So there is a lemon in this chapter. If you would like it can send me a review requesting it and I will send it to you. You can also find the full story here
archiveofourown(DOT)org/works/426357 and over at TWCS. I own nothing Twilight...
~MDE~
Chapter 24
Once the tears stop and I'm able to calm down, I take a moment to just look at him. I pull back just the tiniest amount. In all honesty, Edward would not let me go enough to pull back much at all. Not that I can blame him.
"Baby, I really am sorry. I think I know how this happened, and it was a simple mistake."
"A simple mistake; how could this be a simple mistake, Edward? Does it even matter?" I ask harshly. I don't mean to, but there are so many emotions.
"Baby, I didn't mean it like that, and of course it matters."
"I'm sorry. It's just that I spent so long thinking you were dead, and now there is one simple reason to it. Do you know how hard I tried to get answers? I searched for weeks for your parents. I know we talked about giving your mom my email, but if you did, she never reached out to me. I tried so hard but was unable to locate them. I even emailed Jasper but got no response. I thought he must have passed with you. Do you know how hard it was not having answers? It would have been so much easier if I had known the truth, how you died, or even where you were buried so I could see you. Talk to you. I could have had a chance to say goodbye, but no, there was no closure. No place to grieve. I had to do it alone. Sure the girls were here, but it wasn't the same. I had nothing to go on, and that hurt more."
"I'm so sorry, love. You are right; I never got a chance to send her your email. I had every intention to in my next letter, but when we got called away, I wrote a quick one. Just enough to let them know I would not be in contact for a while, and to be honest, sending your email was that last thing on my mind. I was more worried about getting your letter out. I needed you to know more than anything what was going on. Now I wish I would have. I know my mom would have contacted you, and this could all have been cleared up. God, what I have I done?"
"I don't want to fight and argue. I'm overjoyed that you are here, but my emotions are on a roller-coaster right now. You don't know what it was like, and I hope to God you never do. There is so much to process, and part of me wants someone to blame, someone to answer all my questions, and the other part just wants to pull you close and never let you go. I don't know what to do."
"It's okay. I can't say I understand what you went through and are going through, because I have never been in your position, but I want to answer all that I can. If you need to yell and scream, do it. I'm not going anywhere, and I will be whatever you need me to be. Just don't shut me out; let me tell you what happened that day. Let me try to fit the pieces of the puzzle together and help you heal. Help us heal. It is killing me seeing you like this, knowing that I could have prevented it."
I'm not going to fight him any longer. I rest my head on his chest, and he pulls me even closer. I feel him lean in and kiss my head before he begins to tell me more.
"As I said, I have these letters for a few others. I never wanted them to get them by mistake. The envelopes that I used for the letters to my family are different than the ones I use for day to day letters"
He lets go of me with one hand long enough to get his bag. He reaches in and pulls out a small handful of letters, and then moves me so my back is to his chest. This way he can still hold me to him, and show me the letters.
"See, these ones are all done in blue and they are square. I got the idea from someone who had this same thing happen. The letter went to his mom, and you can guess how that went. The problem was I didn't have a chance to get more of these envelopes. Everything happened so fast that I just wrote it. I needed to have it just in case. I was packing when they came in to get the mail. I told them to grab the white one on the bed, not thinking that there were two. The correct one was under my bag, so they didn't see it. I didn't think anything of it. I put it in my bag and headed out. I'm so sorry you went through this. I can't even imagine what you went through."
Once Edward places the letters back in his bag, I turn and sit in his lap. His arms take residence around my waist, and my hands go to his face. I need to touch him, to feel him in front of me. Honestly, I'm still waiting to wake up and have him gone. I don't think I could survive him not being here.
"I know this was not your fault, and I hate that I spent so many months in so much pain, but you're here, and that's all that matters."
"I don't know if I can ever tell you how sorry I am. I never want you to feel that pain again."
He is cut off by the phone, and it's only then I realize I am supposed to be with the girls now. "As much as I don't want to get that, I need to. I am supposed to be with the girls right now."
"Is it too shelfish of me to say I don't want you to go?"
"I'm not going. I can't. Let me just tell them something came up, and then we can talk."
Once I am on my feet, I notice so too is Edward. I smile when I see he needs to be near me as much as I need him near me. His hands never leave my body as we walk to the phone.
"Hello," I say into the receiver.
"Bella! Come on girl, it's Christmas. Where the hell are you?"
"Umm, merry Christmas, Alice."
"Oh no you don't. I know you are hurting, and honey I know this, but you need to come be with family. We will have so much fun."
"Alice, I need you to listen…" I can feel his arms wrap me tighter, giving me the strength I need. "I promise you I'm okay. Something came up, and I need to be home today. I know it's Christmas, and I promise you I will tell you everything tomorrow. I just need today."
"Bella, are you sure you are okay. We can come there if you need us. You know we love you."
"I'm okay. To be honest, this could not have been a better Christmas. How about this…you and Rose come over for dinner tomorrow night. You will both know everything then."
"If you are sure…"
"I'm sure. I will see you tomorrow. I love you, Alice, and I promise you I am okay."
As I hang up the phone, Edward picks me up and carries me to the couch. He sits and pulls me close.
"I don't think I could ever let you go," he says as he kisses my head again.
"I don't want you to. I spent the last few months wondering what my life…our life could have been like. I spent so much time thinking of everything I lost, what we lost, but now you are here. I don't want to let go."
He leans back and looks at me closely. I can see a hint of brightness in his eyes. "Bella, in the letter you were supposed to get I said there were some things I needed to tell you. I would like to tell you now."
"Okay."
"When I got my last set of orders, I realized just how much you meant to me. I knew I cared for you. It was then I realized just how much. I love you, Bella. I never thought I would find anything like this, but I did. I love you more than you will ever know, and I can't begin to tell you how much it hurts knowing what you went through."
I knew he loved me. I read it in his letter, but to hear the words come from his lips was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. "I love you too. The day I got your letter, Alice and I were sitting outside talking. I was telling her how much I cared for you. Just before I got the letter, I was kind of daydreaming about us."
"Really, What about," he asks with a chuckle.
"I saw you playing with our child while I was carrying our second."
"Is it wrong that I have dreamt of that as well? There were so many nights, I lay awake dreaming of what this could become. I hate that I hurt you so much. I can't even begin to tell you how much this is tearing me up inside. I planned to come home and surprise you on Christmas, but this was not the surprise I wanted."
"Well, this was certainly a surprise, but Edward, I could not have asked for anything better on Christmas. This is the best gift I could ever receive. Maybe this could work to our advantage."
Edward's face crinkles beautiful as he thinks over my words. "How do you mean?"
"Think of it this way. We fell in love under less than normal circumstances. We both spent our time thinking of what this could turn into. We spent time getting to know each other, and I think getting to know ourselves a bit more as well. I spent the last few months grieving a love I had never expected. It put my life into perspective. I know what I wanted from this. When I thought I had lost you, all the feelings I were so confused about became so incredibly clear. I knew I loved you more than anything in this world. I knew that I wanted nothing more than my daydreams to come true. I want my life with you. I'm sorry if this is too much too soon, but I spent so many nights wishing I had the chance to tell you what I felt."
"Baby, it's not too much. Tell me everything. Please, I need to know it all."
I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes. I will not hide anything from him, and he needs to know what I am going to say is true.
"I want forever with you. I want to fall in love even deeper. Spend all my days with you and every night wrapped safely in your arms. I want to marry you someday, and watch you cry as we have our first baby. I want all of my dreams to be shared by you. I don't ever want to be apart from you. I don't think I could survive losing you again. I love you, Edward Cullen, and no matter what you say, I always will. There will never be another man in my life."
The room is met with silence. He reaches up and slowly wipes the tears from my face. His arms are still holding me close, and our eyes are still locked. When he doesn't respond, I'm scared that I went too far. That maybe it's too much for him, and he doesn't want the same things. All doubts are pushed from my mind as his lips are now on mine. It only takes a fraction of a second before my lips begin to move against his. No matter how many times I dreamed of this, it's nothing like this moment.
His hands tighten against my lower back as he pulls me closer. His lips are soft as rose petals, but firm. The kiss starts off slow with mouths closed, but soon I feel him trace my bottom lip with his tongue. Without a second thought, I open my mouth to him and moan as his tongue skillfully meets mine. For the moment, all thoughts and memories of the pain over the last few months are gone. It's only Edward and I. My hands reach to his neck, and I run my fingers though the hair at the nape of his neck. One of his hands mimics mine and effortlessly floats between my neck and face as he kisses me.
This is more than I ever imagined I would get with him, and as our tongues meet and dance, I realize I need more. I need to know this is truly real, and not the most wonderful dream I could ever have. I know we are just meeting in person for the first-time today, but there is so much love and so many emotions that this amazing kiss is not enough. Only when we are forced to separate for the much-needed air do I take my chance.
"I love you, Edward. Please, take me to bed." Instantly, his lips are once again to mine, and he is picking me up.
"Show me the way, love. Whatever you want and need is yours; just show me the way." He kisses my neck as I give him directions to my bedroom so that we can show each other just how much we need and love the other.
When we have both come down fom the love we just gave each other, he hold me in his arms tightly.
"Bella, I love you more than there are words to say. I know I can never say this enough, but I'm sorry. I know I can't take the pain back, but I promise to spend the rest of my life never making you feel that pain again. I want to love you forever and know you love me too. I know this may be crazy and soon, but I need you…forever. To be honest, forever will never be enough. I can't risk losing you, or you losing me. Marry me, Isabella Swan. You can tell me this is too soon, and that I'm crazy, but please tell me you will love me forever, and that you will be my wife."