Chapter Five – Picking up the Pieces
Constance slowly opened her swollen eyes and glanced up at Edward, who sat on the edge of the bed. She blinked and looked around the dark surroundings, tears threatened to escape, "Did I dream it?" she whispered, her voice hoarse
Edward desperately wanted to console her, his hand reached out but hesitantly pulled his hand back, Edward knew that he had lost that right and silently shook his head in answer to her question. Constance closed her eyes and sighed before she tumbled easily into the abyss of unconsciousness.
Constance survived solely on the magic for sustenance, Edward remained vigilant over his fiancée and over the past few weeks decided to intervene. He would have preferred that Constance vent her grief and frustration on himself rather than reverting into her shell with only her suffering to console her.
Edward balanced a tray as he carefully entered the spare bedroom, "Constance." he called and watched her slowly stir
Her sense were assaulted by the aroma of food and the dimly light candle on the bedside cabinet, Constance looked at him and dismissed him with a limp wave of her hand however Edward placed the tray on the bed, "Humour me…please?" he begged and stirred the soup
There was a comfortable silence between them as Edward carefully nursed her as he slowly spoon fed her the warm tomato soup while he observed her painfully thin image. Edward was eternally grateful that she had allowed him to stay even if she was simply pacifying him.
"You haven't taken your medication," he whispered
Constance glanced over to the bedside table at the unopened box of medication that the doctor had prescribed for her, Edward popped open two capsules and held a glass of water for her, "I don't have the right, but…take the medication…for me!"
Edward smiled to himself at the slow progress that he had made with Constance, he carried away the tray, the half empty bowl of soup and extinguished the lone candle.
The door gently clicked closed, the darkness encapsulated Constance. She rolled over and desperately cradled a pillow, she sobbed into the pillow where she mourned the loss of her baby, mourned future possibilities of having any children of her own and mourned the broken fragments of her relationship.
Edward leaned against the door and heard the muffled sounds emanating from the other side of the door, unable to control his own emotions, his own tears spilled out, for too long he had been strong but the sound of his fiancée crying brought him to his knees.
Constance blinked open her eyes and saw her mother sitting on the edge of her bed, "You should be asleep! It is past your bedtime."
Her eyes never left the image of her mother, who had died decades ago in a car accident. A dream or a nightmare, Constance did not care and desperately wanted to etch the image of her mother to memory and a small smile formed, "Can you put on the music box?" asked Constance
Her mother nodded, "Of course, sweetheart…" as she picked up the small wooden box and turned the key, "Sweet dreams, Constance."
Cynthia opened the music box and placed it back on the on the bedside table, the small ballerina began to rotate and a soothing tune began to play. Constance stared at the small figure turn and reached out, "Mum?"
"Constance…Constance," called a voice which cut through her recurrent childhood memory like a surgeon's scalpel
She abruptly woke and the image of her mother and small music box disappeared to reveal the reality of Edward as he leaned over her, his hands gripped onto her arms and firmly shook her from her sleep, "I heard you, calling out…sounded like a nightmare." He quickly explained
Constance pushed him away, positively revolted at the thought of his touch and turned away from him.
Edward sighed, "Talk to me….please…" he stuttered
She sniffed, "Nothing that concerns you…."
He shivered by the coldness in her voice, "Constance…I don't want to lose you, I can't!"
"You already have!"
"Why are you doing this to me…forcing me to relive these memories," snapped Constance, "If you truly had my best interests at heart then you would cease this useless exercise."
Zelda flinched at the abrupt outburst from her patient and judging from her tone it indicated that the past was too painful or that she was beginning to resist the effects of the truth potion.
"As a professional, I do of course have your best interests at heart…hence that is why you ae here!" replied Zelda
"I do not like these questions…an invasion of my privacy and any shred of dignity." She snapped and folded her arms defensively
Zelda gestured with her hands, surrender, "Constance, everything that we have spoken about will not leave this office, patient – doctor confidentiality...however if it makes you feel more comfortable, we'll talk about something else….how does that sound?"
"Do I actually have any choice in the matter?" she retorted
"How do you feel about Amelia…after all she is the reason that you are here in the first place."
It was a dramatic change in conversation but Zelda wanted Constance to feel at ease and comfortable, there could be a possibility of returning to her past which remained a complicated and intricate maze.
"How do I feel about Amelia in general or the fact that she deemed in necessary that I see a counsellor?"
Zelda pondered this briefly, "How about both?"
"Amelia has an instinctual mothering nature, be it with her staff or students but finds in necessary to pry into my personal life."
"She does have concerns regarding you, Constance…" started Zelda as she looked back over her notes
Constance held up her hand, "I'll save you the trouble, I presume that Amelia showed great concerns regarding my eating habits, the fact that I require very little sleep and for not being particularly open with her."
Zelda raised an eyebrow, "So you are aware that she has these concerns and is merely worried about her colleague?"
Constance rolled her eyes, "I have continuously told her that I will eat when I need to…not all of us share her obsessive need for cheesecakes and other such confectionery…and usually sleep for six hours at the weekend…"
Zelda interrupted, "You would likely sleep more if you were not dependent on wide awake potion."
She glared fiercely at Zelda, "I do not see the need to burden Amelia with my tragic life story, I need not the sympathy nor the pity and no doubt she would have to gossip about the findings to Imogen and Davina."
It was obvious to the younger witch that Constance was an extremely private personal and did not want to be judge by the actions of her past, in addition perhaps there were underlying trust issues that Constance refused to trust anyone completely especially after the ultimate betrayal, Edward.
"May I ask you a personal question?"
Constance snorted, "I am currently at your mercy, you made sure of that with the truth potion." she snapped
"You and Edward…how did you ever recovery from such devastation?"
"Who is to say that I ever did recovery fully!" she replied, her lowered her gaze towards her clasped hands
Her eyes opened and for the first time, she felt truly recharged, as the fog from her sight cleared. Slowly, she pushed herself out from the bed to find her legs unsteady like a new-born lamb and shakily made her way to the bathroom.
Constance gasped when she did not recognise the reflection in the mirror staring back at her, her fingers touched her face and carefully examined herself. Her dark brown eyes were no longer swollen from the never ending tears however remained blood-shocked and red. Her features of her face seemed pronounced and rationally blamed this due to her lack or non-existent appetite for the obvious weight loss. Her pale, almost translucent skin and unbrushed hair made her appear older than she actually was.
She sat alone, against the cold tiles of the shower cubicle as the cool water cascaded and swirled down the plug, her mind drifted and her new found energy all but exhausted.
Constance walked aimlessly around their small house, almost forgetting what the outside world actually looked like other than the spare bedroom that she had confined herself to. The entire house and contents were foreign to her as she walked and suddenly she stopped at a closed door.
The hair on the back of her neck prickled and rose, Constance found herself standing outside the room, their room which had changed everything. She placed a trembling hand against the wooden door and pushed it open, she swallowed the rising bile and looked around their bedroom. She closed her eyes and could remember the muffled laugher and sounds as she discovered Edward with another woman.
Constance gasped and backed away, the memory and emotions were too raw for her to deal with. Her hand covered her mouth resisting the overwhelming nausea and quickly took refuge back in the spare bedroom.
She was determined to reign her emotions and conquer the little girl that was afraid. In front of a full length mirror, Constance stood naked and exposed, carefully examining her body, various scars decorated her pale skin, her hands rested over her flat abdomen, her long hair covered her breasts and eventually, her own eyes met the stare of her reflection.
"It is time to seize control….take back what is mine."
Edward had reluctantly left and returned part time to work, he had left a small note on the off chance should Constance venture out of the spare bedroom and sighed at the thought. He knew the unchanged routine for the past few months would not be any different, Edward would return from work and check up on Constance, who would ignore him and he would attempt a one-sided conversation but only a few words were allowed to escape before his own grief threatened and he would hastily exit although there had been some small progress, he had managed to get Constance to take the prescribed medication and occasionally fed her soup when she was conscious. There were the very rare occasions when Edward watched her sleep and witness her muttering in her sleep, unsure if she was suffering from a nightmare or conversing in a dream, Constance often cried out for her mother which caused Edward to hang his head and contend with his shame.
However, this day, the daily routine would come to an end as Edward found Constance out of bed and sitting silently in the lounge.
"Constance?" he questioned, "It…its good, to see you…and out of bed."
She nodded, "It feels…different."
Edward sat beside her on the overstuffed couch, "It has felt like a lifetime for me…"
Constance gasped when she felt the warmth of his hands as he clasped her own, "I cannot begin to explain…" he began, his voice broke
She pushed her hands out from his grasp, "I gave you everything…and it still meant nothing to you!" interrupted Constance, "I even entrusted you with my heart and now its broken…" she confessed
"You have to believe me when I say that I will do anything, everything possible to elevate the suffering that I've caused you…caused us!"
"How can I believe you? How can I begin to trust anything that you say? You betrayed me!"
Edward raked his fingers through his hair with frustration and pushed himself up from the couch, he was trembling and attempted to control his temper as he desperately wanted her to understand that she was not the only one that was suffering.
"You're not alone, Constance. I'm hurting too…I feel the loss of our child as well."
"How dare you!" she spat, "How bloody dare you…as if fate was not cruel enough, you can do on to have children…you robbed me of that privilege!"
Edward was visibly shocked, "I don't want children with anyone else…" he pulled her into a deep embrace Constance and never wanted to let her go, she resisted at first but allowed the closeness and rested her head against his chest, the heartbeat that emanated from his chest consoled her.
He licked his dry lips and leaned into her ear, "It's been painful…watching you and being utterly helpless…I nearly lost you…I've been a mess without you."
"You should have let me go…" she whispered and looked up at him, "You think a well-rehearsed and heartfelt speech is going to change anything?"
His eyes widened, "Constance…it was an awful decision to make, you would have died if I hadn't made the decision."
"And I suppose I'll be forever grateful for that….you 'saved' me? You…it was you that caused all of this."
"Don't you think I've suffered enough?" he paused "Well, I has been hell for me! I didn't want you to find out that way, I didn't want to choice between your life and the possibility of having children….not if it meant you dying…hell, Constance, you were bleeding to death, and it was the only way to save you."
"You haven't suffered nearly enough…"
His eyes widened and jerked his arms from her as if he had been burnt, "Is that what you honestly think?"
Constance remained silent and continued to glare at him, Edward took her silence as the answer to his question, "Please, can't you see that I made a stupid mistake…an error in judgement, one that will forever haunt me and I'll spend this and the next lifetime making it up to you…don't give up on us…at least talk to me…say something, anything…you've kept me in the dark…"
She cleared her throat, "Do you really want to know how I feel?" she asked, Edward nodded, "How can I possibly trust you…ever? You have destroyed everything…this guilt is on your shoulders…You think you know of crippling pain and heartache, and…"
"And?" pushed Edward, keen to know
"And…I'll never love again!"
"Yes, you will, Constance….time is a healer…we will make it together, you'll see."
Her chest was heaving, "I…hate…you."
Edward shook his head in denial, "No, you don't mean that…you're not thinking clearly…"
"For the first time, in a long time…I am thinking clearly."
Zelda watched as Constance turned away from the prying eyes of the young counsellor and noticed a silk handkerchief, in her clutched hand, "I apologise for pushing you."
"I am perfectly fine." Snapped Constance as she winced at the anger in her own voice and regained her composure
Zelda resisted the urged to point out to Constance that she anything but 'fine'. It was obvious that Constance did not want help, be in professional or not or perhaps she did know actually know how to seek out for help without appearing to be weak.
"What about other….relations?" Zelda tested, as her voice trailed off
Her eye twitched and her features pinked, "There was someone...however nothing happened."
Zelda let her curiosity get the best of her and encouraged Constance to continue.
"He…at the time was a radio personality…Icy Stevens."
After the Witchy Hour had gone off the air, Constance returned the cocky-disc-jockey back to his arrogant self after which he stared at her with wonder and offered his trademark award winning smile, "Thank you."
Constance could feel a rush of heat on her neck and secretly thanked her usual long necked dress for hiding her body's reaction, she bowed her head in acknowledgement to his manners but as she turned to leave, his hand brushed against her elbow, "Constance, may I have a moment of your time?"
All around her was utter and deafening chaos as the students were still excited from their school hosting the quiz and that their team had been long-time rivals Pentangle's, the victory had been broadcast nation-wide although it had been fun, she would certainly never admit it.
"Well, Mr Stevens…"
Icy took a seat beside her, his eyes stared dreamily into hers which further caused embarrassment and prayed that none of her students or colleagues would notice, she only half listened to his ramblings as he talked about a new show and how she was perfect for radio and could be the voice of the new show, she slowly felt hypnotized. Then he leaned closer and placed his hand on her arm and Constance was brought back into reality.
"I'd love to see myself in your eyes," he voiced dropped considerably so no passing student would hear and licked his lips
"I beg your pardon?"
"We could leave right now, jet off to the south of France," his hand caressed her arm, "We'll be working together, very closely."
"Your hand is on my arm." She announced and zapped away his chair, allowing him to fall hard onto the ground
Constance stood and ignored any further protesting, she approached Amelia, "I trust you have everything under control, headmistress?"
Amelia nodded however her attention was focused mainly on the fact that her academy, the underdogs had proved themselves against the loud and arrogant Phyllis Pentangle and her self-proclaimed 'best' team, not to forget the national exposure of the academy and prizes.
With his ego and derrière slightly bruised, Icy attempted one more plea, not used to chasing down women. He found her, in the corner of the staffroom with her head and attention focused on her students work.
"I must confess, you are notoriously difficult to find."
Constance did not look up from her work, "Oh! Believe me, if I had wanted to go into hiding then rest assured…you would never have found me."
Icy shrugged his shoulders and casually walked around the staffroom, inspecting the various items that decorated the room while his mind furiously searched for a conversation starter, "I assume that you won't reconsider my proposal?"
Constance closed a student's workbook and turned around in her chair, "Why me, of all people?"
In a heartbeat, Icy was knelled down beside her, "Who else? You are a powerful witch…you handled that troublesome situation perfectly, not to mention that I find you utterly irresistible." He winked
"Tell me something, how many times have you used that line?" she tutted with humour
He playfully clutched at his chest, "Oh! That hurt, Constance."
"That's life." She replied
He sighed, "Well, I won't ask you again however believe me when I say that you truly were the inspiration for the program, the witchy hour would be nothing had I not seen you at that conference and with your permission…I would like to personally thank you…"
They both leaned closer towards each other until the staffroom door bounced open and both, Icy and Constance made themselves appear otherwise occupied, Constance returned to marking her students work while Icy disappointed the staff and students with polite goodbyes and signing autographs.