes it's just that people aren't ready to talk about it or that they don't want to."

"Ok. I love you, mom."

"That's a good thing to say." She gave Grace a hug.

-o0o-

The discussions had pretty much been the same the last weeks but he didn't argue about that. If it meant that he had even a remote chance of keeping her he'd talk about whatever the hell she wanted to talk about.

"How do I forgive this?"

"I don't know." He wanted to hug her. She looked like she needed a hug and she probably did. Only not from him. Every attempt from his side to touch her since that first night had resulted in her shoving him away and at the moment he couldn't take more of that.

"How would you forgive that? If I did that."

That was easy. He'd go on a fucking killing spree. Kill anyone who'd ever fucking touch her but he couldn't say that. "I don't know."

-o0o-

Ava had a hard time focusing on work. To say the least. At the same time this is where she loved to be at the moment.

She hadn't talked to anyone. She wasn't sure who she wanted to talk to. Gemma would say that it came with the territory. 'What happens on a run stays on a run but'. Ava didn't want to accept that. Tara would tell her to shoot him in the leg on her way out the door. Probably something like that at least. She'd tell her to leave. Especially if she told him exactly how he had cheated on her.

It was also the fact that she felt embarrassed. She knew logically that she didn't have anything to be embarrassed about. It wasn't her fault. She still felt it though.

She caught herself looking around at the café or the lunch place, wondering how many of them that had been cheating on someone.

When they had a meeting at school she looked at all the couples and wondered how many of them that really were happy and how many of them were standing there, next to each other, smiling at each other, just like she and Happy was at the moment and at the same time wondered if their husbands sounded the same when they orgasmed with some other bitch. The way she was at that moment.

After some time had passed she realized that Happy was extremely patient with her. She threw shit at him as she had never done before and he just took it. And when she finally asked him why he looked at her and shrugged.

"Whatever you need to do to stay with me."

"Why. If you want me why did you do this."

"I don't know."

He wasn't honest but she needed to know why. That was the only thing he hadn't told her. "Dont' lie, Happy. Tell me why."

But he just shook his head.

-o0o-

Happy didn't cry. Last time he'd cried was when Lemmy was born and only he knew about that time. When he cried before that... he couldn't fucking remember. Because he didn't cry.

He took rides. Long rides out in the woods and then he shot at things. Any fucking thing. He went up to the cabin and chopped wood. Loads of fucking wood. No one would have to chop wood at that place for a long time. Judging by the amount of fire wood that was already in that shed he wasn't the only one who chopped wood when shit got to him.

She kept asking him 'why', because now that was important, and he couldn't tell her. How did he tell her that he all of a sudden doubted all of that shit. That he all of a sudden didn't want any of it and just wanted to be his old self again. And now that he was very close to getting it realized that he made a mistake. Made him sound like some fucking idiot.

He went up in the ring every fucking chance he got. The bigger the guy, the better. One Friday Quinn was there and he even challenged him.

Quinn took one look at him.

"What did you do?"

"What?"

"If you want me in the ring you've got some serious shit you need to get out of your system."

"Forget it," he said and walked out. Quinn wasn't that easy to get rid of and before he knew it, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him into a corner.

"You need to get it out because shit like that messes with the rest of it as well and you need to be able to stay focused."

"I'm focused!" Who the fuck did Quinn think he was? He was focused, he was all in, he took club shit serious.

"Sure you are. Where are you going next week?" Happy choked. He had no fucking idea what Quinn even talked about and Quinn knew it. "So, what the fuck is going on?"

"I fucked up."

"How?"

"With Ava."

"I figured that much. What did you do?"

This was a bit harder. "I cheated on her."

Quinn was quiet for a while. "With someone in Charming?"

"No. Just..." he was a bit embarrassed about admitting it. Quinn fucked around when he felt like it and he wasn't sure he'd understand. "I was going to stick to her. I told her that."

"Really? You said that?" The man looked stunned. "Sorry... just..." then he laughed. "I'm sorry. You were just the last one I thought would do that."

"Glad I can amuse you."

"Sorry. Really. I'm guessing she found out."

Happy was quite. "I think... I think she's halfway through the door."

Quinn smiled and shook his head. "Not a shot in hell that she is. No fucking way."

"How the fuck do you know?"

"I know, brother." Quinn was still smiling. "Give her time. She just needs to wrap her head around shit. She'll forgive you. I wouldn't count on her doing it twice though so keep that dick in your pants from now on."

Even if he wad glad someone thought Ava might forgive him he still didn't fell that convinced. Not at all. Shit, they'd argued every time they saw each other and Grace wan't around for the last three weeks. Or argued. She cried and he tried to say he was sorry. The last two days she didn't even do that. She didn't say shit to him.

"I still need a dance."

"I'll give you a dance. You'll get that shit out." Quinn put his arm around him. "How many times?"

"How many times, what?"

"Did you cheat on her."

"I don't know." Why did that matter.

"Just picked up with the sweatbutts? Like an old habit?"

"Something like that. Why do you wanna know how many?"

"I'm gonna hit once for every time you put that dick where it shouldn't have been."

Happy stopped and stared at him. "Why the fuck do you care?"

"I don't. I don't give a shit. But you do and I thought I should help you out."

Happy sighed. Quinn was right. He cared and he was with a guy he could admit that too and who didn't judge shit. Not considering his history with Lisa.

When he came home that night Ava looked up when he turned on the lights in the bedroom.

"Shut the lights."

"Fucks sake, give me a sec." He just needed to find his stuff.

She turned around, probably to say something mean but swallowed whatever it was. "Jesus, Happy. What happened to you?"

"Quinn." He tried to take of his clothes as painlessly as possible. It wasn't working, it hurt like hell.

"Why?"

"Teach me a lesson."

"A lesson? What are you talking about?" Happy just gave her a look. She'd understand he could see when she did. "Why does he care about that?"

"He doesn't." He laid down in the bed next to her and waited for her to turn around but she didn't. She looked at his face. He looked like shit and he knew it. Quinn had really done a number on him.

"Explain," she said.

"To help me. So I remember it next time and to help me get some shit out of my system."

She nodded and turned around to get to sleep. He looked at the back of her neck for a long time. Her brown hair and the t-shirt that was hiding her back. Once she was asleep he leaned closer and carefully kissed her beneath her ear and inhaled her scent. He really hoped that Quinn was right.

-o0o-

Ava tried again. She worked him up until he was about to break and then she asked again.

"Just tell me why. And don't lie, be honest. Tell me why."

He stared at her with clenched fists and finally he yelled. "I freaked out!"

"Freaked out?"

"I panicked!"

"About what?" He didn't answer. He just looked at her with those black eyes. "About what, Happy?"

"THIS! All of this. A wife, a house, kids, cage..." he trailed off.

"The cage?"

"The car, Ava." He sighed. "I mean the car"

"I know that 'cage' is the car but what does the fucking car have to do with anything?"

"It's just... this..." He took a deep breath. "This isn't me. I'm a fucking biker. I don't fucking mow the lawn."

Was he out of his fucking mind? "I never asked you to. I hired the neighbor kid for that."

"I know! That's not the fucking point, Ava. This isn't me. I'm not a family man!"

He wasn't looking at her anymore. She dried her cheeks and looked at him. She understood now. It didn't mean that she forgave him, that she felt sorry for him or thought that what he had done was anymore ok. But she understood why. It didn't excuse it but it explained it. And she needed an explanation.

She took a deep breath, trying to regain her voice before she spoke. But when she was about to start she had no idea what to say. She'd thought he was trying to get her back, to get her to stay. He had asked her that so many times but now he was... saying, what? That this wasn't him. That he wanted end it.

The thought of loosing him was unbearable but the though of just forgiving him was equally unbearable. Having sex with him... she couldn't even think about that.

But she loved that man like she had never loved anyone. The things he had done for her, the person she was today because of him, that wasn't something she could just ignore. The tears were running down her cheeks again and he was still not looking at her. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen and stared into nothing.

"If you want to end..." she swallowed the last part of the sentence and his eyes flew up from the floor end met hers, "If you want to end this. I understand. I won't make it difficult for you or try to take full custody of the kids or anything like that." Towards the end of the sentence her voice broke but she managed to finnish it before she sobbed again.

He just started at her and she could see the panic building in him before he took long steps towards her and caressed her face. "No! No, Ava. I didn't mean... No! I can't..."

Happy had no fucking idea how to finnish that sentence. Sure he had missed all those things but at the moment he was still terrified of losing Ava. He hadn't really thought any further than the fact that he wasn't a family man. And until now he hadn't fully realized that the alternative was to leave Ava. To... leave her and she could find... There was no in between. It was this or go back to living at the clubhouse, or some shitty apartment. And no Ava. Why the fuck hadn't he thought about that a long time ago?

He needed her. From the second she found those condoms he knew that he wanted her to stay, no be with him, to be his. He didn't give a shit about those things that were so important just a few weeks ago.

"I... I fucked up. But like I've been saying all this fucking time. I want you to stay with me. I want you. I panicked but I don't... want that anymore. I want you."

"You can't have both. You cant... you can't have me and them." She took a step back. "You can't have all those parts of the biker life and a family and I don't mean that you can't have the club."

"I know you don't."

"Because I'm not arguing about that and you know that."

"I know, babe."

"Don't call me that!" That was very close to a scream and while she said it she tore his hands from her face. "I'm just saying you can't have everything."

She was still crying, the tears didn't stop and it was killing him. How could he do this to her? What the fuck was he thinking other than getting a blow job or getting laid. Easy. He wasn't. He just fucking panicked and now he realized that he didn't actually want all those things he'd thought he wanted. He might not fully want all this 'family man'- shit either but he wanted parts of it. He wanted Ava. He didn't want anyone but her.

She wasn't looking at him anymore. Her arms were wrapped around her and he wanted to hug her. More than anything right now he wanted to hug her because it looked like she needed a hug.

"Ava... I'm sorry."

She looked up at him again and she just looked tired, her cheeks were wet and tears were still falling. She shook her head. "Sorry doesn't make it right, Happy."

-o0o-

Grace looked between her mom and Happy. They were fighting. They had been fighting for a really long time and it didn't look good at all. Her mom was so angry and even if Grace didn't know why she knew that Happy had done something wrong. Something really wrong because he was scared and he looked ashamed.

She looked down on her plate. She was worried. If they... divorced she wasn't sure what would happen. They'd been to the judge just when Lemmy was born and they got a paper that said that Happy was her dad. The judge explained that she was his responsibility and that he had to take care of her now.

But Grace still knew it wasn't really the same as with Lemmy. He never made it fell like it was different between them. He said that she was his daughter and all. But it didn't change the fact that he wasn't her real dad. Not like he was Lemmy's dad.

And what did that mean if they got divorced? Would he still... be there for her? Or would he just be there for Lemmy.

Lemmy called Happy 'dad'. She'd done that a couple of times by mistake. He'd never said anything when she did and she just pretended to not noticed. He'd smiled and it looked as if he liked it.

She looked at Happy and he smiled at her and stroke her cheek.

"You ok, Sugar?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

She wanted to call him dad. She wanted him to stay with them but if he couldn't or didn't want to she still wanted him to understand that she needed him and that she... thought about him as her dad. That when she thought about him she often thought 'dad' not 'Happy'. And maybe if she sait that he'd stay with her or at least kept in contact with her if he left.

Or if her mom took her with her. Cause her mom was much angrier than Happy was.

-o0o-

Leon was sick, it was a cold and it was pretty bad. He was whiney and bery cuddly. He wanted to be near her all the time and at the moment she wasn't complaining. She needed someone close.

They hadn't talked for days. They had pretty much said all that could be said and now Ava was just trying to make up her mind. Or rather defend her decision.

She couldn't say that she had never seen herself as the kind of woman who stayed with a man who cheated on her because she'd already done that once. She'd stayed with a man who did a hell of a lot worse things than fucking other women.

But she had hoped that she never had to make that decision again. What kind of a woman, wife and mother she was. After weeks of arguing and talking she had a pretty good picture of how it had happened.

He panicked and she withdrew as a result of Leon. Having a baby tended to steal away focus from anything else. It wasn't an excuse. At all. Normal men jerked off. Or normal, but most men did at least.

She'd been very skeptical when he suggested another kid. She wanted one but hadn't thought he could handle it and she was right. He couldn't. It was too big of a change for him much to fast. Buying the house didn't help at all. Again, that wasn't an excuse but an explanation.

At the moment they were in the kitchens. She was cleaning up and Happy was trying to lure Leon into eating something. He was spending a lot of time at home which surprised her. Especially the last week since they hadn't said many words to each other at all. He was still around and quite often when she turned around or looked up she noticed him looking at her. Studied her and she knew why. He was trying to figure out what she was going to do but was afraid to ask.

When she turned around this time he wasn't looking at her though. He was looking at Leon and he looked worried. He picked him up from the chair and took him in his lap.

"Come on, Kiddo. Drink a little for me. It'll make you feel better." Leon whined and protested. "If you get to sit on the table and drink. Would that be ok?"

Leon was a table kid. It was really weird but he loved to sit at the table or the counter in the kitchen and just watch them all. Happy didn't think it was weird at all. 'Kid want's to see properly. Got the best view from there.'

So when Happy suggested that, Leon nodded and climbed up on the table, right in front of Happy and had a big smile on his face. He took the bottle and drank from it eagerly.

"That's my boy," Happy said and leaned forward and kissed his red cheek. "Fucking hell you're warm kiddo." He turned towards her. "Did you give him something?"

"Should kick in soon," she answered and Happy turned towards Leon again.

"Hear that, Lemmy? Drink that and you'll feel better soon." Leon was still drinking and smiled at Happy when he leaned over and put his arms around him and leaned his head on the shoulder.

That's when she made up her mind. It was painful. What he had done had hurt her more that she'd ever thought was possible. But just the thought of leaving him hurt her even more. She loved him.

Sometimes that was what it boiled down to, what would hurt most? Right now it hurt more to be without him than to be with him. If he kept fucking up that would change but not now.

She couldn't say for sure if he'd ever do it again but judging from his behavior the last weeks, he wouldn't. He had been genuinely scared that she'd leave. He had begged her to stay, to not leave him.

Having sex with him was still something that would feel a bit weird and she was still angry at him but she owed him another chance. At least that's how it felt to her.

"I can take him if you want," she said and Happy turned around with Leon still on his shoulder. "I'll take a nap with him on the couch."

He nodded as a response, got up form the chair and handed over Lemmy.

She contemplated on saying something nice but instead she shook her head and carried Leon into the living room.

"Is it ok if I watch TV?"

She shrugged. "Not too loud."

It didn't take her long to fall asleep. Maybe it was the fact that she finally made up her mind that made her extreemly tired. Just as she dosed off she promised herself she'd talk to him later that night.

When she woke up she heard Grace. "I know you're not my real dad and all..."

Then Happy interrupting her. "I'm your real dad, Sugar. In all the ways that count."

She didn't know if Happy understood why Grace was asking right now if she could call him dad but Ava did. Grace was worried, she knew something was wrong and she was making sure that Happy wouldn't leave her. That wasn't all, she'd been wanting to call Happy 'dad' for a long time but hadn't dared to ask.

Ava wished that Grace had asked her. She would've told her that no matter what, HAppy wouldn't have left her. No matter how they fucked up, to Happy, Grace was his daughter. He always talked about her as his 'kid' or 'my daughter' when he introduced her to others.

She listened to the rest of their talk. It was very rare that she got to hear them and she loved this. They were so effortless with each other. And so close to each other. Happy was right; he was Grace's dad in all the ways that counted.

Once Grace had run away to get her helmet she heard a deep sigh from Happy and she felt a tug in her heart. She remembers him explaining the first time he told her he loved her, when he was piss drunk and stumbled in, trying to have a fight with her and ended up saying that instead. How he had been unable to stop it, that he had to say it to not burst. Obviously he had told her that story when he was quite drunk as well but that was the only time he was able to tell her stuff like that.

She understood now what he meant. That was how it felt for her now and she smiled to herself before saying it out loud.

"I love you."

I know that quite a few of you was horrified at the last chapter and the idea that Happy had cheated on Ava. I did that for a lot of reasons. The main being that I didn't see the transition from an all in biker to a biker/family man as something that could've been easy for Happy.

Another being that having a baby really can mess with a relationship, especially one that's as new as theirs actually were.

To a man like Happy this seemed like the natural way to handle it. He's very much a man of action rather than words. I also think that the wake up call of realizing that Ava could leave him would be what he needed to stay faithfull and stay with her. Also it was what he needed to realize that he needed her as much as she needs him.

It might be cruel of me, I admit but it forced Happy to decided what it was he wanted and who he wanted to be. A bit late in life maybe but on the other hand there are quite a few similarities between single bikers and frat house boys.

So. I hope you're not to pissed at me and please let me know what you think.