**Guess who's back! Guys…it's been so long. And I decided to finally update this story. It's almost been a year and people are still reviewing this story. Sorry it took me so long to get back to it. But….here is Chapter five! I also want to say thank you to the people still reading and still interested. I also want to say thank you for defending me guys. It's awesome to know people have my back! J We left off with a bit of a cliff hanger. I guess I should give you guys some relief, eh? So...I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

Howie's POV

"Howie, what's really going on with you?" Howard's voice rang out, the serious tone in his voice not easy to miss. He was concerned about me. And that made me feel bad. Howard already had so much on his plate, and he really didn't need to be worrying about me too. I felt so selfish, but Howard really was just that good of a person. "I just want to make sure you're okay." He added soon after, causing me to look back up at him. He was so selfless.

I could still taste the blood in my mouth due to me chewing on my cheek, but that wasn't my main concern right now. I still had to battle with my thoughts, trying to decide whether or not I should just come out with it. If Sharon already noticed, there was a small chance that Howard noticed too. But if the other male had noticed, wouldn't he have said something? Wouldn't he at least come and talk to him or something?

I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm, clearly caught off guard. I tried to play it off as best as I could as I let out a small chuckle, rubbing at the back of his neck gently. I saw his lips move and realized that he must have been talking to me and I must have been staring off into space, which is why he touched me. "Sorry. What did you say?" I asked, licking at my lips a bit nervously. "I've been kind of out of it today..." I added on, hoping he'd buy it. But of course, he wasn't convinced. At all.

"I asked you what's wrong." Howard repeated with his hand still on my arm. It made my heart skip a beat, as girly as it was. "And don't say it's the show and your job and all that. You may be able to lie to the others, but you can't lie to me." He added on, his eyes narrowing towards me as if to warn me.

I let out another small chuckle, though it was humourless. How was I supposed to even say this? I couldn't...I couldn't do this. Not to Howard. It was just too hard. It'd ruin our friendship and cause tension on the show. I didn't want to ruin this for everyone. Just because of a stupid little crush. Besides, there was no way it could get any worse than this. So...I thought why not tell him a bit of the truth?

"My wife and I...are having problems." I finally said, my eyes dropping down to my lap. My eyes flicked to his hand that still rested on my arm, causing a lump to travel up my throat and settle there. I cleared my throat gently to try and get rid of it. Only, it didn't work. And Howard wasn't even saying anything. Oh. Maybe he wanted me to continue. I looked up at Howard when that thought crossed my mind and saw the other man give me a small, encouraging smile.

"We've all been there Howie. Every relationship has ups and downs. That's what makes them healthy." Howard started to say. "And I get it. It's hard being away from your wife and having to be with...us." He chuckled, probably hoping to lighten the mood a bit. "But you should have told me sooner. You should know by now that you can talk to me about anything." His voice was full of concern, and it made me fall for him even more. I could feel my face heat up yet again as I pursed my lips gently, looking elsewhere from Howard's face.

"I know. I'm sorry. But I just...I couldn't just lay this on you. You have your own stress." I replied, lifting my own hand to place it on top of Howard's. I gave it a small pat before I pulled my hand away. He too must have noticed that his hand was still on my arm, causing him to hesitantly pull his own hand away. He placed it back on his lap, and I wondered if his heart was pounding just as bad as mine was.

I looked up to see him readjust a bit in his spot, his one arm stretching over the back of the couch. I could barely feel his arm against my shoulders but I definitely knew it was there. And it only made my blush increase.

"You are such a selfless person, you know that?" Howard said quietly, giving me another small smile. He was just so damn sweet. "Sometimes you have to talk to people about your problems. Sometimes you just have to...let it all out. And I want to help you as much as I can." He continued to explain, causing me to swallow thickly. "Sure I have my own stress but that doesn't mean you can't talk to me, and open up a bit."

"I'm sorry." I apologized again, because it seemed to be the only thing I could do. My mouth seemed so dry and I sounded so shy. I had to tear my eyes away from Howard as I gave my head a slight shake. If only Howard knew what was really going on. Then he'd be quite surprised. He wouldn't understand. "That's...it's not really the...only thing though." I added, sounding unsure as I looked at the ground.

I paused for a few seconds, just waiting for Howard to say something or to interrupt since I really didn't know where I was going with this. I didn't want to tell Howard everything but at the same time I did want to get some stuff of my chest. Like how I was certain that I wasn't completely straight anymore.

That was one thing that stuck out in my mind far too often. I wasn't straight. I didn't know what I was. Was I...bisexual? I never even thought of that word until recently. Or was it possible I was pansexual? With all of the damn terms and different sexualities, it was just confusing.

Howard was surprisingly still silent, so I knew for sure that he probably wanted me to continue on and explain myself. I rubbed at my face again before I just let my head rest between them. "I don't know how to say this." I whisper out, my voice a bit shaky. It makes me cringe, but I'm just glad that I can't see Howard's face at the moment. He'll probably think I'm so weak and emotional.

"Hey man. Calm down. It's okay." Howard spoke up this time, letting out a small sigh. I could feel his arm drop off of the back of the couch to come and rest on my shoulders, rubbing small circles on them to comfort me. It made me smile a bit, as I gently leaned into his side. He talked about me being selfless and yet...here he was comforting me when he could have been anywhere else.

I took a few breaths to calm myself down, as he said, before I started to speak again. It was just hard to get it all out there. "I...uh...have you ever been attracted to a guy?" I finally ask. It was an odd way to phrase it but I didn't want to come out and say that I was attracted to guys now. Besides, it was only a few that really ever caught my eye. Howard being my main problem.

I waited for Howard to respond, but I honestly wasn't expecting to hear a chuckle come from beside me. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked over at Howard again; the obviously confused look spread across my face. What was so funny to him? Had I said something...wrong?

"This is what all of this is about?" He asked, a slight chuckle still in his voice. I nodded my head slowly, a bit perplexed still. "I'm pretty sure we've all been a little gay for a guy before. Come on man. Don't stress out about something like...that." He continued on, his voice sounding so soft and welcoming.

A smile threatened to take over my face but I forced it off as I chewed on the inside of my cheek again, forcing more blood out. I licked at my lips again as I looked away again, crossing my arms over my chest. "Well sorry but...it's kind of a big deal to me." He muttered out. "I know that guys think that other guys are...hot or whatever. Attractive I guess. But..." I shook my head, not wanting to even finish that. What was I supposed to say? That I could actually see myself being happy with a guy? I could see myself having a relationship and...the whole works?

"But you don't just think they're attractive, do you?" Howard questioned, causing me to freeze. I let out a small breath through my nose, unsure of if I should actually answer that honestly or not. I could still play all of this off as a joke. But Howard probably wouldn't believe me.

"Just...just forget it." I reply, moving away from him a bit. I didn't want to get too close to him. I didn't want to do anything that I would regret. "It was a stupid question." I added with a soft chuckle, giving him a small, obviously fake smile. Howard gave me a look though and I could tell that he wasn't buying this. "Here we go..." I whispered under my breath.

"Just forget it? Really? I'm not going to forget it, Howie. Obviously this is more serious than I thought since it's bugging you this much." Howard replied, his hand making circles on my shoulder again. My smile returned to my face again and I couldn't help but lean into his touches. Howard had no idea what he did to me. "Does this have to do with...your problems with your wife?" He asked, causing my smile to slip back off my face. How did he do that?

I didn't even look back up at him, too shocked that he had connected the dots so damn quickly. My wife had seen the way I looked at...certain men (Howard). She could tell I was changing as a person; as her husband. My silence probably gave Howard his answer, another reason not to look at him. I was just...frozen.

"Do you...do you love a man?" Howard asked finally. I knew that question was coming. But hearing it out loud made everything seem all too real. This was my chance. I could just...spit it out now and be done with it. When I opened my mouth though, it felt like my voice was caught in my throat. I couldn't talk. I couldn't even...breath.

Did Howard know?

"I...uh..." I stuttered out stupidly, instead of answering the question. But by not answering it, yet again, I gave him the answer. Howard knew. I was sure of it. "I don't love him!" I denied, trying to sound as convincing as possible. "It's just complicated." I added, as if that explained it. I finally looked back up a Howard, my nerves getting the better of me. God, I hope I don't just start having a panic attack. That would be terrifying for both of us.

"Complicated? How is it complicated? It's-" Howard started, but I was quick to cut him off. It was rude, and I knew it considering he was trying to help me but I didn't want him jumping to conclusions; especially conclusions that involved himself. But I highly doubt he'd connect any of those dots. I had never shown my affection towards him. Hopefully.

"It's complicated because I'm happily married, to my lovely wife, and yet I feel certain attractions to guys." I replied, rather bluntly. No point in beating around the bush. "And I have no idea how to handle that. I mean...I'm too fucking old to be dealing with this Howard!" I snapped out, feeling Howard flinch beside me.

"Howie, calm down. I wasn't calling you gay. I was just saying that it's possible-" Once again I cut him off.

"I don't care if you were to call me gay. I have nothing against gay people. I just want you to know that I-" And this time, Howard cut me off.

"Let me finish!" He snapped at me, growing angry with me. I stayed silent this time, not wanting to make him even angrier. I gave a slight nod, as if to tell him to continue, and he let out a soft sigh and nodded back at me. "Thank you." He murmured out, calming down slowly now. "Now as I was saying...it's possible for you to have feelings for two people." He finally finished. "Although you should always go with the second, because if you were truly happy, if you loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen in love again." He explained, feeling slightly bad for being so blunt again. But that's how he tended to deal with serious situations. "Now, I could care less if you were gay. You're still Howie. So what's the big deal?" He added on, still seeming so nonchalant about all of this. I was about to say something, to object, when Howard continued on, apparently having more to say. "If you aren't gay, then that's fine too. You can like men and women. There's nothing wrong with that either. And if you need to talk it out to someone, if you need to let it out, I'm here for you."

I was still watched Howard as he talked, his words making me crack a slight smile. It meant a lot that at least I'd have him by my side. He actually cared about me. So many people and tabloids thought Howard was such a jerk but he was honestly one of the nicest people I could ever meet. He was so kind and caring to everyone.

"Thank you." I breathed out, once I had finally found my voice again. It had been a few minutes at the least, and that was all I had managed to get out still. "I-I..." I choked on that simple word, my voice wavering. I could feel the tears prick at my eyes as well but I forced them back as best as I could. Right now wasn't exactly time for the tears. I didn't even have a chance though, as I felt one slip down my cheek. I swallowed thickly and wiped at my cheek, ducking my head. How did everything get to this point?

Why was this happening to me?

**Wow guys. Wow. Uh...I hope that was okay. I didn't really know how to end it, so I'm sorry. But I do plan on continuing soon. I promise, this time! So you all shouldn't have to wait too long for the next chapter J What will happen next? Hm...**

**I hope you guys all liked it, and Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you all so much.**