A/N: I did it! I got an update done for Christmas. Insomnia struck me for a couple of nights, and this was the result. :)
Thank you my lovely preview team who were so encouraging with your words as always :) And Christina, thank you for pointing out where my 3am pervy brain needed some serious help. ;)
And last but not least, this chapter is dedicated to one of my Fandom Gives Back auction winners, Milalencar, whose prompt I used for some dirty talking Edward.
Late Night Encounters 8 ~ Anxiety
In the course of the previous twenty-four hours, I had endured the widest range of emotions I'd ever experienced. From elation to fear and confusion, hopelessness, loss, pain, and finally, relief. Everything I'd never expected to experience from something like I shared with Edward.
There was absolutely no reason why I shouldn't have enjoyed my date with Riley the night before. He was sweet and considerate, a perfect gentleman; just as Alice had promised. Yet, he had one major flaw that I couldn't seem to overlook, regardless of how hard I tried.
He was not, and could never be, Edward. He didn't stir the same emotions and desires from me, and it was frustrating.
I repeatedly excused myself from the table to try and call or text him. His last response after I told him about the date had been so cold and distant, not that I could have expected or deserved anything else. My simple 'no' was no less cold.
I kept trying to assure myself that it was better for both of us, that there was no real future in something such as what we shared. But without him, my heart ached and I felt empty. Knowing that I had driven him away hurt. Knowing that I had hurt him was worse. The tone of his last text left no question—he was angry.
That became clearer with each text that went unanswered and every call that went straight to voicemail. I'd really made a mess of things, and for what? Because I got my period? That was a lame fucking reason. This was Edward, he would have understood.
It all boiled down to one simple fact. I was afraid.
Underneath it all, the connection and need I felt for him terrified me. Just that one insignificant event had brought to light all my insecurities and reservations, nearly ruining everything. In that moment of weakness, I'd been pulled from the fantasy world I'd allowed myself to become submerged in—even if for only those few hours a night, and random texts and conversations throughout the day. The world with Edward in it. I was so afraid of it ending that I'd gone and ended it myself.
And I regretted it all night.
Alice was beyond annoyed with my repetitive disappearing act, and I was pretty sure that even if I'd wanted Riley to call me again, it would never happen. I'd barely spoken two words to him all evening, and they were 'hello' and 'goodnight', never even attempting to pull myself from the self-imposed hell I'd thrust myself into. All I wanted to do was go home—to be with Edward, to explain.
Yet, even when I did convince Alice to take me home, I'd still received nothing in return from him. I tried to fall asleep, even setting my alarm an hour early so I could try him again and have some time before class to talk to him, but it wouldn't claim me.
All night, I felt the tears trailing down my temples and onto my pillow. I missed him so much, lying there thinking about all the things that had taken place in that bed without him ever being physically present. Not only the effects he'd had on my body, but the way he could make me smile and laugh after I'd failed one of my exams, or how he'd indulged me in something as simple as singing to me when I mentioned that I missed going out karaoking. He was my perfect man, if only he were closer.
Eventually I grabbed my pillow, made my way out to the living room, and curled up on the couch. The tears never ceased, and I'd sat there helplessly as my phone remained dormant on the coffee table.
My alarm went off at six and despite my exhaustion from being up all night, I sprang from the couch, running to my room to shut it off. Hurrying back into the living room, I checked my phone, foolishly hoping to find something there.
A fresh round of tears began when I found nothing. Grabbing my laptop, I sat on the bed with a defeated expression and powered up. I needed to talk to him, even if it meant complete humiliation.
I immediately went to the site to see on his profile that he had not been on since I had last talked to him, which in itself, was a small consolation. He hadn't gone back to look for someone else the night before.
I quickly typed out an email to him, my last attempt to contact him before giving up.
Edward,
I know you're probably really angry with me right now, and I can't blame you for not answering my texts. But I really need to talk to you, to explain. I'm online right now and I'm not going to class. Far too tired and distracted. Please.
Bella
I clicked send and stood, dragging myself into the kitchen for an energy drink, far too exhausted to bother with making coffee. Besides, if he didn't answer within an hour or so, I was going to attempt sleep again.
I had just finished my last sip when I heard my email chime from my laptop and I rushed across my apartment to get to it.
Nothing to explain. Hope you had a good time and that it was worth it.
His words stung and were discouraging, but it was still contact; it was a start. And I was more determined to talk to him then than before, regardless of how many emails or texts or ignored phone calls I had to make.
His next response, however, tore at my heart, and my throat tightened with a restrained sob.
My backup plan? Is that all he really thought this was about? I asked myself and then sighed heavily. What reason had I given him to believe otherwise? But then again, how could he believe that was all he was to me? Did he truly not know how he consumed me, both body and mind?
When I finally saw his name illuminated on my phone after my final text, my heart jumped into my throat, but I anxiously answered it.
I could hear the restrained anger and hurt in each response, yet through the tension of our conversation, one thing became blatantly clear. The definition of our relationship was just as uncertain for him as it was for me. What I had not expected, however, was his reaction to my response.
"Turn on your cam, Bella."
No one ever saw me cry, not even my own father, let alone a man I'd never met. But as with so many things, in the end, I couldn't deny him what he wanted. And the moment he appeared on my screen as well, I also knew I had to be completely honest with him.
I wanted him. I desired no one else, and that terrified the hell out of me. But the pain that struck me at his mention of letting me go completely—and the anger at the thought of the roles being reversed and another woman touching him—scared me even more.
Yet, it sealed everything at the same time. I couldn't let him go.
So, 'exclusive internet lovers' it was.
Despite his insistence that I get some sleep, I fought it for as long as I could until it was impossible to keep my eyes open anymore. I had been awake for over twenty-four hours, and crying for the better part of the past eight or nine. I barely heard him whisper goodnight before sleep pulled me under.
And there I stood in the kitchen, my phone on the floor after losing grip of it in my shock at his statement.
"Because I'd like to spend New Year's with you in New York."
My breaths came in pants and my mind swam in circles. New Year's … in New York … with Edward.
"Bella?"
His voice rang up from my phone at my feet and I slid down the cabinets to the floor to retrieve it, bringing it back to my ear.
"You mean … face-to-face?" I asked shakily, my hands trembling slightly.
I almost expected him to go on the defensive again as he had with the initial mention of the webcams. But there was never a falter in his tone as he replied.
"Yes. Face-to-face."
My stomach flipped and my heart fluttered at the strong certainty of his tone, but it all fell just as quick.
"Edward, I would love nothing more than to spend New Year's with you," I replied, swallowing hard against the emotion rising in my throat. "But there is no way I could afford a plane ticket on such short notice."
"Did I say you would have to pay for it? I'm inviting you, after all. You could consider it an early Christmas present," he replied and I could hear the confident smile in his voice.
"I'd never be able to reciprocate something like that," I chuckled softly, shaking my head.
"Sure you can. Just say yes and come to New York," he whispered into the phone and I felt my face heat in a blush.
"Yes," I answered wholeheartedly and without reservation, my smile widening almost painfully across my face. The idea that I would actually be able to touch him and finally feel him kiss me as I had only ever imagined made it impossible for me to respond any other way. "But why New York?"
"Well, first of all, neutral ground," he replied matter-of-factly and I hummed in agreement. He did have a point there; a first meeting on the other's turf would give the advantage of comfort to one that the other would be denied. "But also … you've obviously never been to New York for New Year's Eve if you're asking that."
"Guilty as charged. But I've seen it on television, if that counts," I mumbled, causing him to break into the laugh I had missed hearing so much.
"Not even close, Bella," he chuckled and began telling me of all the excitement that New York had to offer, and by the end of our conversation, I was even more anxious to go.
If that were even possible.
For the next two weeks, I attempted to contain my anticipation of New York while outside of my apartment, not wanting to tip anyone off to my plans. I didn't want to even try explaining any of it to Alice, and much less my father, who I would be seeing in a less than twenty-four hours.
It took everything in me not to shriek in excitement, when I checked my email in the middle of my Psychology class, to find my flight itinerary from Seattle to New York inside. The professor glanced up at me at the sharp gasp I was unable to contain and I slid my phone into my pocket, crouching down into my seat as the entire class turned to look at me.
Lesson here … never open email in Psychology.
I hurried home as quickly as I could, eager to not only tell him that I got the email for the tickets … but it had been a long couple of weeks without my 'green-eyed doc'.
Besides Mother Nature making an untimely visit, Edward had also switched his on call week with one of the other doctors to have the week after Christmas off. Therefore, all of our planning over the past week had been via email, text, and the occasional— all too brief—phone calls.
But that night, he was off, and he was mine.
After showering and changing into a simple tank top and panties, I checked the computer to see if he had logged on yet. Since he hadn't, I set it on the counter and went about making myself a quick dinner.
The microwave had just beeped when I heard the ringing from my laptop, and I rushed over to it and smiled at the notification that he was calling.
"Hey, sexy," I crooned as I accepted the call.
"Well now, there's a greeting," he chuckled in response and let out a slow breath. "It's been a long week. I doubt I'm all that sexy."
"You let me be the judge of that," I replied and a moment later, his image appeared on my screen and instantly, my heart began to beat rapidly in my chest. He looked tired, but still Edward, the face I had been aching to see all week. "So sexy."
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Whatever you say. Your turn."
"Just give me two seconds. I'm just going to grab my dinner real quick," I said, turning back toward the microwave.
"Please, Bella. I've been waiting all week to see you," he pleaded, and I turned to see him leaning back in his chair with a worn expression. "And this is our last night before New York."
I smiled slightly, leaning down to open my cam. "Just don't mind my messy apartment."
I knew the instant my image appeared on his screen when I saw the soft smile light his features. "That'll be the last thing I'm paying attention to," he said and I laughed at his response as I walked away. "Do you always walk around your apartment like that?"
"Only when I have hot doctors watching me," I smirked over my shoulder at him and grabbed my dinner out of the microwave.
"Oh, is that so? And how often is that?" he asked, folding his arms over his chest and trying to suppress his smile—unsuccessfully, I might add.
I moved back over to the counter and set the carton beside the laptop, stirring the contents with my fork. "Well, I've hit a bit of a dry spell. Haven't had a single one all week," I teased, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. "But there's this one, who drives me absolutely insane. He's really hot, too. Gets me all hot and bothered just thinking about him."
"Hmm, should I be jealous?" he shot back with a raised eyebrow, but his posture remained relaxed.
"Very," I winked and smiled, grateful that he was in good spirits tonight and was playing along. "Just his words and the sound of his voice can make me come harder than I ever have in my life. He may have just ruined me for any other man."
"Sounds like a lucky guy," he replied, his voice slightly gruffer and catching my attention as I took a bite. His jaw was tense and his eyes were dark ... he was turned on. "Too bad I'm going to have to steal you away from him."
"I don't know, he's pretty tough competition. He's also got these amazing fingers that I fantasize for hours about. How they would feel in my hair, all over my body ... inside me," I moaned softly, wrapping my lips around the piece of chicken on my fork and pulling it off slowly. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back as I swallowed, sighing contentedly before looking back at him. "And watching them wrapped around that amazing cock of his— it's orgasmic."
"Fuck," he breathed out, shifting in his chair and his hand disappearing below the screen. "God, I've missed that filthy mouth of yours, baby."
"Hey, why did your cam shut off?" I asked with a furrowed brow as his image disappeared from my screen, but he didn't reply. I thought for a moment that our connection was disrupted until I heard him say my name. "Edward, turn your cam back on."
"Did you hit mute or something? I can't hear you," he said, and I checked to see that everything was fine.
"Can you hear me now?" I inquired, but again got no response, so I brought my hands to the keys.
BellaNova: You still can't hear me?
"No, not a thing," he replied and I ran my fingers through my hair.
Fuck, I growled internally. We had both been looking forward to this night all week, and it was our last one together until the day after Christmas. Still a long week away.
BellaNova: Your cam is off too.
"No, I still have it on, baby," he murmured and I let out a frustrated growl. I heard him chuckle softly and I narrowed my eyes. "And so do you. You're sexy when you're mad."
I flipped off the cam and heard his laughter increase, brushing my hair behind my ear and typing again.
BellaNova: Let me restart, jackass.
"No don't!" he exclaimed immediately and I furrowed my brow in confusion. "You said you could come from the sound of his voice, right?"
I groaned softly as the deep tenor returned to his voice, biting my lip anxiously. It was the possessive tone that made me feel both appealing and weak at the knees simultaneously—something only he was capable of.
I simply nodded in response.
"I'll make you come ten times harder."
"Oh, holy shit," I whimpered, gripping the counter for support.
"Don't type, just listen. Get over on your couch," he commanded, using a voice I had never heard before. It was fierce and dominating, and so fucking arousing that I immediately complied.
I settled onto my couch with my laptop on the table in front of me, panting in anticipation.
"Strip for me. Slowly."
I swallowed hard, crossing my arms in front of me and lifting my tank top over my head, hearing his subtle moan as I revealed my breasts to him. I pushed up off the cushion and began sliding my panties over my hips.
"Slower."
The pit of my stomach tightened as he spoke, halting my movements as I slid my thumbs beneath the thin straps on the sides and lowered them painstakingly slow. Once to my knees, I released them to drop to the floor.
"Spread your legs wider."
I shifted my feet to comply and I heard the zipper of his pants. I bit my lip, picturing him in my mind as I had seen him so many times. His hips lifting to guide his jeans down, freeing his erection to my view. His hand moving to wrap his fingers around it, and the tensing of his face as he did.
"God, I bet you're so fucking wet. Turn around and kneel on the couch. Show me."
My entire body was throbbing with arousal from his deep, sharp tone and I turned around, lowering myself onto my knees and leaning forward onto the back of the couch.
"Fucking beautiful. Touch yourself for me, Bella."
I rested my head on one arm while my other hand trailed down my abdomen, sliding my index and middle finger along either side of my clit. I gasped softly as I pinched it gently before rolling it between them.
"Feel good?" he asked and I nodded, continuing to massage the skin between my fingers. "You know what I would do to you right now? For driving me crazy like that?"
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Maybe I had pushed him too far, and after everything we had been through a few weeks prior, it might not have been the best course of action. But there was still arousal heavy in his voice, I was sure of it. Even if I couldn't see him.
"Put your hands on the back of the couch, don't touch yourself again until I say so," he commanded and I whimpered in response, gripping the seat cushion tightly in my fists. "No complaints, Bella."
I shook my head and then let it fall, exhaling heavily. The effect he was having on me was like nothing else I'd experienced with him. He sounded so powerful, so commanding and utterly masculine. And I was relishing in it more than I could have ever expected, aroused to the point of agony.
"Now, the first thing I would do is wrap that pretty hair around my fingers and make you look at me while I tease your clit with my cock. So you can feel how hard I am for you, until you're begging me to fuck you, and then, make you pleasure me with that hot mouth of yours."
My eyes pinched closed and my fingers clenched the cushion tighter. My breaths were coming faster and involuntary whimpers were escaping my lips. I wanted him more at this moment than I had in any of our time together. I was pulsing with desire, aching and desperate for him.
"You want me to touch you, Bella?" he whispered tauntingly and I nodded, my back arching in response. "Right there?"
I breathed out shakily, running my tongue over my dry, quivering lip.
"I think I would like to start somewhere else. Like those beautiful breasts."
I moaned softly and my nipples hardened instantly at his words. Imagining those long, lithe fingers squeezing around my breasts, circling teasingly around the sensitive area and causing me to cry out in pleasure as he pinched them.
"So firm and perfect," he murmured under his breath, and I could tell from the sound of his voice that he was starting to get close. "Touch yourself again and look back at me. Bring yourself right to the brink of orgasm and then stop, just as I would if I were there. And don't try to fool me either, I'll know. I know every flicker of your eyes, every twitch of your mouth, every single movement of your body when you're just about to come."
A shiver ran through my body at his brusque tone but also his statement. I bit back a smile and turned to look over my shoulder at him, moving my hand between my legs again and moaning at the contact.
"Don't test me, Bella," he growled deep in his throat, causing me to begin moving my fingers briskly over my clit. I could feel the rapid building of my orgasm but I tried to keep my face relaxed, needing my release so badly.
"Stop. Stop now," he demanded, but I was so close, I could almost taste it. My pulse was pounding in my ears, my breaths coming in quickening pants. "I mean it, stop now!"
"Fuck!" I screamed in frustration and fell to the side on the couch. He'd just proven the validity of his statement; he knew my body by sight alone, despite my efforts to mask my responses. And because of that, able to leave me writhing in need.
"You want me to fuck you, don't you?" he asked and I could actually hear the almost cocky smile I knew him to be wearing. "Show me how bad you want it."
My head fell back and I closed my eyes, biting my lip hard as I brought my legs up, resting my feet on the cushion and letting my knees fall to the side.
"Show. Me," he gritted through audibly clenched teeth and I shuddered at the sound, moving my hand between my legs and sliding two fingers inside me. "Start moving them."
I raised my eyes to look directly at the cam as they began to move, and I panted as my thumb rubbed in circles around my clit. My hips moved against my hand in response and I pleaded with my eyes for release.
"Harder. I'd be fucking you harder than that. I will be fucking you harder than that," he growled back, but his voice shook slightly, as it did when his orgasm was imminent.
In that moment, with his words ringing in my head, it suddenly became real to me. In just seven short days, I would actually touch him, smell him, feel him. I sighed in relief and began thrusting harder and deeper, knowing my wait would soon be over. The pit of my stomach was on fire, the muscles in my thighs clenched tightly. Come on, Edward. Please.
"Are you ready?" he asked breathlessly and I nodded quickly, teetering on the edge, needing just that final push to fall over. "Come for me, Bella."
"Holy fucking shit!" I screamed as my back arched sharply with a final thrust of my fingers and flick of my thumb. My body trembled violently as my orgasm gripped me and my chest heaved with labored breaths as his groan joined mine.
I collapsed sideways onto the couch, trying to catch my breath as it subsided. The room was spinning around me and I felt lightheaded, but so completely satiated after two long weeks away from him.
"Baby, are you okay?" Edward's voice came through and knowing that my face was out of the view of the cam, I held up one finger, needing just another minute to recuperate.
I turned my head toward the table and smiled as his ringtone sounded on my phone. Rolling onto my side, I reached for it and brought it to my ear. "Oh my god."
He chuckled at my greeting. "Have I won you over then?"
I let out a breathy laugh at his teasing and shook my head. "I think it's safe to say there is no contest. And that is definitely getting a repeat performance in New York. With one exception."
"What's that?" he asked curiously.
I finally sat up and looked into the webcam. "I'm not turning back around next time."
x-x-x
Saying goodnight to Edward that night was difficult, more so than any other time we'd had to be apart. I had thought it would be easier, since I would be actually seeing him in a week's time; but I was wrong.
The anticipation of the following week made the time in Forks for Christmas drag, although I did get a text from him every night with a smiley kiss. Cheesy? Definitely, but never failed to make me smile. And when I crawled into bed after spending all of Christmas day with my parents and friends, I re-read his text from a few hours before.
See you tomorrow, baby. Sweet dreams. :* ~E
Kissing my father on the cheek when he dropped me off at the airport for my early morning flight, excitement filled me as I hurried inside. My stomach fluttered with butterflies and anxiety as the plane began its slow descent into JFK International Airport. Even with the relatively short period of anticipation, it felt as if that moment had taken forever to arrive. And once it finally had, I felt more nervous about it than any other experience with him.
The worst he could have done before this was turn off the computer and never come back. My first time stripping for him wasn't nearly as nerve-wracking. I hadn't been as emotionally invested then as I had become since. And in less than twenty minutes, he would be standing right in front of me.
What was I going to do, or say, or feel? Everything had been so easy over the internet, but would the connection and the chemistry between us be the same in person? Or even worse, one-sided once we were face-to-face?
As the plane taxied in, my heart began to pound invariably harder, as I gripped my carry-on tightly against my chest. I took a shaky breath as the seatbelt light turned off and the captain announced our arrival, sliding the strap of my bag over my shoulder.
I slowly rose and made my way down the aisle, nodding to the flight attendant as she bid me goodbye with a polite smile. And walking up the ramp, I suddenly felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter.
Calm down, it's going to be fine, Bella, I kept reassuring myself as I walked past terminal gate after terminal gate, closer and closer to my destination.
Moving along with the crowd toward baggage claim, my eyes began moving anxiously around the groups of people gathered on the either side. Even rising up on my toes to try to see the slightest hint of him, but he was nowhere to be found.
He had to be there. There was no way he would send me a plane ticket just to stand me up in the middle of New York. I tried to calm myself, attempting to draw deeper breaths into my lungs.
Yet, even as I entered the baggage claim, I stood there lost, unable to find him.
Just as I felt the tears beginning to form, I heard a commotion beyond the group of people in front of me.
"Bella!"
I looked up at the sound of my name, my eyes searching frantically for the source. The voice grew louder and I spotted him, finally moving hastily through the crowd toward me.
My breath shuddered slightly as I began taking tentative steps toward him, relieved and just taking him in. The webcam had done nothing to prepare me for the true beauty of the man himself.
He was taller than I had expected, but everything else about him was absolutely perfect. His hair that I had dreamed of running my fingers through was in its usual state, though slightly more disheveled. Stopping just a few feet from me to catch his breath, his lips turned up into a smile.
"Well, hello there," he panted.
At the sound of his voice, I dropped my bag where I stood, taking two steps and instantly swept into his arms. I smiled as the light scruff of his jaw brushed against my cheek when he lifted me off the ground. My arms clung tightly around his shoulders as his strong ones embraced me securely around the waist.
I was in heaven; inhaling the clean, masculine scent of him at last, feeling his breath in my hair while my lips ghosted softly over the skin of his neck.
"God, I'm so glad you're finally here," he murmured and slowly pulled his head back, gazing at me for a moment before finally pressing his lips against mine in a firm, yet still gentle kiss. I wove my fingers into his hair, holding him against me and relishing in this moment I had been dreaming of for so long. He was there, in my arms, and I felt a tear of relief trail down my cheek. Resting his forehead against mine as we parted, I opened my eyes to see him gazing back, never loosening his hold around me. "Sorry I'm late."