"You cannot stay here all night."
Gwen looked up and opened her eyes, her face scrunching up in the dim light. She had already spent one week in Jaime's presence, curled in a ball on the chair whilst she watched him sleep. He had been relatively calm, occasionally moving and convulsing. Gwen moved then, sitting on the side of the four poster bed and running her hand over his forehead. She tried to soothe him, tell him that everything would be fine. She had only left the room for one bath and that had been quick. Food was brought to her by Brienne who said she was being looked after well. Gwen smiled at her and then went back to watching Jaime.
The female knight had wanted to ask her a question but she didn't know how to. She had to admit that she was concerned over the Kingslayer, hoping that he would pull through his fever. The worst of it seemed to be over but Gwen still refused to move.
He'd calmed down after a while, lapsing back into sleep after a moan.
Gwen didn't make to move as Lord Bolton moved through the room, standing at the foot of the bed and looking onto Jaime. He said nothing as he watched Jaime, a shadow of his former self. He struggled to believe that the man worming around in his sleep was the Kingslayer.
"I am perfectly fine to stay here, my Lord," Gwen assured him in a soft tone. She said nothing as Lord Bolton turned his eerie gaze to her, watching her with intrigue.
"I see," he spoke. "I also understand that you are a most troublesome maid."
Gwen said nothing, not challenging the statement which he had spoken for she knew it to be true. She could only imagine how angry Robb must be with her.
"I do remember the raven sent from the Queen many moons ago," Bolton declared and Gwen bit down on her bottom lip, wondering what he was going to do. "I have also heard how Lady Stark allowed her maid to leave her service to help the Kingslayer. The King of the North has locked her away. She is lucky that she is his mother. If not then I can only imagine that death would have been upon her."
Gwen remained sat where she was, tensing up as she realised what Lord Bolton was saying to her. He continued to watch her, the interest he held evident on his pale features.
"It seems to me that you are in a predicament regardless of which way you go," he spoke to her and she looked to Jaime who had begun to mutter again. Her eyes remained fixed on him as Lord Bolton moved closer to her, looking at Jaime from her direction.
"I intend to allow Hoat to keep Harrenhal," he said to her. "It would be safe for you to stay here. Besides, Hoat has requested it."
"No," Gwen shook her head quickly, her curls moving back and forth over her shoulder as she looked to Bolton. He regarded her curiously before she moved from the chair, standing up tall and holding Jaime's cloak tightly around her body.
"I intend to keep Hoat on side," Bolton said to her. "And you are included in that deal."
"I would rather go North or South and die there," Gwen whispered to him and Bolton regarded her with caution. He did nothing as Gwen backed away from him and moved closer to the bed. Lord Bolton watched her and said nothing.
He knew that Lord Tywin would claim Harrenhal eventually. It was only a matter of time. But until that time the girl had a chance of staying alive if she stayed in Harrenhal. He didn't know why he cared that much. Hoat already had one woman to keep him company in the form of the knight. But even Bolton had to admit that the maid was much prettier. He could see why he wanted her instead. And if it kept him sweet then he would do it. Her life was of no concern to him.
"I'm afraid there really is no discussing the matter," he told her and Gwen shook her head, sitting on the edge of the bed as she felt Jaime roll over. His hand reached out, resting on her back as she turned to look at him. His eyes were still firmly shut and his lips parted.
"Can I have permission to stay with Ser Jaime until he recovers?" Gwen wondered and Bolton nodded once.
"I will permit that." He said to her. "Your care for the Kingslayer is quite touching. They say he only fucks his sister. Is that true?"
Gwen inhaled sharply at what he was asking her and she looked back into his narrowed eyes. His brow was arched and a look of inquiry was on his features.
"It's true," Gwen nodded.
"You wish it wasn't," Bolton declared and Gwen shook her head.
"He has saved my life before. I intend to help him through this."
"Yes," Bolton nodded after a moment. "But I am not blind. You should know better as a maid. He is a knight who is in love with his own sister. I doubt he would look twice at you."
Gwen felt her stomach flutter as Bolton turned around and began to make his way to the door.
"I had a maid place a gown in the wardrobe for you whilst you were sleeping. The one you are wearing looks ruined."
"Thank you, my Lord," Gwen whispered, already dreading what would happen when Jaime awoke from the sleep. Gwen stood up and moved to the wardrobe, looking at the dress which hung inside of it. She gasped at the sight of it, never having seen anything as beautiful before. She took it out and hung it against her body, the pink silk like something which Sansa would wear.
Gwen turned to look at Jaime before sliding out from her own gown, placing the underclothes on her body which had been rested at the bottom of the wardrobe. She laced herself into them awkwardly and then slipped the pink gown over her head.
She ran her hands down the soft material before she looked to the mirror. She didn't feel comfortable at all and she knew she looked ridiculous. But she failed to care. Jaime was the one who held her concern.
"So you don't always wear blue."
Gwen whirled around and she looked to the bed. One of his eyes had peeled open and was staring straight at her. She moved closer to him, the silk material flowing behind her as she sat on the bed once more, Jaime pushing himself to sit up as she helped him.
"How are you feeling?"
"Terrible," he complained to her. "How long have I been sleeping?"
"Almost a week. The fever was bad."
"Really?" the sarcasm in his voice was back even though his voice was croaky and groggy. He leant against the headboard as Gwen stood up, moving around the room to grab the jug of water which sat on top of a dresser. She poured a goblet and passed it back to Jaime who drank it willingly.
"How long have you been here?" Jaime asked and she blushed for a moment, not wanting to admit to him that she hadn't left his side unless necessary. She shrugged nonchalantly, folding her arms over her bare arms as Jaime groaned once finishing the water.
"A while," she decided to whisper and Jaime handed her the goblet. She filled it for him once again and he watched her with drooping eyes.
"Dear Gods," Jaime groaned. "I want to go back to sleep...after a week of sleeping and I want more..."
"Then go back to sleep," Gwen urged him. "No one will mind and you need rest to recover, Jaime."
He said nothing then, just drank the water which she had passed to him and she sat back in the seat she had occupied. Jaime closed his eyes once again and Gwen knew that he was sleeping soundly.
Once she was sure he was fast asleep she moved through the corridors to find the maester, needing to tell him that Jaime had awoken. She found him quickly and he smiled widely at her, telling her to go and eat something before going back to Jaime for he didn't need her health to suffer as well as Jaime's. She nodded curtly, no intention of going against the maester for she could feel her stomach lurching.
She knew Jaime would be safe in the care of the maester and so she moved through the castle, her fingers laced together in front of her as she kept her eyes down and her head bowed. She found the hall and was surprised to see Brienne sat there. She wore a dress made from cotton and she looked completely out of place, especially with Hoat sitting beside her as if she were his possession.
"Ah!" he rejoiced and Gwen looked down the dark room. "Here she is. The beauty of Harrenhal. I see you have managed to leave the Kingslayer. You're lucky Harrenhal isn't mine yet. You'd never be able to leave my side."
"Brienne," Gwen spoke, seeing how the woman was completely uneasy. She had obviously lied when she kept on telling Gwen that she was fine. Apparently a lot of people used that lie. "The maester has asked for you. He needs someone strong to help Ser Jaime to move."
"He is awake?" Brienne checked and Gwen nodded at her.
She didn't want to lie to Brienne but she wanted her to leave. She didn't want her to go through what she had gone through. It had been bad enough for Gwen and she had no intention of letting Brienne suffer too. The knight stood up as Gwen remained stood where she was, her hands resting on her stomach.
The room was lined with grand fireplaces and a large table sat as the centrepiece. The roaring fires helped to warm the room as Gwen stood and listened to Brienne's footsteps echo on the slate floors as she quickly left.
"Why don't you sit?" Hoat suggested to her as she was left alone in his presence. He saw her hesitance and smirked ruefully. "Or, if you don't sit, then I shall make sure my men are the first to you once Lord Bolton leaves me the castle."
Gwen instantly felt goose bumps form on her arms as she walked slowly towards Hoat who sat on one of the side benches, a selection of food laid out in front of him. She took a seat on the bench away from him, preferring to keep her distance.
"They say you are infatuated with the Kingslayer," he said to her, sliding down the seat until his arm rested against hers. He continued picking at the foods which sat before him and Gwen said nothing, her eyes looking down and focusing on the wood of the table.
"And who would they be?" Gwen wondered and Hoat chuckled.
"Everyone," he said, popping a grape into his mouth as he looked at Gwen again. "Lord Bolton intends to allow him to leave here as soon as he is well. He can earn much more by giving him back to his father."
"I see," Gwen whispered as Hoat tore a slice of bread off.
"You must be hungry," he told her. "You've been sitting with him for the entire time. Here."
Gwen was about to pick something light up to eat, her stomach already churning at Hoat's close contact. But she gained no chance to for he had already held the piece of bread to her mouth, willing for her to part her lips.
She looked at him and realised it would be easier to do as he had said than to defy him.
Gwen opened her mouth slowly, watching as Hoat fed the bread and she chewed it quickly, her eyes never leaving his as he spoke to her.
"And the Kingslayer isn't taking you back." He informed her. "Lord Bolton has allowed me to keep you...as a prize..."
Gwen shivered as he moved his hand, placing the bread down as the back of his hand pushed her hair from her shoulder and rested on the side of her neck.
"But we have an issue," Hoat informed her quickly, his fingers continuing to brush against her skin. "My men who are staying would much prefer to have you in their company...but we both know that they would not treat you as well as I could...and besides, I'd like to think it is my turn."
Gwen felt her mouth dry up as her throat clenched and the threat of her stomach emptying lurked in the back of her mind as Hoat drew his lips closer to the bare skin near her shoulder. She stiffened as his beard made contact with her flesh, irritatingly rubbing against her skin as she remained sat where she was, tears forming in her eyes as she realised there was nothing else to do.
She couldn't go through with it once more. She knew that she had to escape. She would escape any way possible.
"I...if you'll excuse me..." Gwen said and pushed herself from him and stood up. But Hoat was faster, grabbing her wrist as he stood up and hauled her back to him, trapping her in his hold as she thumped against his chest.
"I don't think so," he said. "Your precious Kingslayer isn't here to protect you anymore...and he won't be here much longer to save you..."
"Get off!" Gwen roared as he slapped her across the face quickly. She retaliated, determined to get away. She spat in his face, the shock of her action causing his grip to loosen around her as she pushed her body from his and ran from the hall and back down the corridors.
She continued to look behind her, not wanting to see him catch up with her as she ran.
"Ah."
Gwen stopped as she felt her body hit someone else and she looked up quickly, the shock of seeing Jaime stood before her not something she had been prepared for. He looked down to her, seeing that her face had lost any trace of colour which it had held as she found herself watching him for a moment.
"How are you...what are you..." she blubbered and Jaime shook his head.
"I insisted I needed some fresh air after having another sleep. I barely just managed to get here without the help from the wench. I told her to go and I would make the rest of it by myself."
"You idiot," Gwen whispered harshly. "If you weren't so bloody proud...you can't make it by yourself...you're still weak..."
"I am fine." He assured her.
"And that is the age old lie," she replied and instantly moved her arm around his waist, helping him to move back down the corridor and further away from the hall she had left.
"And why were you running?" Jaime asked her, not protesting as she helped him to hobble back down the corridor.
"I...it seems that I won't be going North or South," Gwen informed him as he kept on walking with her back to the room which he had. "Lord Bolton has ordered me to stay here with Hoat. He claims it will be the safest place. He also sees Brienne and me as a prize for Hoat."
Jaime said nothing as Gwen kept on talking to him, her voice becoming quieter as she did so.
"It seemed Hoat was willing to claim his prize in the hall. I left...spat in his face and ran..."
"Gwen," Jaime complained to her.
"What?" she wondered. "I'm not staying here...I can't stay here..."
She pushed the door open to his room and Jaime instantly removed himself from her hold, walking back into the room as she closed the door firmly and leant against it.
"And what do you intend to do?"
"Run," she said simply. "Get away from here...I will take Brienne with me and we will just go..."
"And do you think that will work?" Jaime asked her, scepticism held in his tone as anger boiled from within Gwen.
"I don't know!" she yelled at him. "I don't care! I would rather go back South and face the wrath of your sister! I'd rather go North and look at Robb...beg for my life and hope he shows me mercy...I would rather die here then try to escape because I know that I cannot bring Sansa and Arya home now...I...there is no hope...and I would rather die than go through that again. I would rather let myself wither away and die..."
Jaime watched her for a moment, knowing that he had to do something. He was safe. He had spoken with Lord Bolton as the maester tended to him and he had been told of how he was to be returned to Kings Landing.
Jaime watched as Gwen closed her eyes, the tears now in full flow as she sobbed. He wondered if she got fed up of crying all the time for it seemed to be all that she was capable of. He took pity on her as she shook her head, her blonde hair sticking to her tear covered face.
"I can't do it...I tried...but I can't..."
"I shall speak to Lord Bolton," Jaime declared to her. "Try and change his mind...let you come with me or go back North..."
"Will it work?" Gwen wondered and Jaime moved back to the door which she was still leant again.
"I don't know," he admitted. "But I shall go and try."
"I will help you-"
"-No," Jaime said, resting his free hand on her cheek for a moment and rubbing the tears from her skin. "You stay here and lock the door. Keep hidden. I do not doubt that Hoat is annoyed with you."
"What of Brienne?"
"She went back to her room after someone told her that her help was needed yet it wasn't," Jaime said and Gwen looked away from his gaze.
"She looked uncomfortable in Hoat's company."
"Especially in a dress."
"Jaime," Gwen scolded him.
"Gwen," he said back like a little child and he succeeded in drawing a small smile from her. He ran his hand down her hair before opening the door. "Now stay here and do as I told you."
Jaime left Gwen in the room before slowly making his way down the corridors until he heard yelling from the grand hall. Guards lined the corridors he moved down, no doubt making sure he was kept under their watchful gaze.
"The little bitch deserves it!" he heard the yells from Hoat as he approached closer.
"And you can have her once Ser Jaime has gone," Lord Bolton spoke back. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"The whore spat in my face! Who does she think she is rejecting the attentions of a man like me?"
"A sensible woman," Jaime spoke up as he saw the two men sat at the table. Lord Bolton took to the head of it, his eyes narrowing as Jaime moved closer. Hoat sat to his left hand side, slurping away at his wine as Jaime finally took a seat.
"Ser Jaime," Bolton greeted him. "How can I help you?"
"I was hoping to have a word in private, Lord Bolton," Jaime admitted to him, glaring at Hoat for a moment and willing him to go away and leave him be.
"If you wouldn't mind, Hoat," Bolton said, extending his hand to the door for the man to leave. He stood up, looking to Jaime as he did so.
"Perhaps I shall go and find our unwilling guest and teach her some manners."
"Perhaps you could," Jaime agreed. "Although I do not need my sword hand to slice your head from your neck or cut you open from balls to brains."
Hoat glowered for a moment, sneering before he left the room and Bolton chuckled as Jaime turned to look at him.
"What is it you wish to discuss?" he asked him.
"Gwen," Jaime said simply. "I wish to take her with me back to Kings Landing. Hoat already has one prize, doesn't he?"
"She is nowhere near as pretty as the maid," Bolton said and Jaime shrugged.
"That's not my problem," he said. "My sister will reward you for her return. She is-"
"-You do not do this for your sister," Bolton interrupted Jaime who arched a brow, curiosity taking hold of him. "You do this for her. You have grown attached to the maid. My question is why?"
"I haven't," Jaime said to him, levelling his voice before speaking calmly. "I owe the maid a debt. And you know what they say about Lannister's..."
"They always repay their debts," Bolton concluded and Jaime nodded; a smirk on his face as Bolton seemed to consider what he was being asked. He knew that keeping Hoat on side was necessary. But he also knew that the Lannister's would make excellent allies.
"It's odd," Bolton spoke. "The girl left your side only once and then she returned within the hour. I believe she seems to care for you more than you care for her."
Jaime kept his face emotionless, refusing to let Bolton get the better of him and judge him. The man had no idea what he was talking about but Jaime said nothing.
"It surprised me," Bolton continued, taking a drink of his wine as his eyes never once left Jaime. "I didn't think she would stay with you. Apparently you reached out for her, taking hold of her hand and then you called her your sister."
Jaime froze, his brain working overtime to try and remember if that happened.
"The maester said she was quite upset," Bolton informed Jaime and the Kingslayer dropped his green gaze from Bolton's. "But, women are more sentimental than ourselves. Still...odd that she chose to remain by you."
Jaime watched him stand after draining off the remainder of his wine, tiring of the conversation. He had already given Jaime something to think about.
"Unfortunately I cannot let the girl leave. I care not what happens to her but I do care about Hoat remaining here for reasons which will become apparent later on. And if keeping her keeps him happy then I am at liberty to make her stay here."
Bolton began to walk away from Jaime, leaving him sat where he was, the chill of the night effecting him as he only wore his shirt and breeches along with new boots.
"But if you care for the girl as little as you say you do then I do not see why we would have an issue."
...
She had taken to pacing up and down the room, a maid the only one to have knocked and requested entry. She asked if Gwen wanted a fire making but she shook her head, informing her that she could see to it herself. The maid had said it was no trouble but Gwen insisted. It had been her place to make a fire before. All she had been good at was serving and she didn't intend to let someone else wait on her.
Jaime found her knelt on the floor, the door unlocked as he scowled, wondering if she enjoyed going against what he had told her to do.
"I told you to lock the door," he growled lowly, rectifying her mistake as the fire blazed and she stood up, black dust sticking to one cheek as Jaime stepped forwards.
"A maid came and I forgot," she replied as Jaime wiped the dust from her skin. "Did you find Lord Bolton?"
"Yes."
Gwen knew what the curt response meant instantly and the spirit in her slowly sunk back down after being raised too high. She should have known there was a chance that Jaime would fail in his task. But that was not what was bothering. What was bothering her was the way in which he was looking at her, his gaze intent on her as she arched a brow, wondering what was wrong with him.
"When do you go?" Gwen asked him, stepping away from his hand as he bowed his head, coughing once as he looked to the floor.
"Tomorrow morning," he informed her. "The wench is to be kept here with you...perhaps some company may ease the pain."
Jaime knew he had unleashed her anger with that sentence as he heard the sharp inhale and the sharper exhale of breath. Her eyes turned to glare at him as he looked at her, flapping his arms by his side as he watched her.
"What do you want me to do?" he wondered from her. "I am as much a prisoner in this as you are. I cannot go against Lord Bolton's command. He is having me escorted down to Kings Landing."
"And that is it?" Gwen wondered from him. "So I am here to stay? I am here to be Hoat's whore whenever he requires me?"
"Gwen," Jaime sighed her name.
"It is true," she protested. "There is nothing else, is there? This is it...and you...you would leave me here. You would go and forget all about me as if I were nothing."
"What else do you think I can do?" Jaime snapped at her. "You cling to me as if you need me. You're too weak on your own, Gwen, and it has to stop. You have to learn to be strong if you are going to survive."
"Well I'm not strong," she snapped back at him, pointing to her chest, the silk bunching around her as she turned on the spot, her actions one of a mad woman. "And what would you do if Cersei was in this situation? What would you do if it was your precious sister about to spend the rest of her days being raped?"
"That's out of line," Jaime warned her, his jaw set as a small growl escaped him and Gwen looked at him, her eyes wide and her cheeks tinted scarlet as the anger continued to build within her.
"Why is it? I know you wouldn't leave her...you'd take her with you..."
"Because I love her," Jaime spoke. "Because I care about her."
"And I know that all too well," Gwen said to him and he looked at her, his brows furrowed together.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," Gwen snapped back at him and turned to look out the window for a brief moment as she thought. Jaime said nothing as he watched her shake her head and turn back to look at him. But this time it wasn't anger which he saw. It was hurt. Deep hurt.
"No," she said. "You and your sister...the relationship which you have is unhealthy. The love you have isn't normal...and I don't care anymore...I know I said that you cannot help who you fall for but you should...it is wrong..."
"And you would know?" Jaime asked her. "You know what love is, Gwen? Love is when you cannot resist someone...it is when you love them then you want to be with them intimately like I do with Cersei-"
"-And it made you push Bran from a window," she reminded him.
"Do not stand there and spout your thoughts to me because I do not care for them. You have no idea. You have got not one clue about what love is. Perhaps if you weren't such a prude and let your farm boy have his way with you then you wouldn't be bitter about what Cersei and I have."
"Bitter?" Gwen spat at him. "Do you think I want anything like what you and her have?"
"Yes," Jaime answered truthfully, a smug look back on his face as he watched Gwen's eyes widened. "I heard about how you were upset when I spoke Ceresi's name instead of yours."
"You...you..." she blabbered, not sure about what she should say to him.
"And is that it, Gwen?" Jaime wondered. "I hurt you because you finally came to realise that I love her. Did you think that I loved you? Did you think that because I let you hold me and comfort me that I cared for you like I do her? I held you after the men raped you because it was the right thing to do"
"No," Gwen shook her head, turning to look away from him as his comments stung her to her very core. "Shut up."
"Is it true, Gwen? Did you honestly think that I loved you?"
"I thought that maybe you cared," she admitted. "I thought that maybe I meant something to you...I thought that maybe you..."
"It is true that I do feel compassion to you, Gwen," Jaime said. "But that is all it is. You need to wipe the foolish notion of me being your knight in shining armour out of your head. They don't exist."
"And do you think that I don't know that?" Gwen snapped at him. "You think that by now I believe in fairy tales still? I don't believe in anything...there was only one thing left me to believe in and I don't think that I'm going to get them back now that I'm stuck here."
Jaime saw how she turned back to face him, her cheeks paling as she stepped closer to him, the fire causing her skin to warm up in the silk dress.
"And do you want to know the worst part?" Gwen asked him. "I sat here the whole time you had your fever...praying for the Gods to save you and I didn't know why. I didn't know why I cared so much about you...but I do...and I don't know how to stop it because I know you're truly besotted with your sister."
"Gwen," Jaime whispered, urging her to stop.
"After everything you have done...everything you have said...I cannot help it. It is foolish of me to think that you cared for me as much as I do for you," Gwen informed him.
"It is foolish," Jaime said to her and she winced, not expecting the harsh response which he offered her. "You knew all this time how I felt about Cersei. You shouldn't have let it come this far. Do not blame me for how you feel."
"I don't," she said to him. "I blame myself. And I blame myself for thinking that maybe you felt the same when you clearly don't."
Jaime said nothing to her then, too confused at what he had heard to manage anything else.
"I should be going," Gwen said; her tone one of harshness. "You have a long journey ahead of you tomorrow."
He watched as she walked for the door before he spoke to her.
"Will I not see you before I go?" he wondered and she shrugged.
"You don't care anyway," Gwen said. "I'll spare you time and forget the farewells."
"Gwen-"
Jaime began to speak but she had slammed the door shut before he could manage to say anything further. He shook his head and sank down onto his bed, burying his face into his left hand as he thought of everything which she had just said to him.
Gods, he had no idea what had just happened.
He never thought that she cared as much as she had revealed. He never knew that she had begun to fall for him. If he had known then he would have told her to stop. He would have told her that it was pointless for her to feel that way.
He knew that he should have been kinder. He should have let her down gently. He loved Cersei. He always had done and she had always known that. It wasn't his fault if she was stuck in Harrenhal. It wasn't his fault that she had clung to him.
But then again, he had clung to her. He had held her and relied on her for so much. He had told her things he had never told anyone else. He had looked after her and she had looked after him. That was all it had been. He kept on chanting that to himself until it sunk in, regardless of how false it was.
...
A/N: Oh dear. But holey moley I have 112 reviews! Thank you all so much! So thanks to x XRoweenaJAugustineX x, Guest, Pannonique, Anthaliaxstories, chaz, Kay1104, Jofrench22, mythwriter, KingofTruands, Zamya, rinurechotay, Yakitori-Chan and Miss. Lori MacManus for reviewing yesterday!
If I'm quick then another chapter may be out later tonight, in the meantime do review!