"What is Ishq love?" Hinamori asked me the next day. We were sitting in the courtyard, with our backs to the other patients in the asylum. Kira could not join us, as he had another medicine change that did not help him. This called for him to go see Dr. Unohana, to see if another adjustment could be made.
"It means romantic love" Soi Fon replied curtly. Soi had spent 2 years that asylum for obsessive behavior with objects and people; her favorite obsession was a black cat called Shihoin. The cat had been named after her old therapist who moved away with a man called Urahara, the previous year. Yoruichi Shihoin had been a resident therapist, who Soi greatly admired and wanted to please. However, after an unknown mishap, Yoruichi left with Urahara, and had not been seen since then. This left Soi more lost than before, and her only solace was a black cat, which Yoruichi also loved.
"Ever been in Ishq?" Hinamori asked, looking wistfully across the yard, probably thinking of Aizen.
"Yoruichi" Soi said, and with that, she stood up and walked away. Shihoin followed her, and together Hinamori and I stared across the courtyard. There was nothing out of the ordinary, until Byakuya appeared, following the large group of therapists that worked at the asylum.
Kyoraku, a flamboyant, flowery kimono clad man with his intern-turned-assistant Nanao, greeted people as he passed by. Following him was Mayuri Kurotsuchi, the residential mad scientist and his daughter/assistant, Nemu. It was no secret that he was the one who performed the lobotomies. Everyone knew that you could throw tantrums, but never could anyone do anything big enough to receive a lobotomy. It was the greatest fear of any patient. Following the shrinks were the head asylum staff, composed of Kiyone, Sentaro and Hisagi. Hisagi was the most popular; famous for his "69" tattoo, that everyone took the duty of mocking.
They all seemed disturbed slightly, each with stern faces. Ukitake soon followed them and they stood in a line, with the patients waiting impatiently for the news. Ukitake spoke first…
"Good afternoon patients. We recall what happened last month when Aizen betrayed us all; manipulating many of the patients here, including Gin and Tousen, to do his bidding. It had been discovered that Aizen had stolen large amounts of money from the asylum, as well as perform unauthorized lobotomies, without Dr. Mayuri's consent. Because of this we ask for you all to be careful, because we do not know how safe we all are from him. Security will be heightened for the safety of us all. I do not want to scare you; if any of you need to talk, please contact your therapist. Thank you"
Together, the shrinks turned away, and commotion began among the patients. I turned to Hinamori, who was crying silently.
"Hitsugaya had told me that Aizen was bad, he just never had any proof of it. I loved Aizen, Renji, I did, and now…" she wept silently, and then suddenly collapsed on the ground. I reached for her, and she scratched at my face, digging her nails into my skin.
"No!" she screamed and ran away, with Hisagi taking notice. He moved swiftly and caught her before she could get far, she fought back, but he received back up from Kiyone, who got her under control.
"Her dependent personality disorder, it will kill her" I heard Kira say, finally appearing. I felt blood droplets form across my nose; I wiped them away, feeling the unpleasant sting of the cuts. Kira offered a tissue, which I gratefully accepted. We sat in silence, until it began to rain again. In irritation, we walked away and with a chime from the clock in the hall, I realized it was time to meet with Byakuya.
Rukia was in the room when I appeared. She stood, agitated, by the window. When she saw me, she softened a bit, but not for long.
"Rukia, we are never getting back home, you need to learn that now or you never will" Byakuya said coldly. This irritated Rukia.
"Shut up nii-sama! You just don't want to go back, because home reminds you of Hisana!" Rukia spat.
Byakuya stood and slapped Rukia across her face. She cried out, and held her cheek sadly.
"You think surrounding yourself with people crazier than you are is going to help you? Good luck, you bastard" Rukia said, and with that she ran past me and out into the hall. I yelled after her, but was stopped by Byakuya.
He looked disturbed by his actions; setting aside his glasses as a warrior would the sword he just used to kill his best friend.
"Should I come some other time?" I asked, already backing away. Byakuya took a while to reply and finally he said, "No, no, sit. It's my job to take care of you" he said. As tender as that should have been, it sounded more like he was irritated at the prospect.
I sat at the chaise longue and stared at the older man. He looked exhausted and absolutely out of it. He finally looked up and stared directly at me, his grey eyes so completely shattered, and yet embarrassed.
"I regret that you saw that, especially seeing as I am supposed to be the normal one" he laughed ruefully. I frowned at him and said,
"Maybe if you weren't such a bitch, this wouldn't have had to happen" I retorted harshly. He stared at me blankly, shocked by what I had said. After a quick thought, his face twisted into a violent grimace and he snarled, "Get the fuck out of my office!"
With that, I left but not before saying, "You must fail at everything, ey?"
Angrily, I trudged around the asylum for a good two hours, cursing that raven haired man under my breath. How could I have ever thought that he was beautiful? His personality was distasteful enough to make me vomit. His icy eyes, his obsidian hair, his muscular frame, his scarf, his cold demeanor; all of it, was simply hideous!
I finally found myself by the lake, and took a seat on the damp ground, too angry to care about grass stains. Through my frustration I was able to hear low grumblings and sobs so painful, I felt the pain go through my body. I stood up and followed the haunting music of despair.
Behind a large oak, hunched over a small, traditional Japanese alter, was Kuchiki Byakuya, and completely devastated. He was on his knees, completely destroying his suit; his hair was out of its usual neat place away from his face, and no covering it like a silky mask. Black, like a mourner's veil. The sobs caused his body to tremble, and shake, his voice broken and hoarse.
I felt uncomfortable, intruding at such an intimate moment, violating him. Seeing him so weak, felt so disrespectful towards him. He was so proud; could I truly degrade him with my presence?
I coughed slightly, and quickly his head shot up to look at me. His eyes were red and swollen, his lips slightly parted, mid-sob. He tried to speak, but no sound escaped his lips. He looked so pained and broken, causing my legs to make an involuntary movement towards him.
"Kuchiki" I said, kneeling beside him. I read the altar, and recognized the name; Hisana, his deceased wife.
"Please, don't be here when I am like this" he said flatly, but I could tell he didn't mean it.
"Please, tell your pride to fuck off, and accept my comfort" I said smoothly, "and don't give me the bullshit that I am a patient therefore I cannot help you. I don't give a shit; I'm not insane, despite the situation, okay?" I said, turning to him.
He nodded sadly. I turned to Hisana's alter. He noticed and said, "She died, leaving Rukia for me to protect. They look so much alike, I sometimes find myself loathing Rukia for it. She looks so much like her, but will never be her"
I nodded and awkwardly put my arm around his shoulders. He leaned away, and stood up smoothly.
"I must leave" he said. I stood up and thought quickly,
"We haven't had our daily session yet, can we get over and done with it now?"
He stopped and considered and joined me at the altar. Together, we made our way to the fenced off lake, and watched the water silently.
"So, what happened?" I asked, cautiously wandering into unknown territory.
He sighed and began, "I was raised into a very noble family, widely recognized and respected in my district. I had married Hisana, much to the distaste of my elders. They wanted a girl with noble blood; however, Hisana was from a local slum. By default, I accepted Rukia, to appease Hisana. This further irritated my clan elders. When Hisana died however, they seemed pleased at the concept; it meant I could re-marry. But instead, I made a public vow never to marry, and officially adopted Rukia as my sister. The clan was so absolutely enraged, that I was exiled from the district and never to be part of the family again. I couldn't change my name, but other than the name, I have nothing of theirs. I found myself here, seeing as it's the most desolate, isolated place I could find to work. I studied Psychiatry and received PhD in the subject. So… here I am"
I remained quiet, considering the information I had just received. He seemed honest and hurt by the memory. Instinctively, I moved closer to him and wrapped my arm around him. He sat unyielding to my touch, but his shoulders eased, releasing streams of tension across his body.
"Why did you try to kill yourself, Renji?" he asked. I felt myself tense and sighed; I was bound to tell him anyway. And besides, it was only fair I told him my deep dark secret.
"I had been in a long time relationship with this girl in my school. I grew attached, and then I grew obsessed. She tried to leave me, but every time she did, I threatened her with suicide. I cut myself after every fight, and acted recklessly; anything to keep her by my side. Soon she realized that I was only bluffing, or at least, we both thought I was. But when she finally left me, I went mad.
"I fought with my parents, failed in school and started drinking. Soon, I found myself in a downward spiral, and none of it made her pay attention to me. She stayed away even more. So, I went home early one night, said goodnight to my parents for the first time in 4 months, and tried to stab myself to death. Luckily, or unluckily, my mother thought something was wrong, and found me before I bled out. I was rushed to hospital, taken into surgery and then into psychiatric analysis, where they discovered BPD, and now here I am"
I finished the end in a rush. I had not discussed the nature of my situation to anyone. Hot tears pricked my eyes and I turned away from Byakuya. He stayed away, staring contemplatively at the still lake. He then coughed and stood up, saying, "We will talk again tomorrow. Now, I must go find Rukia," and with that, he disappeared.