Warning this chapter contains both lemon and self harm, I do not support self harm however I felt it would spice this chapter up.

Chapter 77: Just to Hold You

Alex slipped into the car behind Kei, her eyes were heavy, and she felt sleep slowly take over. She hadn't felt this tired since she had pulled an all nighters to finish a project. "Sleepy?" asked Kei as he gently slipped her arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his chest. She looked up at him and stared into a pair of fathomless emerald eyes, "A little bit," she replied. Alex unconsciously snuggled into Kei's chest, it was warm, firm and seemed to make her feel safe. It wasn't as toned as Claude's or Sebastian's yet, it was just as comforting. His chest moved as he breathed and she could feel his warmth seeping through her cheeks, "They're demons," he said after a moment as he clutched her closer to him and buried his nose in her hair. She could tell that he wasn't able to get that thought out of his head. Alex's ocean blue eyes slowly looked up at him, he looked lost in thought, "They are, and you met reapers too," she said after a moment. Kei closed his eyes, he looked tranquil on the outside but it seemed as though he were in turmoil inside. Alex dropped her gaze, and she looked out the window of the car as it rolled through the streets, she could hear the water which the tires kicked up the remnants of the rain. It was approximately three in the morning, yet it didn't seem like it. It felt as though the night was merely beginning, that the sun wouldn't rise.

Kei hummed and pressed his lips to the top of her head, "Claude? Is he a demon?" he asked after a moment. His question hung in the air, and it was clear that he was nervous about asking in the first place, "He is," she replied after a moment. In many ways she began to wonder what he was thinking, his poker face had returned, and from the looks of things he wasn't about to let anything slip passed it. The car slowed as they approached the hotel, "Why aren't you living at Sterling's penthouse?" she asked after a moment. Sterling was known for a number of real-estate holdings, including the penthouse in London and the massive estate outside of Cambridge. It had large fields, wooded areas and elaborate gardens. The house it's self was known for its grandeur, the only estate which was larger was Shadow Pont, which he had visited. "I haven't had a chance to look at it," he replied simply, "come to think of it I don't even know where it is." She chuckled and smiled, it was nice to see that his vulnerable and gentle side was back. She had become concerned that his aloof and cold persona would be there to stay. The car came to a stop outside of the hotel, "Would you like me to have you driven home after we collect your things?" he asked after a moment as he slipped out and held his hand out for her own.

Alex felt her heart skip a beat, he looked unbelievably dashing under the awning in his tux, even if it was a little tattered. His skin was a beautiful golden color, light and rather delicate. Yet she had seen his strength that evening, it was more than enough to entice her. She reached out and slipped her hand into his, there was something about him which made her feel safe, wanted and cherished. She knew him for such a short period, and yet, she trusted him. "What if I don't want to return?" she asked softly, the words escaped her before she could stop them and she looked at the ground. Kei didn't respond immediately, and she felt as though she had once again messed up. What she didn't expect was Kei to stand before her and lift her chin, "Then I will keep you, for as long as you desire," he replied with a coy smirk. She became lost in his emerald eyes again, "Never look at the floor when you walk, hold your chin up. You've accomplished so much," he commented as he took her arm. He walked slowly and proudly, it was no wonder that a number of women had commented on him. Even Jodie had noticed his heir of power and prestige, she smiled inwardly as she watched a number of people move out of their way. "They're staring at you," she commented as they finally made it to the lift. Kei shook his head and slipped a loose lock of hair behind her ear, "No they are looking at you," he replied. He slowly leaned over her shoulder and whispered sweetly, "Men's eyes have been following you all evening." She froze and looked at him in confusion as he guided her into the lift. The doors closed quickly and Kei turned to her. He slowly lifted his hand and ran it across her lower lip; the dark lipstick which he had chosen contrasted her fare sink perfectly. She could feel his gentle touch and instantly remembered the kiss, it was hot and sweet. She swore she could still feel it on her lips, a sweet blush flooded her face.

Kei chuckled and hummed, "What are you thinking?" he asked tenderly as his other hand slipped through her hair and rested on her back. They were large and warm, "Why did you kiss me?" she finally asked, she felt as though she were a school girl asking her boyfriend if he liked her. She watched his gaze soften and a sweet smile curve his lips, he had been cold and emotionless the entire evening thus far, to see him look like this make her freeze. He looked years younger, less intimidating and even more charming. "The better question would be why you didn't push me away," he retorted. She froze, he was right, everyone else excluding Claude and Sebastian, she pushed away. Yet she was welcoming him with open arms. She had even attempted to push Rin away, until she had managed to break through her barriers. "Because I," she paused and looked at him with uncertainty, "I." Claude's words rang in her ears, she was attracted to him, there was no denying him. Especially at this point, "I like you," she finally managed to say. She looked at him nervously, she felt as though she were facing a judge who was about to deliver the verdict. Kei sighed with relief and whispered, "Finally, you admit it." She looked at him irrevocably confused, "What?" she asked softly.

She looked up at him as he untied his bow tie and looked at her, "I like you a great deal, in fact I was going to keep you as my graphic designer just to spend time with you," he whispered sweetly. She was confused as she watched him chuckle, "I had this plan that if you didn't come to see me I would hang around you as much as possible and wait for the right moment to strike," he commented and looked at her. Alex was taken back, "I would wait an entire year if I had to, just to have a chance at asking you out on a date," he commented. His smile didn't vanish from his face; he looked as though he had won the lottery. The sheer fact that he said he would wait was more than enough to impress Alex, not to mention the fact that he had planned to if she rejected him the first time. "You would wait?" she asked curiously and watched Kei nod earnestly. His black hair had fallen out of place, and was now in his eyes, he looked so much younger when his hair was a mess. Her fingers slowly slipped into his hair, and he leaned his face into her palm. His skin was soft, warm and inviting. The lift came to a halt and the silver doors glided apart. The pair began to make their way through them and rushed into the room. It was just as they had left it, "Would you like something to drink? I would offer wine but after the amount of blood you lost I wouldn't suggest it," he said sweetly.

He clearly wanted to make her comfortable, "Yes please," she replied and he nodded as he pulled a glass and poured her a glass of water. She slowly sat on the sofa and watched him return with the glass in hand, his long fingers were wrapped around it and his eyes were locked on her. He slowly handed it to her and took a seat beside her, "Thank you," she whispered as she slowly took the piece of crystal from his hands. Her fingers brushed over his hands and she felt a spark run through her, it was a pleasant surprise. A soft blush swept across her cheeks as he slowly pulled his fingers away. "Why are they so protective of you?" asked Kei after a moment. She could tell this question had been on his mind for a while. Claude and Sebastian had been protecting her, yet she wasn't sure if she could tell him. She didn't want him to run from her, to watch someone she wanted to stay with leave her over her past. She clammed up as she debated on how to tell him of why they were like that. "Alexandra?" he asked sweetly as his fingers wrapped around one of her hands. He was using her full name, it sounded wonderful the way he said it. His tongue caressed every syllable as though it were sacred, she looked up at him and felt this pair in her chest. He lived a life wrapped in beauty, surrounded by elegant things, yet she wasn't. She was covered in scars which wouldn't heal, and that awful scar from the brand they had stamped her with. She shook her head and looked at him, "Bad things seem to always happen when I'm around," she replied.

Kei was quiet, his expression was gentle, and she felt his fingers entwine with hers. Begging for her to open up to him, to let him in. "Are you afraid of me?" he asked sweetly as he slipped the glass from her hands and placed it on the table. Blue eyes stared into smoldering emeralds, "No," she responded. She wasn't afraid of him, she was afraid of pain, she had endured more than enough of it. He held her face in his hands and caressed her cheeks with his thumbs, "I want to count your scars and kiss them so they will fade," he began. His eyes were filled with honesty and desire, "To trace your every curve and taste every inch of you, so you will fill my soul," he continued. She could feel heat pooling inside her, "To feel you and watch you unravel before me. To hold you tight and never let go," he finished as he drew in closer for a kiss. One of his hands slid down her neck and slowly began to descend down her chest. "Let me worship you and drown in your passion," he finished before he pressed his lips to hers. This kiss was far more passionate than the first; he gently sucked on her lips begging for her to part them. She closed her eyes and slowly slipped her arms around his neck as she opened her lips. His tongue darted into her mouth as he caressed her tongue with his own. His hands slowly moved down her body and she felt her heart pound a he moved. Their tongues tangled as he slipped his hands over her breasts, she could feel his fingers through the delicate silk and moaned. He became even more aggressive; he nipped her bottom lip and slowly pulled away, allowing her to breath.

"So beautiful," he whispered as he squeezed her breasts. Her heart was pounding, and for a moment she felt as though it were going to leap out of her chest. She could feel his fingers through the thin material and hear his breathing. He smiled as he slowly kissed down the side of her neck and slipped a hand into her dress. His fingers grazed over her skin, sending shivers of pleasure through her. He smiled as he gently cupped her bare breast, which made her cry out in pleasure. His touch was light, and she could feel his slightly calloused hands. "Kei," she whispered as she felt his gone slide across her skin, he really was going to attempt to taste every inch of her. He slowly slipped her under him on the sofa and hovered above her. He slowly kissed the nape of her neck and rand his hands down her body, the dress felt as though his fingers were whispering against her skin.

Kei's heart was pounding as he touched her, he had dreamed of holding her since he had seen her on that platform. His fingers found the zipper on the side and he slowly tugged it downward. "Wait," Alex whispered as she gently pushed her hands against his chest. Kei felt her hands tremble and his eyes shot up to her face, "I, please don't run away," she whispered sadly. Her voice sounded like a child who had been abandoned, "Why would I do that?" he asked curiously as he looked at her. She closed her eyes and stammered, "What's under this beautiful dress is hideous." Her reply nearly broke his heart in two, she wasn't hideous if that wonderful creature that was willing to sacrifice herself for the people she loved there was no way she could be hideous. "No you aren't," he said reassuringly as he kissed her cheek. She shook her head from side to side and responded, "I am." Kei was confused as she gently pushed him backward onto the sofa and stood before him. Her fingers were trembling as she pulled the zipper the rest of the way. She closed her eyes as she felt the dress fall to the floor and stood before him. Kei's eyes widened as he looked at the scars, she was covered in them, this was why Sebastian had told him to be gentle. Ocean blue eyes looked at him as though she were being judged, Kei smiled sadly as he pulled her into his arms. He simply held her there and whispered, "How long have you been crying alone?" he asked as he clutched her closer to him.

He could feel the scar from the brand under his fingers, and he cursed mentally, beautiful skin marred from abuse, evidence of pain and sadness, things which her eyes didn't need to harbor. Alex was quiet and went ridged; this wasn't how he had seen the evening paneling out. "You are beautiful," he whispered as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He slowly pulled back and looked at her, she was stronger than they gave her credit for, "So this is why they protect you," he whispered as he kissed her forehead. "I want to worship you, will you give me that chance?" he asked as he ran his fingers through her hair. It was just as soft as he imagined and she smelled wonderful. She looked up at him hesitantly, he could tell she was hesitant; she closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. "Yes," she replied, "I trust you." Kei smiled as his lips pressed to hers again, he loved how she responded to his touch, they were drawn together like gravity. He could feel her hands slowly grip his lapels, and she paused. She was still nervous, it was clear she didn't participate in consensual sex, and if she had it was rare. Kei smiled encouragingly, and Alex slipped the jacket off of him, she allowed it to fall to the floor before turning her attention to the bowtie. Kei's hands rested on her hips, he watched as she slowly untied it. He usually didn't like inexperienced women, yet with how she was doing things he found himself desiring her even more. He ached to feel what the canvas did as she painted, those fingers which caressed the paper and crafted those drawings. She slipped it from under his collar and discarded it onto the floor. He slowly ran his hands up her back oddly the scars didn't bother him, the woman who bore them was keeping his attention.

Her fingers slowly moved to the buttons on his dress shirt, and he slipped his fingers under the waist band of her panties. He could feel the tension in the fabric of his shirt slack as she unfastened each button. Her small hands slowly swept the fabric away to reveal his toned chest, her hands were soft and warm as she slowly touched him. "I'm sorry, I'm not used to this," she whispered. Kei hummed and whispered, "Then how about we move to a place where we both are comfortable?" his voice was laced with lust and desire. She nodded shyly, he found this part endearing she was blushing crimson red and biting her lower lip. He swiftly swept her into his arms and carried him into the bedroom, he could smell the fresh sheets and he gently placed her on the mattress. He straddled her hips and slipped out of his shirt. His hands slowly cradled her breasts, they were soft and warm to the touch. He smiled as he watched her wreath; a moan escaped her lips as he tweaked her nipples. She arched her back as he slowly kissed down her neck again and slowly ran his tongue around her nipple. She tasted divine as he began to suckle, he could tell she was coming unraveled at the seams.

Alex arched her back again when she felt his feverish mouth wrap around one of her nipples. It made her cry out with pleasure, Rin had done this and yet she was nowhere near as good as him. His large hands caressed her sides as he continued to suckle, he hummed sending vibrations through her like shock waves. "Kei," she gasped again as she felt his free hands give her breast a harsh squeeze and he hummed, "Yes?" he asked with a grin. His eyes were half lidded and black hair was out of place, "Did you like that?" he asked as he slowly began to kiss down her stomach, his lips set her aflame as he did so. She could feel their sweet touch and the nip of his teeth as he marked her as his. His tongue circled each mark and she cried out even louder. He paused and whispered against her stomach, "You must be a muse," he whispered as he slowly kissed the inside of her leg. His lips ghosted over the sensitive skin making her jerk, he slowly ran his fingers down her hips. It was as though he were memorizing her every curve, committing it to memory to keep him warm at night. She felt him hook his fingers in her panties once again before motioning to take them off. She slowly lifted her lower body off the bed to assist him as he pulled the delicate black lace from her body. She could feel the soft equation cotton sheets as she lowered herself. She watched as Kei smiled and kissed her big tow before nipping it. Her breath hitched as she felt him run his tongue along her instep and his hands cradle her leg. His hooded emerald eyes gazed at her, he looked as though he were a wild animal which had been caged. His powerful body was glistening, and she noticed his pants tent from his arousal. His fingers slowly swept over her clit, and she jerked, a moan slipped for her lips and she bucked her hips forward.

Kei welcomed this happily as he slowly circled her clit with his thumb and teased her entrance. "What a lovely sound, I hope I will hear it again," he commented as he slipped his fingers over her clit again and Alex gasped, "Kei, your pants." He paused and looked down, clearly she had forgotten that he was still in them. He chuckled as he leaned up and asked. "Would you like to remove them?" Alex nodded as she slowly shifted and slowly unclasped the button of his trousers. He could feel his firm member through the fabric, it's warmth was seeping through her fingers as she slowly unzipped them. Kei hissed in appreciation as he felt his restraints fall away from his aching member. He slowly stood on the bed and allowed the article of clothing to fall before kicking them off. She could hear the rustle of the fabric as they fell to the floor and she chuckled. A grin of delight swept across Kei's lips as she slipped her fingers into his waist band. Oddly she felt confident, a fire was burning inside her, and she desperately wanted this man to take her higher than heaven. She slowly lowered his boxers, and he slipped out of those as well. Her eyes widened as he looked over his body, he was muscled, tones and clearly worked out everyday. His hard body was more than any artist could ever dream of admiring, he smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and engaged her in a kiss. "Spread your legs," he breathed against her lips. She did as he instructed and felt him slowly rub her clit before slipping a finger inside of her. "Ah!" she cried out as she felt his other hand touch her sensitive breast. He was hitting every button, yet she was the only one receiving. Her fingers reached down and she felt his hot hard member against her fingers.

She wrapped her fingers around it and gently stroked him, he groaned as she did so and thrust his finger into her a little harder. She shuddered as he searched for something inside of her. Her hands continued to stroke him, and he whispered, "Daring," he hummed as he rammed his fingers into her and she moaned. His fingers had hit perhaps the most sensitive nerve in her body, and she looked at him. He was grinning as he added as a second finger and continued to mercilessly hit her G-Spot. She continued to stroke him, she felt this ache between her legs, which was nothing like she had felt with Rin. "I want you," he whispered as he slowly glided her down to the bed. He slowly positioned himself between her legs and asked, "Are you afraid?"

Kei's eyes glided over her flushed body, he admired her now swollen breasts and open lips. Those ocean blue eyes were lidded and filled with desire, she was soaked and he could tell she was ready for him. His fingers were sticky from thrusting inside of her, he could still feel her walls clamping around them. He brought them to his lips and licked them, she tasted so sweet, he just wanted to ravage her. He watched her nodded, and he smiled gently, he grasped his throbbing member and looked at her. His hips bucked forward as he impaled her, her scream of pleasure rang in his ears and he hissed. "So tight," he breathed as he looked at her. He waited a moment, he figured she wasn't a virgin physically but mentally she was. Her walls slowly relaxed a little as he swept her hair away from her eyes. Kei honestly wanted to ram into her merciless and enjoy her tight entrance. She smiled, "Move," she breathed.

Kei slowly pulled out of her and then thrust back into her, he could feel her walls cradle him as he entered her once again. The feeling made him moan with pleasure. He watched as she moaned and he slowly set a pace, her hands shot up to hold him. He slowly grabbed one of them and placed a hiss on her knuckles before leaning over her. He could feel her hips roll upward to meet him. At this angle he could reach even further than before and felt as though he were going to loose himself inside of her. His lips crashed into hers and their tongues tangled in a dance driven by primal need. "Alexandra," Kei breathed as he picked up pace, enjoying the friction and heat. He was going to drown in this woman, "Alexandra," he moaned again as he moved.

She felt him fill her to the rim, his rapid and hard thrusts were spreading her apart, and she felt as though he were going to send her over the edge. Her entire body was engulfed in the fire he had kindled, his thick member continuously created the friction he desired. His lips pressed against hers, and she wrapped his arms around him, she was going to keep him as close as she could. She could feel him spreading her further apart, and she moaned, Kei's body was covered in sweat and she could hear his rapid breathing. They moved so well together, she became lost in his desire and passion. "Kei," she gasped, dropping all formality. He smiled, and she moaned, "Harder." At her command he snapped his hips forward and moved even further inside of her, his pace was relentless and his accuracy just as good. "Oh fuck," she gasped as he moved, he was reaching so deep inside her she though he was going to his her womb. It made her curl with pleasure, and she snapped her hips toward him to meet his demanding thrusts. "Kei," she screamed and he simply licked his lips before slipping his tongue into her open mouth. She felt as though he had sent her flying as she shattered in his hands, her body convulsed with pleasure as she allowed the last thread of sanity to come undone. "Alexandra," he growled as his hands gripped her hips. She could feel him spill his seed inside of her, his body was ridged, and she watched as he tipped his head back and closed his eyes. A bead of sweat rolled down his face, and she admired his form as he slowly followed her into a moment of bliss. He collapsed on top of her, pressing her into the mattress. His skin was feverish and sticky, evidence of their beautiful act. She ran her fingers through his hair, and he hummed as he looked at her, "Amazing," he panted. She could feel his heart beginning to slow.

"Simply amazing," he commented as he rolled off of her and off to the side. She giggled and looked at him as he grabbed her and pulled her into his chest. "I don't think I've ever felt like that with anyone else," he commented and looked at her. His hands were gentle, and she held her closer, she shivered slightly and he hummed, "Cold?" he asked. Alex looked up at him and nodded, she had a feeling her voice would be hoarse. He smiled as he grabbed the comforter and wrapped it around them. It was soft and rather warm, she loved the feeling of his skin against her as she slowly began to drift, this comfort wasn't something expected. Kei kissed the top of her head and snuggled into her. Their limbs were entwined and neither of them desired to release the other.

Golden eyes gazed out the window, Ronald and William had a point. He was playing a risky game and rather than telling Sebastian, he kept it to himself. It was no wonder his raven was flying away from him. Yet, it didn't explain quite what had occurred. Claude could feel Sebastian's agony and irritation. All of that pain was making him sick, yet he couldn't break their bond, which had withstood torture and agony once before. His eyes drifted down to look at the platinum band which was wrapped around his finger, he couldn't take it off. "You said for all eternity and then on, yet I'm standing here alone," he whispered. His body still ached from the harsh treatment he had received hours before, perhaps it was what he deserved. All he desired to do was hold him, the two reapers had disappeared to go to work and he was left alone in the apartment. Sebastian's anger hit him in waves, it was directed at him. Tears fell from his eyes and he looked at the kitchen, there had to be something to distract him, long enough so he could function. So he could breath. He slowly walked into the kitchen and rolled up his sleeve, he wasn't proud of what he was going to do next, he didn't care either. If it meant he could stop this pain he would do it. He slowly opened the drawer and pulled out a boning knife, his thumb caressed the edge as he looked at the glistening silver blade. It had been a long time since he had resorted to this, the bombing of Hiroshima was the last time he had cut himself. Sebastian hadn't responded for days after that, and he though the demon was dead.

His golden eyes fell on the faint scars he could remember when he received each one, the one that was the deepest was Jasper's death. This was going to be even deeper, he slowly glided the blade across his wrist and watched as a scarlet red ribbon fell from it and spilt into the sink. It trickled down his fingers and over the platinum band, "I know I hurt you, please forgive me," he whispered as he watched the blood run. To be alone for the rest of his existence hurt, he just wanted to hold Sebastian. Yet how could he return after what he had been accused of. The wound continued to bleed until Claude lifted his wrist and slowly ran his tongue across it. He could taste the bitterness of his blood as he felt the cut seal it's self. I was quick to clean the mess, and the blade, he watched as the evidence of his pain washed down the sink. "I just want to hold you," he whimpered before finally breaking down and falling to his knees on the kitchen floor. His mind was flooded with images of Sebastian, he had hoped to see his raven fly through the doors and take him back. For those arms to embrace him and take his pain away, to protect him from the other demons. Yet he never came, that coy smirk was nowhere to be seen, that haughty look of satisfaction after managing to land a contract plagued him. Those bright red eyes filled with lust and love, were not going to look at him. He was as far as Sebastian was concerned a traitor.

The door opened and he heard the light footsteps of one of the shinigami, "I'm back, Claude, where are you?" asked a young and bright voice. Claude got off the floor and began to pretend he was making tea, "The kitchen," he responded as he opened the cabinet and pulled out a tin of Earl Grey. He drew a deep breath and managed to recompose himself. "Oh, there you are, I was coming to see how you were. Will is trapped at the office," said Ronald with a smile. Claude looked over his shoulders at the rather bright eyed shinigami leaning in the doorway. "I'm fine," said Claude with a small polite smile. Ronald sighed and slowly tugged on the knot of his tie to loosen it. "I know how boring it must be for you to stay here, I get bored her," he commented. Claude merely nodded and made sure his sleeve was clean, he couldn't risk the reaper seeing what he had done to himself. "It's not too bad, Mr. Spears has a lovely collection of books," commented Claude as he lit the gas stove. He watched as Ronald glanced at the shelves, a smile curved his lips. It was a look Claude knew all to well, an affectionate one filled with little memories and a sweetness which now hurt him. "He does, he's a huge Scifi fan, which I never expected," he commented and turned his attention to Claude. "Is there anything I can get you?" asked Ronald curiously, he could tell the shinigami was here to make sure he hadn't done anything stupid.

"No I'm alright," Claude replied as he pulled out a pair of mugs, "Actually could you grab the travel mug, I have to go reap a soul soon," said Ronald quickly. Without further instruction Claude grabbed the bright green travel mug and began to warm it to ensure that the tea stayed hot. "You really do adapt to any environment, huh?" asked Ronald, Claude could feel his eyes on his back and simply shrugged. "It's a habit," he responded, he was going to use the excuse that it was because he had been a butler for so long, that he didn't want to bring himself shame. Yet that wasn't true, he had memorized every room in the flat in an attempt to distract himself from the fact that he was unable to see and hold Sebastian. Ronald looked at Claude skeptically and asked, "You sure you're alright?" he asked once again there was a little more concern in his voice. Claude turned to him and smiled a little, "Yes, everything is fine," he responded. This seemed to throw Ronald off, the young shinigami's eyes fell on his wrist watch. Claude heard the kettle whistle and made Ronald's cup first, "You should run, you don't want overtime, Spears would be upset if you did," Claude commented encouragingly.

Ronald nodded in appreciation as his fingers wrapped around the travel mug and turned to leave. "Thanks man, and I'll tell Will that you're okay," said Ronald. Claude nodded and began to steep his own tea, he watched as Ronald left. He didn't want to be alone but, he also couldn't let the reaper to see him, "Every thing's fine," he whispered as he looked at the light brown liquid in the mug.