Chapter 20 – Lost Together
Nelly's sleep was feverish and dreamless, so when an insistent ringing of the phone woke her up, she was grateful. It was just past six o'clock in the morning. She picked up the receiver quickly, before the early call pissed off Simon and aunt Linda. They were going through a rough patch already, there was no need to add to it.
"Hello?" She asked, half-asleep.
"Nelly, it's me," the voice she heard was an instant wake up call, "It's Harry."
"Harry? Are you ok? What happened?" She was siting up by the time those words left her lips. It was such a relief to hear his voice again.
"Yeah, fine. My mother was so pissed off, she ripped the telephone wire out of the wall. She didn't know she was doing me a favour."
"Where are you calling from?"
"A payphone. Listen, I want you to know that I didn't want to leave Charming, Nel. And I want to say something to you before I run out of quarters."
He paused, waiting for her reply, permission to speak.
"I'm listening, Harry," She braced herself for whatever came next, rain or sunshine.
"I should have maned up, talked to you before I left, but I didn't know how to say goodbye to you, Nel. I was afraid I'd unglue in front of you and make a fool of myself."
She wouldn't have cared, but she was sure he would. This was exactly why they should be having this conversation in person – she wanted to reach out to Harry, feel his hand in hers, make him believe that none of it mattered. For her own sake as much as for his.
He continued quickly, maybe afraid his money would run out, or maybe because he didn't want to stop the flow of his words now. "I don't know what's worse, Nelly, being away from you or thinking that you might never talk to me again. You are an amazing girl, the only girl I've ever cared about... I was being stupid and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"
In all the time she's known Harry, he never lied to her. Nel was sure of it. She believed him now.
"I'm down to the last quarter, Nel..."
It was clearly her cue. Nelly thought back to what Tara told her, give in or cut him loose. She was done being cautious, there was only one way she wanted this to go.
"I got your message, the song... I really care about you, Harry, more than just a friend. I've been wanting to tell you for a while."
"Oh, thank god," she heard Harry's relieved whisper, then he continued breathlessly, "Are we ok?"
"We're ok." She smiled, encouraged, "I wish you were back, I wish I could see you."
"Nel, I'll do everything I can to be back in Charming by Christmas."
That was five days away.
"I'll be waiting. And Harry..." She wanted to say those three little words that meant so much, but held them back like a treasure, "Take care of yourself, OK?"
The conversation was cut off as soon as she said the words. It seemed that Harry's money had finally run out.
It didn't matter. Now Nelly knew he cared about her, that he'd be back. They both said what needed to be said. Maybe not entirely, but enough. Nel smiled blissfully as she snuggled back in her bed. All she had to do now is wait for him. There were no more doubts, no more worries, just yearning. It was a sweet pain she could take. Nel was grateful that it was Sunday morning and she could go back to sleep. She fell asleep quickly, for a long restful time.
+0+
When Tara called later on Sunday, Nelly couldn't contain herself and told her of the conversation with Harry. The shrieks of joy on the other end of the line send Nel's ear ringing.
"Finally! Nel and Harry sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."
"Not so fast, Tara," She laughed along with her friend, "He's not back yet. He said he'll try to be here by Christmas."
"Aw, that's soon! Jax said his mom wants to have the Sons over for Christmas, asked Piney if Harry would be coming. Piney said he'd be staying with his mother, but hey, that was before you two lovebirds talked."
Nelly believed that Harry wanted to see her just as soon as she wanted to see him. They both could have the best intentions, but the timing was beyond their control. As much as he disliked his mother, Harry respected his father's decisions, even if he didn't agree with them.
"Sooner or later, Harry'll make it happen. I know he will. I just have to be patient."
When Nelly met up with Tara and Jax at school on Monday, they were cheerful and hopeful, teasing her about Harry. Now that she knew he was planning to come back, the two of them were a constant and painful reminder that a part of their foursome was still missing. Harry's absence was a throbbing phantom limb, and Nel was looking for distractions to make it more bearable. In the past couple of weeks she gravitated to Cliff and they've started spending more time together. They were always fond of each other, two odd kids. With his quick, insightful brain and infinite capacity for listening, he became her sounding board. Jax and Tara got in the habit of joining Cliffy and Nel at lunch. At first, conversations were awkward and halting, Cliff being clearly uncomfortable with this new arrangement, but he warmed up to it quickly, laughing at Jax's lame jokes a little too hard and staring a little too long. There was a foursome again, but nothing was the same.
The holidays were coming fast, and this time, in addition to the anxiety of where she would be spending them, Nelly also kept a vigil for Harry. Since her father had no interest in celebrating the holidays, she used to visit Parkers on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas Day with aunt Linda. Now that Donna was out of the picture, she'd be spending them with Linda and Simon. Still, it was a lonely, miserable time for Nel, even if the people who cared about her tried to make it special. On Christmas Eve, Nelly got a gift she didn't quite expect.
Donna called, her voice hushed and hurried, "Nelly, I'm so sorry about what happened."
"Me too, I hope you know how much." Nelly was so glad her best friend finally got in touch with her. "Does this mean we are friends again?"
"You'll always be my best friend, Nelly." Donna's voice broke as she said that, and Nelly heard her cry. "But my mom doesn't want me to talk to you anymore. She won't let me see you."
"What did I do wrong, Donna?" Nelly felt her eyes fill with tears. "What can I do to make things better?"
Donna seemed to calm down a bit, as she continued, "My mom is so mad at you, she says the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That she trusted you when she shouldn't. I think she's hurt, because you didn't come with us."
"Your mom was being so unfair, Donna, to me and to Harry." Nelly remembered the hurt she felt as Sue tried to take her away that night. "I was safe with him. He and Tara took care of me. They are good friends."
"And I'm not, right?" Donna prickled. "I've been your friend long before they came along, Nel."
"Please, Donna, let's not fight. It's not how I feel, but with you gone, they are the only friends I've got."
"I know..." Donna sounded defeated. "I had to call you, Nel. I wish you were here."
"Yeah, I know. I do too, Donna. Merry Christmas."
The girl that was her best friend close to nine years had hanged up. At least she still cared enough to call, thought Nel. She wished things were back to normal between them, back to the cozy closeness they've had before that damn dance, before she moved to Kennedy High. Somehow Nel knew it was only a pipe-dream, that she had to make peace with it. As much as it hurt, she had to make a conscious decision to move on. She had a lot to look forward to. Except Harry didn't make it back home for Christmas, but he did call again from a payphone, explained that his monster of a mother wouldn't let him out of her sight. She was afraid that he'd deflect to Charming and his dad asked him to stay in Santa Rosa for the holidays. He sounded upset and dejected, and promised he'd be there soon. All Nel could do is reassure him, that this delay didn't change the way she felt about him, and keep waiting.
On Boxing Day, Tara came to Nel with four RHCP tickets in her hand, for the special event hosted by Q92 at a converted warehouse in Sacramento. These were nearly impossible to get, only given out by the radio station in a contest. The concert was tonight.
"Gemma just gave these to me." Tara said, perplexed. "She said, that Jax could use some cheering up, and you know how crazy he is for the Chilli Peppers."
"Are you sure it's a good idea?"
"You've got another one? He's been withdrawn and brooding, hell, nearly suicidal, since his dad died. Harry leaving didn't help. At least it'll help him take his mind off things."
Nelly nodded in understanding. It was worth trying. "Why won't Jax invite Harry too?"
"Don't you think Jax tried?"
Nel's heart fell, then she had an idea, "How about Cliff? We could take him along."
"Are you insane?" Tara exploded, "Do you have any idea about Cliff?"
Nelly was infuriated by Tara's question, "He likes boys, I know. Is that a problem?"
"It wouldn't normally be, but he likes one particular boy." Tara nodded her head, as if willing Nelly to catch on.
Than Nel did, and the realization knocked the wind out of her. "Jax?"
"Yeah, Jax. Not only for the girls." Tara's eyes were soft with sadness. "Haven't you ever liked a boy, tried to be his friend just to be ignored?"
It sounded like a rhetorical question. She never cared for a boy enough for that, not until Harry, and he never made her feel ignored. Not even now.
"Well, taking Cliffy with us would be too cruel, Nel. Believe me, it's better this way." Tara bit her bottom lip, and then added sincerely. "I'm sorry."
Once Nel changed into a pair of jeans and a warm, bulky sweater, the girls drove to SAMCRO's clubhouse, and then three of them got on the way to Sacramento in Jax's Mustang. Nelly sat quietly in the empty and spacious back seat, remembering how snug it felt with Harry by her side. They passed unfamiliar landscape, while in front of her Jax and Tara studied the map and argued. Some things never changed, thought Nelly with a crooked smile.
"We just have to make a pit stop, Nel. Won't be a minute." Jax called over his shoulder. Nel didn't care, she was too lost in her thoughts.
They stopped in front of a wide bungalow, with most of its lights off. Tara opened the door and said, "Long time no see, Harry. Hop in," then got out of the car to let him into the back seat. Nelly's heart hammered in her chest, as she watched Harry appear in the door. Their eyes met and they both froze. From the wide-eyed look on Harry's face, it was clear that he was as surprised as she was. And then his face lit up with the biggest smile she's ever seen.
+0+
Harry couldn't believe his eyes. The confused mixture of emotions took his breath away. Jax said Nel couldn't come. He was beyond ecstatic to see her, but he couldn't stop the worry and guilt that was gnawing at his gut. He watched Nelly's face transform from surprise into a blinding smile, her eyes brimming with tears as she said his name, and he knew he was wrong to doubt her. Eagerly, he climbed in next to her, and as soon as he did, Nel's arms sneaked around his neck and she hugged him tight.
"Oh, Harry, I didn't know when I'd see you again." She whispered, her tears warm on his skin.
She felt so small in his embrace, smelled of Christmas, of cinnamon and oranges. Being so close to her again was intoxicating, but his mind was clear, "I've missed you so much, Nelly." More than she'd ever know. His lips brushed her temple as she pulled away, and her eyes were on his, still wet with happy tears.
"I'm so glad you're here." Nel whispered breathlessly.
"Nelly, I want to talk to you, but..." He stopped, watched her eyes so intent on his, waiting patiently for him to finish. He wanted to tell her everything, exactly how he felt, but the silence filling the car was an obvious sign they were being watched very closely from the front seats. He didn't want it to happen like this.
When it was clear that he couldn't continue, Nelly smiled at him warmly and said, "I want to talk to you too."
"Later?" He asked hopefully, and as she nodded in agreement, he could see it in her yes that she understood. Harry wrapped his arm around Nel and she snuggled into his side, still holding on to his hand as if unwilling to let go of him, as if taking ownership. It felt so good, being wanted.
Then she turned to their friends and complained with a simile on her lips, "You guys are beyond cruel!"
"Beyond." Harry confirmed.
Tara turned to them in the front seat, her eye shining, "Yeah, like the two of you didn't like the surprise."
"We got you good." Jax smiled. "About damn time too."
"Yeah, about damn time." Harry smiled back. Waiting for it made him appreciate just how precious here and now was.
Nelly held his hand all the way to the concert and Harry was completely content just being near her, while the four of them exchanged updates on his life with Mary and new happenings in Charming. Once they got there and Harry managed to climb out of the Mustang, he extended his hand to help Nelly as he always did. She took it gladly, but this time, unlike all the times before, she didn't let it go. Instead, Harry felt her fingers interlacing with his and he looked down on Nel in surprise. The smile she gave him was full of promise, full of things they left unsaid, and Harry couldn't help grinning back. And for the first time, he didn't have to wonder how it felt to walk hand in hand, as they followed Tara and Jax all the way to the entrance.