A/N: Hey guys :) I hope everyone is well, its time for this weeks update, which I will warn, things are getting and will get a lot more graphic and painful, as well as emotional and other such stuffs :3 so yeah, please review and thank you so much for the favorites, hello to the new followers, and thank you to the continued support of the followers :) Get ready to see a more protective Byakuya... yum :)
Oh, another thing, I recommend a listen to "Comfortably numb" and "Hey you" by Pink Floyd, those were the songs I listened to while writing this chapter :)
xXx
I was walking, looking up at the canopy of trees without really seeing their bare branches. The moment I had just shared with Byakuya had disorientated me; even breathing had become a challenge. I took deep breaths of the chilly air and tried to collect my thoughts into comprehensibly clusters.
Damn, what the hell was going on with me?
The feeling was recognizable, but I was more than reluctant to acknowledge it. The last time I had felt like this was… I shook away the thoughts of my ex. No, my situation with Byakuya was nothing like that.
The craving and desire I felt for Byakuya was too much like what I felt when she was with me. I suppressed the thought and the sensation; I couldn't let myself be absorbed into such a… thing. Not again. But what about that poem? I could not let myself think about the 'what ifs' that had arisen from that piece of senryuu.
Especially not with a man, who is my psychiatrist! The more I thought about it, the more absurd it became. Besides, there was no way a man like Byakuya would ever be into someone like me… Someone like me… I shook my head and walked into the main building. then to my room where Hitsugaya was staring silently at Ikkaku and Yumichika as they kissed deeply.
They had not noticed him, because of his silent nature. He just watched them and then turned to me. I was, unfortunately, a lot more noisy and they broke their kiss. They looked at Hitsugaya and me with embarrassment.
"There's nothing wrong with this" Ikkaku reminded me. I nodded; those words were now a chant every time I walked in on them acting out my deepest desires.
xXx
My appointment was in the office the next day because it had begun to snow. I stalked the hall towards Byakuya's office silently, before tapping his door. He grunted, and I stepped in. He was seated on the chaise longue, with a book in his hand. Upon closer inspection, I could see he was reading "Death and the Maiden" by Ariel Dorfman.
"Good afternoon, Renji" he said, closing the book slowly and moving over. He patted the space beside him and I took my seat, with a grunt.
"I think… I will do it" I said, rubbing my itchy eyes. I hadn't slept all of night. Not only because of the run in with Ikakku and Yumichika, that I was getting used to... The thought of following through with my therapy by retrieving my memories was... terrifying.
"I'm glad" he said, with a little nod.
"But what's gonna happen?" I asked, playing with my hands.
"It would mean you go under hypnosis, so we can access your subconscious. Upon doing so, you will remember everything, though it will take several sessions to fully delve into the problem, so don't expect everything to come out now" he said apprehensively.
"And after that?"
"You wake up, and we deal with the wounds" he said, looking sad. I looked at him a moment longer, and then with a sigh I said, "Ok, ok, let's do it"
I was walking down a corridor, being led by a woman with slight hands. I could not see her, but I could smell her cheap perfume and makeup. We finally arrived to a room. There were two children kneeling on the ground, huddled in cages, and two men in lab coats, with Tasers in their hands. One man was large, with straw hair and dirty brown eyes, while the other looked like an exact copy of the first, only thinner.
I was pushed forward, but before I could protest, the Taser was dug deep into my stomach. I gasped and fell to the floor, pain flowing white hot through my body. I vomited and peed myself, barely able to keep my eyes open. The pain was too much. I was going to pass out.
I was picked by one of the men, moments later, and pushed into one of the cages. The other children cowered in their own spaces, watching the men with fear and disgust. The men laughed harshly, and I whimpered, gathering my urine soaked legs towards my chest, drowning in the stench of my own excrement for what seemed like a lifetime.
I heard the distant calling of Byakuya's voice. By the time I opened my eyes, I was on the floor, and there was the sound of sobbing. It took me a while to realize that is was coming from me. I cried even louder, and pinched myself. I sat up. I begged myself to stop crying, and pinched harder. As I began to fall back down, Byakuya was beside me, holding me tightly against his frame. He held me tight, for what seemed like forever.
My mind was going around in circles, and a pounding headache was blooming. I felt like vomiting, the pain felt so real, as though I was that tasered child all over again.
It took a while, but eventually my sobs quieted down, and my eyes stopped tearing. I was thirsty and tired, and I so desperately wanted to sleep. Byakuya sat beside me, holding my head to his chest. I lifted my head and pulled away from him. I didn't want his comfort, my chest felt tighten with hatred. He made me feel all this pain that I had forgotten.
"This is your fault" I muttered angrily, the rage raking my body with every breath.
"You won't reconcile until you feel this pain again and actually deal with it. Suppression does not work if you want to get out of here" he said calmly. I stared at him and realized he was right, but that did not subdue my rage. I felt broken, like that child in the cage.
I felt Byakuya's arms wrap around me again, but I moved away to the window. The sky was overcast, and snow was falling lazily to the ground. The trees were bare and covered slickly with ice. It was all very sad.
xXx
Renji had finally fallen asleep on the chaise longue, after Byakuya had left to tell Kiyone that Renji would need "extra time". Her eyes had widened slightly, and her lips parted a fraction, but she nodded anyway.
Byakuya stared at the teen for a moment and felt the deepest resolve to repair this boy, and protect him from any harm. Like he did with Grimmjow, he would eliminate any threat to Renji's healing. After the events that succeeded the hypnosis, Byakuya knew that it would take more work to deal with Renji's mental disorder.
Byakuya was aware however that they had never finished their session, it was not over yet!
He took a seat at his desk and stared at Renji a moment longer.
His red hair was damp with sweat, and his face crusty with tears. His tattoos were dark against his pale skin, his red hair adding to the contrast. The pain that one human could take was so immense, Byakuya could feel Renji's pain. It made him sick.
Byakuya picked up his phone again, realizing the implications of Renji's taking of extra time that day. Extra time. Byakuya knew what would happen if Renji went back out into the open, he would be the biggest scandal since Ukitake's admittance to hospital. Byakuya needed to take Renji away from the asylum.
"Yes, Dr. Kuchiki?" Hisagi answered.
"I'm taking Renji off asylum grounds" he informed, with no room for protest or questions, his words were final.
There was hesitation from Hisagi, but with a note of realization, he said, "Yeah, so what do you need?"
Byakuya sighed with relief, "I simply need a taxi for tomorrow morning, to the airport, the rest I can do. Thank you"
"Yes… Dr. Kuchiki?" Hisagi said,
"Yes?"
"You care about him, don't you?"
Byakuya looked at Renji, who was in a fetal position, and felt his pulse quicken. Hisagi took the silence as a response and said, "I understand. Just take care of him, yeah?"
"As you wish, goodnight Hisagi" and cut the phone. He took a moment and walked over to where Renji was sleeping. He was frowning deeply in his sleep. Byakuya fell to his knees beside him and shut his eyes.
He took it upon himself to fix Renji no matter what. I will make him the happiest man in this world, Byakuya swore, walking towards the teen to lay his hand upon Renji's rising and falling chest. I will protect you, I promise!
xXx
And that brings us to the end of another chapter, let me know what you guys think :D Thank you for reading!
By the way, I have to apologize, I don't realize how short the chapters are, please let me know if you'd like more things to happen in the chapters, or if this pace is good :) it would really help, thanks!