Late Night Encounters 12 ~ It's So Hard To Say Goodbye
"Five... Four..."
"Three... Two..."
"One. Happy New Year."
My heart was racing as those last few seconds passed, my breaths staggering as our lips inched closer. I didn't want midnight to arrive, regardless of how tempting his lips were or how much I ached to feel them against mine. With it came the dreaded day I wished would never come.
Friday, January 1, 2010.
Turning in his arms, I melted into his kiss and pulled my body closer to him, desperate to feel him against me once more. I couldn't close my eyes even if I'd wanted to, my subconscious determined to soak up every last moment I had left with him. We only had seven hours before we had to be at the airport, and then he had the long drive back to Chicago before returning to work on Saturday morning.
We needed to get some sleep, but I couldn't let him go yet. The entire week had flown by in a flurry, making it easy to bury any thoughts of our eventual separation. No worrying about schedules or dodging questions or explaining actions. We'd simply lived.
I knew from the first moment I touched him that everything was going to change between us; I just had no idea how much or in what way. For one week, we were just Edward and Bella, another couple amongst the crowd. As soon as the novelty wore off, walking with him, holding hands, and even kissing became effortless and felt natural.
Home felt foreign.
"How are we going to go back?" I whispered as our foreheads rested together and my fingers ran lightly through his hair, tracing around his ear.
His arms tightened around me, pulling my body flush with his and gently kissing my lips. "By remembering that this isn't the end. And that we'll be together again soon."
I sighed, my fingertips trailing down his neck and my leg draping over his thigh, trying to move closer. Every inch of our bodies were touching and I ground my hips against his hardened length, pressing my lips firmly to his.
"One more time. Please," I whimpered against him, gazing into his green depths. "I know we can't stay up all night, but please. Just once more."
His hand came to my face, brushing my hair back as he stared into my eyes and wiped away a tear with his thumb. "We're not saying goodbye, Bella."
I nodded slowly, running my hands over his back. "I know. I just want one more night to remember with you."
Without another word, he rolled me back until his body settled onto mine and he effortlessly glided into me. My fingers wove into his hair, holding him closer as our lips met and every other thought disappeared. Just him, this moment.
I had changed so much in that week. I'd never felt as close to someone as I felt with him. He was everything I could've wanted in a man. He was sweet and tender in moments when I just needed to feel him with me, passionate when I needed my wildest fantasies fulfilled, light and fun-loving when I simply needed to relax.
And I found that I couldn't help myself. I'd fallen deeper for him than I'd ever thought I could.
My eyes pinched closed and I kissed him deeply as his body moved against mine, working me closer to orgasm with every thrust.
I was in love with him, and the following day, I had to let him go.
x-x-x
Sitting in his car at the airport, I felt frozen in my place. My hands shook and the tears fell freely down my cheeks with the weight of my realization from the night before. More than ever, I simply wanted to remain in that car and leave with him, never setting foot in LA again. I'd felt true happiness for a full week, something I knew that a telephone or even a webcam could never replace.
"Baby, you need to check your luggage," he said softly as his hand reached over to cover mine, giving it a gentle squeeze.
I nodded distractedly, gripping his hand firmly. "Yea, I know."
"Come on," he said, turning my face toward him and kissing me gently, staring into my eyes for a moment before pulling away to step out and grab my bags.
I slowly extracted myself from the car, meeting with him at the back and hugging myself against his side as we walked toward the doors of the airport. Stopping just inside, I folded myself into him and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, inhaling his scent one more time.
"Is it Spring Break yet?" I chuckled sadly against his chest, feeling his lips press against my hair.
"It'll be here before you know it, Bella. March is less than three months away," he replied, trying to sound encouraging, but his voice cracked almost imperceptibly mid-statement.
I tilted my head up to look at him, finding his eyes slightly misted. My fingers rose to graze his cheek gently and his lips slowly lowered to mine. I responded eagerly, clasping his face between my hands and holding him there for as long as possible. "I ... I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too, baby," he murmured against my lips, reluctantly loosening his hold around my waist. "Text me when you land?"
I nodded, my hands sliding down his chest until he took them in his, stepping back from me and raising my right one to brush a soft kiss against my knuckles. It was just like one of those old movie scenes; two people hesitantly moving away from each other, touching until they could no longer reach, their fingertips the last thing to fall away. And every eyeroll I'd ever given to such a scene was instantaneously retracted.
I know exactly how they felt now.
Turning my head to look at him one last time as I reached the counter to check my luggage, I saw him still standing there at the door, giving me a small wave and a smile before walking back out into the cold New York air.
"Have a nice holiday in the Big Apple, miss?" the attendant asked with a cheery smile, drawing my attention back to my current task.
However, I couldn't manage to share in his enthusiasm, and hummed solemnly. "Yea, it was great."
x-x-x
As the plane began to taxi out, I pulled my phone from my pocket, scrolling through my pictures until I found the one I was looking for.
During one of our walks, staring out at the immense stretch of New York Harbor, I'd gotten a sudden urge and asked a complete stranger to take our picture at the waterfront. I smiled slightly as I gazed down at Edward holding me against his chest, lightly tracing his smiling face with my fingertip.
"Nice looking boy," a voice sounded from beside me, and I glanced over to the kind face of the elderly woman sitting in the next seat. "What's his name?"
"E-Edward," I stammered emotionally as I returned my gaze to the picture, fighting back the threatening tears and the ache in my heart from the sound of his name. "His name is Edward."
"Edward," she repeated thoughtfully with a soft sigh. "You make quite a handsome couple. Young love is so very rare nowadays."
I laughed sadly, shaking my head and steeling myself against the onslaught of emotion those words evoked. "We're just really good friends."
The web of lies is going to begin the moment I land anyway when Rose picks me up. Might as well start now, I thought to myself.
Her hand came to rest on mine and I turned to look at her again, seeing her lips curved into a warm smile. "Sweetheart, I think you should take another good look at that photo. Those are the eyes of a man and woman in love. Reminds me of myself and my Walter before the war. If I may offer you some advice?"
I gazed at her dumbfounded but nodded slowly anyway. "Sure."
"Don't squander time, honey. It's all you have, and you never know when it's going to end," she said with an almost ancient wisdom in her eyes. "I was just about your age when I received that awful yellow telegram, telling me that my husband wasn't coming home to me and our little boy. First love is very special, and something that comes along once in a lifetime. You're never guaranteed a second chance. Live every moment of it."
With a final pat on my hand, she folded hers and leaned back in her seat, sleeping through the remainder of the flight. Yet, even with the little rest I had gotten the night before, my eyes wouldn't close, my mind wouldn't stop spinning.
Spring Break was almost three months away, and I was already feeling empty without his arms around me. I didn't even want to imagine what it would be like when I got home, in my bed, alone in LA. Part of me wished that I'd never known how it felt to have him beside me; it was almost better not knowing what I was missing. Yet, the stronger part of me wouldn't have changed it for the world. To know the feeling of having my arms wrapped around the man I loved as I went to sleep was more precious than saving myself the pain of his absence.
Eleven weeks. Seventy-seven days from now, I thought as I counted them on the calendar of my phone. And I will be in Chicago.
Five hours later, the plane began to taxi into LAX and I closed the book I had been attempting to distract my brain with; unsuccessfully, I might add. The woman beside me sighed as she shifted in her seat, no doubt stiff from remaining in the same spot for hours.
As we stood to deboard, she lifted her carry-on over her shoulder and then placed a hand on my arm. "Tell him, dear."
With that, she smiled and made her way down the aisle, disappearing out the door.
The moment I turned on my phone inside the airport, it began to vibrate in my hand and I looked down to find two text messages waiting. The first was from Edward, sent shortly after I took off from JFK.
I miss you already. xo ~E
Pressing the phone to my chest, I smiled tearily and gave a small laugh. It was a comfort to know that he was feeling it, too, and just as quickly.
Just landed. I miss you too. xo ~B
I sent it and stared at his message a moment longer, feeling a smile tugging at my lips before moving on to the next, which was from Rosalie.
Just got here. Meet you out front.
Looking at the time, the text arrived ten minutes before, when my flight was supposed to land.
"Shit," I hissed under my breath, quickly replying to tell her I'd be out in a few minutes.
Hurrying through the massive expanse of the airport, the elderly woman's words rang through my mind again. Tell him, dear.
Distractedly lifting my phone again, I debated for a moment as I wove through the busy crowds. I could wait until I spoke to him, but that might lead to an awkward silence that neither of us would need after our perfect week together. At least this way, he'd have the remainder of the drive to run it over in his mind. As I approached baggage claim, I typed out a quick message.
I love you, Edward. ~B
Hitting send before I could change my mind, I hurriedly slid the phone into my pocket and stood beside the conveyor belt, bouncing impatiently with the knowledge that Rose hated to wait.
"Bella!" I heard my name called and my head shot around, looking for the source until I spotted the unmistakable blonde locks of Rosalie coming toward me. "So, how was New York?"
My eyes widened as one of her perfect brows lifted and her arms folded expectantly over her chest. I took a deep breath and forced a smile. "W-what are you talking about?"
"First of all, Bella Swan, you are a horrible liar, and I'm not even sure how you got away with it for this long. Second, the most recent flight in from Seattle landed over thirty minutes ago, and I was waiting over there, while you are over here under a sign for a New York flight. And third," she paused, pulling her phone out of her jacket and holding it up to me. "Who the fuck is Edward?"
I gasped and my hands rose to cover my mouth, as clearly displayed before me was my last message, meant for Edward.
"You have some secret boyfriend or something?" she exclaimed, sliding the phone into her pocket and resuming her interrogative stance.
I felt my face burning as I lowered my eyes, collecting myself as my worst nightmare took shape. "No. Not exactly."
"Alright, so what exactly is it? You just went traipsing off to New York with some random guy then?" she snapped angrily and I shushed her as people began to stare. "This is going to give your father a heart attack."
"No, it won't, because my dad is never going to know about this. Neither is Alice. And it wasn't just some 'random guy' either," I replied stiffly, my posture tensing as I turned my gaze to the conveyor belt and looked for my bag.
"Okay, so not only do you want me to lie to your father, but now Alice, too?" she whispered harshly, her hands resting on her hips. "Who the hell is he?"
"I'm not asking you to lie. I'm asking you not to say anything at all. And can we not discuss this right now, in the middle of the airport?" I replied brusquely, glancing at her from the corner of my eye.
She huffed heavily and pursed her lips, turning on her heel and calling back to me over her shoulder. "I'll be out front with the car."
As soon as she was out of sight, I released a long shaky breath and dug my phone out of my pocket, dialing the only person that I knew could calm me.
"Edward, I'm in trouble."
EPOV
As I pulled into the rest stop just over the border of Ohio to grab a coffee, my phone buzzed in my pocket with a message from Bella.
Just landed. I miss you too. xo ~B
I smiled at her simple words, allowing them to fill me with relief. She was home and safe, and already missing me, as well. Nothing had changed or disappeared—just as we'd promised.
However, while I stood in line for my coffee, my phone sounded again, with her ringtone filling the air.
"Hey baby," I said softly, not expecting to hear her voice again until I got home, but quickly realizing how much I needed to.
"Edward, I'm in trouble." Her trembling tone instantly sobered me and I felt my body stiffen in worry.
"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked urgently, clutching my phone tightly in my hand as a million different scenarios began racing through my head.
What could possibly cause her to sound this way? Had no one been there to meet her? Was she hurt?
My train of thought was broken as she let out a shuddering breath. "Rose knows."
I could hear the tears in her voice and my eyes closed, wishing more than ever that I could be there to comfort her, while also relieved that she wasn't actually hurt. "Rose knows what, baby?"
"Everything. About you. Us. Everything," she spoke so quickly, her voice was shaking more with every word as she ran out of air.
"Okay, take a deep breath, Bella. It's going to be alright," I replied calmly, attempting to relax her.
"No, it's not. You don't understand. There's no way I can explain this to her that will make it alright. Then I'm going to have to tell Alice. And my dad. Oh my god, my dad," she panted heavily, on the verge of hyperventilating. "I wasn't ready for this yet. I have no idea what I'm going to say."
"Listen," I said softly, taking my coffee and began walking out to my car. "She doesn't need to know the exact details of how we met. Just tell her that we met online, we've been talking for a few months, and leave it at that."
"That won't make it any better. She'll think I'm even more insane for running off to meet a guy I found online," she sighed heavily, and I could picture her hand running into her hair and clenching it tightly in her fist, the way she always did when she was exasperated.
"It's not that uncommon anymore, baby. People do it all the time," I replied as I leaned back against the hood of my car. "Obviously, I'm not some psycho, since you're safely back home. You're a grown woman. What more could she possibly say?"
"Yeah, people, not me. And she knows this," she huffed into the phone. "And believe me when I tell you that Rose can always think of something to say."
"They were going to have to find out sometime, right? If we plan to continue this?" I asked, silently dreading that she now might be regretting everything between us. That reality had caught up with us already, and we hadn't even been apart for a full day yet. "How did she find out anyway?"
The line was silent for a moment and I thought the call had dropped until I heard her sigh. "There was no flight in from Seattle when she arrived to pick me up. And I accidentally sent her a text that was meant for you, because I'm a massive fucking idiot, trying to text while in a hurry."
"What did you say?" I asked, genuinely curious as to what she could have sent that would alert her friend in such a way.
"I uh, I can't exactly remember. It wasn't important, but it had your name in it."
"Bella, you don't even fib well," I laughed slightly at her stammering voice and shook my head, hearing her sigh heavily through the phone. "Just don't worry too much. Everything will work out, and I'll be home later tonight if you need to talk, okay? I'll call you, if it's not too late."
"Just call. I don't care what time it is," she said and I heard her grunt faintly as she no doubt lifted her suitcase. "I want to hear your voice before I go to sleep, since I can't have you with me."
"Alright, baby. I'll call," I replied in a calm voice and I could almost hear her smile as she breathed out slowly.
"Wish me luck," she said nervously as the sound of voices moved around her.
"Good luck. I'll talk to you tonight," I said and heard her soft 'bye' before the call disconnected.
Tossing the phone into the passenger seat, I lowered myself into the car and made my way back onto the highway. As I set the cruise control, my thoughts wandered again to all that had happened over the last week.
I'd just had the most amazing time of my life with the incredible woman who was again thousands of miles away from me. It had taken everything in me to get out of bed that morning, her naked body pressed firmly against my side from our passionate encounter the night before. I'd had every intention of making love to her one last time before we had to go to sleep, but the imploring look in her eyes urged me on even more.
As I entered her, we both released soft sighs as our gazes met just before our lips did. It was the most intense feeling I'd had all week with her, knowing this would be the last time I'd touch her this way for almost three months. Feel her breath on my skin and her fingers in my hair. Softly moaning my name as I filled her again and again.
"Oh ... God ... Edward," I heard her strained voice in my ears even now, as if she were sitting right next to me, or we were still in the haven of that hotel room. Her body convulsed beneath mine as her orgasm ripped through her, a guttural groan rumbling deep in her throat and her hands moved to grip my shoulders tightly. She felt so good around me; I hadn't wanted it to end. However, I couldn't hold back anymore either and I bit lightly into her neck as I came, her back arching in response and gasping with each thrust.
I shifted in my seat, feeling myself harden at the mere memory of that last time with her and the faint mark on her lower neck that I'd noticed that morning when I woke up. Not now. I still have over seven hours left in this car. Think of something else.
That woman had come to mean everything to me. Every one of my thoughts and actions revolved around her, and I couldn't deny that similar thoughts to hers had crossed my mind as well. Regardless of how much I'd tried to calm her when she'd questioned me the night before, I couldn't help but wonder the same thing.
How were we simply going to go back to the way things had been before New York? Before we knew how good we were together, how easy things had been between us. Were things now going to be awkward once we returned to our old rituals?
Aside from that, I began to wonder exactly where we stood now. Were we still only 'exclusive internet lovers'? Through the entire week, I hadn't thought once about that aspect, but at that moment, it wouldn't leave my mind. She was so much more than that to me.
Leaving her at the airport had been the most difficult thing I'd ever done. I forced a smile when she'd turned to look back at me, and then had to walk out that door quickly before I ran back to stop her. Begging her to come to Chicago right then and there and never let her go. I wouldn't allow myself to think of how easy it would be for her to transfer to UoC for her last semester, and we'd never have to be apart again.
However, my logical mind knew that we weren't ready for that, and her call at the rest stop was a clear indication of that, if nothing else. She needed to feel comfortable in telling her family and friends about us before any part of our relationship could progress.
And I needed to as well. Aside from Emmett, no one knew anything about Bella, and that needed to change before she came to Chicago. That gave me less than three months to fill in my family and figure out what exactly I was going to tell them about her.
I cared so much about her, and while I wasn't nervous about explaining to my family that I'd met a woman online, I was unsure of how I would answer the inevitable questions about the existing relationship. Could I call her my girlfriend? Were we more than friends, less than serious? We'd never discussed or seemed to have even thought about it in the entire time we spent together. While we had no interest in seeing anyone else, what we were was something we needed to clarify very soon. Her hint of jealousy at the mention of the nurses in the ER and her eager acceptance to my invitation to Chicago gave the impression that she viewed me in more than just a casual way, but I needed to know.
What had that week truly meant to her? What did I mean to her?
I got a short reprieve from my thoughts when my phone began to ring again and I rolled my eyes with a laugh at the familiar ringtone.
"Hello, Emmett," I answered with a sarcastic sigh, followed by a chuckle.
"Oh, don't even act like you aren't dying to spill the beans about your steamy week with the LA hottie," he prodded in his typical jovial fashion. "Where are you now, anyway?"
"In the middle of nowhere, Ohio. And no, I'm not really overly anxious to divulge the intimate details of my sex life, since I know that's the only part of this you're interested in," I replied distractedly as I changed lanes. "And her name is Bella, for the millionth time."
"That hurts, Edward. I am actually offended that you would say such a thing about me," he said in a dramatically wounded tone, the amusement still lacing it. "So, what's she like?"
I sighed heavily, leaning into my seat and resting my head back. "I'm driving, Em."
"So, activate your damn bluetooth, you loser," he replied and I could almost hear his eyes rolling. "You know, I will never understand why you never do it in the first place when you start up that fancy car."
"Because some people actually don't live with their phone attached to their ear, perhaps?" I shot back as I grabbed my earpiece out of the center console and setting it in place.
"Whatever. It will at least kill some of your dull driving time. Unless, of course, you're too busy envisioning the hot, spicy, steamy, sex-filled..."
"Alright! Fucking hold on!" I exclaimed in annoyance, activating the earpiece and setting down my phone. "You are so fucking obnoxious, like a big kid."
"Come on, out with it," he said abruptly as I heard him settle into a chair. "What's Bella like?"
Gripping the steering wheel firmly with both hands, I took a deep breath as my posture straightened at the sound of her name. "She's amazing, Emmett. Just so fucking amazing."
"Is she as hot in person?" he asked anxiously, his voice filled with anticipation.
"Damn it, Em," I groaned in irritation; I really needed to quit falling prey to these things with him.
"Dude, she didn't send you a picture of someone else, did she? Shit, I read some fucked up stories on that type of thing on the net, and—"
"I saw her through a webcam, numbnuts. Kinda hard to doctor that," I shot back, interrupting his absurd statement.
"Holy fuck! Never took you for being into that kind of freaky shit. Nice," he chuckled and I could see the Cheshire grin on his face in my mind as he spoke.
"Keep your mind out of the gutter," I growled warningly.
"Too late, man. Already there and rolling in it," he laughed loudly and I drove my hand into my hair. "So, quit dodging. Was she hot?"
"No, she wasn't 'hot', she was fucking beautiful," I corrected him.
"Whoa, someone's a little touchy there. I take that as meaning it was a good week?" he asked, his voice lowering slightly.
"Yeah. It was a phenomenal week," I replied distantly as the memories of it bombarded me again. "Best week of my life."
He was abnormally quiet, with only the sounds of his breathing coming through the phone until he suddenly broke the silence with a boisterous exclamation. "Holy fucking shit, man! You really like her, don't you?"
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Of course I like her, Emmett. I wouldn't have driven all the way to New York and back if—"
"No, I mean, you really like her. I've never heard you this way in all the years I've known you, Ed. Even with Tanya, and you guys lived together, for fuck sake," he interrupted me in an astonished tone.
I sighed heavily in defeat, knowing that lying to him would get me nowhere, and he'd most likely see through me anyway. There was no point to it. And who better to talk to that my best friend. "I think I'm in love with her."