Chapter 5 ~ Desire
"How do you feel about webcams?"
The silence from the other end of the line was deafening, and I instantly regretted the words the moment they formed.
Good one, Edward. Scare her away even more, why don't you?
"Bella, I'm sorry, forget I ever-"
"No, don't," she interrupted me, finally breaking her silence, but her voice and breath were shaky. "I'm just... um..."
"Look," I started, tossing my cigarette to the ground and stamping it out with my foot. "I have to get back in. I'll try to give you a call or something in the morning."
"Edward-" she began with a heavy sigh, but I cut her off.
"Sleep well, Bella," I said, ending the call and shoving it back in my pocket as I headed back inside.
Truthfully, I had no idea what came over me to ask such a question. Just a few days prior, I hadn't even wanted to so much as see a picture of her, fearful it would disrupt the intensity of the draw I felt.
Yet, the past few nights at the hospital had been overwhelming. There were so many instances in that time that I had such a strong urge to at least text her; hadn't I been the one to ask for her number, after all? But every time I would try, I'd get paged or fall asleep for the few minutes I could catch.
And when I received her text that night as I was getting ready to return to the floor, I felt a tugging at the pit of my stomach.
Forget me yet? ~ B
Did she honestly believe that I could so easily forget her? After sharing the most exhilarating five days of my life with her just the week before? But at the same time, I felt a sense of familiarity at that sentiment, growing more unsure myself with each passing day of how my absence would affect the connection we'd felt.
Would it dim or even disappear completely in this time?
Although she had shown herself to be reserved and somewhat shy at times, underneath it all, Bella was a very sexually charged woman. Would she find someone else to share these things with her on that site, or even worse, in person?
The idea of someone else hearing her stirred a jealousy in me I hadn't thought possible. But imagining another man actually seeing her, touching her, feeling her body against him triggered something even deeper; something far more primal and base. Almost possessive.
Perhaps that was what prompted me to start thinking about the webcam. The more I heard her voice, along with the effect it had on my body, the more I craved to see the face attached to that beautiful sound. I had always been a very visually stimulated man, needing the physical attraction to a woman for anything more to surface. Bella was the first one ever to break through that boundary, and still, I felt the draw to the physical aspect.
As I walked toward triage, my phone vibrated in my pocket and I hesitantly withdrew it, glancing down at the screen to find a new text message from Bella. Drawing a deep intake of breath, I clicked on her message and let it out slowly as I read.
Call me tomorrow if you have a chance. Or we can talk on Sunday. Goodnight. ~B
Rubbing my hand roughly over my face, I tried to dispel the anxiety her words sparked in me long enough to type a response.
Call you as soon as I get a chance. Hopefully before Sun. Goodnight. ~E
As I returned to work, I tried to remain focused on the new onslaught of patients just brought in from a multiple car accident on the highway. But between the beds varying in severity, instead of clearing my mind as I usually tried to do to regain focus, my thoughts drifted to her texts.
On the positive side, she still wanted to talk to me, and for that, I was relieved. I wouldn't be sitting there for the next three days, wondering if she would be there come Sunday.
Nevertheless, the feeling of dread over what she would have to say once we finally spoke again consumed me at the same time. She could easily tell me that she wanted to end it, that it was getting far too personal. In that instance, I would immediately retract any mention of the webcam, suggesting that we continue as we were if she was still willing.
With the weekend quickly approaching, the ER was customarily swarmed and I barely had time to even text her, let alone make the inevitable phone call. And even less time to ponder on it anymore.
Until Saturday night arrived and I finally clocked out for my two much-needed days off. Not only was I completely exhausted, but it also meant the wait was almost over to talk to Bella.
As I lay down in bed, before the fatigue could pull me under, I plugged in my nearly dead phone and dialed her, hoping at least to hear her voice for even a moment before I fell asleep.
"Hi, this is Bella! I'm not here right now, but my phone is! Leave me a message. Bye!"
"Well, you wanted to hear her voice, Cullen. You weren't specific," I grumbled to myself quickly before the beep signaling me to leave a message sounded. "Hey Bella, it's Edward. Sorry for calling so late... well, late for me anyway. And I guess you, too. Fuck."
I trailed off, rubbing my eyes with the palm of my hand in both exhaustion and frustration. Great way of displaying what an idiot you can be at times.
"Sorry, really tired. Anyway, I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight."
I ended the call and tossed the phone on my bedside table, hugging my pillow to my face and quickly falling asleep.
What felt like moments later, the buzz of my phone vibrating on the wooden surface roused me from slumber and I reached my arm out from beneath the warmth of my covers to retrieve it.
New text from Bella.
I glanced at my clock and saw the brilliant green numbers blazing back at me.
5:27 pm
Running my hand through my hair, I swung my legs out of bed and threw back the covers with a groan. I stretched slightly as I clicked on her message, forcing my eyes more widely open.
Got your message. Home from work. Buzz me when you wake up. ~B
Short, clipped reply. Shit.
Just woke up. Let me grab a quick shower and a coffee. ~E
I stood from the bed, and made my way out to the kitchen to start the coffee before heading to the shower. I needed to prepare myself for anything, and the more alert I was, the better.
As I stood under the pulsing stream, my mind began to run over every possibility that had been dormant for the past couple of days. The only thing I was certain of was that I would do anything I could in order not to lose the thing between us. But what could I say? 'Sorry, I just missed you so much, I was out of my mind?' No, that doesn't make me sound creepy at all, I thought sarcastically.
My desire to see her had not changed. I had no fear anymore of what the effect would be. She had affected me so deeply, I knew that seeing her face could only add to that, not hinder it.
I stepped out of the shower with a refreshed determination. Everything would be all right; I would make sure of it. Anything she needed to feel at ease with me again, I would gladly give her.
I grabbed my phone from my bedside table, noticing the blinking message light.
Another text from Bella.
Okay, I'll be online waiting. ~B
Sighing heavily, I walked back out to my computer and turned it on. I had been hoping to speak to her, but I resigned to allowing her to call the shots.
I logged onto the site and immediate clicked on her name to bring up the message box.
Grneyeddoc1981: hello Bella.
BellaNova: hi
I rubbed my hands over my face, preparing myself to begin typing. I needed to fix this, to bring my Bella back.
The computer rang first and I uncovered my eyes to view the screen.
BellaNova: Can we go voice? I just thought this would be better than running up our phone bills. ;)
I let out a breath I had been unconsciously holding and my shoulders relaxed. The smiley at the end of her statement and the fact that she wasn't avoiding speaking to me was reassuring. I grabbed my headset and situated them in place, finally bringing my fingers back to the keys.
Grneyeddoc1981: Of course. I'm ready when you are.
BellaNova is calling, appeared a moment later and I clicked 'accept', hearing her soft breaths against the microphone.
"Hi, Edward," she said softly and I closed my eyes, losing myself in the gentle sound of my name on her lips.
"Hello, Bella. How are you?" I asked, starting the conversation casually.
"Okay," she replied, barely above a whisper. "I've missed this."
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and I leaned further back into my chair. "I've missed this, too."
The line was silent for several moments, both of us seemingly pondering how to begin the conversation that was days in the making.
"About the other night," she started hesitantly, but didn't continue right away and I pinched my eyes closed more tightly.
"Bella, just forget what I said. It was presumptuous and out of line—"
"Will you let me speak?" she interrupted me sharply, taking me by surprise and then letting out a chuckle. Her fire was returning and I couldn't help but release a soft laugh in return. "I'm not saying that it's something that I wouldn't be interested in ... at some point. But all this seems to be moving so fast and getting more personal than I'd bargained for. And I still know so very little about you. I mean, is this ... normal?"
Hearing the reservation in her voice reignited the fear in me. This was moving too fast for her and with what purpose? We were practically on opposite sides of the country, thousands of miles apart. This wasn't an actual relationship; it was a means of tension relief without the other strains and pressures that came with one.
Regardless of the connection I felt to her.
"I don't know. I've never done anything like this, either," I replied, my eyes following my thumb as it ran distractedly along the edge of my desk. "But I'm fine with things as they are, Bella."
"I just need a little time," she said with a sigh. "What if you don't like what you see?"
She spoke so softly, I had to strain to hear her; but her words rang loudly in my head. She was afraid I wouldn't find her attractive? That her appeal to me would vanish the moment I saw her face? The stark differences in our fears were startling. Here I was, selfishly fearing the loss of anonymity just a few days prior, while her hesitations centered on her physical appeal to me.
"Baby, I doubt there is anything about you that I wouldn't like," I replied reassuringly, trying to calm her fears. "But we can take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere."
She let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a laugh. "Good. I love when you say that, by the way," she murmured softly and I furrowed my brow. I was just about to ask her to clarify when she spoke again. "When you call me 'baby'. I can't explain it, but I love it. That's something I've missed, as well."
I chuckled softly. I hadn't even realized that I'd ever said that to her before, and barely noticed when I had just then.
"Can I ask you a personal question, Edward? I completely understand if you say no," she quickly added to the end of her statement, a nervous tremble returning to her voice.
"Sure, go ahead," I answered calmly. After her comment earlier about knowing nothing about me, I felt surprisingly relaxed about telling her anything she wished to know to help her feel more at ease.
"You are single, right?" she asked in a rush.
I felt my eyebrows lift in surprise from her question, and could not hold back the laugh that broke through. "Yes, I am single, Bella."
"Why?" she asked me suddenly, shocking me into silence with her abrupt question and then cleared her throat. "I mean, I'm not complaining. Kinda glad to hear that I'm not the 'other woman' of sorts. But obviously you know how to ... take care of a woman's needs. If you are this good at it, just with what we've done. You're intelligent, you're successful ... I guess I'm just having difficulty understanding why you would choose to come here rather than something more real."
I sighed heavily, hearing the same questions I'd been asked numerous times before. "Everything comes with a price, Bella. And my profession seems to be too high of one to pay for most women. As you've seen this past week, I'm not always the most available man in the world and can't really put the attention required into a relationship."
"That sounds pretty selfish," she replied in an annoyed tone and then suddenly gasped. "Them, not you. Oh god ... sorry."
"It's fine, Bella," I chuckled and shook my head. "Would you mind if I asked you the same question?"
"If I'm single or why?" she asked, her voice dropping again.
"Both," I responded, shrugging my shoulders.
"Yes, I'm single. And why," she said and gave an annoyed groan. "I'm surrounded by college guys. Rowdy college guys. Does that answer your question? Besides, I guess I don't have the time or energy to put into a relationship, either, and still keep up my grades."
"Well, aren't we a pair?" I replied, taking a sip off my long forgotten coffee.
"I can't say I'm sorry, though," she said in a low voice and I slowly swallowed the liquid in my mouth. "I've never experienced anything like this, Edward. The things you do to me ... no one has ever done. I've never been this insatiable before."
"Neither have I," I sighed, the lustful tone of her voice radiating through me and my erection began straining against the front of my jeans.
"Edward, I know we were having a conversation and all, but do you think we could ..."
"Could what?" I was almost certain of what she was trying to say, but I was determined never to be so presumptuous again. Aside from that, I wanted to hear her say it. I needed to hear her say it.
She sighed exasperatedly, followed by a soft growl that was so damn erotic, I bit back my own groan as my cock hardened. "It's been a week. I need you."
My eyes widened and I swallowed hard at her boldness. While I was almost expecting her to hint at something like this from the sound of her voice moments before, I still gasped slightly at the bluntness of her statement. Never in the past few days had I even allowed myself to entertain the idea of her ever initiating anything like that between us so soon.
"Close your eyes, baby," I replied huskily, unbuttoning my pants to release the pressure against my throbbing erection. "Are they closed?"
"Yes," she whispered back.
"If I was there with you right now, able to do anything at all. What would you have me do?" I asked her in a calm, deep voice, hearing a shiver in her breath.
"Kiss me." Her reply caught me off guard, but her soft tone was so enticing, I closed my eyes to envision it myself. "With your hands in my hair."
"So soft," I said in a low hiss, my hand resting over my boxers and slowly rubbing my palm along my length. "Your hair. Your lips. You feel so good."
"I want you so badly. Touch me," she spoke breathily, her arousal evident.
"Take off your shirt," I replied, envisioning in my mind's eye her full breasts coming into my view.
"I'm not wearing one," she said with a sultry growl.
"Oh fuck," I breathed out heavily, her words sending a pleasurable ache straight to my cock and my hand gripped it through the fabric.
"Just a robe tonight."
"Take it off."
I could hear her movements and the rustling of her robe dropping from her body. "Gone. Now it's your turn. Start with your shirt."
"I'm not wearing one," I replied with a small smirk, now grateful I had been in too much of a rush to get to her to bother with one.
"Pants?" she whimpered and I hummed in affirmation. "Well, since I am completely naked, I think it's only fair that you should be."
I stood to push my clothing down over my hips, kicking them aside when they hit the floor and settled back into the chair. "Are your eyes still closed, Bella?"
"Yes." She spoke in whispers again, and my fingers wrapped around my length. "I want to taste you."
"God, Bella," I moaned, my hand beginning its movements and my head fell back.
"Do you feel me, Edward?" she almost purred in my ear and it was the most sensual sound I'd ever heard. I felt the tightening in my gut and my breaths were beginning to come out in pants.
"Fuck, baby. Yes," I hissed, closing my eyes and once again envisioning her full lips surrounding my cock, her warm mouth engulfing me.
"Mmm, so hard. I want you inside me... fucking me," she growled, the intense arousal in her voice unmistakable as she whispered under her breath 'I wish I could see it', taking me by surprise. I knew I was definitely not supposed to hear that; that she was losing herself in the moment. Yet, the affirmation that the thought did indeed cross her mind at times awoke the animalistic desire in me to touch her, to allow her to touch me and lose myself in her. The lack of physical contact was both frustrating me and fueling my desire for her. "Take me, Edward."
"How do you want me?" I whispered, my voice raspy and my hand slowing its motions along my length. "What's your favorite position?"
"From behind, deep inside me with your hands gripping my hips," she panted heavily with soft moans interspersed throughout.
Damn, this woman is too good to be true, I thought, yet all I could manage to vocalize was a deep groan.
"Like that?" she teased, her amusement at my reaction obvious in her tone but then she moaned and let out a sigh. "Fuck me, Edward. I need you so bad."
My cock throbbed against my palm at her words and I gripped myself more firmly. I could feel my release building quickly after the week away from it all, away from her; obviously, my fears were unfounded. We still felt the need, still had the same effect on each other despite—or perhaps, even because of—my absence. Even if I couldn't see her, I could hear the desire in her voice.
"Bella ... shit ... feels so good, so tight," I groaned roughly, visions appearing behind my lids of her long brown hair cascading down her back in front of me, her body jostling with the force of my thrusts. My heart was pounding in my chest and my muscles were tightening.
"God, Edward. Harder ... please," she whimpered and the desperation in her tone indicated that she was getting just as close as I was. "Just a little more."
"I want to hold on to your hips and watch my cock slide in and out of you. Can you imagine what that would look like?"
"Oh, god."
"Let it go, baby. I need to feel you come around me," I panted in a husky voice.
"Fuck, Edward," she cried out, followed by a low shaky moan laced with profanities as she came. The erogenous tenor of her voice combined with the illusion in my mind of her back arching, her lips parting, her clenching tightly around my cock, sent me into yet another intense orgasm.
I groaned in shuddering breaths as I released, feeling the days of pent up frustration dissipating and my body relaxing more into my seat. As it ebbed, I gripped the arms of my chair while I caught my breath, my eyes remaining closed as I reached into the drawer for one of the towels I had stowed there the previous Saturday night.
"God, I needed that," she panted heavily and I gave a soft chuckle in response, agreeing with her completely. It felt amazing to have the tension between us broken, but then, the silence resumed. Just as I was contemplating ways in which I could break it, to hear that voice again, she did so first. "So, were you born in Chicago?"
The simplicity of her question initially took me off guard, until she began asking more and I realized what she was actually doing. That knowledge in itself was shocking as well.
She was getting more personal.
It continued that way for the next two weeks and Thanksgiving was quickly approaching. Again, I would be away from her, this time on her terms, as she was going home to Washington for the holiday. And that thought alone made her feel just that much further away.
Fortunately for my sanity, holiday weekends left little time for idle thought, and in the short time that she was away, I had little time to miss her presence. That was, until the evenings rolled around and I attempted to eat while in full view of the computer. Or even worse, lying in bed at night.
The details she had given me when I requested them over the past few weeks had done nothing to quell my desire for her. Aside from her brown hair, she also divulged that she was petite, having always hated her small stature of 5'4". And her eyes ... her hazel-green eyes that turned almost emerald in color when she was aroused, had become the forefront of all my fantasies while talking to her, and even more so when I was lying alone in the dark.
As I was the night my phone began to buzz beside me, the red flashing light of a message catching my attention through the darkness. I reached over to grab it from beside my clock and a small smile appeared on my lips for the first time in days. Bella.
In case you didn't know, Forks is REALLY boring. Can't wait to get home tomorrow. Have a surprise for you. But this should give you a hint. ~B
I furrowed my brow as the message light began to flash again and my phone vibrated in my grasp. I clicked back to the message list to find a new text ... with an image attached.
I sat up in bed, curiously opening the message and my breath caught in my throat as the view of a bare breast filled my screen. It was soft and perfect, a delicate slope and pink nipple. I brushed my finger across the screen as I imagined what it would feel like in my hand, if it would fit as perfectly in my palm as I imagined. The curve of her waist was visible, creamy skin and toned muscle; I was breathless and hard in that instant.
Falling back onto the bed, I ran my hand through my hair with a moan, unable to take my eyes off the screen. Even without seeing her face, I couldn't imagine how she could possibly think I would find her unappealing? Her skin was flawless, even in the hazy picture from her phone.
God Bella. I am so hard right now. ~E
Prove it. ;) ~B
I smirked and licked my lips, tossing the covers aside and pushing my boxers down. With one hand resting on the base of my cock, I aimed my phone at it, the bright flash illuminating the room as I captured the image. Sending it to her, I waited for her to respond and my phone was dormant for several minutes before it finally buzzed beside me.
Holy. Shit. God it's so ... pretty. ~B
I chuckled in amusement at her response, unsure of how to respond to that.
Wow, never heard THAT before. ~E
Never in my life had I heard a woman call my cock 'pretty'. Again, indicating that Bella was not just any woman. She was unique, special.
You have amazing hands too, btw. The things those fingers could do as well. ~B
As much as I had been determined to go one night without seeking release, there was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep with the effect she was having on me with her words, that picture.
And would... ;P ~E
What time are you getting off work tomorrow? ~B
Day off ~E
Be waiting for me at 3. Goodnight. ~B
I'll be here. Goodnight. ~E
Setting my phone down, I rolled out of bed, indulging myself in yet another shower before turning in for the night. Returning to my room several minutes later calm and relaxed, I rested my head back against the pillow with anxious anticipation of what the following afternoon would bring.
x-x-x
3:00
All day, I had been waiting for that moment to arrive, and seated in front of the computer with my phone in hand, I prepared myself for her arrival. I watched the minutes pass more slowly than the one before until her name popped up on my screen and almost instantly, the message that she was calling appeared. I grabbed my headset quickly and accepted the call.
"Hey, baby," I said, smiling as I consciously uttered the endearment and heard her laugh softly in response.
"Hey. So, are you ready for your surprise?" she replied with a trace of mischief to her tone.
"If that picture was a 'hint', you definitely have my curiosity piqued," I replied, shifting in my seat slightly at just the thought of the image I had been glancing at periodically throughout the day.
"Close your eyes, Edward," she whispered in a deep, sultry voice, laden with arousal and I swallowed hard in anticipation, finally surrendering to her request. "Are they closed?"
"Yes," I replied, letting out a slow breath.
I heard the groan of what sounded like a mattress and the rustling of fabric, the distinct sound of her fingers clicking the mouse buttons, and then, complete silence. Drawing in a slow breath, she finally spoke again. "Okay, open them."
Slowly lifting my lids, the image on my screen immediately caught my gaze; a singular, dainty foot in a high-heeled, open toe shoe at the end of a bare, bent leg.
Goddamn! I thought, envisioning that leg wrapped around me, that heel digging into my ass as I took her against the wall.
Slowly, the image shifted to a long, smooth thigh leading up to a petite, yet beautifully curved pair of hips, with the hint of black lace appearing on the screen.
Oh, fuck me!
I rubbed my hand along my unshaven jaw, rocking back in my chair. I could feel my cock throbbing painfully in my—thankfully loose—pants and I let out an involuntary groan.
"Should I stop?" she teased, the picture on my screen remaining stationary just below her waist, showcasing the planes of her flat abdomen hidden beneath yet even more thin black lace.
She was wearing lingerie. Holy shit!
"No. God, no. Please," I groaned, my hand moving on its own accord inside my pants, stroking myself slowly as the camera began to pan up her body again. The curves of her breasts filled my screen, her silky, brown hair draping over her shoulder and running down her arm, and I bit my lip at the sight. The perfect shape of them, firmly resting in the corset top she wore. My breaths began heaving slightly as she inched more slowly toward her shoulders and collarbone. "Fuck, Bella. Please."
"Fair is fair, Edward," she whispered and I watched as her fingertips ghosted lightly over the swells of the tops of her breasts.
"You're a tease," I growled, sighing heavily and causing her to laugh as I adjusted the webcam on my desk. I leaned back in the chair, my cursor lingering over the button that would effectively end the mystery... at least, for one of us.
"You're one to talk. This was your idea," she pointed out and I groaned in defeat; she was absolutely right. And she had already given me more than I had expected, initiated the whole thing. Even sent me the picture the night before, putting herself out there on a limb.
"Okay, here goes," I replied, clicking the button and watching the drastic rise of her chest as the image appeared on her screen. Her hand curled around her breast, squeezing it gently as she let out a soft moan. Well, that's a good sign. "Your turn, baby."
The curve of her chin moved in and out of the frame as she nodded and I heard her take in a slow breath. Gradually, her pouty red lips appeared, fuller than I had ever imagined. As her tongue swept out to moisten them, I ran my hand through my hair, trying to restrain my groan until the image began moving again. Her perfectly shaped nose appeared, and I began to give up the notion that there was any part of this woman that would not be breathtaking.
The moment her lashes appeared in the frame, I swallowed hard, knowing that a woman's eyes were always what sealed the allure of her to me. They remained closed for a moment while I took in her face; she was absolutely beautiful. Her cheeks flushed and her lips parted slightly, the lines of her jaw soft and smooth, her head resting back against a huge white pillow.
"Open your eyes, Bella," I murmured softly.
Taking a deep breath, her lids parted, revealing a stunning pair of almost emerald green eyes.
"Hello, gorgeous," she smiled timidly as she spoke, but I could not respond.
I was lost.