PLease read notes at the end...
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
~MDE~
Chapter
"So, Bella, how much longer until Edward comes?" Alice says as we sit in the front lawn enjoying a tall drink and stalking the mail. I've been hoping to get one last letter before he comes home.
"Three days. I can't believe that in three days I get to meet him in person."
"So what are your plans?"
"We are going to dinner for my birthday, and we will all get together over the weekend to celebrate. I can't believe it, Alice. I can't believe that in three days I get to see him, talk to him, and touch him. What if there isn't a physical connection?"
"Bella, calm down, of course there will be."
"But what if there isn't. I think I may be in love with him, and I don't want anything to go wrong."
I look out over the yard and begin to picture what it will be like with him here. I think of what it could be if this were it.
"Bella, honey, come on and join us." I look up from my book and smile as I see Edward and our son playing in the small swimming pool we bought today. I can't get over the fact at how much Mason looks like his dad. I still look at him and feel my insides tingle. I stand up and rub my expanding belly as I walk to join my family.
"Bella…hello…Bella."
I snap out of my daydream to notice her trying to get my attention. "I'm sorry. What were you saying?"
"Where were you just now?"
"I was just daydreaming."
"It must have been great with the smile that you had on your face." I can feel my face begin to change color as I realize just how hard I'm falling. We just get ready to start talking again when I notice the mailman. Lately, I have been stalking him for a different reason. Edward informed me that there is a gift coming, and I am so excited to get it. It will be hard not to open it, but I really want him with me. I smile as I get closer and see him holding a package in his hand. I sign for the box, take the mail that accompanies it, and walk back to join Alice. I start sifting through the envelopes and notice there is a letter from Edward. I smile as I look at the crisp white paper.
"Go ahead and open it. I will go ahead and make a new pitcher of drinks."
I thank her as I slide my finger under the flap trying not to get a paper cut in my haste to read his words. I pull out the folded paper and begin to read. My smile soon begins to fade. My chest tightens; the air gets caught in my lungs; refusing to move either in or out, and my hands stiffen and grip the paper like it's my life line. There is a pounding in my chest where my heart once beat gently. Only now, there is a pounding so loud that I no longer hear the sounds of late summer. Water begins to fall on the paper, and I know I should get out of the rain, but my body is frozen. Soon, I realize it's not rain, but tears. I can't move, can't breathe, and I can't think. I can hear someone calling my name in the distance, but I can't tear my eyes away from the words that are written; the words that he wrote. I feel someone touch me; try to take the paper form my hands. I grip it harder. They can't take this from me.
I have no idea how much time has passed but there are more voices now. My body violently shakes, and I'm not sure if it's from the sobs that are ripping though my body, or the hands that are touching me, trying to get my attention.
More time has passed, but I have no way of knowing. I'm no longer outside in the warm sunshine. No, I'm lying in my bed with no recognition of getting here. The paper that holds the words is still embedded in my hands. I think they have given up trying to take it from me. It's a good thing; no one will ever take this from me. My body becomes weak, tired, and when I can no longer fight it; I fall into a restless sleep.
Date: 9/1/2011
My dearest Bella,
I had hoped you would never get this letter, but because you are reading this, it means that things have gone wrong. In just a few short days, I should be in your arms, but you now know that won't happen, and I can't begin to tell you how much that hurts. I will not be coming home for your birthday. There was a mission that came up, and I have to leave now. I never wanted you to read this. I don't have access to a computer right now, so I'm writing you this by hand; besides, these are not words someone can say in an email any way.
I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry that I will not be there for you. I hope to God you never have to read this, but I can't go on this mission without making sure you know how I feel. You have to know that every word I said to you was the truth. I never knew I was looking for you until I read your first letter. I knew you were special even then. There was something that drew me in, and I was compelled to write you back.
Bella, you gave me hope, something to smile at, and someone to look after me. I wish I had the chance to tell you this before, but I love you. I know that it may sound crazy, and too soon, but I do. I have never been in love, and I often wondered if I would know it if I found it. I know it, love. I've known it for a while, but I didn't want the first time you heard those words to be on paper, or email. I needed you to hear them while I was standing in front of you. I needed you to be in my arms, so I could finally kiss you, and tell you just how much I love you. I'm so sorry you had to hear these words this way, but you have to know, I could never let you go on not knowing.
I have other letters like this. One to my parents, and my brother, but this one…God, this is so hard to write. I don't know how to tell you goodbye. I don't want to. I don't know how to tell you that it will be OK. Bella, I'm sorry. I love you so much, and I can't be there when you will need me the most. I hope you are not alone when you read this. You will need the support of your friends.
There is so much I need to say, but don't know how. I never expected to find someone like you; no, I always wanted it, but never really thought I would find it. Why does this have to happen now? I just found you, and now I have to leave you. It is not by choice, but that doesn't make it better. I'm supposed to be with you forever. We are supposed to have it all, and now, you will never feel my love for you. I hate that you are hurting so much right now.
I will never get to touch you, hold you, and love you. I will never get to kiss your lips, or taste you. I will never get to hear you tell me you love me, or be there to have make-up sex after our first fight. I will never get to see you walk to me on our wedding day; and I wanted that more than anything. I often pictured it at night. I could see you smile at me as you slowly walked my way. I could see how elegant you'd look in your dress. I will never see you get frustrated when you can no longer see your feet, because our baby is that close to being born. Bella, I never told you because I didn't want to scare you, but you need to know it all. I need you to know how much I wanted with you. Baby, I swear I'm not telling you this to make it harder than it already is, but I need to know you knew it all.
I hate that I will miss out on so much; that we will miss out on so much, but what I hate more is that you will get it from someone else. You have to move on, love. I know that you will one day find someone that you can love, and who can give you all these things. If it's not too much to ask, please just don't forget about me. I love you, so much.
I can't seem to end this. I don't want to say goodbye. Please just know how much I love you. Keep that with you forever, and never, ever forget what you mean to me.
I love you,
Edward.
A/N
I am going to go run and hide. I am so sorry for the cliffy, but it needed to be done. I want to clear something up, this is not him breaking up with her, this is the letter that would only be delivered upon his death. I have the next few chapters written and will post the next one within a few days. Please stay with me and know that everything is not as it seems.
I am going to go run and hide. I am so sorry for the cliffy, but it needed to be done. I have the next few chapters written and will post the next one within a few days. Please stay with me and know that everything is not as it seems.