=Q-R-Q-R=

Chapter 2

3 months later...

I curled up in my bed, my sobs muffled by the pillow so my dads wouldn't hear me, just like the previous nights for the past two weeks. Everything was a joke—some sick prank that they had set up for me to make fun of me, to destroy me. I didn't know what I have ever done wrong to deserve this—for them to hate me the way they did, for them to hurt and humiliate me like this.

And I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to fall for it. I should have seen it coming. Who would want me, right? But...she seemed so sincere then. So real. Her laughter was music to my ears. Her eyes would shine when she smiled. She looked so beautiful for it to be unreal. And I just fell for it.

But could you really blame me? I couldn't help it. I couldn't repress the overflowing feelings I have for her for two years anymore. God. It felt so damn good to have her in my arms. She felt so soft and warm and so cuddly. It was nothing like the cold facade she wore in school. Or was that the real her and not the girl that I spent the long nights with?

No. I shook my head in denial. Of course the person I was with could never be real. That person would never hurt me like this. My friends were right. She was really a heartless bitch. She was selfish and all she could ever think about was how to cause pain and suffering and her stupid popularity. And to think that I even defended her against my friends. I had been for the past two years.

I'm so fucking stupid! And now, my heart was breaking that it hurt to even breathe. Why? Why me? Why did this happen to me? All I wanted was to love and be loved...

Shit. That statement made me sound like a freaking emo. Last thing I wanted was to give them more ammunition to make fun of me. Ugh. Why am I such a loser? They were right. She was right. I suck so much no one would want me.

"Do you seriously think I would ever want to be with you? Seriously? You're a freak! Why would I ever want to have anything to do with you?!"

That memory brought more tears in my eyes. I couldn't breathe. I felt like dying. I wish my heart would just stop beating. Maybe that would stop the hurting and make the pain go away. Because fuck! It hurt so fucking much. I would do anything to make it go away.

"Stop it, Rach! It's her loss for not appreciating you. Please don't do this to yourself. You deserve someone so much better than her."

Kurt's voice rang through my head. Somehow, that lessened the pain just a little bit. He always knew how to make me feel better. I knew he understood how I feel. He had been through a lot as much as I did. I'm just glad to have him on my side. Both of us had been through so much pain because of the people in this crappy town and that pathetic for an excuse school.

I should have listened to him. He warned me about her. But all his warnings fell on deaf ears. I was blinded by her feign innocence and angelic voice and my growing feelings for her. She was so good that she was able to lure me in her trap effortlessly. And now, I was left with a broken heart. And her? She was probably having a girls' night out with her precious Cheerios while savoring their success of crashing me.

How could I let it go this far? How could I have let myself be that vulnerable? And how could she be this heartless and took advantage of my weakness? Was she even human at all? I hated her! I hated her for causing me this heartache. I hated her for ruining this…this wonderful feeling. I hated her for making me fall so hard. I shouldn't have trusted her when she said she would catch me. And most of all, I hated that I couldn't hate her enough to stop loving her. I hated her so fucking much!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why were you such a loser Rachel Berry?

"What? Are you just going to give them the satisfaction of seeing you fall, Rachel? Fight! Don't let them do this to you. Don't let her see you fall apart!"

Kurt would tell me that every single day. It was easier said than done. It was hard to fight when it felt like the whole world was against you. For the past two weeks, school was hell. Every day, I would come and be reminded of how much of an idiot I was. The student body would point at me while whispering and laughing. My friends would look at me with sympathy. The last thing I wanted was their pity. Except for Kurt.

Kurt would stare at me with this determined look on his face that reminded me of how I used to be. He would drag me to the nearest bathroom when he noticed that I was on the brink of breaking down. He would rub circles on my back while offering a silent comfort. I never heard him say that everything's going to be okay because we both knew that's bull. Nothing would ever be okay as long as we're in high school. It could only get worse and the only thing we could do was be there for each other when it happened and stay strong and continue fighting.

"If we let them see us break down or show any sign of weakness, it would only fuel their desire to destroy us, Rach. We can't let them win. We're too good for this."

Kurt said that earlier today as soon as I calmed down after bawling my eyes out. He was gripping my arms tightly with his hands, giving me a slight shake as if to wake me up and then he locked gaze with me as he said those words. I could see the fire in his eyes. He had always been passionate like me but what I saw in his eyes that day was more of anger and determination. Not a slight sign of fear was in there.

"High school is just temporary, Rach. Someday, whatever happened here won't matter anymore. Those people who had hurt us won't matter anymore. And us? We would be laughing at them because while we make our dreams come true, they would be stuck here forever reliving high school because that's the only best thing that had ever happened to them."

And as I kept his gaze with mine, there was a rush of that same anger and determination that ran through my veins. My jaw tensed and I could feel my face hardened. He was right. Everything that was happening right now wouldn't matter in the future. I couldn't let them crash me like this. I won't be the loser in this war. I won't fall down without a fight.

Something within me snapped today. And as I cried my heart out tonight, I promised that this would be the last night that I would shed a tear for her. She wasn't worth it. I deserved better. Someday she would just be a memory, a distant part of my past that I knew I would laugh about in the near future.

I felt my eyes grew heavy and as I drifted off to sleep, I promised myself that I would spend the rest of my high school showing Quinn Fabray that she could never bring me down that easily. And tomorrow, I would do just that.

Tonight, as dreams of the future invaded my mind, I said good bye to the sore loser Rachel Berry.

=Q-R-Q-R=

Author's Note:

Sorry this one took a while to get updated. And I know it's pretty short. My focus is on my other fic Heaven. But I didn't want this fic to rot. I already know where I want the story to go; I'm just having a hard time getting there so it's going to be a little rough. Be patient with me? =)

Please review and tell me what you think. Every writer needs a little boost. ;)