CHAPTER 6: THIRTEEN HOURS, SIX DAYS AND THREE WEEKS LATER
Thirteen Hours
Kate pressed the elevator button, her muscles still numb from the night spent on the couch, discouraging her from taking the stairs. She hadn't slept, her mind refusing to turn off and instead planning her next course of action. She barely registered the new elevator's walls as she walked in, more preoccupied by the already half empty and cold dark coffee in her hand.
There was much to do indeed. If she wanted to keep her promise and find who was responsible for taking him away from his family she would need to be 100% focused.
Her first step was the old case files she kept in a box at her old apartment. After she moved to Castle's she couldn't bring herself to let go of the place, since she was too attached to everything that happened there. When Alexis talked about moving out Kate suggested the apartment to her, the perfect way to both let go of it but not entirely.
Arriving on the second floor, Kate took out her keys and got in. The last time she had been there was last Christmas. Before that, she had tried her best to avoid the place. Just like it did last Christmas, being there was bringing back memories, even more now without the huge Christmas tree and decorations. As she scanned the living room and noticed one by one the changes Alexis had made, she heard footsteps behind her and an acute voice singing in French. She turned around and saw Dan, earphones on, wearing only his boxers and holding a hairbrush as if it was a microphone. Walking towards the fridge, he did not see Kate standing in the middle of the living room. She called out for him but he did not notice her and kept singing. He picked up a bottle of orange juice and turned around as he drank it. He jumped when he saw her and struggled to swallow the rest of the juice he had in his mouth.
"Kate?" he spitted out after removing his earphones "What are you doing here?"
She could see how embarrassed he was, half naked, orange juice and hairbrush in his hands with his earphones dangling between his fingers.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you. Alexis didn't tell me that you lived together."
"Oh no, we don't," he replied, putting down everything he held on the counter before continuing
"I mean, do I spend most of my days and nights here? Yes. Do I have some of my stuff in the apartment? I do. But we've never really talked about it like officially." He paused and looked at the floor thoughtful. It lasted a few seconds before he remembered his lack of clothing and excused himself.
"Could we agree to never, ever, talk about what just happened and tell no one?" he came back wearing a pair of jeans and a black shirt "Coffee?"
"No thanks, I just had one." He nodded and headed for the coffee machine as she decided to sit on one of the chair at the counter "So if you live but also don't really live here, what are you doing here?"
"Well, Alexis stayed with you last night and didn't bring any of her things so I thought I'd bring her some clothes and such." he paused and took a sip, his face winced and Kate smiled knowing she made the right decision by declining his offer "Which explains the hairbrush."
"I thought we were supposed to never talk about it?"
"I was testing you." He turned around and dumped the coffee in the sink, murmuring something to himself "So what brings you here?"
"I left a few boxes over here, I'd need them back."
"Her father's case file?" she frowned before he continued "Don't worry I didn't look or anything. Alexis just told me what they were when I saw them."
Kate remembered too well how Alexis ended up taking all her notes on Castle's case.
For two and a half year she buried herself in the case and went over all the notes and reports she had. And when the twins got around, she would use her sleepless nights to work on the case or try to find a new lead. She denied the evidences. It couldn't have been a car accident, she wouldn't accept it. A couple of times she thought she had leads, but they died rather rapidly.
She kept on going this way for more than two years until Alexis put a stop to it. The young woman just had moved to Kate's old apartment, but before leaving definitely she took the two evidence boxes with her without telling Kate. The talk that followed was one Kate wished she wouldn't remember. Alexis had used harsh words, true words, to make her react and accept the situation. Kate remembered all too well the redhead screaming "Dad's dead!" with tears pouring out of her eyes "You've been denying this for too long and I can't just let you do this, not anymore. You have my brother and sister upstairs and I know that seeing you like this hurts them as much as it does me. We must move on, for them, for ourselves. Isn't that what Dad would want us to do?"
Eventually, Kate did, for her and her family. But now that he had come back, she could not help but feel she had let him down by doing so. Maybe if she had investigated a little more she would have found a proof, a little something to keep her on the right track. If only she had kept looking.
In her thoughts, she hadn't notice Dan leaving and now coming back with two boxes, now yellowed by time, marked "Dad".
He left as quickly as he came; Kate took the boxes and left, heading to her second step: the precinct.
Six Days
"Shit!" Kate yelled as she hung up the phone. All eyes turned to her over Ryan's desk before going back to whatever they were looking before. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the calm slowly taking over her body.
"Hey Kate," she opened her eyes to see who was addressing her "care to join me outside, I need some fresh air."
Detective Samantha Hollis had been the one taking over the precinct when she left. For a good month, the boys kept begging for her to return, finding the new methods and managing style hard to adapt to. But she knew they respected her decision and it was only their special way to thank her for working with them all these years.
Outside the building the detective took out a pack of cigarettes.
"I didn't know you smoke."
"Usually cops deal with work with dark humor; I use that and a smoke."
Kate had only talked to the detective a couple of time before this week, but when she started working with her she understood what Esposito and Ryan meant with "a detective out of a television show". Hollis' methods were quite unorthodox and at the limit of the law, in other words opposite of Kate's method. Surprisingly, the women became fast friends, even with their divergence of opinion on several matters. As much as Sam tried to appear as if she didn't care, she wasn't fooling anyone, and Kate could see how much of a listening ear she was with her colleagues or victims.
"So what did the boys say to get you all pissed off?"
"They got to Row's place but she wasn't there."
"Well that's a downer." She casually replied.
"A downer? We lost the last lead, the only lead, we had. And by the way, I'm not pissed."
"Keep telling yourself that," she paused to smoke her cigarette before continuing "Look, CSU might find some clues as to where she is now and if she's involved in your writer's disappearance."
"Because the blood isn't proof enough?" Kate snapped.
"Because, we still have no idea how the blood got there." she stated, her voice much lower than Kate's.
Esposito's car appeared on the corner of the street; Sam tossed her cigarette as he parked in front of them. He went to the trunk and took out and evidence bag before joining them.
"Yo Beckett." He paused and looked at Sam, an awkward second passed before he nodded to Sam and let out a flat "Detective" to her, which she returned the same way. His eyes went back to Kate and then his boss before he continued "So um… I'm just back from Row's apartment, she wasn't there but right after Ryan hang up with you, CSU started looking around and they found this." He handed the plastic bag to her, Kate noticed the two detectives' hands touching a little longer than necessary to hand the evidence.
"I came right when CSU bagged it, I thought you'd wanna see this boss."
The woman's mouth opened wide at the surprise of what was in the bag.
"What is it?" Kate asked. But none of them answered her. She almost repeated her question but Sam talked.
"Take this, go upstairs and gather the rest of the team in front of the murder boards. I got a quick call to make to the captain but I'll be there in five."
Esposito left and Sam took out her phone.
"You believe in coincidences Kate?"
Confused by what had just happened and the unexpected question Kate only nodded.
"Me neither."
"I don't understand."
"Go upstairs."
Esposito had brought closer a second empty murder board near Hollis' desk. All the detectives had brought their chair and sat in front of them, waiting for her. The only one missing was Ryan, still at the crime scene.
"Hey Beckett!" Esposito called out "you got a chair right over here."
She walked towards the all too familiar chair, Castle's chair. During the few times Kate had visited the precinct after her resignation she had noticed the chair, still at its place. She had even visited once with the twins, who in an hour managed to draw on it with a corrector once she had told them it was their father's. For the week she's been there, Kate still hadn't asked why it was still there.
She sat and looked at the evidence bag on her old desk. Hollis walked in, putting her phone in her pocket. She walked to her desk, threw her jacket on her chair and took the evidence bag.
"Let's make a quick recap for those who weren't there from the beginning." Kate thought Hollis was referring to her until she continued on a humorous tone "and didn't send postcards to his palls". All the detectives turned towards a man in the back, mid-thirties, tall, blond haired and with tan's mark on his arm. The man raised his hand and pointed to his wedding ring. A short round of applause and cheerful congratulations later, they all turned back to their boss. She gave a small nod in direction of the man in the back and went back to the case. "Two and a half hours ago, a SWAT team, along with detective Esposito and Ryan, were ringing at Jessica Row's door. We suspect her to have kidnapped and tortured Mr. Richard Castle for over five years."
As she talked, the detective pointed to each element on the board, from a photo of the woman taken 10 years ago to the one of her building, the blood stained book and finally Castle's photograph.
"No luck, she wasn't home. First impressions are that she hasn't been for a very long while." she stopped to write "lived where?" beneath the suspect's photo, "CSU got there and started to sweep for any kind of evidence or clues as to where she could be or what she has done. And they found something."
She turned to the second board, ready to point at something when she stopped and noticed it was blank.
"For dramatic effect." Esposito whispered when she turned to him. She rolled her eyes and continued.
"CSU found a list," She showed the plastic bag to the other officers. The ink was beginning to fade and the side of paper showed it had been snatched from a notebook. "9 names of men and women and we know 4 of them." Hollis turned the murder board and it reviled the complete opposite of the empty side. Gasping sounds escaped from some detectives' mouths. Displayed on the board were photographs of 3 men and 1 woman, their names and the details of who they were: age, profession, domicile and more. Above all these elements were written in black capital letter "GRAVESTONE".
"This killer has been silent for over 6 months now. No need to remind you how big this case is and how important this new lead is. We have to go over everything we know from the beginning. With the knowledge that it is linked to Mr. Castle kidnapping and that she could be our serial killer. " The detective assigned each member of her team to specific tasks, from talking to the families again to go over video surveillances or do research on the 5 unknown people on the list.
Every men and women stood up from their chair and started working; the room was quiet aside of the noise of the key strokes from all the detectives and the phone calls. Hollis sat at her desk and started to work on her computer.
"You assigned everyone a task except yourself." Kate commented, trying to lift the weight of the silent precinct off her shoulders.
"And you." She replied, focused on her computer she finished typing and continued, "I'm writing a request for priority analysis and more staff."
"Don't you need the captain's approbation for that?"
"Who do you think I called earlier?" she replied, pressing the enter button as she turned to Kate "Look, we're not giving up on your guy if that's what you are worrying about. Solving this murder means understanding what happened to him, and there's more chance to do that than the opposite because honestly, we used up the last clue we had."
Kate felt uncomfortable and shifted slightly on her chair.
"Your words, not mine."
"I wasn't questioning your ability to do your job, you know." Kate mumbled.
"I know. You just don't understand what is happening." Hollis stated, her voice blank without any sign of offense to Kate's line of inquiry. She took out a thick folder from a drawer and gave it to Kate, the same black letters were written on the first page.
"Gravestone?" she asked to Hollis who was putting on her coat.
"You'll understand." She promptly answered and left, taking the evidence bag with the list and a few documents with her.
Kate opened the file and observed the picture of the first crime scene. The victim's body had been mutilated; her face unrecognizable and her arms, back and legs showed several stab marks. Her throat had also been sliced opened, which she guessed to be the cause of death. On a secondary picture a close up of the victim's chest showed words carved on it. Kate took a look at the photos of the three other victims, all were killed the same way. Kate's stomach knotted, the oldest murder was from 2 years ago. She thought about the families who still lived without any answer or justice. She shook her body slightly, hoping the feeling would leave and read the carvings on all the victims.
He is dead / You believe / He is alive / I believe.
She said out loud:
"I understand."
Three Weeks
Kate entered the key in the lock and turned it, the slight click of the door was the only sound she heard aside of the one from the distant traffic. She walked in the dark living room, dropping her keys on a table and her coat on the couch where she sat. It was around 1 a.m. and everyone was sleeping. Three weeks passed, and she still had no answer. All leads had been explored but had ended up in dead ends. Kate was frustrated, going home late at night without answers to give.
She let herself to her new night routine, walking over to the bedroom and let her hand on the doorknob, only to walk away and grab something to eat in the fridge.
A soft "hey" from behind her broke the night's silence. Alexis was going down the stairs in her pajamas. Her face and features showed she had been awake for quite some time now. Kate proposed her if she wanted something to drink from the fridge but she declined. Kate took a look into the fridge. A pink box had a note stuck on it with her name, she took it and read:
"We made chocolate cake with Martha. Don't worry I made most of it". Kate let out a little chuckle as she noticed that grandma had been stroked off and someone else had wrote Martha on top of it. She kept reading: "Ps: Lona didn't help." Kate took a fork and sat down in the nearest chair, smiling at the smiley at the bottom of the note.
"We need to talk about dad." Kate's smiles faded away as she looked up to the young woman now sitting in front of her.
"Still nothing but I keep trying."
"No, you're not."
"I don't understand." Kate answered the confusion clear in her voice.
"Of course you don't. How could you understand if you're never here?" Alexis paused and exhaled loudly in frustration. "Grams thinks you need time to handle all of this but I'm tired."
Kate knew all too well what she was referring to: the long hours at the precinct, going out early in the morning or coming home late. Kate had been keeping herself busy since they got him out of the hospital only not to have any answers.
"I thought it wouldn't be like before, that you'll see past everything. And that's part of the reason why I let you have the old boxes. But it doesn't help Dad."
"But Martha said-" Kate stammered out
"That he is fine?! See what I'm saying?! You're barely here to see what being fine means. Yes sure, he is healthier, eats regularly again but-" Alexis paused and swallowed hard, her eyes wet by her anger, frustration and other feelings Kate had troubled identifying, "He is not fine. He- he barely leaves his room and when he does it's only because I've dragged him out. He just stays in a corner and looks around, looks at the kids or Grams… me." She wiped out the tears that were about to fall with the back of her hand.
"Alexis I-"
"He came back for you Kate." Alexis left and walked straight up to her room.
Kate was alone in the room, the once appetizing chocolate cake in front of her untouched. The reassuring silence became heavy. She blocked out all her thoughts rushing inside her head. Kate had been wrong, her step daughter hadn't been angry because of her lack of answer, but by the fact that she was avoiding Castle. She had hoped it would go unnoticed, leaving home early and coming back late helped a lot, sometimes Hollis or the guys would tell her to go back home, to "see her family" as they put it, but she wouldn't. She would rather stay at a starbucks or buy unnecessary items and clothes. But eventually, there had been a few days where she had had to go home. As Alexis said, he was in his room most of the time, which made it easier to avoid him but a couple of times he had been there, in a corner of the living room, sitting on the couch. She avoided him, tried not to linger her eyes on him even if she could feel his eyes on her back, she would head straight for the office and correct some student copies (she had to go back to her regular job a week ago) or go to the kids room and clean up. Alexis was mad at her for being scared.
As if on cue, Alexis appeared with a pair of jeans and a shirt on, her backpack hanging from one of her shoulders.
"Where are you going?" Kate asked, biting her lower lip.
"I got an important meeting tomorrow afternoon and if I stay here I won't sleep." Kate's mouth opened to answer but nothing came out. "Me or Dan will get the kids to school tomorrow."
The young woman closed the door softly behind her, not returning once towards Kate standing in the middle of the room, holding a fork in her hand.
Their relationship had been so hard to build up, it had almost been smashed down once because of the case and now it was happening again.
But Alexis was right, she could see it now, clear as day. For the past month, she hid behind her wall, which had successfully built itself up again. She hid because she had been afraid, because the man who knocked at her door, holding her book in his hands, wasn't the Richard Castle she had known. This one was different and she didn't know anything about him, nothing that could assure her that there would be a chance for him not to hate her.
After all, she had given up on him.
And that was it, this guilt, overwhelming, keeping her for sleeping at night or living her breathless as it did now. This guilt of letting him down had drowned her. If she could move, she would try to swim back to the surface, try to work everything out, but she was too far gone.
They were too far gone.
A loud sound made her jump and she dropped the fork next to her feet. Suddenly she was moving, fast. She ran towards the origin of the sound, opened a door, then another. Only one left, her hand made contact with the cold doorknob and she froze. It was the bedroom, Castle's bedroom.
Her mind went in defense mode at the realization, taking a step back and removing the hand about to endanger her. The loft was silent again, aside of the New York's traffic which lived day and night with always the same enthusiasm. It could have been nothing. She could have imagined it given the panic state she had been less than a minute ago. She could walk away from the door as she did when she came home. She could, it's what she has been doing for most of her life.
She could, but she won't.
The best time of her life had been away from that tall, cold and sharp wall. Castle hadn't broken only a part of the wall, to build a door or a window. He had destroyed it, every inch. She had seen life 360° thanks to him. She missed it, she had loved it, every single moment. And yet, here she was, trapped again. No crack or hole to escape, just four wall keeping her in. And this time she had to kick it down, once and for all, all on her own. She didn't expect to see anything particular beyond it, she just wished for something hopeful. She opened the door, the light click reasoning in the loft as loudly as a thousand bricks falling down.
She whispered his name softly, half expecting an answer, but she heard nothing. The room was dark and made it difficult to see, he was not on his bed, which didn't seem to have been touched at all. She heard quiet whimpers towards her left and turned her head. A not so big silhouette was in the corner of the room, crouched down. She turned the switch but the light didn't came on.
"Rick, are you okay?" she approached him slowly. He didn't move, his head hidden in his arms and his legs that he had brought closer to him.
She called again for him unsuccessfully, so she reached for him, letting her hand fall on his forearm. He froze at her touch and looked up to her.
"Hey." She could feel him starting to relax under her touch. She tried to turn on the bedside lamp next to him but it didn't work either.
"What happened?" she asked, more to herself than him, but he turned his face to the floor, next to her. A lighter was on the floor near a candle.
"You want some light, that's all?" Kate took the two items on the floor and lit up the lighter. Castle panicked and shoved it off her hands, the flame faded away as the lighter flew under the bed. He hid his head in his arms and started shaking violently. Kate cursed herself for remembering only now that fire had bad effects of him.
"Castle it's gonna be okay, calm down." She tried to hold him steady with her hands but he wasn't calming, "It's me, Rick. It's Kate, look. Look up." And he did, she still couldn't see him though but she heard his breathing slowing down, his muscles relaxing.
"I'm here." She whispered to him "Listen I- I'm sorry."
As she just had destroyed her wall by walking in the room, a second wall was in front of her: his. Except that he hadn't just scratched the surface as she did. He had made progress, like his daughter had said, but he couldn't go further more, not alone.
"Not just for now, but for not being here since you came back. I was afraid that," she felt his eyes on her, studying her. She wondered if he could see her or not, the room was completely dark and she could barely see where he was sit.
"I was afraid that you-"the words didn't come out. Apparently her wall had left a few bricks on the way. But now was not about her. "The important thing is, you can't be afraid your whole life, you gotta fight for yourself. You taught me that." Kate bent to retrieve the lighter under the bed, luckily he hadn't gone too far away.
"I know how comfortable the dark can be, how reassuring it is." She opened his palm and gave it to him "But pain, anger and frustration, all these bad things, you deserve better. I know that because you are here with me right now. You can see the fire or you can see beyond it but know that your daughter, Martha," Kate paused her heart was pounding faster and faster at every words she said "Me and our kids, we'll be here. Every step of the way." She made a fist of his hand and held the candle in front of him.
"We'll give you a hand."
None of them moved for a good minute. She feared she hadn't succeeded, that she had taken too much time to help him. And as she began to do so, he moved and tried to lit up the candle. He tried a second time but still nothing.
"Try again, I haven't used this for years." as soon as the words left her mouth the fire appeared. He almost dropped the lighter again but didn't. She was staring at his hands, now visible thanks to the light. He moved them towards the candle, which lit up at the contact of the flame. Kate felt intense pride, not only was she proud of herself for finally realizing what was wrong (with a lot of help) but mostly of him for taking this scary step. When she looked up to him he couldn't look away from the candle. A giant smile began to spread across his face, much similar to Lona's one. The smile was contagious.
After a few seconds, he took the candle in his hand and stood up. Kate followed him as he walked to the living room, looking around him as if the little candle could make him see the whole big room.
He suddenly stopped, not far away from the stairs and picked up something. He handed her the fork she had let down earlier on her way to his room. His eyes left the candle and locked with hers. His smile was still there, a different smile but just as big.
"Thank you." Lost in his blue eyes she thought her mind had imagined his voice, until he kept going "For being there. For saving me."
She broke down and hugged him, her tears were of relief that here were hope to find.
He put his arms tighter against her and blew the candle. He had found a much bigger one next to him.
Author's Note: I apologize from the bottom of my heart for this four months hiatus. I was absolutely blocked for a month and then uni happened. To apologize, this chapter is 1k longer.
I have 2 weeks of exams coming up so I don't know how fast I will be able to upload again. Hopefully not four months because I really love this story and it was hard being away from it.
I also went back and corrected a few typos me and my beta had missed in the previous chapters.
If you are on a computer, you might have noticed that I changed the story cover (I tried to make that castle style cover book, a lot of tears happened trying to do this, and not only because I'm not good at photoshop).
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm looking forward to your reviews or questions if any, they motivate and inspire me a lot.
I hope you are enjoying the holidays and for those who celebrate: Merry Christmas!